Since 2002. Published Wednesdays and Saturdays
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 [Forced Easements] An eager and confident trial attorney has been found who will take on the illegality of forced grinder pump easements (and forced contribution of the electrical infrastructure to power the County pumps) in front of a Circuit Court judge. We know that most of the easements were illegally obtained under duress. That makes the grinder pumps an unauthorized encroachment. There is not a reason in the world why these pump stations could not be in the right-of-way just like the vacuum pits in the rest of the Keys or the grinder pumps in Marathon.
Make FKAA move them, or at least pay just compensation if you are willing to tolerate having one in your yard. Dump The Pumps, Inc. is requesting documentation of coercion, deceit, and threats. Any correspondence on this issue is also helpful. This new attorney is also willing and eager to challenge the legal basis for charging for sewer treatment when you are not even connected to the system. I also heard that one of the home owner’s associations is in process of challenging that. There is a Dump the Pumps meeting Wednesday (today) at 6pm at Coldwell Bankers by the post office in Big Pine where you can learn more and deliver copies of anything you think useful. |
| [Fraud and Extortion] A full federal criminal investigation has been requested into the heavy-handed dirty dealings spearheaded by FKAA. If you believe that it is unlawful and unfair for FKAA to demand payment for sewer usage charges when you are not even connected and they are not treating anything- under threat of disconnecting your water service and liening your property if you do not pay the bill in full; and/or if you believe it is unlawful and unfair for FKAA to demand easements and heavy electrical circuits from you or your friends under threat of many thousands of dollars in additional expense in connecting or else possible condemnation of your home, then please sign on in support of the criminal investigation request. A web page will be made available on DumpThePumps.com for registering your support, or you can write a brief note or sign a petition. There will also be a provision for you to be able to register support anonymously if you happen to be in a vulnerable situation for reprisals from the perpetrators. A full criminal investigation could well be the beginning of the long overdue bubba-bust. There is more than enough to substantiate RICO charges just with the Cudjoe sewers, but there is so much more. |
 [Ryobi 18V+ Batteries and Chargers] “There are no issues with the batteries. If maintained properly they will not have any trouble. Store between 50-100 degrees. Charge the batteries every 4-6 weeks to maintain the cell life. Remove from the charger once they are fully charged. Let the battery cool after each use before you charge.”
Ryobi’s official answer sucked as much as their 18V+ batteries and chargers do. I know Ryobi makes cheap tools, but the batteries and charger are the heart of their system–and they both suck. They offer a multi-charging unit that charges about 5 or 6 batteries, Sure, I’d like to have one unit instead the five chargers plugged in all over my workspace, but why spend $80 bucks on a charger if it won’t last long enough to justify the expense? After less than two years out of the 5 charges I had, 2 of them don’t work. The 5 batteries I had are now down to 3 that are working (I even wiped the terminals on both charger and battery with anti-corrosive juice and then wiped the excess away and that didn’t help). We’re f**ked and stuck with a whole tool system that fails too soon even though the tools themselves are great and innovative. Are we supposed to constantly buy new chargers and batteries? What a waste of our money and of the environment. It seems we all bought in to their terrific system of cheap, useful tools only to find they don’t last long enough to justify the expense. What do we do now? |
| I can’t believe these event organizers. How stupid do they think we really are (notice, I didn’t say ‘sober’ – we all know that answer)? First, it’s the Ragnar Race, saying they’re good partners. What hogwash. They’ll say anything to get their permit now. Year after year their actions speak louder than any words. And those actions are arrogance and belligerence. Good riddance. We shouldn’t be held hostage for a whole day as they clog up the Keys’ highway. If they bought plane tickets already – great, come on down and enjoy your vacation. Just don’t clog up the roads!
