2016 April

Friday, April 29, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

cruise-ship-inside[Key West Affordable Housing] They’re never going to get affordable housing unless they think differently. The land’s worth too much. Changing density or elevations suck for many reasons. Privately owned affordable housing doesn’t work in KW. All past rental units that I’m aware of, that were mandated to be affordable, are now market priced or slightly below. Big deal.

There’s a place on Stock Island zoned for cruise ships and ferries. Several years ago I had plans to remodel a defunct cruise ship, park it there, and rent affordable rooms. I even went to the used ship lot, got verbal commitments from backers who wanted to be involved, and verbal agreements from two City Commissioners. I decided to retire instead and am happier.

The cruise ship idea would work best if the City owned it and had the Housing Authority manage it.

Another idea was to anchor it offshore and run a ferry to and fro. There’s a thousand rooms on those things, restaurants, shops, and even a swimming pool. They have excellent infrastructure and there’s no need for the engines.

[Poor Neighbor] I was in a jam last Sunday and needed to get my boat out of the water.  With the North wind, every local boat launch was grassed in.  Stopped by the BPK Fishing Lodge to see how much would it be to use their ramp.  Guy there said theirs is a private ramp so he could not even give me a price.  Told him I would buy gas and pay him.  No way – I couldn’t use it.

I’m disappointed that the Fishing Lodge is not helpful to locals.  If I rented a site or a room and paid to dock my boat there, I would have been welcome to use the launch.  They weren’t even busy! No longer will I recommend that place to any out-of-town guests.

So I went to Bahia Honda, fought the crowds at the entrance, paid my fees, and used their great boat ramp.

note crooked sour change colors[Pulitzer Prize for Music] I didn’t even know they had a prize for that. It was just awarded last week to Henry Threadgill who makes a racket and calls it jazz. Cerebral jazz that no one but the prize committee could understand. There was absolutely no melody, rhythm or beat. Aren’t those elements required for sound to be music. I guess the prize committee doesn’t think so. Link
[Crooks] Phillip Gould, a former member of the Florida National Marine Sanctuary Advisory Council, and his wife Leah have been indicted on federal charges of illegally buying and selling sharks harvested out of Florida Keys waters. It look like we have to watch the watchers.
martini-pickleGet Pickled Martini
3 to 5 parts good Gin (Bombay Extra Dry Original)
1/2 to 1 part Claussen Kosher Dill Spear pickle juice (do not use sweet pickle juice Ugh!)
Option 1: 1/2 part water
Option 2: Vodka, potato only
This is so smooth it is dangerous! For all you gluten pansy freaks out there. Gluten-free vodka. Link
A newly proposed car-sharing program could let Key West catch up with other cities and clear up congestion on crowded streets. Officials from the city’s planning and transportation departments have been working with representatives from Zipcar car-sharing company to offer a pilot program in Key West in the coming months. Car-sharing programs are being successfully used in cities throughout the country, reducing the demand for parking and encouraging the use of alternative modes of transportation while saving residents the annual costs of vehicle ownership. “Research has shown that people want access to a car, not necessarily the burden and expense of owning their own vehicle,” wrote Chris Hamilton, the city’s bicycle/ pedestrian coordinator in a report to City Manager Jim Scholl. “Carsharing provides access to a vehicle or fleet of vehicles for short-term use, priced by the hour or minute, located conveniently through the community and with most, if not all, costs (gas, maintenance and insurance) bundled into the rates).”
New cars should have a place for drivers to put their own 10” tablet instead of the screens they are now using. That way we could have our preference of operating systems and we’d have all our files, photos and apps. All tablets have GPS already, no need for the dealer’s expensive setup. I guess the dealers want that added thousand dollars for their navigation system that will be obsolete soon enough.
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[Big Brother Welcomed] Only 57% of Americans think the government shouldn’t monitor their communications. Saying you don’t care about privacy is like saying you don’t care about free speech. Maybe you don’t feel that you personally need privacy, but you do believe a journalist or a lawyer or a doctor does.
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[7 Mile Bridge Run Recap] Marathon, Florida Keys, April 9, 2016. Video

[“$15.00 minimum wage — My wife has a college degree and works as an assistant administrator at school and her salary is $14.20 per hour.”] Maybe your smart wife is underpaid!
The May AARP calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events


They should put Prince on the 20 dollar bill and call it $19.99. It will be the bill formerly known as twenty.

