2014 October

Sunday, October 26, 2015

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsAnonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

[“Black Gold at 603 Southard Street Key West”] What a coincidence. In 1997 I was digging footers for a new building in the same 600 block of Southard Street when I struck oil too. After a quick conference with the owners I filled the hole and moved the building 4 feet. Had we done the ‘right thing’ the job would have been stopped for months during the clean up and we all would have been unemployed. Sometimes eating and paying your rent trumps doing the ‘right thing’.
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(Ed: This is the last Sunday edition of the Coconut Telegraph. After 12 years, I need to get some sort of a normal life. From now on the Coconut Telegraph will be published from Monday through Friday. Yeah! yippiee! I’m free!).

The Who – I’m Free
[The good old days] As a Piner I must have missed them. I recall mosquitoes, 50 mile bus rides to school. Castro on TV when you had TV. Marathon or Key West for grocery shopping, doctors, hair cuts, auto parts, hardware–everything! Raping the reef, killing turtles, Jewfish and conch to the point protection was necessary. Water pressure so low a real shower was a treat. If you were there, you know. If you weren’t, you don’t. The good old days, not so much, just old.
Help Wanted. The Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce is seeking a part-time office professional with experience in Microsoft Office (including Outlook), Quickbooks and graphics. Good people skills and knowledge of the Lower FL Keys a must. This position offers a fast-paced, pleasant working environment with a variety of duties including promoting our local businesses to callers and visitors, assisting with events and helping with oversight of the office. Seeking a team member who will make a long term commitment to this organization. Please submit a resume to Classified Ads > Help Wanted
Here are some interesting statistics for bird lovers.
Mourning Doves in this climate can have 6 broods a year!
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Found. Kitten
near Square Grouper, 6 month old female tabby with white socks, white boots and chest.  Extremely smart and friendly, good with other cats and dogs, and loves to go for walks. If no one claims this kitten she will be up for adoption. Please call Classified ads > Lost and Found
Could FTR please give names of all the Republicans he would not vote for, and likewise, the Democrats he would? No fair including anyone who crossed party lines, or saying the list would be too long. He obviously has lots of time on his hands.
Dear Supporters, I appreciate seeing you openly support me in my race for County Commissioner. Not only can I relate to the concerns of the workers in the Keys for expenses such as, gas, food, flood, wind and affordable housing. I am the only candidate that went before the Chamber of Commerce in Key West and told them that the Citizens of this community do not want a Ft Lauderdale, Miami atmosphere here in the Keys. The time for the topic of development (or over development) has come, 20 years to late, but still it has come. If we do not draw a line in the sand and all agree on how much more development these Keys can handle, we will literally be dead in the water — both swimming and drinking.

One of my concerns with development is our water supply. If you heard US 1 Radio Friday you heard that we also have other concerns about our water supply. I am not afraid to say what needs to be said.

I heard the cries of my friends and neighbors calling for a change in their representative, and I answered. Help me to help you. Tell you friends, neighbors, family members and co workers, especially from the other districts, that I am here for them and we need them to help us achieve the change we long for. My opponent has not carried the district he is sworn to serve in the last two elections. He is being put upon us by the other districts that he panders to. Ladies and Gentlemen, this change needs to be made now, otherwise we do not know how much damage can be done in the next four years. Please vote for me Eleanor McAdams Democratic Candidate for County Commission District 2 on Nov 4th.

heart in bloddy hand
Here’s the deal, I had a heart attack 10 years ago, fortunate no damage and 4 stints installed. Since then I take a statin drug and blood pressure pills plus 4 fish oil pills, an aspirin everyday, and I drink one bottle of red wine every day 10 years (Ed: he must mean days) now. All my yearly physicals are perfect on the numbers. So my question is about the wine. I love it during happy hour every day. Am I drinking too much? Is there anyone else out there doing the same as I am? Please be truthful with your answer and don’t guess, it’s my life.
[“Picture of new house on Cudjoe causing controversy”] Wait until it is almost finished and follow the parade of gawkers. I hope you have a strong stomach!
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Does the Tea Party only oppose excessive government spending if Obama does it? I thought they were against all government spending and regulation, local and federal. I’ve been thinking about a post I read last week asking why the Tea Party isn’t against extending the school sales tax that is expiring soon. It would seem the perfect time for them to speak out. Their silence confirms that they are simply anti-Obama and stand for nothing else. It’s a shame because I supported them and feel betrayed.
Consumer Reports votes McDonalds the worst hamburger in history! Link
[Free Liveaboard Pump Out] Changing the behavior of individuals in order to benefit the entire community and the environment is one of the most challenging aspects of government leadership in society. Effective leadership includes developing programs that motivate people to participate in improving the quality of life for all. We have all witnessed this challenging aspect of society whether it is encouraging recycling, lowering use of energy, not littering or polluting near shore waters. One program that bears focus is Monroe County subsidizing the cost of pumping out sewage on live-aboard boats. The goal of this two-year old program was to change behavior by encouraging boaters to participate in the environmentally sound policy of pumping out raw sewage as opposed to dumping it into near shore waters. By the county’s measures, this program has been wildly successful as boats using the service each month increased from 961 in September 2013 to 1,647 in August 2014. In fact, the amount of raw sewage removed from vessels has increased 100 percent from 15,000 gallons a month in September 2013 to nearly 30,000 gallons a month in August 2014. In addition to the obvious positive impact to near shore waters, the boaters served by the pump out program pay for it. This is accomplished as the program is financed by funds from the Boating Improvement Fund that is in turn funded by the registration fees of boats registered in Monroe County.

