2013 September

Friday, September 13, 2013


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(Saturday, September 14, 2013 The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays.)

an_firechief[Extra Fireman Tax] I can not believe that next year our taxes will be going up again to pay one half million dollars for 7 career firefighters at Sugarloaf Fire Station. There is already a staffed station 5 miles north at Big Coppitt and 5 miles south at Cudjoe Key. Why should the taxpayers spend all that money to protect a few houses on Sugarloaf Key when they are already protected? I was told the last fire Sugarloaf had was 18 months ago. What are the paid guys going to do all day since they rarely get a call? Perhaps play cards and watch TV at our expense. I suggest we all write the county Commissioners and complain about this. And if they really had to spend money wouldn’t a fire station on Summerland make more sense? Lots of million dollar homes there and it’s 10 miles from a firehouse.


[Bugs] What can I spray under my house that repels all bugs and other nasties? Can something be sprayed over the entire property to keep insects out? 

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potato-explosion[The Great Potato Crisis] I put 4 potatoes in the oven and at dinnertime I went to take them out and saw that two had exploded. I forgot to pierce the skins with a fork to release the steam. They exploded all over the oven coating every surface with potato mush that baked hard to the interior. What a mess! It took me an hour and a half to remove the crust and two cans of Easy-Off oven cleaner. I won’t forget to pierce the skins ever again. The potato fisco reminded me of another stupid thing I did years ago.

When microwaves first came out I was moving into a new place (an old chicken coop) and figured I wouldn’t need a stove if I bought a microwave because they were being touted as the end-all to all our cooking needs. Yeah, well, I found that you can’t cook a hard “boiled” egg in one. You have to remove the shell. Bam! It exploded inside my new, expensive Raytheon Radarange and scared the hell out of me. I thought it was a small nuclear explosion. The egg baked on the inside of the oven and was almost impossible to remove. I had to buy a stove so I could have hard boiled eggs and meat that wasn’t the texture of rubber. You ever see those rubber chickens in joke shops? That was what the chicken I cooked in the microwave was like.

isaksen-flood 4.23.13

[“College Majors You’ll Regret”] I hope that FKCC gets the point in that link. They still have no idea what the next generation of jobs will require. This is one big reason why enrollment is down 6%. They have no one at the school who could address the future job needs in that link. There is so much potential here but they remain inbred. They appoint a Dean of Science who has no idea what to do and has no qualifications to be Dean of Science. He was chosen because he was the best fit for the school? Most of our faculty did not think so. There is a lot of money from the state and private industries available but we have no idea how to get it. We need new ideas from outside academia or we will die. Proposing a 4-year program in supervision and management is nuts? Note, Marine Science is not on that list.



I was watching one of the first movies starring Roy Rogers and was very impressed with this gun grip made of antler. The craftsman selected a particular piece of horn with the curve just right. What I can’t figure out is how he encased the handle frame. Usually grips show a little of the frame between the two sides. This grip is truly fine craftsmanship.

Lionfish reproduce every four days, year-round. They are worse than cockroaches, but at least, you can eat lionfish. Cockroaches taste mushy and their shells are awful.

The PowerBall lottery is very frustrating because the odds are so high it is better in invest in Iraqi war bonds than play the lottery. It was great when a bunch of people won one million per week. That gave us little people a chance and the taxes did not take it all back either.



A man who crossed the English Channel dangling from a cluster of balloons is trying to cross the Atlantic Ocean. He lifted off yesterday from northern Maine using an inflatable lifeboat as a gondola. I wonder if he filled the lifeboat with helium too.

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[Neil Young and Crazy Horse] God figures prominently in the 1997 documentary, Year of the Horse.  The film chronicles the storied, decades-long partnership between Neil Young and Crazy Horse as they tour the world in 1996. Video (Full length movie)


[Updates] Microsoft has a problem: They keep sending 3 to 4 updates over and over again. They are working on it. Anybody else been getting the same MS updates over and over again? Has your computer been very slow for the last couple of days? Seems like something happened inside MS and they are trying to fix it. (Ed: Ah, is that so? I restarted my PC three times yesterday afternoon until I realized there was something wrong with their updating thing. The notification is still there this morning telling me I have to update.) Link


[Drones] NOAA will test whether an unmanned aircraft system (UAS) can help scientists at Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary observe and monitor wildlife at close range with minimal disturbance, locate marine debris and better understand how boaters use the sanctuary. Video


Catch and release information and instructional videos. Link


There is only one boss–the customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else. Coconuts thanks each and everyone of you for your support over the last 30 years. ~Joe



Look what we made!