[DirecTV] I too was a Comcast customer for many years with lousy service and way too high monthly bills. My internet and cable TV service would go out repeatedly for no apparent reason. Good luck getting someone on the phone to explain what was the problem. The last straw for me was at the end of January when I received a Comcast bill for $290.00. All I had was average Internet speed and above basic cable without premium movie channels. I called Comcast customer service and after being transferred 8 times just so that someone can explain to me why my bill was so high, and spending nearly 2 hours on the phone, the billing representative told me that the bill amount was correct. Not giving me an adequate reason as to why.

Since I’ve seen so many positive comments here about Sammy Sam and DirecTV, I decided to give him a call. He came over to my house to go over the prices on the packages personally. He surveyed my house and explained where the dish antenna was going to be mounted. I showed him how many rooms I wanted the service in. He didn’t try to talk me into getting stuff I wouldn’t use or need. His approach seemed honest and even told me that he understands the goal is to save money, and that’s what’s important to him and his customers. He showed up 2 days later giving me a 1 hour heads up courtesy call, just in case I wasn’t home. It took him a few hours to do my installation, and the installation was very professional and neat. He gave me 3 HD-DVR Genies free. I didn’t have DVR or HD with Comcast. The Ultimate package with 11 movie channels a total of 250 channels plus all my local networks, I didn’t have any movie channels with Comcast. I can record from any room and view what I recorded in any other room. He setup my appointment installation with AT&T Internet. In which they showed up the following day, and also did a fantastic job. I made it clear to Sammy Sam that I will post the results of his service, be it good or bad. But after 2 months. That way I can be able to give a true verdict. Here’s my verdict.

Try getting a cable TV representative to come over your house personally to explain the details. It will never happen. Except for Sam. He told me my monthly bill will be $109.66 for DirecTV and AT&T Internet service bundled, plus tax. My monthly bill has been consistent. The rain I experienced during February, March and April did not affect my TV service at all. The Internet has been working without any hiccups! Sam gave me his personal cell phone number if I should ever experience any problems and need to contact him. This is what I consider A-1 service. We really need more service technicians like Sam, who take pride in their job and show responsibility for what they say. Thank you all for your posts and comments, and most importantly. Thank you Deer Ed for supplying us with this valued form of information. Kudos to all

Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
[Shooting Sunsets] Grab your camera — this forecast predicts when sunsets will be spectacular. They devised an algorithm which incorporates some of the most important aspects which lead to a colorful sunset. Link



Big Ben to be switched off for four months as ‘urgent’ £40 million clock repairs take place. Link

[We Pay For GMO Research] The US House Appropriations Committee just passed an agriculture spending bill that includes $3 million of our tax dollars to promote GMO (genetically modified organisms). This amounts to a $3 million gift to corporations like Monsanto. Like they need the money?

This new “Monsanto Promotion Act” was championed by Subcommittee Chairman Robert Aderholt (R-Ala.) who said, “We need to avoid consumer confusion.”

Not everyone agreed. House Appropriations Committee Ranking Member Nita Lowey (D-N.Y.) said, “The jury is still out on genetically modified organisms. Some may be safe. Some may be of concern. It’s not the responsibility of FDA to mount a government-controlled propaganda campaign, particularly when the science is far from certain.” There is more on this issue at this link.

woman drunk


Dear alcohol, We had a deal that you would make me prettier, funnier and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.

