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Published on Tuesdays and Fridays.
(Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days)
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 [Breaking Wind] Which animals can and can’t fart? Link |
| [Days & Confused] Deer Editor: The Friday joke was in the Tuesday Coconut. Was this a test? (Editor: Oops. It’s good to see that someone is paying attention.) |
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| [Loaded Questions] One of the scariest things my wife has ever said to me was ‘Notice anything different?’ Those kinds of questions never end well. |
 [Psychedelics] They don’t just alter your mind—they help you conquer fear, plus they’ re a world of fun. Link |
| [Friday Joke] A nursery school teacher was delivering a car full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close with this comment: “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.” |
 [Moon Rock Theft] Thad Roberts was a 25-year-old intern at NASA’s Johnson Space Center when he promised to give his girlfriend the moon. But unlike so many young lovers before him, he actually delivered on that promise. Link |
| [Captain Doom and Gloom] Olivia, Liam, Emma, Noah are the most popular pet names today. They are also the most used for kids too. Coincidence? It’s not so much that people don’t care how much they use up our natural resources, it’s how they use up the dump sites. Can a man sue his wife for ignorance when she just doesn’t give a damn about anything anymore. How come so many countries don’t have cemeteries? Laziness is best described by those who buy electric yoyo’s. Are the Florida Keys the next Mecca? |
 [Bodies in the Walls] The walls of a 15th-century church collapsed—and out fell 12 hidden skeletons. There might be a lot more than 12. Link |
| [Internet Artifacts] The first MP3 recording. Slides |
 [Flooring Shrinkage] Does anyone know why this popular artificial (bamboo) flooring shrinks? I let it acclimate in the room overnight before installing it, but a year later the end joints are separating. This is not the first flooring this happened to. I tried a different manufacturer and the same thing happened. |
| [Sloppy Police Work] “Just a boating accident.” FWC officer says why body cam was deleted in deadly Pino crash. Video |
 [Games] Here, teach your kids how to kill! Sponsored by your local Military Industrial Complex Psychopaths Inc. and International Marketing Org. Tank Game Download |
| Fun cruise statistics you never knew. Link |
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| Prince Harry accused the Sun of printing story linking him to P Diddy out of revenge. Court documents reveal Harry claimed front page story and other articles had ‘hugely negative impact on his mental health and that of his wife and children.’ Link |
 [AI vs Humans] Imagine, for a moment, a world with no humans. Just machines, bolts and screws, zeros and ones. There is no emotion. There is no art. There is only logic. Link |
| If U.S. nuclear negotiations with Iran fail, the B-52s in Diego Garcia are ready. The U.S. deployed B-52 bombers to Diego Garcia as a signal to Iran that America may commit to force if diplomacy fails. Their presence underscores deterrence despite halted Houthi bombing operations. Link |
 The law does not give the right-of-way to anyone; it only says who must yield the right-of way. |
| Submit a post Contact Us What are you afraid of? |
 [Getting A Tow Bar Off] Any other 2020 Land Rover Defender owners in town? Glenn Petrie is trying to adjust his tow bar as per the owner’s manual but can’t get it to where it needs to be. He can’t even get it off to start over. If you can help, please call 305.555.3019. |
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 [Us Made Successful Contact With An Alien Race] A trove of unearthed government documents has detailed a secret face-to-face encounter with aliens beings more than 60 years ago.More than 50 pages of CIA files, which the FBI continues to say are fakes, claimed that a secret government program established communications with UFOs in 1959. Link |
| [Friday One-Liners] Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder. The older I get, the more I understand why roosters scream to start their day. Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the ‘cool table’ in the cafeteria of a mental hospital. If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon. I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope. Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine. We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended. If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble. We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …..Metamucil and Ensure. Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor. For those of you that don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version…. it doesn’t listen to anything. I just got a present labeled, ‘From Mom and Dad,’ and I know darn well that Dad has no idea what’s inside. The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts his sails. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny. Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.  My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.Exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again. Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. |
| The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 5/16/25 at 8:26 am. |
