2020 May

Friday, May 1, 2020

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


Key deer fawning season has started. Your actions can help make a difference in a young Key deer’s life. Please do not approach a fawn if you are lucky enough to see one. Mother deer commonly leave their fawns alone for a period of several hours. This is to protect the youngster from predators at a time when they are not able to keep up with their mother. Unfortunately, this is a time when people are most likely to find a fawn by itself and think it’s been orphaned or abandoned and inadvertently harm the young fawn in an effort to help.  Key deer info bulletin 4_2020

[Speedy Gonzalez] Allen Archer’s Weather has always packed 3 minutes of weather information in less than 2 minutes.  He speaks too fast, and takes a deep breath between every 7 words.  It requires real effort to listen. Lately, Ron Saunders is imitating the fast talk of Allen Archer.  Slow down guys. We’d like to know what you have to say.
[Screwed Up Logic] Incredible!  The County Commission lays off a substantial number of employees.  It then approves a million and a half dollars for a single month’s overtime pay for those who are left. If they weren’t so sad, they would be laughable.




[Rattlesnake] This was caught by a local landscaping crew. The rattler was right near Banana Cabana daycare on Cudjoe. Kudos to the brave men that caught this interloper, Jesse and Joe B.

[1300 New Buildings Coming To Us]  Please oppose 1300 more building permits for the Keys. We received bad news.  The Administrative Law Judge ruled that former Governor Scott’s new 1300 “early evacuate” ROGOs (building permits) can be issued.  Now it is up to Governor DeSantis and his Cabinet to stop them.

With a number of organizations reaching out to their members, we already have 800 signatures on the Petition to the Governor and people are writing individually.  But we need to let the Governor know that opposition is wide spread.  With most people at home during Covid, now is the perfect time to ask friends and neighbors to sign the on-line petition to the Governor urging him to ‘just say no’ to what could be unlimited building masquerading as “early evacuate” ROGOs.  For more information see or contact Jan Edelstein

Click here for the on-line petition (part of the FOLKs web site).



[Quarantine] I don’t want much. Just a quiet bar with a friendly bartender, frosty cold beer on tap, and a little chilled tequila to wet the whistle.  I don’t care if we have to sit 10 feet apart

[Only Locally Owned Bank] First State Bank is proud to have successfully processed, submitted, and received approval for every qualified Payroll Protection Program (PPP) loan application submitted by our Monroe County small business customers.
[Friday Joke] I drove into Tom Thumb to fill up my car as gas is so cheap now.  I noticed 2 sheriff’s cars were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up. I thought, “Is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the deputies right there?”  I usually mind my own business, but, before I left I heard someone screaming.  I’m talking violent death screams! I looked around and saw that the woman’s arm was on fire!  She was swinging her arm, running around and going nuts. I got out of the car. By then the deputies had the woman on the ground and were putting the fire out. Then they put handcuffs on her and put her in the patrol car. I was a bit shocked. I couldn’t believe they arrested her, surely she ought to be in an ambulance and not a patrol car.  Being nosey I asked one of the deputies what they were arresting her for. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, “Waving a fire arm”.
You want an idea of how crazy things have gotten?  Anchorage, Alaska was the busiest airport in the world last week with more take offs and landings than any other. Go figure!


[Not Enough Dead] 234,000 dead worldwide so far.

[“Water meter problem”] I have a house that always has very high water bills, sometimes from $60 to $400 a month. We’ve had plumbers look at it over the years and FKAA has come out there several times. They use a machine like sonar or something that detects moisture or something in the ground to find leaks. They found nothing. We’ve tried everything except replacing the whole piping from the street and in the building. We’re screwed. Anyone want to buy a house with very high water bills?


[Dead vs Money] It appears some people think there aren’t enough dead bodies to close the US until the virus is eradicated or controlled. They say .02-.03% isn’t enough. They say we should have at least 3% dead to shut down the country. How much is each death worth to our economy? Does the death toll matter as long as it isn’t your family? You say our 56,649 dead aren’t enough?

Aircraft carrier Theodore Roosevelt reports rise in virus cases to 856 out of 4,845 crewman. Link



Destroyer Kidd reports rise in virus cases to 33 out of 400 crewman. Link

[Friday Joke] Stephen Wright’s Gems.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists -. they don’t expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
The expression “going bananas” is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. Link
Donovan — Mellow Yellow
[Not Enough Dead People] For some unknow (for me anyway) reason, the number of people that died, or supposedly died of corona virus this year is more of a tragedy than the 80,000 that died of seasonal flu last year.  It also seems that destroying the lives of millions to “save” a few thousand that would probably have died from seasonal flu anyway, as they do every year, is perfectly acceptable. Seems a little bassackwards to me.


[Using Spam as Food] Just about the only way I can eat it is as a flavoring for pea soup or fried with onions (until caramelized) and served over whipped potatoes.