[“Faith”] Thinking logically, religion cannot have a base in legality simply because no one can prove the worshiped deity exists. Anything fictional like spirits and divineness is not logical or provable to exist, so a basis to defend one’s “religious beliefs” on such things is irrelevant.
loud-motorcycleWhy is it that motorcycle riders are attracted to the most scenic and natural roads for their bike rides yet roar through with their very loud straight pipes disturbing the very natural surroundings they come to visit? Arguably the most popular biker drive through Big Pine is from the highway to No Name Pub, across the bridge to the end of No Name Key and back. Of course this route is crawling with key deer and other wildlife, which is why this is so scenic in the first place!
The irony is they go out of their way to drive through a preserved area for the scenery yet the noise they cause disrupts the very surroundings they choose to drive through. It’s especially loud when they travel in close packs of 4 to 6 bikes, as the sound is concentrated and further amplified.
This is not a complaint, no solution expected, just an observation.
[Coconut Telegraph Good] I don’t know how many of us locals here in the Keys are as appreciative as I am that we have the CT. The CT is full of informative subjects that one wouldn’t really know about if it weren’t for its posters. Be it good or bad.
[“Bill Cosby”] Would you let your sister or daughter go on a date with him?
rich man laying on money[Non Profit Grants] People don’t know how the non-profit Dolphin Research Center can afford to build huge new facilities? Check out the BOCC minutes and you will find multiple huge TDC grants to that center, to the Art Center in Key West, and to Pigeon Key. Some of the values are rather suspect in my opinion, but were unquestioned. I recall a six figure grant simply to re-roof the gang quarters on Pigeon Key, yet nothing to get them off of a cesspit proven by water testing to be polluting adjacent waters. There was another Pigeon Key grant that had something to do with power generation. As I recall, the Dolphin Research Center got a big grant to build new bathrooms before this latest big construction. If money was going to be spent on state property, it should have been TDC money paying for the Old 7 Mile Bridge repairs rather than diverting the infrastructure sales tax intended for sewers. Just because a business is non-profit does not mean somebody is not taking home a lot of cash. It can be a very profitable scam in big executive salaries & benefits and kick-backs from contracts. Come on, six figure simply to re-roof a bungalow?
[“Faith & why does God allow bad stuff”] Well, here goes my friend … the simple answer: We live in a fallen world. Link
drug77Levaquin is a commonly prescribed potent antibiotic. I was given a prescription for it a few years ago when I saw the doc about a spider bite that became MRSA infected. I was reluctant to take it because it is fluoride based. I later discovered that it can be crippling (causing tendons to snap!) and even deadly. It is also linked to ALS and Alzheimer’s. This has been known for years, but despite public outcry, including marches on Washington, the FDA did nothing to pull it from the market or even demand warnings.

Turns out that the head of the FDA Margaret Hamburg’s husband owns a company with $500 million in the drug maker Johnson & Johnson’s stock. She, her husband, and J&J are now being sued under the RICO act for conspiracy to hide the ill effects of Levaquin.

How was Hamburg made head of FDA? Her husband Peter Brown’s company Renaissance contributed $2 million to Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and Clinton pressured Obama to make Brown’s wife head of FDA.

This is all disgusting. I have never trusted the FDA, and now I find they sleep together. Gag. Link

[“Marathon’s funny street numbering”] The 1 thru 11th streets are in Key Colony. 1 Thu the 1100 block is in Marathon, just look at the addresses on overseas highway
[“Change two-word acceptance from “I do” to “I did”] I chose the words, “I don’t” as in get married. Now all I hear are the words “how “lucky” I am.
gender-nutral-restroom[He-She Room] Can someone enlighten me about the brouhaha in North Carolina over restrooms? Maybe one of our part-time Piners who lives the other half of the year in N.C. could educate us on what the new law actually says? Seems like if you were born a certain gender, the only reason you would use the opposite gender’s bathroom would be if you were a transgender who has had your “plumbing equipment” altered and, by that time in the transition, you would look like your new gender and be able to use the other rest room.
[The Truth About the “100 Year Flood”] The term “100 Year Flood is misleading. The U.S. government started using the term in the 1960s to describe a flood that has a 1% chance of happening every year, not a chance of happening once every 100 years. Here are some numbers to consider:
-The chances of a “100 Year Flood” happening during your 30 year mortgage is 1 in 4.
-Over 100 years, there is a 67% chance.
-Urban environments are even more susceptible because asphalt does not absorb moisture.
-“100 Year Flood” statistical probability does not consider changing climate or the effects of El Nino or La Nina. Link    ~Johnson’s Insurance Agency
[Fish & Wildlife Report]