The county spent $340,000 on this program in 2013 and will have spent $329,000 pumping out boats by the end of this year. So what do county officials want to do with this effective program? How about terminate the program by evolving it to a pay-as-you-go pumping service? County Commissioner George Neugent and fellow County Commissioner Danny Kolhage are leading the effort to implement this change. On the surface, it may seem like a smart idea to require boaters to begin directly paying for the service; however, we are not so certain this is wise.

According to county estimates, the average pump-out cost per vessel is about $19.50, and a boat is usually pumped out every week or two, depending on the number of people living on the boat. Sure, there are boaters who have the financial resources to pay for pump out services. However, we believe that there are also boaters who would forgo paying for pump outs and would begin dumping sewer into the near shore water to avoid paying for the service. We base this observation on the fact that an unspecified percentage of live-aboard boats have become part of the Keys affordable housing stock. Many of the habitats of these vessels are members of the Keys workforce, and are often struggling financially to live in the Keys due to the high costs of onshore housing. Further, the effectiveness of a “free” pump out service program is that it provides a “carrot and stick” reward and punishment policy to enforcement agencies. Instead of tinkering with this program, we believe it should be left intact. If additional funds are needed, a modest increase in the registration fees of all boats registered in Monroe County would be a good solution. Think of it as an insurance premium that is spread across all boaters to insure the beauty of the waters they enjoy

