2024 January

Friday, January 12, 2024

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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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[An Ominous Sign Of Great Danger Ahead] On April 8, 2024, a solar eclipse will pass through America. According to the Washington Post, over thirty million people will be able to view it outside their homes, and for those who cannot do so, it’s likely to become the biggest travel event of the year. What makes this more significant than eclipses in the past is its past in relationship to one on August 21, 2017. Together, they will form an X on America, intersecting at a small town in southern Illinois.
Did you know that this happened once before in American history?  “the path of a solar eclipse that occurred on June 16th, 1806, combined with the path of a solar eclipse that occurred on September 17th, 1811, to form a giant “X” over the New Madrid fault zone.” This includes an area from Cairo in southern Illinois to nearby New Madrid, MO, and a bit further southwest.
Three months after the solar eclipse intersected with the previous one on the fault line in 1811, a devastating series of earthquakes began. The New Madrid earthquakes were the biggest earthquakes in American history. They occurred in the central Mississippi Valley but were felt as far away as New York City, Boston, Montreal, and Washington D.C. President James Madison and his wife Dolly felt them in the White House. Church bells rang in Boston. From December 16, 1811, through March of 1812, there were over 2,000 earthquakes in the central Midwest and between 6,000 and 10,000 earthquakes in the Bootheel of Missouri, where New Madrid is located near the junction of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers.
In the known history of the world, no other earthquakes have lasted so long or produced so much evidence of damage as the New Madrid earthquakes. Is the upcoming completion of an X across America by the April 8 eclipse another warning of a similar catastrophe in the months afterward? The past history of the intersection of two eclipses in the same area is far too much of a coincidence to ignore. It’s a sign that great danger lies in the offing for America.
Run! We’re all going to die…
[WHO’s Queer] Half of the WHO’s transgender health committee members have no medical background, and the majority are activists with prejudiced opinions. Link
[Free Deep Pink Plumeria (Frangipani) Cuttings] From 6” – 6’ tall.  Put the cut end in dirt, and it makes its own roots.  MM 21 at 21023 7th Ave. E. Cudjoe Key.  Cuttings are by the second driveway.  Help yourself! Need more? Call 305-744-0558 – Cindy.
[Friday Joke] Having kids.

5 ways to keep bees buzzing that don’t require a hive. Getting 1,000 bees is like adopting a puppy. Link

Florida Keys Hurricane Evacuation Modeling Report. December 2023. (You’d better run!) Link
[Old Japan] Nagasaki , 20 minutes after the atomic bombing in 1945.
Samurai warriors taken between 1860 and 1880.
[Friday Joke] I told him I wanted to walk down the aisle. He sent me to Winn Dixie!
Not to disparage realtors, but I called the listing agent for a property in Key Largo. I asked specifically if the property has central system sewer or a grinder pump.
She cannot admit she doesn’t have a clue.  She tells me to call Monroe County as well as FKAA. What a disservice to the property owners who are, and have been trying to sell for 3/4 of a year. This realtor is not even qualified to be a greeter at Walmart
Big Pine Nautical Expo this weekend! Sold out vendor spaces! We will have a packed house for this year’s Nautical Expo, It’s free to attend. Live music, amazing vendors to satisfy all your needs, including Loud Italian Pizza, Joey’s BBQ, Sadie’s Dog House, Miremba’s Cuban Cafe, and so much more.
[Forget Miles Per Gallon] Here’s the best metric for measuring a car’s efficiency. It’s been right there on the vehicle’s sticker all along. Starting in model year 2012, the EPA added the gallons/100 miles rating to the Monroney new car window sticker, right below the familiar combined mpg rating that balances the city and highway scores. This supports another number on that label, the projected fuel cost to drive the car for a year, which is linear, like gallons/100 miles. Link

Why is pee yellow? Link

[Friday Joke] Dear Tech Support, “Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do?
DesperateDear Desperate, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
[Simple Spaghetti Fra Diavolo] This Simple Spaghetti Fra Diavolo brings the heat in the most glorious way. Get ready to twist your fork around the tenderest spaghetti noodles swimming in a fresh, tangy, garlicky, and slightly spicy red sauce, that is sure to add a little excitement to your weeknight. Link
[Crappy Tasting Food] I don’t know what the reason is, but ever since January 1, everything I have eaten turns to feces.

I’ve seen these protest signs for years. I don’t think they are working.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] Have you changed over your light bulbs to the LCD bulbs yet?  I have and hate them. The N.W.O. bulbs are a different frequency than the old incandescent bulbs. Reading and colors are now harder to see. On top of that I am red and green color blind which makes it worse. The only thing these new LCD bulbs are good for is increased manufacturer profits. We got screwed again.

[Friday Joke] A skeleton walks into a bar, “Give me a beer and a mop.

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The Big Pine Computer Club is pleased to announce that it has resumed its twice monthly meetings. It used to meet at the Dallas Macdonald Senior Center until the building was condemned after Hurricane Irma. The group now meets the second and fourth Saturdays of each month at 10:30am at the new Senior Community Center, in the  Winn Dixie Plaza, next to UPS in Big Pine Key.
The aim of the Club is to provide help with phones and tablets, as well as computers. Total beginners, as well as experienced users are always welcome. It is essentially a self-help group, as members attempt to help one another.
The Club has no fees or dues. There is free wi-fi at the building.
The meetings are listed in the Senior Center’s monthly calendar which is available  at the Big Pine Chamber of Commerce, Big Pine Library, and online at
The County has rented space in the Big Pine Shopping Center for a 2,422 square foot facility that will serve as the senior community center and senior meal site. For information call Lou 305-745-2864
This week’s discussion:
Shopping on TEMU
Changing club’s name
[Islands Are Sinking] Whenever it rains heavy, or a king tide, and this area is flooded, why not just automatically designate this area as such or give it a VE flood zone, and help out unsuspecting buyers the grief down the road?
[Boats for Sale] Yes, Unique Marine will be here with a great selection of boats for sale. You don’t want to miss this opportunity. Nautical Expo this weekend at the Chamber of Commerce.
[Ants] Did you know that if you put 100 black ants and 100 red ants in a jar, nothing will happen? But if you shake the jar hard, the ants start killing each other. The red ants consider the black ants their enemies, and the black ants consider the red ants their enemies. The true enemy is the one shaking the jar. The same thing happens in human society. So, before we attack each other, we should think about who is shaking the jar!  ~Kurt Vonnegut
[Friday Joke] She’s single. She lives right across the street. I can see her place from my patio. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door. I rushed to open it, she looks at me and said, “l just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and make love tonight! Are you doing anything tonight?” I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!” She said, “Great! Could you watch my dog?” Being a senior citizen really sucks
[COVID is Still Killing Us] Covid Deaths. I really don’t care if anyone believes this or not, because I had it and I believe it is still as dangerous as it always was. Link

[Slaves & Gumbo] New Orleans, a majority Black city, was once the site of the largest slave market, where by one estimate more than 135,000 people were bought and sold.

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[Friday Joke] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 1/12/24 at 8:35 am.