2013 August

Friday, August 30, 2013


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(Saturday August 31, 2013 The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays.)

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Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, Children of all ages   Since the CT doesn’t publish on Saturdays I wanted to get this out today.  Wetstock 9 is this Sunday Sept.1. It looks like we will have good weather for a great time.  Come on out to Picnic Island for a Day of Peace & Music. See you there.
~Your Friend Flip Flop Bob


[Sewer Bills] To the guy worried that his water usage for his very large garden will doubled his sewer bill. You’d better check Monroe county codes. Last I knew row crops are illegal in Monroe county. I planted my corn, tomatoes and peppers in circles. Check the laws before you misuse your constitutional right to not rat on yourself. They might just laugh you out of the building.

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train30[The Great Labor Day Hurricane of 1935] A perspective on the unprecedented strength of modern hurricanes.

The 1935 storm was the first category 5 hurricane to strike the U.S. and is still the most intense hurricane ever to hit the country. The atmospheric pressure associated with this storm dropped to 892 millibars, 17 millibars lower than the pressure for Camille, the second most intense storm, which hit the Gulf coast in 1969. (The lower the pressure, the greater the intensity of the storm.) By way of further comparison, the pressure for Hurricane Sandy, which struck the northeast in October 2012, was only 940 millibars.

The bulk of those killed in Florida, 257, were military veterans who were living in make-shift government camps while they worked on projects for the Civilian Conservation Corps. There were seven of these camps in Florida at the time of the storm, but only the three in the upper Keys were threatened by the hurricane. The story of the effort to rescue the veterans in the three imperiled camps is perhaps the most dramatic and tragic episode associated with the 1935 storm. Link 

A bunch of Washington state Boy Scouts are suing their leaders for buggering them on camping trips. The Boy Scouts allow gay scouts but no one ever talks about the pedophile leaders. Be worried over adult men who want to be around young boys.

Keith Moon – Fiddling About


[For Sale] 783 homes in KW area for sale.

s4-30[“Smartphones are an expensive trap as they almost require a new one every two years, are easily broken, have software issues”] That opinion is totally wrong. Smartphone are full blown tablet computers and are very reliable. Going from a $50 phone to a $500 “tablet” is like night and day. One example is the new Samsung S4.  It has a really fast quad core processor that your home computer probably doesn’t even have. I do agree with the poster’s opinion of the closed environment of the iPhone (and Windows 8 phones). The open environment Android phones are the way to go outselling iPhones in just 2 years.

[Friday Joke] A man who is just married is flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride is to accompany him the next day. When he gets there, he e-mails his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sends the e-mail, he mis-types the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the e-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow’s 18 year old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on, with a message that reads, “Dear love, I just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can’t wait to see you. Love, Me. P.S. Sure is hot down here.”



[Expensive Piece] “$2000 for strippers.” I know the guy and he was in there for five days straight! well, not so straight, but he sure had fun!


[Honesty] Teens rewarded after paying for items at store with no clerk. Link

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[Grinder Pumps] I received this email today. Are we going to buy our grinder pumps from China? The pumps are normally unreliable; I imagine the Chinese pumps will be more so.

“Shanghai R · Min Pump Equipment Manufacturing Co., ltd1, a company specializing in the production of water pumps and motors.2, the main products are: diving pump, shield pump, booster pump, booster pump, self-priming pumps, hot and Cold Jet pumps, sewage pumps, motors, and so on.3, the Enterprise passed ISO9001 international quality system certification.4, the company has advanced production equipment and first-class Test Center, with the perfect means of detection and in-house research and development, the ability to produce new products and sold at home and abroad.5, the company’s products are exported to foreign countries in Europe, America and Asia.”

isaksen-flood 4.23.13
The person wondering where Sloan is can find him writing a column in the Blue Paper. I lost all respect for that publication after seeing that he was allowed to spread his insanity there. 


Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one, what’s your plan?