Then it’s the power boat poker run. I just listened to the US1 radio interview. Holy cow, good thing it was on the radio and not on TV where we would see Pinocchio’s nose poking out the windows. The ‘didn’t propose’ the Boca Chica beach party. “They didn’t land the helicopter” so it wasn’t so bad. “They only took the helicopter over to Boca Grande to see what was happening because the boats weren’t somewhere else”. They “partnered” with the sanctuary folks. If they were in Cudjoe, they’d have to wait for the deep well for that load of crap! |
 [Round & Round We Go] Studies have shown that when cut off from sensory input, such as in a small boat in heavy fog, most people tend to circle clockwise. A working compass is invaluable in keeping you on a straight heading. If yours is out of order, try trailing a line astern as a reference point. You’ll still tend to bear off to starboard, but knowing that you aren’t really traveling in a straight line might be enough to keep you out of trouble. |
| Richard Schewe, a Big Pine resident and member of Key West Sail and Power Squadron, has received the United States Power and Sail Squadron — District 8 highest award for excellence in teaching. |
Why kids avoid vegetables. |
| The Marine Sanctuary is celebrating 25 years of taking away stuff from us. |
Aviation Day 2015 at the Marathon Airport on Saturday November 21. The hours will be from 9:00 to 5:00. Sponsored by EAA Chapter 1241. This year’s theme centers on service agencies that use aircraft to perform their responsibilities. In addition, there will be aircraft displays, an auto show, and numerous booths for aviation information and products, and your favorite hot dogs and burgers! |
| [Freebies for Veterans] To hook up with VA benefits, like “primary care”, “non-service connected pension”, “Fl State business license exemption”, and much more (especially for an honorably discharged Vietnam, or other combat vet), get with your service representative, Peggy. She is at the senior center, behind the fire station on Big Pine Thursdays from 10 – 1 (I think). She is very knowledgeable and professional and there to help all veterans. |
 [Harley Davidson] I think when all those old, fat Harley riders die off, Harley’s will lose their place in the bike world. Already young people, who’ve never watched The Wild One, are buying other brands, mostly rice burners. Contrary to a popular image, I’ve always found the Harley crowd to be a bunch of closed-minded, conformist sheeple.
How to lift a fallen Motorcycle With Your Ass Video |
| [The Size One’s Balls] 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. 3.The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is golf. The amazing fact is the higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles. |
 That makes two consecutive editions of the CT with photos of speared spear fishermen. Ouch!Both my long-time dive buddy and I have had guns with worn trigger mechanisms that would release the spear if the gun was bumped–even with the safety on and no fingers near the trigger! We promptly retired both guns because we could not find parts for either of the two makes & models. If you keep in mind that the spear might fly at any time, then maybe you will be certain that nobody is ever in the line of fire. I once had a spear gun go off on its own due to the jarring of one rubber band breaking. When it happened it speared a fish! It was a barely legal-sized fish that I would not have intentionally shot, but it was another fish was on my stringer. Now I’m known as “Baby-fish-killer”, but that’s way better than “Deadly-dive-buddy”.Be safe, kids. Here’s a news article about a guy who speared himself in the chest while exiting the water. Link |
| [Say No To The Ragnar Relay] Call your commissioner and say that this festival of traffic that benefits very few people in the Keys needs to go. |
[Woman Not Good Enough] Thank God for the Marines. They want an exemption to prevent women from serving in the combat arms branches of the Marine Corps. The Navy surrendered its masculinity in 1991 after the Tailhook Affair and has evolved into the Love Boat with guns and fast planes. The Air Force disappeared over the horizon sometime in the late 90’s. The Army is advertising their 37 year old Mommy Ranger and sucking down enough Kool Aid to clean out half the grocery stores and lemonade stands in America. Link |
| My memory‘s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. |
I think this guy passed me the other day. Video |
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Most avocados are gone |
[Jerked Ribs]
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| [Freebies for Veterans’ Red Tape] Go to the VA site for benefit info. You and spouse have to be making less than $14,000 a year and no savings or brokerage accounts. Ah yes, once again, close, but no cigar! So life goes on as usual. |
My favorite Fantasy Fest photo. |
| The phone number for Peggy, the veteran’s rep out of Marathon, who comes to Big Pine every week is 305-289-6342. She’s great and knows her stuff She is an awesome resource for any vet! |