[Zero Carbon Britain] The UK is one of the few advanced economies to commit to the idea of net zero carbon emissions by 2050. Audio



[Workers Unite] Workers are uniting and striking May 1, International Worker’s Day, to protest working conditions at Amazon, Instacart, Shipt, Whole Foods, Walmart, Target and FedEx. Organizers say they are striking due to their employers continuing failure to provide adequate protection in the workplace. Link

[Coronavirus Scams] Treatments & Cures. Ignore online offers for vaccinations and home test kits. If you see ads touting prevention, treatment, or cure claims for the Coronavirus, stop. If there’s a medical breakthrough, you’re not going to hear about it for the first time from an ad or sales pitch. At this time, there also are no FDA-authorized home test kits for the Coronavirus.
Email and Text Scams. Don’t click on links from sources you don’t know. It could download a virus onto your computer or device. Make sure the anti-malware and anti-virus software on your computer is up to date.
Robocalls. Hang up on illegal robocallers. Don’t press any numbers. The recording might say that pressing a number will let you speak to a live operator or remove you from their call list, but it might lead to more robocalls, instead.
Government Relief Checks. Expect scammers to take advantage of this. Here’s what you need to know: The government will not ask you to pay anything up front to get this money. The government will not call to ask for your Social Security number, bank account, or credit card number. Anyone who does is a scammer.
Fake Charities. Do your homework when it comes to donations. Use the organizations listed at to help you research charities. If someone wants donations in cash, by gift card, or by wiring money, don’t do it.
Misinformation & Rumors. Before you pass on any messages, do some fact checking by contacting trusted sources. Visit for links to federal, state and local government agencies.


[Aliens] I you really look at humanity, it is easy to see we are the dumbest creatures on this rock (after a chicken). We design and build things that will destroy us, we crap where we eat, grow poison foods, make chemicals that are only good to empty someone’s wallet, dig into this rock for junk and more poisons, and cook everything we kill to eat. It’s no wonder no other world creatures want to land here.

[Virus] She’s here to confuse us more about the flu. Join the club! Video
[Using Spam as Food] Just last week made some spam w/hamburger buns. I have Ma’s old food processor (aka chum grinder). One small can of spam, 1/2 piece of Velveeta from a small package, half a large onion or how ever much you like. Grind together and spread on a split burger bun and place under the broiler. Good stuff, Maynard! Ma used to make this, probably war time food. The only thing missing was some of my homemade dill pickles which I had run out of. By the end of June, I will have fresh jars of pickles.
Ma’s Homemade Dill Pickles
Pickling cucumbers
13 cups water
7 cups white vinegar
1 cup pickling salt
Fresh dill, one head per jar plus stems cut in ½” bits
4-6 quart jars with covers
Bring to boil and pour over cukes, dill heads and sprigs. Put lids and rubber bands on jars loosely, process jars for no longer than 10 minutes in boiling water. Number of quarts brine will make depends on how well you have stuffed your jars with the cucumbers. Let sit for a week or two. Believe me it is worth the effort! How To Pickle
[Don’t Stay Home] Unless you’re sick with Covid-19, the only life you’re saving by sheltering in place is your own.  But if it makes you feel like a hero, by all means stay in your house.  You won’t be missed.
[Bad Pizza] Yesterday I got a large pizza with double cheese and pepperoni, regular crust and 2 Italian hoagies from S of P, never again. They were the worst crap I ever had. The pie was 1/2 cheese and over done. The hoagies were made in South California by illegals, I think. My stomach is still not right.

Disney World and Disneyland have been closed since mid-March because of the coronavirus. They may not reopen at the same time. Walt Disney World in Florida could reopen within weeks under guidelines recommended in that state. Disneyland may not reopen for months under California’s more conservative plan. Disney’s overseas parks also may take more time to reopen. Link
[Living in the 1950s] The Land That Made Me
Long ago and far away,
In a land that time forgot,
Before the day of Dylan
Or the dawn of Camelot
There lived a race of innocents
And they were you and me.Ike was in the White House
In that land where we were born
Where navels were for oranges
And Peyton Place was porn … Link
[The Beautiful People] “The master race” Whoever wrote that is right. All the world’s problems are from those people. The rich and beautiful don’t destroy the world, the bad and ugly do!
[Friday Joke] A man with two buckets of fish was leaving Boca Chica beach and was stopped by Fish & Wildlife. The warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.
“Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to this beach and let them swim around for about a half-hour, When I whistle, they all come back, jump back into my buckets, and I take ’em home. We do this every night.”
“That’s a bunch of hooey,” said the warden. “Fish can’t do that!”
“No, really! says the man. “Here, I’ll show you.” And he releases the fish in the ocean.
“Well, I’ve got to see this!” the game warden replied. The man and the warden stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” the man asked.
“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden huffs.
“Call who back?” the man asked.
“The FISH!!!”
“What fish?”