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Published on Tuesdays and Fridays.
(Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days)
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 [Not Using Bike Lane] I see it all too often and don’t understand how the riders aren’t afraid. The bike lane is safe and was very expensive to build, partially due to complaints from cycling groups (who evidently would rather ride on US!). |
| Is it my imagination but do tourists’ turn signals all break when they cross the 7-mile-bridge? |
 Altered Realty is my new real estate company. I zap the customer with mind-expanding drugs then I can talk him into buying anything or tell him the cracked foundation is an ‘architectural detail’. |
| [We Solve Murders] By Richard Osman. Solving murders. It’s a family business. Big Pine Book Club February 21 at 10am in the library. Full Menu > Book Club |
 Dead pines nine years after hurricane Irma. |
| [Friday Joke] A man goes to see a divorce lawyer. “How much do you charge?” he asks. “A thousand dollars for three questions,” replies the lawyer. “Isn’t that a bit steep?” the man asks. “Yes,” replies the lawyer. “Now what’s your third question?” |
 [Nuuk, Greenland] The government of Greenland announced on Wednesday that it had begun construction in its northernmost region of a maximum-security prison for pedophiles. The prison, which will house “the worst of the worst,” is a joint venture between Greenland and the nations of the European Union. A Greenlandic government spokesperson, Hartvig Dorkelson, said that the construction of the prison “should not be seen as an act of provocation,” adding, “The only person who could be offended by this would be a pedophile.” Link |
| [Movies] Third tries a charm! Have you noticed that everything in the movies that doesn’t work gets tried 2 times and on the 3d try it works. Car, boat, generator—everything works on the third try. |
 [CNN] I’m sick of Wolf Blitzer and that snow white guy, Anderson Cooper. They remind me of ‘old school’ news. I need new and fresh like on the internet. It’s no wonder most younger people get all their news from the internet. |
| Who wants to return to the time of American Imperialism. Not me. |
 [Socialism] If America seizes Greenland from Denmark, does that mean that all Americans will be entitled to:Free healthcare with no deductibles? A free college education? 52 weeks of paid parental leave? 5 weeks of paid vacation? Because that’s what everyone in Denmark and Greenland has. Both regions also incorporate market-oriented practices, making them not purely socialist. |
| [Big Pine Computer Club] Meeting this Saturday, the 24th. 10:30a.m. at the Community Center, Big Pine Key Winn Dixie Plaza. Full Menu > Ongoing Events |
 [Busted] Bradford Todd Picariello, 65, of Marathon was arrested Monday after he sold a kilogram of cocaine for $10,000 to an undercover federal agent who was working with Monroe County Sheriff’s Office detectives on an investigation into the boat captain. After his arrest, detectives seized about 23 kilos of cocaine, $8,000 in cash and Picariello’s 38-foot boat. Link |
| [UPS Amazon Returns] in case you return Amazon stuff. There is now a do-it-yourself return kiosk at Winn Dixie. But when you prepare your return, you have to decide whether to return it to UPS or WD, and click the appropriate button. I didn’t know that, so I pressed the wrong one and UPS Store kicked me out (Politely!). |
 [Smart Cow] Veronika the Cow shocks scientists by using a tool to scratch her back. The 13-year-old bovine is crushing stereotypes of bovine intelligence. Link |
| [Free Tax Prep] United Way of Collier and the Keys’ Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) Program, which will once again offer free tax preparation services to eligible Monroe County residents during the 2025 tax season. Last tax season, the program helped generate more than $384,000 in refunds. Link |
 Black and White animal kingdom. Link |
| [Friday Joke] A man fishing at a river is about to throw his third catch back into the water when the fish speaks. “Please,” it begs, “spare my E and I’ll grant you three wishes.” “Okay,” says the man. “I wish for a big mansion, a shiny sports car, and a million dollars.” “Done,” says the fish. “Now please throw me back.” The man agrees, tossing the fish back into the river. He then starts to walk away, but then he stops, turns around and says, “Hey, you didn’t grant my wishes!” The fish calls out, “And you didn’t believe I could talk!” |
 [Gov. Ron DeSantis’s Private Army] We’re talking about the Florida State Guard, a paramilitary force “re-established” by DeSantis in 2022, funded by the Florida taxpayers and serving under the governor’s command. Why DeSantis felt the necessity for his own little army has never been made clear, although at the time of its creation, he said he wanted an emergency response force apart from the federal government. Apparently, police departments aren’t good enough. There are about 1,500 members in his force. Video |
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 [Free Lunch] This is some of the food the County serves to the lunch crowd at the Community Center every day but weekends. I think they only ask a dollar donation or very little. The food sucks but it’s a great program and old folks get to leave the house and mingle, other than going to the doctors’. |
| Big Pine Library’s Circle of Friends newsletter. Link |
 [Stupid] “We all are born ignorant but must work to remain stupid” That quote is not attributed to Benjamin Franklin in any of the Snopes Archives. According to Snopes Archives, Franklin was a prolific writer known for his practical sayings and proverbs, many of which are still considered relevant today. However, there is no evidence to suggest that Franklin ever said or wrote this particular quote. The closest quote from Franklin that relates to ignorance and wisdom is found in his 1737 edition of “Poor Richard’s Almanack,” where he wrote: “A penny saved is two pence clear; A pin a day’s a groat a year.” This quote emphasizes the value of saving and being frugal, but it does not address the concept of remaining stupid. Furthermore, there is no record of Franklin ever expressing the sentiment that one must work to remain stupid. Therefore, based on the available information in the Snopes Archives, it is safe to conclude that Ben Franklin did not say, “We all are born ignorant but must work to remain stupid.” |
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| [Friday Joke] A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again. The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. “Hey, lady!” it squawked. “Yes…?” She paused. “You know…” |
| The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 1/22/25 at 8:25 am. |
  [House For Sale] Big Pine Key. 3 bedrooms. 2 full bathrooms. House on stilts over full concrete slab. Bay window in Kitchen plus a pantry. Stainless steel appliances. Plenty of kitchen cabinets and granite counter tops. Dining area/living room. Big front porch. Large, locked storage room downstairs. Covered parking for two vehicles. Central air conditioning plus heat. Back two bedrooms have additional mini-split A/Cs. Very bright and clean and in a quite neighborhood. Laundry area in hallway. Electric bill is about $165 a month. 1125 square feet. $575,000.See Full Offer and a Virtual Tour |