[Septic Tank Maintenance] In my youth I used to make 30 gallons of beer a month that I, by mandatory agreement, shared with 21 others with whom I worked, who made quality beer. We spurned the term homebrew. The poster’s formula for septic tank maintenance is a good one, but if you just add a modicum of Red Top Malt to his formula, you can have the best of both worlds. I recommend putting it up in quart bottles and without a sophisticated filtration system–the last dregs in the bottle is all the toilet needs and deserves. For your trouble you get more buzz for the buck. “Crappy Beer”

[Key Largo Wastewater] Maybe you haven’t been listening to us in KL, but we’ve been complaining about paying for sewer use — when the water never sees the sewer — for the last 5 years.  And I have written here on CT,  warning the lower Keys about that scam.   The only way it will ever change is if all the Keys people who pay for the water into house to equal water into the sewer,  get together and sue the shit out of the sewer company.

Other option – go buy and install a sewer meter that actually measures how much goes into the sewer then after a few months or year – take the readings to the sewer company to prove actual sewer use.

Other option – get a separate meter onto the incoming line  1 line for house  1 line  for outside –  then the sewer police can only charge for the line coming into the house.

I have also been writing here on CT that this whole sewer business is a business,  and once the development is all paid for will be the biggest cash cow in the county.   After it’s all paid off,  and only operating expenses remain, all sewer rates should get drastically reduced.  But that will never happen in KL,  because KL Wastewater is empire building big time.  They now have so many staff people in admin positions it’s ridiculous.  They’re falling all over themselves,  and most of them could be changed to part time and still not break a sweat at their desks. Talk about job security protection.

But for all I’ve written,  no CT’ers ever responded.  So it’s interesting that now it’s in your backyard you wake up,  Well,  good luck!  At least you are better off then KL in one thing – you got FKAA running the show,  instead of 5 clowns who got elected.   

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an_computers_emailHow to send large files by email. Link

Pacific Ocean cools, flattening global warming. Everybody relax,  it’s going to be okay after all. Link


Listen to Nine Inch Nails new Hesitation Marks album. Video



Polish toilet paper. Poke a hole in one sheet with your index finger, clean butt hole of crap, slide sheet of paper up over soiled finger, wipe the crap off, finally use a clean edge of the sheet to clean under the fingernail. Very economical.

[Joke Friday] A man is telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really?” answers the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “12:30.”


[“Water use equals Sewer Fee”]  You can opt for a second meter if you plan to use water that will not go into the sewer, but it’s at your own expense.

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As I stare at the toilet paper roll, I realized that I had a bit of a conundrum.

Just because leggings stretch doesn’t mean your 350 lb ass should be in them.

nira tocco realtor 9.12

[Obamacare Primer] Rehabilitative And Habilitative Services. If you are injured or become ill, many plans today cover rehabilita­tion therapies to relieve pain and help you regain your ability to speak, walk or work. The plans often cover medical equipment, too, including canes, knee braces, walk­ers and wheelchairs. Few plans, however, address the reform law’s essential requirement for “habilita­tive” services, which are therapies to help over­come long-term disabili­ties, such as those that accompany a disease like multiple sclerosis.



We gave up toilet paper & switched to family cloth. Link

[Friday Joke] Ed,(not the CT Ed) a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. Ed decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Ed asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’

The first man replied, ‘a thought..’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning.

‘That’s very good!’ replied Ed.

‘And, now you sir?’ he asked the second man..

‘Hmmm….let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘Excellent!’ said Ed. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.’

He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.. ‘Yep, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of’.

Ed was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light,’ he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, Ed posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea.’

‘What!?’ said Ed, stunned by the response…

‘Oh sure’, said Bubba. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had already crapped my pants.’

Bubba got the job.

[“Sewer rip-off”] Charging for sewage (waste water) based on water usage is common on a water bill.  Some companies average your water usage over a period of time and that’s your per gallon charge for the rest of the period. In some places it’s a particular time of the year when your water use is less, but in the Keys it goes from hot to hotter.  You may as well get use to it. 
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Vote for the greatest guitar solo ever! Readers Poll: “Stairway to Heaven” –Jimmy Page Vs. “Hotel California” –Don Felder, Joe Walsh. Video


tarps bungee cords
[“Monroe County would have to spend as much as $62 million over the next 18 years on the Old Seven Mile Bridge”] The actual cost would be much higher than that by the time the 18 years have passed. Have you ever seen a government estimate come in as proposed?