fart boxer shorts
[Cut The Cheese
] I was recently invited to an afternoon cocktail party.  It was a quite fancy affair with lots of munchies, finger foods, fresh fruit and an impressive imported cheese selection.  Soon after my arrival the hostess asked me to cut the cheese.  I figured, “What the hell, it’s her party.”  So I lifted one cheek and let one rip.
What happens after someone survives Ebola? Learning more about patients who’ve recovered from Ebola — as well as people who are naturally immune — could save lives. Link
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who cares26[Who Cares] Let’s face it. Nobody truly cares. We all go through the motions and pretend with the best of them. But do we truly care or do we just grind our own ax? If we the people really cared, would we be in the mess we are in now? Would we seek a JC or some other prophet to expiate for our failings or would we assume responsibility for our own actions? How many among us are truly stand alone beings who march by the rhythm of our own drum? Being sheep and following whoever appears to be right on cue at the moment never leads to self-fulfillment. It just makes us unwitting victims of our own weak nature. Isn’t it time to quit the blame game and honestly look ourselves in the mirror?
[“Remember Cadillac Jack”] Is that Jack Elliot, the musician?
[Google] I was pleased to discover that now, when someone does a search for E-1, or E-One, or E/One, or even their latest alias EOne grinder pumps, there is a very good chance that they will discover a Coconut Telegraph posting right here on (a frequent hit) or they might find the or websites. That will hopefully discourage other utilities from designing around the infernal devices. Or it might encourage other communities to protest their implementation. Since these weirdly designed grinder pumps are being peddled all over the world using slick sales tactics and very aggressive shrewd marketing, this will be bringing worldwide attention to the Florida Keys- and especially Big Pine, since it is after all Consequently, I think it only right and sensible that Deer Ed be given a very substantial Tourist Development Council grant for his contribution to making the whole world aware of the Keys. He could then expand his operation to include one or more really sexy assistants to handle the Sunday edition and perhaps such other services as he might feel the need through the rest of the week.
[40″ building height] They want to raise houses in lower areas to protect from floods (the height now is 30′). While that looks okay on paper, we all know that developer’s lawyers will easily find a way to include new construction into this new elevation of 40′ allowing them to build an extra storey and increase the density and change our skyline forever. Don’t lose sight of the fact that developer’s lawyers are smarter than planning board members who wrote the ordinance.
Do you run Windows Vista?  If so, have you had any problems with thumbnails not working right, like only some files turn into thumbs and some do not?
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To the poster who said “everyone can do what they want on their own property“. I hope a bunch of raghead Shiites park their 1956 trailer home next to your place and have 50 camels shiite all over your driveway and then let’s see how you feel about rules and regulations concern property!
[Free Warehouse Pallets] Approximately 15 pallets located at the Early Learning Center on Big Pine Key, corner of Pond Lane and Key Deer Blvd.
Now we are getting to the bottom of things: “Before Obamacare, there had never been a confirmed case of Ebola in the U.S.” ~Nick Muzin, Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor for Sen. Ted Cruz
Sao Paulo running out of water as rain-making Amazon vanishes. South America’s biggest and wealthiest city may run out of water by mid-November if it doesn’t rain soon. Link
[Vote Yes on Amendment 1] From what I have read and heard, the Florida Legislature kept cutting funding out of the state budget, which was supposed to go to protecting the environment, purchasing and preserving sensitive lands, etc. Florida citizens got tired of that and got the necessary petitions sighed for an amendment to the state constitution, which would stop the legislature from putting protecting and saving the environment last. That amendment is Amendment 1.
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mouse trap
[The early bird gets the worm]  Perhaps so.  But the second mouse gets the cheese.
[Terror] What if ISIS members come to the States infected with Ebola, but not yet showing symptoms. Or, what if they come carrying a vial of ebola, with which they infect themselves after getting into the States?
[Ebola] A doctor from New York recently came back from west Africa with Ebola, and he was wondering why the doctor was not made to wait 21 days before he came back to the States, to make sure he was not infected? I asked why didn’t the doctor make himself wait 21 days, since he was a doctor and he had to know that was the only safe way for him to return to the States? Someone I know said he was a medic in the MPs in 2003, when his US Army unit went into Baghdad. After their tour of duty ended and their were pulled out of Iraq, they were held for a month in Kuwait to make sure they were clean of anything they might have picked up in Iraq, including insects which might be in their clothing or on their equipment. They had to sanitize everything.
Moving Sale today
to 3 pm. 27388 St Vincent Lane, Ramrod Key. Power tools, hand tools, fishing rods & equipment, snorkeling items, gas generator, garden cart, wet suit, electrical & plumbing items, gas cans.
[Religion is Dangerous] 30 of the most violent exhortations from the Bible, Torah and Quran. How well do you know your Holy Books?

1. Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the [holy man] who represents God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged. Link

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From The Land of Enchantment! B-Man & the MizzBeeHavens performing at Boondocks October 28 at 6:30pm. Link
What happened to the python invasion in the Everglades and upper Keys. You never hear about it any longer. Did they move to somewhere else?
A great quip I heard on C-Span today: Roosevelt was known to speak softly and carry a big stick, while Obama is known to speak loudly and carry a putter.
Animal-Classes26Some say there are many classes of people, but in reality, there are only three. The Rulers, the Merchants and the Consumers. There used to be a Military Class, but that has merged into the merchant and consumer classes. The worse sub-classes are the Upper Merchant and the Lowest Consumer classes. Each additional sub-class defines local tastes and hates. Think about it. The Rulers are the controllers of the manufactures and dictate what is to be made and what to sell at what price. The upper classes get the finest of everything. This is normal. If you have the ‘dead presidents’, you can afford to manipulate those who manufacture the goodies, if not you get the scraps. The Merchants control the distribution of the debris without producing anything but profit receipts. The poorest citizens get the lowest rated junk and the military types the kill toys. The problem today is the useless eaters are seeing the light and want what they do not deserve. This is why America is crashing and in fact the world. The peasants are coming! The peasants are coming! If something is not done to cull down the heard of the inept, this planet will die a toothless, unwashed, diseased death form the fungus among us. How can this be done, you ask? Easily, just hand out free stuff that is treated with a DNA chemical sterilization agent. This is humane and will take care of the ineffective the fastest because they are the monotonous breeders and eaters and want all for naught. Save the world, treat the lawyers, priests and politicians too.
[E] Ebola, E. coli, Ebonics, it’s all the same crap to me.
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I remember “Sugar” the Dolphin at the old Sugarloaf Lodge.
The Government is about to issue 30-40 million green cards that are a picture ID (if that can believed). So what is with the people that complain about needing picture ID to vote? Cannot the government issue cards to them for free also?
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
[Government: we’re here to help] EPA sued for approving controversial herbicide; key ingredient found in Agent Orange. Link
My life has become so boring, even the voices in my head are now looking for someone else to talk to.
Monarch Butterfly: A species that our children may never see. Please plant some native milkweed. Link
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The King of a-hole parking!
It appears that FTR finally went off the deep end with, “There are reliable reports that Obama is dead set on granting massive amnesty by executive order.” Posted Friday, without any sourcing.
I used to get angry with his never-ending crap. Later I found it funny, sometimes sad and often plan stupid. But over the years the swelling of his ego, his “humbleness”, coupled with his love of guns leads me to believe we have a very deranged individual that is sounding capable of something very bad. Friday’s post was beyond delusional. Be careful Ed and friends. He needs serious help.
[Under Milk Wood] A special chance to hear the highly-acclaimed 2003 production of this classic ‘play for voices’, celebrating the centenary of the birth of Dylan Thomas. Richard Burton’s unforgettable 1963 performance. Audio
[“Prisoner escape”
] That photo is actually the dog of Nathan Cirillo, the Canadian reserve soldier slain while guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier. It’s waiting for its master to come home.
The Importance of Background and Experience on the Mosquito Control Board by Incumbent Commissioner District 2, Phil Goodman.

