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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days:
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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 Happy Labor Day weekend. Don’t work. Labor Day is an annual celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers, that’s you and me. |
| How heavy rain can make you sick. Research indicates spikes in illness related to intense rainfall and combined sewer overflows. Link |
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but now it’s about to send the dog through the screen door! |
| [Friday Joke] A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven’s Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims. At this point, you must understand two things: There’s a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don’t have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page. There used to be a tavern called Dez’s 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians. It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews. After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, “Shouldn’t we be getting back? It’d be awfully embarrassing if we were late.” Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, “Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor’s score. When he gets down to there, Milton’s going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other.” So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor’s face told them they were in serious trouble. Katims was furious! And why not? After all… it was the bottom of the Ninth, the Score was tied, and the Basses were loaded. |
 [Controlled Burns: Pros and Cons] Realize many folks on BPK would not agree with this, after the Key Deer Refuge/Eden Pines was somewhat burned down a few years ago – but FWIW this is supposed to be what happens with proper oversight.Lower risk of more dangerous fires: By intentionally burning vegetation under controlled conditions, the risk of uncontrolled wildfires is reduced. Native plant reproduction: Controlled burns promote the emergence of native plants after a fire. Control of invasive species: These burns help curb invasive species and support native vegetation. Habitat for wildlife: Burned areas provide habitat for various wildlife species. Minimize the spread of pests and diseases: Controlled fires can reduce the spread of harmful pests and diseases. The Florida Forest Service oversees one of the most active prescribed fire programs in the country. In an average year the Florida Forest Service will issue approximately 88,000 authorizations allowing landowners and agencies to prescribe burn over 2.1 million acres. Florida was one of the pioneers in offering a certified burner program for both acreage burns and pile burns. Perhaps had California done these preventive measures several years ago the state wouldn’t be ablaze today. Link |
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| [Immigrant Gang] I used to live in Aurora, CO. At the time I was working out at Stapleton Intl Airport, and this makes me so sad and angry. Video |
[Disrespect ] Doesn’t everyone go to a place as somber as area 60 in Arlington National Cemetery? where only cemetery workers are supposed to be allowed? and flash big smiles and have selfies taken while shooting the thumbs up sign? Nothing says thumbs up like going to a veteran’s grave that is off limits. |
| [Energy From Air] A new material creates clean electricity from the air around it. Researchers recently constructed a material capable of generating near constant electricity from just the ambient air around it—thus possibly laying the groundwork for a new, virtually unlimited source of sustainable, renewable energy. Link |
 [Bullies] How do you tell if someone’s a bully? The first thing a bully does to provoke you is to make fun of your name or some physical attribute. “Hey, four eyes!” Then it’s all downhill from there. |
| How food affects our mental health. Blood sugar fluctuations after eating play an important role in anxiety and depression. Link |
 Mummified brains show cocaine arrived in Europe far earlier than we thought. Italians used coca leaves by at least the 17th century. Link |
| [Friday Joke] Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they’re walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says, “Wow, that’s some hole. I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?” The second hunter says,” I don’t know, let’s throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom.” The first hunter says, “There’s an old gearbox over there, give me a hand and we’ll throw it in and see”. So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst. While they are standing there looking at each other, then gazing into the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. “Say there”, says the farmer, “You fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?” The first hunter says “Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!” And the old farmer said… “Why that’s impossible, I had him chained to an old gearbox!” |
[ No Smoking] Britain is planning on banning smoking outside. Link |
| The Palestinians have every right to be furious with Israel. Israel has been taking their land steadily since 1947. They are still expanding the new settlements even though they said they would stop. They are like Mordor’s shadow, ever expanding.
Israel has every right to level Gaza. Israel shouldn’t have to live in constant fear of attack. What a mess. Whatever money aid you give Gazans they buy missiles instead of wells and schools. The only solution is to move Israel to a floating island and give the Palestinians back their land. Or maybe, the moon? |
Bald eagle thought to be hurt was really just too fat to fly. We all know this feeling, especially after hitting the All-you-can-eat buffet. Link |
| [Warriors] How do woman really feel about war? seeing as they never, ever are forced to go? |
 [Give Blood] Think Big and Think Red as the Big Red Bus rolls into the Big Pine area in September. Donor gifts are One Blood Cancer Awareness socks and a $20 e-Gift Card. All donors also receive a Free Wellness Checkup including blood pressure, pulse, temperature, iron count and cholesterol screening. To schedule an appointment, visit OneBlood.org and enter your zip code. As always, a huge thanks to those who donate lifesaving blood because every two seconds of every day, someone needs blood. September 5 Thursday – Bealls 12 – 5, September 19 Thursday – Bealls 12 – 5, September 29 Sunday – Keys Vineyard Community Church 8:30 – 12:30, September 30 Monday – Bealls 12 – 5. |
 Why are some US Army name tags and pockets sewn on an angle on fatigue tunics? Traditionally they’ve been sewn on horizontally. Is that layout just for certain combat uniforms? I doubt it’s a fashion statement. |
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 What happened to the weekly mass shootings? Is there a season? |
| [Free Coke] 16 more bricks of cocaine found washed up on a beach in Islamorada. It was the fifth significant find this summer of cocaine found either washed up on the Keys or floating offshore of the archipelago — a common occurrence since the Keys are along the routes that smugglers use to import the contraband into the United States. Link |
A dagger has a double edge. A knife has a single edge. |
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| [Friday Joke] Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!” Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.” Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump.” The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.” |
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| The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 8/30/24 at 9:18 am. |