There was no shortage of great eats during Fantasy Fest last weekend. |
| [Sewers] We connected! Instead of talking about crap, we’re just sending it all to the Cudjoe plant now. |
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| [Fantasy Fest] After 40 years here I’ve got enough drama dealing with “Reality Fest”! |
Coconuts, your neighborhood bar for over 30 years. Open 7 days a week, 7 am to 4 am. |
| I once read a theory that Japanese beauties can be divided into two categories: moonfaced, plump-cheeked Otafuku types, named after the bawdy goddess of the underworld, and foxy-looking, angular-featured female demons. |
Peter pan |
| [Overprescribing] Doctor found guilty of 2nd-degree murder in patient overdose deaths for the first time ever. Video |
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been victimized by tequila. |
| Have you seen the two housing developments that are in the working in Marathon? One is next to the Wooden Spoon and for some reason US1 had to get ripped up which now we have a bump to roll over whenever we drive by it. And the second one is near the entrance to Key colony Beach. That one has many modulars tightly packed together. |
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| The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me here. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. I said, “Left Tackle?” I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get elected. Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive. No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team’s winning. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked? Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t need the freakin’ class! Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn’t you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. |
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| Why the Coconut Telegraph should reopen the Political Section as it was. Just filter out the local junta stuff so they don’t talk to you again. We might be toothless, ignorant and poor, but we is not stupid! “If you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government, then you are doomed to live under the rule of fools.” – Plato |
[Marathon Fire Ordinance] It’s good to see that all the real problems of the world are addressed and things like campfires are worthy of consideration by the voters now. I can’t imagine having that lady as a neighbor. She doesn’t seem like a very friendly person. Maybe next she’ll go after bbq grills. |
| [“Marine mechanic”] Justin still works in the lower keys – great guy, you can usually find him at Boyz And Their Toyz Marine on Cudjoe (mm 22.7). |
When is the government going to do something about all these hackers and ID thieves? They should pass very hard laws and make the penalties severe for offenders. First offence 5 years hard labor no parole. Second offence 10 years hard labor no parole. More offences, life in a goo-log in Russia, sterilization and fingers removed! Too harsh? Not considering what the police and governments make the victims go through trying to straighten out what these criminals did to us. |
| Where on Big Pine is Grimal Grove? |
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| Real estate taxes are due and I tried to find out what discounts, deductions, and perks are available to me. I could find nothing online or when I called the Tax Collection Office. Does anyone know if there is such a list or web site? Why does the tax office not publish it or have it online so people can cut down the expense of living in Florida and Monroe County? |
 Please fix the tower light that is about one mile west, bayside, of Bahia Honda Bridge. This is an aviation and navigation hazard. The light has been out over 6 months. Sheriff dept fix your tower lite! There’s money in your budget for new guns, bullets, etc, or give one of your deputies a lantern and have him climb the tower and wave the lantern all night and day. Remember when a plane hit the blimp? What are you waiting for? It should have been fixed 6 months ago? What’s up sheriffs dept, shed some light on this subject. Why is the light still out? The Conch Republic Airforce should take over the tower and light it up. |
| [Bleach in the Gene Pool] Robbery suspect signed his name to withdrawal slip before robbing bank. Video |
 [Toilet Bomb] A toilet was used as an aerial bomb during the Vietnam War, the shitty war! I guess they didn’t have a kitchen sink. As American involvement in the Vietnam War began, the A-1 Skyraider was still the medium attack aircraft in many carrier air wings, although it was planned to be replaced by the A-6A Intruder as part of the general switch to jet aircraft. Skyraiders from Constellation and Ticonderoga participated in the first U.S. Navy strikes against North Vietnam on 5 August 1964 as part of Operation Pierce Arrow in response to the Gulf of Tonkin Incident, striking against fuel depots at Vinh, with one Skyraider from Ticonderoga damaged by anti-aircraft fire, and a second from Constellation shot down, killing its pilot.