The Mosquito Control Board (MCB) has a very important mission that affects many aspects of our lives in the Florida Keys. The life experiences of each board member are very important to our success. The MCB is not an advisory board but makes the final decisions that determine our success or failure. The collective knowledge, vision and experience of that board guide the district in hopefully the right direction.

The Board gives final approval of a $15,000,000 annual budget, offers guidance to the director, who is a scientist, and has total oversight of what is a highly technical organization. Not everyone on the board needs, nor should they have, the same background. To optimally function, their experiences should span a wide range of important and pertinent areas and complement each other. One of our current members is an attorney and one is a pilot. Both of these backgrounds increase our scope. My background as a businessman, developing and managing many budgets much larger than Mosquito Control, my knowledge of the chemistries and technologies we use combined with my knowledge of our local environmental needs also broaden our scope as a board.
Concerning our budget, it is not just a matter of reducing costs or raising taxes, it includes identifying and eliminating waste and shifting that money into killing more mosquitoes. This adds more value to our services and allows us to continuously improve and better control costs. We have eliminated much waste at Mosquito Control in the past three years which has allowed us to offer good service and lower costs. My number one goal is to provide increasingly better Mosquito Control in the Keys but this does not necessarily involve spending more money. It does involve using what we have more efficiently, demanding a return to the taxpayers on what we do spend, and knowing what we are doing. Someone who has never run a successful business will have difficulties to understand this. We have to spend our hard earned tax dollars in the right places. Accomplishing this takes much experience. We do not need to increase taxes as long as we have waste that can be cut; finding that waste is all our jobs. We all know there is a lot of waste in government and Mosquito Control is no exception. It often takes a deep understanding of what we are doing to find it. I had years of experience in finding and eliminating waste in my own company which helps me to find it at Mosquito Control.

Better technology is one of the ways to provide better service and control skyrocketing cost. We must sometimes seek these better technologies ourselves because in a small industry segment like Mosquito Control they do not always knock on our door. A person who has never been in a fast paced technology business will have problems understanding this. What happened on Big Pine Key last year, when we had to curtail adulticide spraying for a year, was a real eye opener and proved this point to many. If we had not earlier expanded into larviciding technology and continuously improved that technology each year, this incident would have caused more problems that it did and it caused plenty. This occurrence is likely to happen again in other areas of the Keys due to ever increasing environmental concerns from other agencies over what Mosquito Control sprays. We must be ready. We have to get better at killing more mosquitoes and impact the local environment less. This is no small order and will require new innovations and much creative thinking from all of us. As a chemist and entrepreneur, I have much experience in this arena.

If the MCB members have limited or no experiences to assist in these and other pertinent areas, we then become a rubber stamp for the staff’s decisions. This was partly the cause of Mosquito Control’s problems experienced only four years ago when the board repeatedly turned a deaf ear to pressing issues. The director, staff and employees are important to our success but the Commissioners alone answer to the taxpayers.

My background and experience is a good complement to the MCB as I am the only one with both a business and technical background. I have used my background and experiences in the past term to make decisions and I have made a difference. We have made much progress in the past three and a half years but there is much more we must do.

I am Phil Goodman and I ask for your vote for District 2 Commissioner, Florida Keys Mosquito Control Board in the General Election. If you have any questions or concerns, please call me at 305-600-8441.

Phil Goodman has been endorsed by the Keynoter and the Key West Fire Fighters.

