2016 April

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

happy hour frufru cocktailHappy Hour Every Day all week from 11am-7pm
Food Specials from 3pm-7pm. Hurray! Cheers!
Monday – It’s Gumbo Monday and it’s homemade with Andouille Sausage and Chicken served over rice. Gar-an-teed to make you happy
Tuesday  – Entertainment. The Bluegrass Jam Circle meets tonight at 7 pm. Join in, no experience necessary. Just bring yourself and any instrument.
Wednesday –  Holy smoke! It’s BBQ day at Springer’s Bar & Grill. Enjoy barbecue with a draft beer in a chilled 16-ounce glass. Yeehaw!
Thursday –   Reminder that Happy Hour is from 11 am-7 pm every day. Get your draft in a 16-ounce chilled glass.
Friday –  Friday is Fish ‘n Chips day. Dipped in homemade beer batter and fried to a golden crisp. Have it with malt vinegar if you like.
Saturday –  The Megan Ellis Band will be here at 7 pm tonight. LinkCome on by. Until then we’ll keep the drinks cold for ya!
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[“RIP Charlie”] This is the photo that I should have sent. Charlie’s blue jean jacket with Meri-Lynn & Linda.

[“Bruce Schmitt seems an angry man”] You would be to if you walked around every day knowing the guy who wanted you dead is still living in your community. The writers for Bloodline need no imagination for next season’s episodes, they simply need to look south to Marathon and set up an interview with the half-priced, fresh-off-the-truck, bologna pimp, he’s got the scoop for sure. Him being in the center of town and all, I mean.
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[Evolution] This orangutan was filmed in the Camden NJ’s former drunk tank on March 17, 2016. Video

[“How can it be that a not-for-profit can afford to build, build, build”] Someone has to own a not-for-profit, right?  No, not really.  The nonprofit organization is not owned by the person or persons that started it.  It is a public organization that belongs to the public at-large.  The parties responsible to operate the organization for the stakeholders are the members of the board of directors.

Also, a nonprofit corporation cannot be sold.  It is simply not possible.  If a nonprofit corporation were to “close down”, or dissolve, the board of directors of the nonprofit must distribute all of the nonprofit’s assets to another nonprofit corporation after all debts have been settled.  If this is the case with Dolphin Research, the board of directors get the buildings on that property.  What a side benefit!

christian v muslim[Christian vs Muslim] My cousin just got off a cruise ship in Fort Lauderdale and said she would never cruse again because of the friction between the two crews on board. It seems half of the crew that service the cabins are Christian and the crews that service the kitchens are all Muslims. Why the friction no one knows, but it could be linked to what is happening around the world.
[“Transgender bathrooms”] I believe people should use whatever bathroom is natural with their existing plumbing, not the plumbing they wish they had.
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
[Slow Fast Food] A Cleveland man threatened to shoot employees at a Taco Bell after becoming angry it was taking too long to order at the drive-thru. Link
bridge-destroyed[“What are the plans for the Keys if the sewage plants fail or the water supply stops or the bridges get wiped out”] For those of us who have lived here for any length of time, we live prepared for all those things. Getting out is the issue with all the new breed Keys’ residents. They don’t seem the type to heed warnings, nor the type to fare well on an island in rough weather. This summer could be the test as we’re overdue. Now would be a good time to get a plan together for everything you think you’ll need to ride out a real hurricane on a rock in the ocean.
[Free] I’m sick of things and services and apps that say their free when they really mean free trial. You research the thing, register, set it up, and, bang—they want your credit card number for the monthly fee after the trial lapses.
graduate toss hat 96hScholarships] I had a nice chat with Father Randy from St. Peter’s Catholic Church the other day.  He advised me that the parish has substantial money available for scholarships.  The scholarship funds are not limited to college, but also include trade schools.  The time for High School graduation is just around the corner.  If you need help, I suggest a call to St. Pete’s. Their number is  305 872 2537.  Nothing could be finer than to be a Big Piner.
U.S. will study pot as a treatment for PTSD. Link
[“Marathon International Airport”] I can’t wait to watch all the single engine float planes fly in from South America and Europe, maybe even China.
magic man falls amer idol[“FKAA’s ‘Best Tasting Water Award’”] Did you ever wonder how it is that FKAA can draw from the same aquifer, treat the water with the same equipment in the same manner, disinfect with the same chemicals, but pipe it for miles over a period of days, and still repeatedly win the taste test? FKAA’s staff, who are in position to be involved, say it’s easy. They cheat. They say the secret is to not use the tap water that is distributed to the public. Instead, take the water straight from the Reverse Osmosis plant, run it through an activated charcoal filter, and you will truly have the award-winning “best drink in town”. How did you think they did it? Magic?
Remember when you could refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad.


Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.

[Sexting Codes] Words are abbreviated for convenience when texting, but the codes can also hide dangerous online interactions from parents. Link
[Roger Wilco] In 1927 “Roger” was the word chosen to represent the letter “R,” which is, of course, the first letter in the word “received.” In other words, a pilot would receive instructions, and to indicate he had received them, he’d say “Roger.” Why didn’t he just say “received”? Well, during WWII, not everyone spoke English, but “R” — or “Roger” — became the internationally accepted way of acknowledging receipt of instructions. In 1957 the word “Roger” was replaced with the word “Romeo” but by that time, “Roger” and “received” were synonymous.

So what about “Wilco”? Its story is even simpler: it’s an abbreviation of “will comply.” So when pilots say “Roger Wilco,” what they mean is “I received your instructions, and I will comply with them.”




Brigadier-General David E. Twiggs. Twiggs was one of the few men to serve in all three of the Seminole Wars. His military career was colorful and controversial. It was Twiggs who surrendered the United States forces in Texas to the Confederacy in 1861.

Considering the wild life most of us guys lived from 15 thru 30, and all the lovers we have had, the wild parties, the fast cars, traveling, and great times, I think we should change that two word acceptance from “I do” to I did.”


Everybody has 6-pack abs, but normal people keep them covered in a healthy layer of tacos.

[“Faith”] If God really has a plan for everybody he’s really a very sick, sadistic, bastard. Remember Sandyhook School where Adam Lanza shot and killed 20 young children and six adults. If that was God’s plan he needs to rethink things.
floating-bubble-rescueA Florida man trying to reach Bermuda again in an inflatable bubble agreed to be voluntarily rescued by the U.S. Coast Guard. Coast Guard Petty Officer Mark Barney said that long-distance runner Reza Baluchi was picked up on Sunday and his “hydropod” is being towed back to shore. Baluchi took off from Miami on Saturday despite getting an April 15 letter from the Coast Guard warning him not to depart. The Coast Guard said it had looked at Baluchi’s plan and determined it to be unsafe. The letter, which the Coast Guard posted on Twitter, said that Baluchi could be fined up to $40,000 or confined for up to seven years if he ignored the order. The rescue of Baluchi in 2014 cost authorities $144,000. Link
Over-the-water suites come to the Caribbean. One of the most appealing aspects of a South Pacific vacation arrives in Jamaica and Mexico. Approximately $4,200 a night. Hope they never allow this in the Keys. Link
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[Stupid Tourist Questions] I have a couple assigned from the usual “where do the keep the Key deer” and “are we in Key West?” (I used to work at the Lower Keys Chamber on Big Pine). First, “My kids won’t drown if we go on jet skis, right? They don’t know how to swim.” Response, “No, drowning is not allowed on jet skis.”
Second: “There isn’t anything in the water down here that could hurt us like sharks or anything is there?” Response, “No, they are all kept in a pen.” Full Menu > Stupid Tourist Questions
Two existing parks in Key West and three new pocket parks may be the beneficiaries of the $2.1 million the city has received as its part of the BP oil spill settlement. Fix the fucking sewers instead! You politicians never stop screwing over the people, do you?
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[“Good Food Conspiracy is celebrating 34 years in business”] Wow! Congrats Reverend Marney!
Blessings from your long-time friend and customer, Joe at Coconuts.

[“$15.00 minimum wage”] My wife has a college degree and works as an assistant administrator at an elementary school.  She is also a certified travel agent as a second job.  Her school salary is $14.20 per hour.  Her travel business, that she works in her many off hours, pays nothing if she doesn’t book travel.  Now “Suzy”, with no education and no real skills, wants a $15.00 minimum wage for frying frozen potato pieces in a fast food joint. That’s over $31,000 per year.  Suzy, who couldn’t make change for a dollar if the magic register didn’t tell her how much to give back, thinks she deserves more than a starting police officer, firefighter, a college educated person, and many others who actually have a marketable skill and work their asses off to get ahead. Hey, Suzy, get an education or learn a trade and work your way up like the rest of us.
[Farm Fresh] At Tampa Bay farm-to-table restaurants, you’re being fed fiction. Link
hand lawn mower[Mail Carriers Get Additional Task] Starting in May, Finnish residents will no longer receive garden variety mail services, as the postal delivery company Posti moves to introduce a new grass cutting service. Posti said that customers will be able to order the service from next week, although postal workers won’t begin tending lawns until May. The lawn maintenance service will be available with mail delivery on Tuesdays. The company explained the choice of service time by noting that mail volumes on Tuesday are typically lower than on other days. Customers will be able to order the weekly half-hour trim for a monthly fee of 65 euros.
[FKAA] Margaret Blank posted a good article in The Blue Paper about Gov. Rick Scott’s inaction on the FKAA Board Chairman’s ineligible seat and other ills.  She had been told by the Governor’s office that details of the issue were never received, although FKAA had promised the public that the issue would be sent for his review and decision. This comment to Margaret’s article was posted:

