2012 October

Friday, October 26, 2012

(No Coconut Telegraph on Saturdays-October 27, 2012)


Let it be known that the Big Pine Flea Market WILL BE OPEN THIS WEEKEND.  Your local vendors will be there bright and early Sat & Sunday.  The breezes from Sandy will keep the no-see-ums away and the blue skies will mean you’ll need your sunglasses from Cheryl’s. If you didn’t party on Duval St you may be tiding up your house and you’ll need cleaning products and household items from Cody’s Discount.

Locals know when to hold them, and when to fold them. No fold this weekend.  See you at the BPK Flea Market – come and visit us!


[“Accident towing a Smartcar that caught fire”] I was there and saw it.  A huge motor home towing a teeny smart car. Both vehicles were totally destroyed by the fires. Plus they left bits of flaming debris on the road as they drove.  Turns out the smart car blew a tire and the motor home driver never even knew it. Drivers could see the moving cloud of black smoke for miles after it went by. Cops chased it, fire trucks tried to block the road, but nobody knew for sure where it was. But the strongest image – the skeleton of the smart car, just a roll car of burnt and twisted metal.  I will never buy a smart car. They might be crash proof, but they burn like tissue paper.

 [“2 dollars an hour plus tips”] It might be helpful for the fellow who claims to have been “in business for over 30 years” here in the Keys to consult the law that he points others to.

Effective January 1, 2012, the Florida minimum wage for “tipped employees” is $4.65 per hour + tips. The federal minimum wage for the same people is still $2.13 per hour + tips. He’s a good man to pay his servers $7.67 per hour + tips — he is not required to do that.



[Pickups Backing into Spots Contest] The winner goes to the guy who wrote that he backs in to help deter the theft of stuff from his pickup’s bed. that was the only reason that made any sense.



A friend told me that she asked Catherine Vogel how she felt about medical marijuana and Ms Vogel said she supported the “concept”. I support it too and we should ask all candidates the question. 

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[Editor Sucks] Deer Ed has changed some of my posts in the past and has screwed up punctuation and even changed what I was trying to say. Overall, I think he does an good job; I think he gets so many posts from poor spellers, rambling drunks, etc. that he needs to rearrange many of them just in order to be able to post many of them. I feel that he oversteps his bounds sometimes, as I feel that my posts are always grammatically correct & don’t need correction. But if you have ever read his days of no-edit posts from a while back, you would understand. (Ed: Thanks Mom, you’re the one person who understands me.)



Why does the Abrams tank use gasoline that burns and requires it to be refueled every four hours when the same tank outfitted with a diesel engine would run for 24 hours without refueling. Aren’t diesels capable of the high speeds of a gas engine? The Abrams goes 45mph.

[Elections] How many of you would like to see “NONE OF THE ABOVE” on all the ballots?



Pretenders in Paradise at the Pier House was cancelled due to high winds from Sandy. Pretenders in Paradise is one of the two main events along with the parade. They’ll be a lot of disappointed people.

Sheesh, it went down to 76º yesterday.




Is there going to be a haunted house on Big Pine this year? 

There is all kinds of fun stuff on back-in parking on the web. Here are some examples.

Why is reverse parking annoying?
1. They never park straight or within the lines.  It’s more difficult to back into a spot than it is to back out of a spot.  Unless you used to be a valet parking attendant, you can’t control your vehicle in reverse as well as you can moving forward.  The result is terrible parking jobs, which perpetuate throughout the parking ramp or lot.
2. Inconsiderate in busy parking lots.  Forward parkers, or normal human beings, must reverse out of a spot.  When they do back out, they don’t back out into oncoming traffic.  They wait until everything is clear, and then they leave.  Reverse parkers don’t care if you wait 5 minutes for them to reverse into their spot.
3. Because it’s almost always someone in a pickup truck.  People in pickup trucks manage to accomplish all the annoying habits on the road.  The sunglasses sitting above the brim of their hat are even more annoying.




Come to Catherine Vogle’s Campaign Party!  

[Make the World Go Away] This was on Letterman Oct. 13. Jamey Johnson looks like someone I would expect to see on the sheriff’s web site for “municipal ordinance” violation at1 Simonton St, but he is a Grammy-winning song writer. Alison Krouse , a 26 time winner, is great. Link

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Hendrix‘s music would have gone nowhere, except maybe into jazz. Stevie Ray Vaughn took the Hendrix style of guitar playing to it’s limit, but he’s dead too. Listening to Hendrix tunes today, some seem almost sophomoric, lacking the sophistication Stevie Ray brought to Hendrix’s style latter on. But Hendrix did invent the style! 