shark arm in mouth-Officer Plussa was on board a US Coast Guard (USCG) Station Marathon patrol vessel when a 911 call was received reporting a shark-bite victim near the Content Keys.  A US Fish and Wildlife Service officer also heard the 911 call and, being closer, responded to the scene, picked up the victim and later transferred him to the awaiting USCG vessel where a medic was on board.  Officer Plussa and the medic tended to the injuries as they transported the victim to EMS on shore and then to Fisherman’s Hospital. The victim told Officer Plussa that he caught a “Jack” and was trying to revive it by holding it over the side of his vessel in the water, moving it back and forth before he released it.  The victim said that was when a 6-7 foot unknown type of shark swooped in and bit his left hand causing a severe injury.

-Officer Boyd received a call of a medical emergency on a 38’ sailboat off the Oceanside east of Bahia Honda near Marathon. Officer Boyd arrived on scene and observed a middle-aged white male had injured his finger while trying to pull up his anchor.  Officer Boyd pulled alongside the sailing vessel and got the injured victim him and his wife on board the FWC patrol vessel and took them ashore to EMS at Bahia Honda State Park.  Both subjects were taken to the hospital and the male was treated for a crush injury on his finger.
-While conducting fisheries inspections on the bridges, Officers Swensson and Sutter made contact with a group of individuals fishing on the south end of Long Key Bridge. While checking their catch, they found all fish were legal. When asked for a fishing license, the subjects stated they did not have one. A check of FWC files showed the subjects had expired nonresident fishing licenses. While talking with the subjects, two younger individuals walked out from under the bridge. The first subject was carrying a tackle box which had lobster antennae sticking out one side. Officer Swensson stopped the subject as he was headed to the parking lot next to the bridge. While approaching the subject, the second individual appeared carrying a spear gun and a mask. The second subject was still wet and wearing booties. An inspection of the tackle box revealed five Florida Spiny Lobster, four of which were undersized. All five lobster had spear holes in their carapace. The two individuals were related to the first two subjects seen fishing from the bridge. Citations were issued for possession of lobster during the closed season, possession of undersized lobster, illegal to harvest by means which could puncture and no measuring device. Citations for not having a non-resident saltwater fishing license were also issued.

-Officers Wagner and Garrison were bayside of the Naval Air Station Key West when they observed three individuals fishing by the side of the road. They conducted a resource and fishing license inspection on the individuals and none were able to produce a valid saltwater shoreline fishing license.  The FWC Dispatch advised that one subject had an active warrant out of Brevard County. The subject was then placed under arrest and searched. Upon searching the subject, Officer Garrison found a small bag containing a white powdery substance in his right front pocket. The subject admitted that the substance was his and said that it was cocaine. A Monroe County Sheriff’s Office (MCSO) deputy arrived on the scene and was able to test the white powdery substance which tested positive for cocaine.  The subject was transported to the Monroe County Jail on Stock Island by MCSO and charged with possession of cocaine and the warrant arrest.


I bought my last Keynoter. In the past, you may have argued whether it was worth the quarter, but now they doubled the price and it’s nowhere near worth the 50 cents.  I’ll stick with the Citizen and News-Barometer going forward

[Nepotism] I think that the politicians’ compardes will get the work to build the parks from the $2.1 million oil spill settlement.
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Please change the current listing in the Business Directory, under Real Estate (Century 21 Keysearch Realty) to the new, improved Century 21 Schwartz Realty, Inc. 305-735-4322



Transgender restrooms.

Four score and seven years ago I got married and that was the last time I had great sex I think.

The Spam advertisers must be pure low rent idiots to think that I would buy something from them after they torment me with their crappy ads.

[“Faith: God has a plan for everybody”] Hitler was a Christian. Hitler also had plans for millions of people
GPS Directions for getting home drunk. Listen
homeless-cardboard-box[Homeless Homes] 44,000 people live on the streets in and around LA. So Elvis Summers, a 38-year-old guy with a Mohawk and tattooed arms who started a GoFundMe campaign last spring so he could build tiny houses for homeless people to live in. He got the idea after befriending a homeless woman in his neighborhood. So far Summer’s given out 37 tiny 6- by 8-foot houses, which cost $1,200 each to build. They resemble sheds, painted in bright, solid colors, with solar panels on the roof, wheels to make them mobile and a portable camping toilet.