Instead of buying the old broken down Seven Mile Bridge why don’t we just go for it and buy the Brooklyn Bridge?

[Courtesy Flush] When you’re using a public restroom and your crap smells so bad you flush it as soon as possible so as not to make everyone else in the restroom puke. More


Scientists develop portable generator that turns trash into electricity. The Army has bought a few of these in a test. Link

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[Moon Jellyfish] Wear your rash guard, kiddies. There’s a ton of moon jellies in the water on the oceanside.

[“Water/Sewer Fees”] If you grow flowers and green grass you should be charged, but any food crops you should not, in my book. If you cannot eat it, do not grow it!

[”We use a lot of water in our very large garden and landscaping, and it isn’t fair to charge us more for our sewer use based on our water use”] What you’re doing is water wasting and you should be charged double. How do you justify dumping water on the ground when our water comes from 150 miles away? There was a time when xeriscaping was the cool thing to do in the Keys. Not anymore, not when you move to Florida for the weather. 

AlienGP-ct[Captain Doom and Gloom] What better way to go beside dying in a brothel, than from Keys Disease: Suicide by Alcohol?

“Global warming is no longer a planetary emergency” Golly, can we now go back to cheap gas, smoke cigs anywhere, use oil for fuel, toke weed stuff, burn candles for the poor, and all the other good stuff we did to destroy this rock?

“Monroe County would have to spend as much as $62 million over the next 18 years on the Old Seven Mile Bridge if it took it over from the state” At that rate, maybe all the lawyers would want to work on the bridge instead of what they do to the people now.

religion politics zone

FTR and the Regressives are so consumed with hatred for President Obama, there is absolutely nothing he can say or do that is okay with them. Yesterday FTR asked this question, “Today after those few years of relatively low paying public service he is very, very wealthy. How does one do that on the public payroll?” Is he inferring something sinister? Doesn’t FTR know that everyone in Congress gets rich? Are there any poor congressmen or senators?

Since FTR asked the question about President Obama’s earned money, I have some answers for him. The following information comes from his IRS tax records.

When he was a State Senator he also worked part time as a University Professor while Michelle Obama worked at the University of Chicago. During this time they invested money in the Vanguard Wellington Fund. From the sales of two books he invested 6.1 million dollars in United States Treasury Bonds. He wrote a children’s book and donated every cent to charities.

When President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, he donated all of the money to the following charities: Fisher House Housing for Veterans, Clinton-Bush Haiti Fund, American Indian College Fund, Appalachian Education Fund, Hispanic Scholarship Fund, United Negro College Fund, Central Asia Institute.

The above sounds pretty Patriotic to me. He didn’t make his money by buying Corporations and then laying off the workers like Romney did. He wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth like President Bush. He didn’t marry into money like McCain. He made his money by hard work and smart investing in the USA.

new-rulesLet’s make a new rule: Americans should vote before we start any more wars. Politicians saying they know better has always proven wrong. Come to find out, they don’t know any more than we do. One thing we do know that politicians don’t, is right from wrong. 

Congress has a lot of nerve demanding that Obama consult with them on Syria after they have been thumbing their noses at him continuously over everything he has tried to do to help the American people for the last five years.

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austria30It’s said of the Austrians that they do their best to convince the world that Hitler was a German and Beethoven was an Austrian. Likewise, the Dems would like you to believe that Jefferson Davis was a Republican, and Abraham Lincoln a Democrat.

The Democrats new whisper campaign aims to re-write history and paint conservatives as “Confederates” or “members of the confederacy.”

It doesn’t matter that the Republican Party was founded to end slavery which Democrats supported. Nor does it matter that the Civil Rights Act was overwhelmingly supported by Republicans, not Democrats.

It doesn’t matter that the last member of the KKK to serve in congress, Senator Robert Byrd was a Democrat. Nor does it matter that the only black member of the US senate, Tim Scott is a Republican.

All that matters is the new talking point. See if you can spot the trend…

August 16, 2013: MSNBC host uses the term Neo-Confederate to describe libertarians and conservatives.