Excellent article hit the mark! Gov. Rick Scott needs to demonstrate that he represents citizens instead of special interests. When 70% of voters by referendum want an elected FKAA Board, if this is a democracy instead of an autocracy, there should be an elected board. Without changing a single law, that could have happened by Scott appointing whichever Board applicant received the most votes from FKAA customers. The vote might have been simply by an internet site that would allow one vote per matching input of customer name and account number, with logging of the ISP address to enable prosecution of fraud.

While Margaret’s article focuses on some of the many failings of FKAA’s wastewater design and implementation, let’s not forget that FKAA sets its own rates for both water and sewer with no oversight whatsoever from the Public Service Commission or anyone else outside of their appointed Board. FKAA management also writes their own Rules (approved by the Board), and make up “policies” on the fly that are passed off as official Rules, but are really at the whim of management without any review or approval by the Board.

As for the higher costs of FKAA wastewater projects, part of the problem is at the County level, where some of the design parameters are dictated by the system owner: Monroe County. For example, the ridiculous siting of the Cudjoe poop plant way down Blimp Road and way back behind the old landfill where pipe runs were excessively long, and hazardous ash and tire chips had to be removed and a mountain of fill brought in just to produce a vacant lot, was extremely costly. One expects per EDU cost to be higher with lower density projects, but FKAA/County design decisions made it much more costly than it should have been. Vacuum was always the cheaper, most environmentally protective, and more practical means of wastewater collection, but vacuum was completely excluded from consideration. The implementation of a pressure collection system for vast areas of the Cudjoe Regional selected the most expensive, least environmentally sound, most intrusive system possible, and then implemented it in the most expensive manner possible. On top of that, the legendary and infamous FKAA “gold-plating” of specified materials coupled with sole- source material specification ensured the highest possible cost of the project. Is it any wonder that residents outside of the FKAA WW service area are annoyed that the Infrastructure Sales Tax specifically intended for full funding of sewers has been applied to the Lower Keys wasteful projects, while they received no rebate of higher sewer assessments than neighbors on the other side of a jurisdictional line? Link

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[Second Hand Sex] Bill Cosby’s lawyers should make the women tell what they did sexually from start to finish. These suits are the last step in removing what’s left of our manhood by hanging a hung man!

[Crooks] Why don’t we hear about counter-suits that nail the false claims of people trying to get money from a false accusation? Seems to me they are as guilty than a robber with a gun!
[“Marathon’s wacky street numbers”]  I never said the first 12 Marathon streets were in another city.  The 1-11 streets you referred to are in a separate City of Key Colony Beach, nothing to do with Marathon (just like some other Keys have numbered streets).  I was more impressed that you missed dozens of green street signs on your side of the road between 20th & 50th. How could it be any easier.
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Talking to retired people that travel by cruising, trains, or flying, I realized this new generation of seniors doesn’t really worry about their off-spring. The majority are enjoying all their hard earned savings and letting their kiddies earn their own way. The retirees are spending their money seeing the world and partying as it was meant to be. Today, most intelligent kiddies in the work force are making much more per year than us old farts ever dreamed of, so we are taking it with us!

My husband and I travel to the Keys to vacation and party, but recently we were debating whether to come down because the Keys are not what they were a few years ago. Places seem to lack any maintenance or even get cleaned anymore. Restaurants and bars are really getting low life and filthy. Route One, all the way, seems to be a political pet project and ugly fences everywhere. We may skip a few years. (Ed: Restaurants and bars have always really been low life and filthy. That was the old Keys you never experienced. Consider Sarasota or Clearwater for your next vacation. They are a lot more sanitized. The Keys aren’t for everyone.)
If you feel that the color of your skin makes you special, then you’re a racist. It’s an established fact that, genetically, everyone on this planet is related to a woman that lived in north Africa, so everyone in America is African-American no matter what color our skin is. Everyone is quaking in their boots lest the race card is dropped. The largest racist in America are black. Let’s cut out this African-American crap. If you were born here, then you’re an American!