I wonder where they put them, or do they just put them where their cardboard boxes were? Video

[Avoid Theft] Erase all the data on your credit card with a magnet and make the vendor type in the number and data. That way no one can scan your card and steal the data. Then if you get stung with a bogus billing, you know who did it and can break their freaking fingers!
two dolphins


The Dolphin Research Center (DRC) does a fabulous job with veterans that have problems with PTSD. Some of the young adults there also get school credit for helping. I didn’t notice any that weren’t enjoying working there.

[Riot Control] Robot can zap protesters. When grinder pumps break bad. Video
[Dead Ocean] National Center for Atmospheric Research says widespread loss of ocean oxygen to become noticeable in 2030’s. Link
[“Bill Cosby trial”] Was that guy serious about making the victims tell every sordid detail and describe in detail having sex with that man? I believe the poster is a voyeur who likes to get his jolly’s from other people’s sex and then goes and whacks his noodle.
[The Truth About Cancer] Episode 1: The True History of Chemotherapy & The Pharmaceutical Monopoly. Video
pallet rotates fast



[“What you can make from pallets”] Rafts that drift south!

Invasion, plain and simple is not migration! If this is truly a migration, why are these Muslims only migrating north to White Christian Europe? Why aren’t they migrating South into Africa? The only true answer is that they are invading Christianity’s bastions of power. The basic tenet of Islam is to rule the world; and the war started in 732AD and has been going on ever since and it will never stop. Examples are the Moor invasion of Europe, the American Navy’s engagements against the Barbary Pirates in the 1700’s ( USMC-“The Shores of Tripoli”) and continual skirmishes against any thing that wasn’t Muslim till today. So let’s quit beating around the bush, Islam is invading Europe & there are skirmishes already in the US of A. The next currency may well be ammunition?
disney8Interesting post by the potential visitors. I agree with Ed — try someplace else.  I will say that I’ve traveled the world and some of the finest resorts and restaurants are right here in the Keys.  Yes, there are dives too.  You get what you are looking for and willing to pay – that’s the charm of the Keys, everything is here!
You may have read in the news that FKAA admitted that their published pre-operation background nutrient testing results in waters near the new Cudjoe poop plant showed nutrient levels that were unrealistically high, and therefore subsequent accurate testing would make it look like the new central sewers were improving the water.
This testing was required as part of the settlement agreement with the Cudjoe and Sugarloaf property owners’ associations about the use of shallow wells for preliminary and emergency backup use at the plant. The agreement was that if nutrient levels rose significantly, no more Notices to Connect would be sent until the deep wells were operational. Fortunately, the POAs hired a non-profit lab to also take samples, and those samples were in line with nutrient levels over the past several years, so they caught the deception in the act.
Given the past deceits by FKAA on this project, do you think there is any chance that the pre-operation nutrient levels were jacked-up to ensure that there would be no delay in connections while waiting for the deep well completion? Or do you think it is a certainty? Does this seem like more malfeasance from this “public service” agency that answers only to the Governor? What needs to be done?
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The reason they’re called nonprofit is because any money left at the end of the year goes to the boss. See, no profit! Easy
auger screw lgSummer is right around the corner, and it’s in the 80’s.  What can you do about it?  Well, on Craig’s list, there’s a guy on Ramrod selling an ice auger. I guess he doesn’t use it too much down here. Link
[“Over-the-water suites”] I have seen these and they are junk, just like the floating house boats in Key West.


[FTR] Trump et al have sucked up all the oxygen concerning the November elections…but there is much, much more at stake that the Oval Office. Here is Florida, Rubio is leaving the Senate. A very impressive candidate for Rubio’s seat has appeared on the scene.

That person is Todd Wilcox. He’s a fascinating guy. A newcomer to the political battleground, but no stranger to the real battles of war. (continued on the National Politics page …)

Say what you will about Bruce and Ralph, I’ll tell you I had a great dinner at his restaurant[?].  Great
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