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If a god wants to burn you in Hell forever for succumbing to the worldly temptations He created then he is not a truly loving and caring God!
nira tocco realtor 9.12

[Joke Friday] A Husband Shopping Center was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men for a husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.

First floor: the door had a sign saying “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and say “Well that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?”

So up they go. Second floor says “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking” Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what’s further up?”.

Third floor: “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.” Wow, say the women! Very tempting, but, there’s more further up!? And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor: “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on!

So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: “This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping, and have a nice day.” 


[Problem Solving] The easiest and most humane manner to resolve any world issues by world leaders who want to wage war on another country is to have the two world leaders resolve their conflicts in a UFC RAW caged match. The winner takes all. You’ll see how that will change the attitudes and decisions of world leaders. Right in the damn center of the United Nations conference room. I know George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt would agree with me. Since all three were known for their two-fisted brawls.

[“All Christians believe in the fourth dimension”] String Theory: At its core, string theory uses a model of one-dimensional strings in place of the particles of quantum physics. These strings, the size of the Planck length (i.e. 10-35 m) vibrate at specific resonant frequencies. (Some recent versions of string theory have predicted that the strings could have a longer length, up to nearly a millimeter in size, which would mean they’re in the realm that experiments could detect them.) The formulas that result from string theory predict more than four dimensions (10 or 11 in the most common variants, though on version requires 26 dimensions), but the extra dimensions are “curled up” within the Planck length. Open your mind, there is so much more to understand. Have a blessed day.


God says no in answer to prayers of paralyzed little boy. Link

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Johnny Cash passed away 10 years ago yesterday. In 1976 Spire Comics, publisher of Christian-themed comic books, came out with “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash,” which told the life story of Johnny Cash and the start of his musical career, the breakup of his first marriage, his battle with pills, a jail stint, and his eventual marriage to June Carter. Comic book

[“Name That Plant”] There is a wealth of info on this website. Perhaps the person trying to find out what their shrub is, would like to learn more about our local fauna. Check out the Master Gardener’s program; there is a plant I.D. module.  Or take a leaf, stem, flower, sealed & bagged, if possible, to a free plant clinic. See schedule. Link 
tarps bungee cords

[‘Nuts’ For Coconuts] Our crush on the fruit breeds a confusing array of products. Link



[Meanwhile in Hialeah] I get these random photos of how much of a foreign country Hialeah has become. If you say this in a Tony Montana accent you’ll get it.

[Joke Friday] Empathy for a homesick snowbird. I was in Key West the other day and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: “I miss Chicago.” So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, “Hope this helps.”


What’s the difference between a Szechwan pepper and a vibrator? Not much, at least according to top scientists from a prestigious university in London, who claim that the sensation caused by eating the unique Chinese peppercorn feels exactly the same as pressing a vibrator to your lips. It’s not clear what lips? Link




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When is the phone company going to fix these damn phone lines and stop the static BS? The DSL and land line both suck. My cell phone sucks too! (Ed: It sounds like you have service from AT&T. Some areas have static that they will never fix. Switch from AT&T and the problem goes away.)


Lionfish is the new top predator of the reef. Please attend the Lionfish Derby this weekend. Link


[“When I attempt to smile my mouth line is horizontal with no no upward curve”] There is always the “Joker lips” surgery. Link 

[“All Christians believe in the fourth dimension”] If you mean time, then I will have to agree with you. You may want to Google ‘extra dimensions theorized by physicists’. What you see is not necessarily all that is there.


My father-in-law sent a letter to Billy Martin after the Tigers fired him and the Rangers hired him. He wanted to say how they had done him wrong. He received a form letter thanking him for his interest in the Rangers.

floping fish


[Fresh Local Fish!] Springers Bar & Grill at the curve on Big Pine Key. 

Springer’s Bar & Grill has a Saltwater Products Wholesale Dealer License. Whew! That’s a long name and what does this mean? We buy FRESH local fish right off the boat.  Our special today is lionfish or a grouper sandwich or dinner.

Friday Night – Karaoke from 8pm – 11 pm Singing, Dancing, Air Conditioning

Saturday Night – Music featuring Don Chairs

Sunday-  NFL Ticket on a million TVs

[“Pet Peeve”] Overuse of the word “deserve”. We all deserve basic civility and live-and-let-live, nothing more. “Love” and “Respect” must constantly be earned, over and over. “Kindness” comes from a generous spirit and cannot be demanded. That goes double for material things; if you want it, earn it, you do not deserve anything. 
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Poo Pourri. Video