August 20, 2013: MSNBC contributor uses the term Neo-Confederate to describe 2nd Amendment supporters.

August 27, 2013: Before MLK celebration, Jesse Jackson calls the Tea Party the new Confederacy.

August 28, 2013: MSNBC host asks – Are Conservatives the new Confederates?

This phrase or some variation of it will be repeated endlessly between now and the 2014 mid-term elections. It will eventually make its way into MSM television reports and onto the front page of various newspapers.

Don’t let them get away with it. Every time it comes up. Teach your children the real history of hate in this country.


I hope Fox News is happy now.  It looks like we are going to blow up some Syrians to remind the rest of the World how tough we are.

Annoy a Republican and a Democrat: think for yourself and defend the Constitution

Public opinion in the mid east has been poisoned by the US crying wolf in Iraq. Some are calling it the Iraq syndrome.

Attacking Syria will come to no good. The rebels won’t be helped, the Assad regime won’t be changed and the Americans will be hated more.

The Regressives are so desperate they are down to multiple discussions about the Presidents shoes. C’mon you have to admit that’s hilarious. Yet they wonder why they lost the election. Maybe the Presidents shoes voted illegally.

gas mask smoke


[The Evil Empire] We tell Syria not to use chemical weapons, yet we have a vast stockpile of chemical weapons. What do we have them for if we’re not willing to use them. It’s no wonder the rest of the world doesn’t trust us. I don’t and I live here.

What makes me mad is not that Obama is living high on the hog (no pork jokes intended) but living like the King he is, buying all the goodies he likes, traveling to exotic places, and doing what any rich mofo would do in His place. I would too, and I would not give a shit about the useless eaters that put me in the big chair either!

[Syria] I am buying every Syria War Bond I can get and lots of ammo mfg stock too!

from the right

It’s odd but a terribly misinformed poster actually suggested that we have curtailed our spending as a result of the Obama presidency. The nasty fact is that under Obama our federal deficit , our debt, and our spending has exploded. Further the White House and the Dems were insisting on spending even more money.  I trust you will remember that it was Obama and the Democrats who railed against the sequester, the forced slashing of federal spending. They shrieked that it was a Republican plot.  Now that it’s gone into effect, our spending is declining and life goes on. Cops patrol, teachers teach, and roads get built.

bombfuse12Part 2) Just for a moment, if you can, set aside any decision you might have made concerning the wisdom of Obama’s purportedly imminent attack on Syria. Then please remember that candidate Obama screamed, strutted, postured and maligned GWB for the forays into Iraq and Afghanistan. Obama falsely claimed that Bush had acted unilaterally.  Of course, just the opposite was true. Bush had overwhelming bipartisan Congressional support for both actions, Bush had UN support for both actions, Bush had a coalition of 42 disparate nations in the efforts. Bush won in Iraq, Obama is preparing to surrender in Afghanistan.

Now Obama is engaging in hysterical saber rattling, just the other day he told the world that an American assault on Syria was likely and would soon begin in retaliation for Assad’s alleged use of chemical weapons. Obama had not sought Congressional approval. Obama does not have the support of the UN. Obama does not even have the support of Britain. France initially hinted that they were ready, but now are waffling. If Obama launches an assault he will be going it alone and against the will of the American people.

As of Thursday evening Obama seemed to be backing down, once again he has shown the world that his words have no meaning and that he has no spine.

Any foray into Syria could have nothing but bad consequences for the United States. Attacking Assad’s assets would provide massive support for AQI and its clones who are Assad’s resistance. If AQI were to conquer Assad, his massive trove of weapons and WMD such as chem warfare devices would fall into the hands of AQI. That would be an absolute disaster.

If the US were to assist Assad, we would be assisting, perhaps rescuing, one of our sworn enemies. If we help either side, we put Israel at even greater risk. Assad is supported by China, Russia, and Iran. Whichever side prevails, it is bad news for the US. There is no good outcome for any of this.

None of this needs to be happening. If Obama and Clinton had formulated a strong and reasonable foreign policy, the mid-east would not now be in flames.