[Flu Shot Clinic]  the big Pine Moose Lodge will host a flu shot clinic on November 10th from 1-3 pm.  Nurses from the County Health Department will be at the Lodge to administer the vaccinations.  The cost of the vaccination is just $20 and is based on a sliding scale based on ability to pay.  No insurance is required.  Protect yourself from the flu this season.  Families are welcome and you do not need to be a member of the Moose Lodge to participate.  The clinic is open to the public as a Community Service.  Don’t let the flu get you this season.  Get your shot and get protected.  (You cannot get the flu from the vaccination.  Modern medicine has completely eliminated the possibility). Bulletin Board


I do not want to work 40 hours a week and have to sleep on a bench!



[Parking] I don’t really care if you park  your giant pickup or SUV frontwards or backwards just as long as you center it in the parking slot so if I have the misfortune of being next to you I can open the door of my car wide enough to get in.

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[Dance Of 1000 Hands] All 21 of the dancers are complete deaf-mutes.Relying only on signals from trainers at the four corners of the stage, these extraordinary dancers deliver a visual spectacle that is at once intricate and stirring. Its first major international debut was in Athensat the closing ceremonies for the 2004 Paralympics.

But it had long been in the repertoire of the Chinese Disabled People’s Performing Art Troupe and had traveled to more than 40 countries.  Its lead dancer is 29 year old Tai Lihua, who has a BA from the Hubei Fine Arts Institute. The video was recorded in Beijing during the Spring Festival this year. Link

Monroe County Sheriff’s office features unsolved cases on Facebook. Link




[Not Funny Enough] Perhaps the poster has lost all his sense of any kind of humor. I admit it was not that funny, it was an old post card from years ago. Perhaps all the pickup drivers who back their trucks into parking spaces, denting up the front grill of all those behind them, so they can get a fast get-away, would love the attached graphic. I’m beginning to think those pickup drivers are everywhere!

Bob Weir & New Riders of the Purple Sage – Henry. Link

What is a local? (Ed: Someone who lives here year round [sometimes called loco])



Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

[Free Bus Rides]  Beginning at 5 p.m. Saturday , allKey Westbuses will be free. Link

[Crooks] sue Bank of America for $ 1 billion dollars over brazen mortgage fraud. Link



NYC Police Officer arrested for planning to cook women. Link

BP claims deadline arrives on Nov. 1st. File your phony claims before next Thursday. Link


[Cocotelegraph funny again] A priest is playing golf and a nun is caddy. Priest misses a shot and yells “Damn, I missed!”

The nun said, “God will strike you down father. Blessed be! … the language!”

The next several holes go by to the same “damn I missed!” Suddenly the clouds stir and spew rain and thunder just when a bolt of lightening strikes the nun dead.  The priest stands gobsmacked when a voice from heaven says, “Damn, I missed”

Political advertisement paid for and approved by Rick Ramsay Republican for Sheriff

It sure is blustery outside.

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Be alert. This world needs more lerts, so be a lert!



Keys GOP ousts Bridges from leadership. Link



How to carve the perfect pumpkin. Link

Commercial from a few years back. I had forgotten the ending so it surprised me! Guess the product. Happy Halloween!  Link



Keys Halloween calendar. Link

[Fill in the Blank] An elementary school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!




Don’t change horses


until they stop running.


Strike while the

bug is close.


It’s always darkest before

Daylight Saving Time.


Never underestimate the power of



You can lead a horse to water but



Don’t bite the hand that

looks dirty.


No news is



A miss is as good as a



You can’t teach an old dog new



If you lie down with dogs, you’ll

stink in the morning.


Love all, trust



The pen is mightier than the



An idle mind is

the best way to relax.


Where there’s smoke there’s



Happy the bride who

gets all the presents.


A penny saved is

not much.


Two’s company, three’s

the Musketeers.


Don’t put off till tomorrow what

you put on to go to bed.


Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and

you have to blow your nose.


There are none so blind as

Stevie Wonder.


Children should be seen and not

spanked or grounded.


If at first you don’t succeed

get new batteries.


You get out of something only what you

see in the picture on the box.


When the blind lead the blind

get out of the way.


A bird in the hand

is going to poop on you.