[Captain Doom and Gloom] DEF: Getting Old, The ability to outlast your friends and relatives so you can get all their stuff!
DEF: Blogs n. An electronic outlet to vent frustrations and make one fell important to other nobodies!
DEF: Bugs n. Thingies that make the Keys a hell hole to live in and nobody does anything about.
DEF: Bleeding Hearts n. People who gave up being human and want everybody else to suffer with them.
DEF: Democrat n. A political facade which hides losers from reality and destroys governments by charity.
DEF: Republican n. A political facade which hides losers from reality and destroys governments by wars.
DEF: King n. An in-bred mutant who owns everything, allows his sheep to graze, and shits on a gold throne!
DEF: Dictator n. A would-be ruler who rules by haphazard stupidity and hired militias.
DEF: Mob Boss n. See Democrat, Republican, King, Dictator, Union Leader, Pope, Scout Master, CEO.

religion politics zone

[Obamacare] Looking further into the unions about-face on supporting Obamacare, the union found they wouldn’t receive the government subsidies they enjoyed now that supplement the insurance they provide to union members. They would lose control of all that money and union bosses don’t like that. Come to find out, Americans have been paying up to one third of union member’s insurance for all these years. F**k that! Yeah, Obamacare.

While the Syrian debacle is sucking up all of the political oxygen there are currently any number of other important matters that are worth critical thought. In that regard, it’s nearly incomprehensible, but Obama has now asked Congress not to vote on his proposed assault on Syria. Maybe now they’ll spend their time doing “important” congressional business like taking a vote on Obamacare for the 49th time. Oh, the hard right nuts on on the CT. Sometimes my gut hurts from laughing so much.

[“Quran Burner Arrested”] I bet Hannity and Fox News would let that Florida goofball burn those Muslim books live on Hannity’s show,  probably would supply the matches too.

[Syria] If you missed out on the Cuban Missile Crisis you are in luck now..  This latest Syrian dust up kinda feels the same way.

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The eighth Crusade.

[Syria] Brokering credible relationships with a sovereign state is the mark of a distinguished leader who is taken seriously and trusted by the partnering nations. Eliminating skepticism and disbelief decreases the threatening nature of cultures and ideologies that we’re unfamiliar with.

Unable to infiltrate and penetrate the regimes that ‘cross the red line’, we find ourselves lacking the confirmable intelligence necessary to determine if and how we should respond to the events in Syria. Lacking credible information concerning the splinter groups and outside factions warring  in that nation, we are powerless to accrue real time facts. Just as in Benghazi, we are clueless as to what is actually happening.   

Rather than surveilling Americans, the NSA needs to secure some reliable and accurate information, which authenticates and corroborates the salient details developing in Syria. Without a verifiable and transparent assessment, we haven’t the means to design a plan of action. Our claim to be the purveyors’ of truth and justice does not substantiate an attack.  

Unintended consequences abound once we launch cruise missiles targeting people from a country whom we’re in disagreement with. Only despots and tyrants unilaterally decide to pursue this course of insanity.       

Unfortunately, our government lacks the gravitas and diplomatic astuteness to lead on the world stage when addressing issues of grave concern. Threatening and bullying others, in a neighborhood of bullies, has diminished our stature.

Our capacity to  indiscriminately kill and destroy is infamous (drone strikes, bombings, air strikes, missile attacks, torture, kidnappings, assassinations and atrocities on the ground). It frightens and elicits hate from millions of families. The animus of nation’s injured  by our government’s brutality fans the flames of terrorist recruitment.

The toxicity of this administration’s decisions, as they relate to foreign policy matters, is a grotesque side show entertaining our enemies and destabilizing the world.

Despite the rhetoric of change and a brighter day, this administration composes kill lists, spies on its citizens and looks upon the murdering of children in distant lands as collateral damage.

All that glitters isn’t gold. Our Nobel Peace Prize winner has plenty of blood on his hands.

The New Muslim Order is taking over this planet. As the rapidly growing Muslim population makes its presence felt in towns and cities across the continent, Islam is transforming the European way of life in ways unimaginable only a few years ago. Video

Since Obama took the stand against Syria for using poison gas there hasn’t been another use of that weapon. Not 1 American missile has been fired into Syria from our military. Not 1 American troop has been injured or killed since it started. Syria has said it will account for its weapons and is willing to destroy them after first telling us that they would attack us with all options. Russia was stood down by our President and is trying to save face. Israel has gone on record as saying it would rather deal with Assad instead of another leader in his place because they know him. It appears they will get what they wanted and its neighbor will have to give up weapons.

But the right is telling us this is all terrible news. The American right is telling us these are all parts of a huge defeat. Huh? What planet do you folks live on? Leave it up to the Republicans to grab defeat from the jaws of victory. I expect within a week there will be 1 million Conservatives acting as human shields for Syria.

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” – Sir Walter Scott.
No biggie FTR, we all screw up, righty-tighty or lefty-loosey.