All men like to think they’re marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years, the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.

[Warning, This Computer Is Not Running Genuine Windows] For the past few weeks, several times per day, a big square thingy pops onto my monitor with this warning!  ‘Leave your computer running and click on this link to get Genuine Windows (LINK) this will leave you able to get all the updates, blah, blah, blah.’

I just click the little red X in the corner and continue. I have had no computer problems. Has anyone else seen this popup thing? Is anyone familiar with it? It won’t go away and comes back every few hours and I have to click it away. Any advice will be appreciated. (Ed: Click the link and follow the instructions. If you’re afraid, create a restore point first. You have to deal with it, you just can’t keep clicking and hope it goes away. If not, eventually you might be locked out or your car might not start or something awful might happen. Link)

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My wife got a new king size bed to make us more cozy at night. The problem is I keep rolling down to her side all the time!



[Firestarter] I saw this pump drill on one of the survival shows. If you’ve ever tried to start a fire buy rapidly twisting a stick on a piece of wood, forget it and make one of these, or bring a Bic lighter! Video

Chicago is the most deadly city.  Before the police’s misdeeds go to trial, the City has spent $662 million to deal with police misconduct over the past 12 years.
bomber plane B-24My recently departed friend, Frank, was a member of our greatest generation.  I’ll never know how those 8th Air Force kids had the balls to go on those bombing missions into Germany.  The Heavy Bombers Crews (B-17’s and B-24’s) of the 8th Army Air Force, were the only ones to have a set limit of 25 Combat Missions, the reason was that The Army Air Force had decided that 25 missions completed the tour of duty because of the physical and mental strain on the crew.  In 1942, the average bomber crew completed 8-12 missions before being shot down or disabled.
Every April, United Way of the Florida Keys reviews the grant applications from nonprofit community agencies seeking funding for work relating to childcare, food insecurity, or safety net services. This year, on April 5th-7th, volunteers from throughout the Keys, along with Board members and staff, conducted site visits at each agency that requested funding. Each visit lasted approximately half an hour, and gave the agencies an opportunity to demonstrate the scope of their work. UWFK couldn’t allocate our funds without our wonderful community volunteers helping evaluate the impact and effectiveness of potential grantees. Thank you!
nasty girls brothel


Will the Bill Cosby case make prostitution legal as it should be. Buying dinner, drinks, gifts, etc is no different than paying cash if the only goal is the same.

US1 Radio has a bad website. Are they aware that when potential posters attempt to post a photo on the BizBaz submission form that it never, never uploads?
I see that a huge building is going up behind DRC[?]. This non-profit seems to have lots of money.  We know how expensive it is to building a building in Monroe County. I heard that the workers are still getting paid next to nothing.
When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
boat-anchorProduction by FKAA of the very expensive E/One grinder vs Rusty Boat Anchors. At about 75 pounds, you will want an anchor winch or a very strong-backed anchor wench. Also, they are reported to have an unpleasant odor. (the anchor, not the wench. Besides, if she can hoist a 75 lb anchor alone, even if it’s her stench you are advised to blame it on the anchor.)
The anchor shown is the more reliable design that preceded the low-reliability model now sold that was first introduced in 2007. That was only two years before the decision was made to put thousands of the new troublesome model into the Cudjoe Regional. You might- at the least- call that decision and the sole source specification of the unvetted pump “lack of due diligence.” At least one of the brand new pumps has already burnt up in Cudjoe- on it’s first day! And so it begins.
[Corruption] Remember, just recently, seeing the traffic backups at Bahia Honda Park with people waiting to get in? Folks, that was on a 4 lane divided highway. Now picture traffic heavier than that on the 2 lane highway on the South end of Big Pine Key around Ships Way. That’s where the proposed marine park, the boat yard, and the Shell station are. If you thought that traffic was hell this year, it can only get worse and it will. Obviously some bubba is going to make a lot of money on this nonsense. But someone whispered in a commissioner’s ear and the pork began. But what’s new. I saw them dropping off the turd grinders on Newfound Blvd. I wonder what kind of profit the gangsters of three got out of that cluster f**k.
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High diving giraffes. Video

[?] U need 2 get ur facts correct B 4 posting lies
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