Better late than




Never trust a man who doesn’t drink.  ~W.C. Fields 



My favorite photo so far this year during Fantasy Fest week. 

[“Pick up trucks backing into parking spaces”] From everything I have  seen and now read, I would consider the people that do not back into their parking space are either lazy or do not plan for the future, and in most cases both.

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The Coconut telegraph has become an important part of my life.  What has happened to me?

I can’t believe it. CNN just admitted on the “The Cafferty Report” that it looks like the Obama Administration has been lying about what they have been telling us about the Benghazi attack. They knew from the beginning that it was a terrorist attack and not a mob attack, remember, they said it was caused by the YouTube video, that took place on 9/11/12!!! A liberal TV station actually saying this, is a major reporting event in my eyes.

They also knew that the Ambassador requested more protection and this administration turned it down. Are you kidding me! Four good Americans died needlessly because the almighty “O” and his buffoon of a vice president didn’t want this to come out before the elections.

Many news reports have come out about Republican endorsed groups that  are planning to intimidate voters, especially Latino voters, on  Election Day. Thousands of flyers have already been sent out to  minority neighborhoods reminding folks to vote on November 8th  Billboards in Latino areas have messages that state that ID is required  when voting, when of course that is not true. Republican groups have  also paid college students to make telephone calls to lie about Obama  and to make house calls with un-factual information. Republicans have  tried their best to cut early voting. There is a video circulating of  Mitt Romney encouraging Presidents of corporations to tell workers to  vote for him. So, how does that Acorn thing in 2008 look to you now?  The Republican Party that sells itself as the family, religious,  patriotic party is nothing but a dirty, lying, hypocritical party!

[“If abortion is outlawed”] All pro-lifers are asking is that federal funds not be used unless the mother’s life is at risk, or in cases of incest or rape. If you want to abort and kill your baby there is no law against you and your doctor making that choice.

The folks that feel that their right to abort for birth control, gender selection, or they just don’t like kids, will never be law.  Once again you and your doctor can make that choice. As for all the rich liberals, they can fund abortion clinics, that’s there choice. You can use them, that’s your choice. I don’t want federal funds use for killing babies for birth control. Unless the mother is at risk or incest or rape is involved. There’s a lot of folks that feel the same way. The lie the Left keeps telling is that Mitt Romney or some other Republican will make you carry a baby to term. Nothing can be further from the truth. I hope this clears up the lie the Left has been telling. Ladies, vote with your smarts, not your parts.

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[Grape of Wrath] September 6, 2012, I  entered the Publix store on Main St in Gainesville to pick up a few items. I gathered my items and went to the 14 and under register to check-out. The person in front of me (a white female, approximate age 35-43, fake nails, big braided hair do, clean clothes, carrying a purse and a plastic drinking cup) put her purchase on the check out surface: 1 grape.

Yes,  that is correct, 1 grape. The cashier  asked if that was all, she replied yes. The cashier then weighed  the grape and told the women the cost was $.02, the  women then pulled out her Food Stamp EBT card and swiped it through the credit card machine, requesting $24 in cash back.

She said this is how I get my free Obama money.  The cashier asked if she wanted the grape, the woman replied no and  the grape was put in the garbage can. The register recorded the sale as $.02 and cash back of $24.            

I asked the cashier what in the hell just happened here? The cashier responded that it happens all day, every day in their store. 

B U C K     O F A M A

[Captain Doom and Gloom] If abortion is outlawed Then the crazy holies have taken over for sure.  Who the hell is anyone to tell another human being what they can or cannot do with their body.  You sick religious bastards will destroy this country with your BS! Mind your own home and leave people make their own decisions.

‘Pickups Backing into Spots’ For Dogs sake, enough with the pick up truck mentality already!

It looks like the rest of the world likes Obama as our President way more than they like the idea of Romney being “The Man”. Link

The purpose of the electoral college, is to keep the largest of states, like California and New York and others from their control. What’s good for Ca. is not necessarily good for the country. 

Solar may work fine in CA, but in Connecticut, Pennsylvania?. Did we forget that the United States is a Republic? We elect our representatives to do the work of the Republic. 



World opinion doesn’t matter to Republicans. It the world gets too much for them they send bombs.

The little-known story of Mitt Romney’s driver‘s “Chappaquiddick” –and his cover up. Link

[Sticks and Stones …] It just dawned on me, that the Romney folks on here are so far down Liars Lane they can’t come back. How did that huge, big, gigantic, steller, astronomical, amazing, in depth, well thought out and earth shattering announcement from the former Republican Vice Presidential candidate The Donald turn out?