73 percent of all U.S. Afghan War casualties have occurred since Jan. 20, 2009. Isn’t it interesting that when Bush was in office the media would report on war casualties every single day, but since Obama has been in office, they never mention casualties. I’m sure many people think there aren’t any.  In fact, some might not even know we still have soldiers on the ground over there.  It makes you wonder what else the media is failing to report or if you can even trust what they do report.

[Syria] President Obama turned republicans against war. Iraq never had WMD. Bush, Cheney , Rummy and Powell all lied. It was considered un-American to be against the war. But Asaad really did gas his own citizens. And the neocons and teapartiest were against it. Even Israel is providing medical aid to Syrian rebels. You can’t make this stuff up.

[Friday Joke] A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California.
The Captain gets on the loud- hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?”
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, “We are invading the United States of America! to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800’s.” The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter.
When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, “Just the four of you?”
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The rest are already there!”

I want to make sure I’ve got this right. Our liberal friends genuinely believe that it was the KGB Colonel who flinched is the confrontation with the community organizer[?].
from the right

an_king-black2I continue to be astonished at the devotion some CT community members show for Obama.  In many ways it mirrors religious fervor. It seems that to many Obama supporters Obama can do no wrong. They seem to see him as a deity.

The notion that Obama in some fashion impelled Putin to intervene in Syria is absolutely false, and is simply silly.  Putin is a master at political power playing, he saw an opening and seized control of the situation. Putin has scored a massive political coup. In one stroke he stripped the US of its credibility in the mid-east and installed himself and Russia as the power player of the region.

Obamas first plan to assault Syria would have been a massive mistake. It was even a bigger mistake to take the damned foolishness public. He never should have blustered and posed. That cost him and us dearly. An assault on Syria would not have stripped Assad of his chem warfare inventory. Obama initially had decided to ignore the Congress and the UN and simply act unilaterally. He had authority under US law, but the assault would probably been a violation of international law. Then after public proclamation of this plan and public sabre rattling, in a bewildering, even comic series of mind changes he asked Congress for approval. Then he asked the UN for approval. Then he withdrew his approval request for approval from the Congress. Then Kerry declared that the assault would be “astonishingly small”  Obama’s antics prove him to be a weak, blustering fool.

Putin is a predator, and a damned good one, he saw Obama as easy prey. Putin was not a player in the matter, but sensing the weakness of our President and a huge kill of American prestige and credibility, Putin pounced.  Putin holds Obama in deep disdain. Putin won.

If you want proof of that take the time to read Putin’s op ed  piece in the NYT to be found at Link

In that piece Putin lectures Obama on foreign policy and criticizes Obama’s national address last Tuesday by saying: ‘It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional, whatever the motivation….”   On the other hand that certainly seems to reflect Obama’s words and actions over the last 4.5 years. Link 

Putin’s op ed piece taking Obama to the woodshed has infuriated lawmakers from both sides of the aisle. It should infuriate you as well. I’m certainly no fan of Obama, but it really hacks me off  that an ex KGB killer lectures the President of the United States.

an republican floridaPart 2) While our federal government flounders under Democrat control, Florida under Republican governance is doing fine, Our unemployment situation is better that the national percentage, and new industries and businesses are moving to Florida thanks to  a business friendly environment engendered by Governor Scott.

Governor Scott has paid down $3.6 billion of the state’s debt, and paid back $3.5 billion Florida owed to the federal government for unemployment insurance.  Governor Scott eliminated the tax on manufacturing equipment and machines, making Florida companies more competitive with other states and other nations.  Governor Scott has cut over 2,600 regulations, cut property & business taxes, and streamlined the permitting process. Governor Scott cut taxes five times in three legislative sessions for families & job creation.

Governor Scott is dead serious about streamlining government and cutting taxes. The Huffington Post reported that this week about his “It’s Your Money” tour through Florida. In a series of town hall style meetings he is asking business and residents what taxes and fees they would like to see cut. Governor Scott has pledged to cut taxes and fees for the state by $500 million in the 2014-2015. Link

Republican governance works for the people.

In contrast you may want to consider that under the Obama regime, the gulf between the richest 1 percent and the rest of America is the widest it’s been since the Roaring ’20s.


Predictions on global warming trends may not be as accurate as at first their studies suggest.

A new Peer reviewed study in the journal Nature Climate Change looked at 117 climate predictions made in the 1990′s to the actual amount of warming.

Out of 117 predictions, only three were accurate. The other 114 overestimated the amount by which the Earth’s temperature rose.

The predictions were roughly twice the amount of global warming than had actually occurred.

Scientists are now suggesting that such results require a major overhaul in climate modelling and  say the study shows that climate modellers need to go back to the drawing board. Link