In contrast to the Korean War, fought a decade earlier, the U.S. Air Force used the naval A-1 Skyraider for the first time in Vietnam. As the Vietnam War progressed, USAF A-1s were painted in camouflage, while USN A-1 Skyraiders were gray/white in color; again, in contrast to the Korean War, when A-1s were painted dark blue. In October 1965, to highlight the dropping of the six millionth pound of ordnance, Commander Clarence J. Stoddard of Attack Squadron 25 (VA-25), flying an A-1H, dropped a special, one-time-only object in addition to his other munitions – a toilet. Once again history is stranger then fiction, and a lot funnier: USS Midway VA-25’s Toilet Bomb. |
| [Mosquito Control Out Of Control] New Big Coppitt building more than $2M over budget. Not only do they have the highest salaries, but they can’t control their finances or projects. Many thought the new building was unnecessary, certainly the size was far too large for that they need. |
Coconuts’ Wednesday Uke Nite is tonight. Link |
| [Pay For View] “It’s all about the information, Marty!” This is the NWO of the media and how they are converting everything information wise to pay-per-use, sort of like the cloud storage of late. If they go through with their scheme to make you use the web to run your computer without letting you have any software or information in your computer, but only available from them, then they have you by the preverbal short hairs. Oh, you want to see your wedding pictures–pay me! You want to write a book? Pay me! You want to see a movie online, pay me! In other words they have control of all information and you have no control except to pay them to use or view it. |
[Subs Hide in Ocean] Holy cow! I wonder who else has thought of this? |
| [Airline Regulation] The crooked American government should never have let the airlines merge. The biggies almost have a monopoly now. The latest insult is that Delta has joined Spirit and others in raising baggage fees during the holidays. They know that travelers bring lots of presents and hope to take advantage of us. It’s so different flying anywhere else in the world. Everything is free, food booze, baggage. ‘America the great.’ Yeah, the great screwer of passengers. We need more regulation, not less! Link |
[Ohio Votes Against Pot] Not on moral issues, but the yes vote would have created a monopoly for a dozen growers! Link |
| Winn-Dixie, thank you for the new shopping carts. They are beautiful and they roll so smoothly. |
Fantasy Fest was a big bust this year, in fact there were too many big busts running around! |
| [Spies Like Us] If the Federal Government is monitoring every spy cam, letter, phone call, cell phone, email and computer, why are there so many crimes being committed in this country, and in fact the world? If they know who and where the bad guys are–go get them! |
 [Whiskey] In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas):
“If you mean whiskey, the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being. However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life’s great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it. This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.” |
| I went to Fantasy Fest and will never go again. I became sick just looking at distorted old, fat, ugly, naked people that smelled terrible. What happened to the cuties and studs of years ago? Oh, they are the fat, ugly, old farts! Rename the Fest to Flatulence Fest or Fat F**k Fest or Rocks in the Socks Fest or something more fitting for what has become the horrors of Key West marti-groine. |
Smart Car destroyed when the driver hit a squirrel crossing the road. |
| [Faithless] If we take the Bible and grind it up into sawdust, the Koran and the Torah too, and all the other fictional scripts the non-productive useless eaters wrote to control their sheeple, then we would save a hell-of-a-lot of our life giving trees, right? Then after three days, all these people would forget about religion and get back to working for a living. |
I tried my first stick deodorant. The instructions said to take off cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. |
| [Paranoia the Big Destroyer] The horde of Muslim refugees invading Europe, Canada, Mexico and the US are considered un-men, in that they left their wives, and children at home and ran away to “freedom”. The scuttlebutt in military places says different, that these “cowardly bastards” are not the low rent run-a-ways, but trained troops invading all countries. Europe is ready to initiate a total self-defense policy and drive them back into the desert, just like they did several times over the ages. If this starts to happen here, the realistic American citizens will arm and go nuts culling out the trash. Not only the Muslims but all who are disliked on the streets. Everyone who isn’t white Christian.Then Martial Law will be initiated and all is lost to us unless we talk the military into giving us back good old America. Ugly? Yes. Planed this way? Yes. By whom? Unknown, but probably the old world rulers in China, Russia and Northern Europe. This will be the NWO and there is not a damn thing anyone will be able to do about it. |
| Submit anything but National Politics to island@bigpinekey.com |