Great October surprise: The entire current right wing of this country are the people that make up the Jerry Springer Show.

 From the Right

The Department of Labor released the latest stats on new unemployment claims. The raw data suggests that the number decreased last week, but if you take a peek beyond the curtain, you will find the following quote in the report: “The 4-week moving average was 368,000, an INCREASE of 1,500 from the previous week’s revised average of 366,500.”  The reported number of new filings was 369,000. Deer Friends, that’s an increase of 27,000 from the week of October 6th. Then, if you look just a tad even deeper, you’ll find that the number of new u/e claims is very nearly unchanged since February 4th, 2012.

Part 2) The incredible shrinking Presidency: Recently we’ve been witness to a an assault on the office of the President of the United States. That assault comes not from Romney, but rather by the President himself. During the course of the campaign the President has demeaned the office by engaging in political discourse which would not even be appropriate in a run for the City Council of Key West.  We’ve seen Mr. Obama countenance his surrogates labeling Mr. Romney as a murderer, a misogynist (Deer liberal friends, that means a hater of women), a felon, a rapist of companies, a religious nut, etc. etc.  In the last debate we were exposed to Mr. Obama’s core personality. Really now, do you really think that the use of derisive term “Romnesia” is Presidential?  Deer Friends, that sort silliness is, at best, sophomoric. Obama has reduced himself to playing school yard bully.  In the final debate he revealed himself to be an arrogant and derisive bully. But Obama has just hit a new low. During an interview by Rolling Stone, Obama personally publicly solemnly declared that Mr. Romney is a “bull shitter”.

Aside from the crassness of the comment when publically coming from the President, it is nearly supreme hypocrisy when you consider that it was Obama who first claimed that the Obamacare mandate was not a tax,  but then argued in the Supreme Court that it was a tax. Or his near hysterical insistence that the Bengasi 9/11/12 murders were not terrorism. Or his patent insistence that the Fort Hood murderous assault by a Muslim jihadist, who happened to be a member of the military, was not a terrorist attack, but was only “work place violence”.  Or his promise to shut down GITMO, instead he enlarged it. The list will fill pages.

Certainly we all remember Mr. Obama’s campaign promise to bring civility and cooperation to our governance. He has not simply fail in that promise; the record is clear that during the entirety of his Presidency he purposefully set out to demonize Republicans and Republican principles of governance.

Deer Friends, please carefully consider Mr. Obama’s nomination acceptance speech over 4 years ago. In it he said: “if you don’t have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare voters. If you don’t have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from. You make a big election about small things. And you know what? It’s worked before, because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn’t work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it’s best to stop hoping and settle for what you already know.”  Today, it is hard to believe that those were words of Mr. Obama.

Mr. Obama’s speech could not have been more prophetic. It is a speech which would resonate today if Mr. Romney were to give it.

On September 10th 2009, Mr. Obama said: “… we have to get to the point where we can have a conversation with the American people without vitriol, without name-calling and without the assumption of the worst in other peoples motives.” Once again Mr. Obama’s actions set the lie to his oratory.

The entire Obama campaign has been directed at his base. He has offered no new ideas; he promises only a continuation of his policies that have delivered us to economic ruin. He has recently published a glossy brochure which he touts as being his “plan”. If you take the time to read it you will learn that it is not a new plan, it is a compilation of his stale talking points.  NBC and WSJ have just released a new poll. From that poll, we learn that Mr. Obama has chosen to ignore the fact that 53% of Americans believe that we are “on the wrong track.” 52% disapprove of Mr. Obama’s handling of the economy. It’s incredible, but 62% want major changes in our existing policy.

Mr. Obama’s fiscal policies have damaged America, and his campaign tactics are demeaning to the office he holds.

Part 3) Late yesterday it was announced that our embassy in Tunisiaon September 14th  was attacked by Ansar al-Sharia which is a conjoined twin of AQI. The embassy was set afire and looted. Neither attack was precipitated by the infamous web video. Jihadism and AQI are alive, very well, and growing stronger. Just yesterday 2 more American soldiers were murdered by jihadists wearing Afghan military uniforms.

On the other hand, given what was posted yesterday about my abysmal record of endorsements, I may think about endorsing Mr. Obama…….Nah…