2024 February

Friday, February 2, 2024

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[“Smirk” by Saul Paul”] Key West’s Saul Paul was always outrageous from the time in college he won the “gross out” contest. The contender hung upside-down and pooped then covered himself wit it. Everyone thought he’s win for sure, but they underestimated Paul. He drew a circle on the floor, placed a bushel basket upside-down in the center. when he removed the basket it revealed a dozen cute little chicks. As each cute little chick walked outside the circle, Saul Paul splattered each one with a big circus hammer. Splat!
[Warp Speed] Former NASA scientist demonstrates why Star Trek’s warp speeds are painfully slow. In the sci-fi universe of “Star Trek”, spaceships with warp drives can zoom past the normally impenetrable limit of light speed, or about 186,282 miles per second in a vacuum. Link
[“College or not”] Electricians typically charge around $50 to $100 per hour for their services. The exact rate can vary based on location, experience, and the complexity of the job. I agree with last week’s poster: College isn’t worth it unless you’re set on becoming a doctor or lawyer or some other professional.
[Moths] Why artificial light—and evolution—trap moths. High-resolution video shows how much artificial light sources mess with moths’ flight patterns. Link
(Editor: There is one faithful poster who only reads conspiracy websites, hate sites, and never mainstream news outlets. He has such a black opinion of everything that it’s worrisome. His opinion of politics is downright scary. The worst thing is he’s not alone, but he is the worst.)
Man disappointed after ordering 34 year old escort online. An easy mistake to make.
[Rape is Rape Act] The law expands the definition of rape in New York to include non-penetrative forced sexual contact. Beginning in September, the definition of rape will include forced vaginal, oral and anal sexual contact. Link

It’s easy to start a war, but hard to stop one.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] Health Insurance policies modified to exclude coverage for war, riot, insurrection. They have always been like this.  You can’t get insurance for any manmade occurrence, even some sports activities. Why would they insure some idiot who wants to swim across the ocean, or climb Mt. Everest naked, or set some record crawling all the NYC sewers. etc.?  Remember, people are nuts and war and dangerous adventures are too.  Like getting laid while free falling from 20,000 feet or asking taylor Swift to give you a BJ without taking her teeth out, or – oh the horror – having a cheeseburger at McDonalds in Key West! Ha! Link

AI-generated Taylor Swift porn deepfakes ran rampant on X. Will laws catch up? Gutted trust and safety teams and loose content moderation at X may have been to blame. You can tell the year of Taylor Swift is over. Now the envious will start to bring her down. We’ll be seeing more and more negative things about her. Link

[Social Media] Zuckerberg apologizes to families of kids harmed online as Senate grills tech CEOs. But nothing will change. There’s too much money in hate speech. Video
[Friday Joke] Groundhog day. Punxsutawney Phil’s cousin, Arizona Abner, was buried alive under a K-Mart parking lot, reports The Furious Bandercoot.  Consequently, seven years of summers are expected for the whole state of Arizona.
I celebrate my own version of Groundhog Day. If I see my abs, I’ll go out during beach season.
What do you get when you cross a groundhog with a Maple Leaf? Six more weeks of hockey.
Why is coronavirus like Groundhog Day? If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of quarantine.
 [“Saul Paul”] I remember when Paul was a bartender at the old Hideaway Bar on Big Coppitt. The place was disgustingly filthy and the drain under the beer tap was plugged with jellied mold. Paul stuck a straw in the drain and sucked all the jelly out. Everyone gagged, he didn’t even bat an eye.
I froze my tush off Wednesday night and had to put all my blankets on, but they were so heavy I couldn’t turn over. Paradise does not come easy.
[Friday Joke] Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Voodu Sol, the Keys, funk and blues rock band is back at the Looe Key Tiki Bar. Tonight, Friday, February 2 from 7-11PM. Come on out and get your funk on!
[Bored Old Folks] Like I told my wife last night, we both are bored stiff and only go on short cruises not enough times per year. She said she was totally frustrated. I said to her, at least you cook, clean and wash dishes, put out the trash and go shopping. I can only sit in front of my computer and TV all day besides eating and napping.  Oh hum.

Flowers on a porch.

[Friday Joke] Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, didn’t know where to shop.
[Southernmost Point 1967] Even before Deer Ed was the KW aquarium night watchman,  Gosh we are old.
[Friday Joke] I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events, Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

Deer on a storage tub lid.

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Bobby Howard & The Ukeholics Saturday night at Looe Key Tiki Bar. Come on out for fun & dancing.
Your Friend,
Flip Flop Bob
For Agatha Christie fans, this Saturday, February 3, at 3 pm at the BP library, Kate Gingold, author and historian, will present the insights of Agatha’s writing.

To the do-nothing Congress, pass the god damned border bill! We all want it. If it’s not perfect, pass it and fix it later.

[Friday Joke] You’re not a complete idiot, there’re still some parts missing.
In centuries past sailors traveled the world and seldom had any ‘roots’. They only had to have enough gold to pay for their burial, so they would buy a gold earring and wear it. That’s how the custom of earrings for sailors came to be.
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[Latin Translation] He who drinks, sleeps. He who sleeps, does not sin. He who does not sin is holy. Therefore, he who drinks is holy.

The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 2/2/24 at 8:09 am.