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from the right
On Friday there was a posting that was nearly hysterical in its condemnation of Rick Scotts Department Of Environmental Protection. And yet the poster’s dedication and obvious belief in and commitment to his or her cause is commendable.

But let’s look just a tad deeper. The poster cited PEER as the source for his/her info. Who or what is PEER? The poster did not tell us.

PEER is an assemblage of largely ex employees of various state and federal environmental protection agencies. When Scott took office he reduced staffing in the DEP. Scott demanded that the remaining staff do more and do it more efficiently. Certainly there are ex DEP employees who are unhappy that they have lost their jobs. PEER professes to be protective of whistleblowers, and brag that they are “exposers” of what they view as being government affronts to the environment. It’s worth noting that none of the stats quoted by the poster have attribution or sourcing. We only know that PEER claims them to be true. PEER is a special interest group.

But, some of the claims may be true. When Scott took office he set about to fundamentally change the process whereby our DEP enforces the environmental laws of our state. In years past, collecting fines was believed to be a measure of the effectiveness of DEP. In many instances those fines may well have been just the cost of doing business. Fines levied by the DEP were a big source of state revenue, just as the speed trap in Waldo Florida was a huge source of revenue for that municipality. Scott set about to end that “speed trap” mind set and refocused the states mission to actually getting compliance, to actually protecting the environment.

Before Scott, if the DEP received a complaint or a company flunked an inspection, the agency would send a warning letter ordering the company to fix the problem. If that didn’t spur action, the DEP would send a formal “notice of violation.” If that failed, then the DEP would take the polluter to court, going after fines and penalties. Scott’s DEP added a new first step: sending “compliance assistance letters.”

Instead of hammering alleged violators, the letters say DEP’s experts can help get them back into compliance. Since January 2013 the DEP has issued more than 800, resolving more than 90 percent of potential violations without taking things any further.

The DEP regulates about 75,000 facilities, everything from wastewater treatment plants to car repair shops to phosphate mines. In 2012, facilities considered in significant compliance with Florida Department of Environmental Protection rules and regulations rose to 94 percent, a five-year high and a four percent increase from 2011. This improvement comes after the Department held more than 600 workshops, compliance assistance meetings and outreach events for private businesses, government groups and the public last year.

In 2013, the number the DEP considered to be in significant compliance with all of its regulations hit 96 percent. That’s 8 percent higher than the 88 percent rate in 2006.

The poster also complained about our new wastewater treatment system. Frankly, I know little or nothing concerning the issue, but I do know that both Florida’s DEP, under Republican management, and the USA’s Environmental Protection Agency, managed by the most environmentally aggressive liberal Democrat administration in history, have jurisdiction and oversight on the project. And I have no reason to believe that either agency has failed to approve the methods, procedures, and the machinery utilized by the project.

Finally, the poster listed a litany of what he/she claims to be short comings in our new system and closed by stating: “You can easily guess why (the reason for the supposed shortcomings).”

No, I don’t believe any of us can easily guess “why.” After all, remediating every single one of the alleged short comings to satisfy the poster would be vastly more expensive than the current plan. More money would be flowing into the hands of private contractors. One would suppose that if there were a corrupt motive, that the most expensive methods would be pushed by vendors/contractors and that public officials would get bigger kickbacks if they were part of a bribery scheme.

There is no doubt whatsoever that Rick Scott is fully committed to Florida’s environmental wellbeing. With his “Let’s Keep Florida Beautiful” plan, Governor Scott is proposing a $1 billion investment in Florida’s waters – $500 million for alternative water supply and $500 million for springs restoration. This plan also commits to continuing the Governor’s efforts for Everglades restoration.

  • Under Governor Scott, the State Budget included more money for Everglades restoration than under Charlie Crist and included the highest state appropriation ever for Everglades restoration.
  • Governor Scott helped to secure more than $23 million to protect the oyster fishery in the Apalachicola Bay.
  • Governor Scott provided more than $40 million for springs restoration, which, with local matching investments, is expected to fund more than $100 million in projects. Governor Crist’s administration invested less than $8 million in springs restoration.
  • Governor Scott provided $100 million to protect the waters and reefs surrounding the Florida Keys. The Crist administration invested nothing in wastewater grants for the Keys.
  • Governor Scott secured the second largest conservation easement in the state’s history – over 21,000 acres.

Governor Scott inherited a state government and an economy that was in shambles. He has done a great job of getting us back on our feet. We leaders in the nation in job creation. With the increase in tax revenue spurred by the increase in business, Scott will be able to accomplish even more to ensure that our children and grandchildren will enjoy an even more beautiful Florida that we enjoy today.

hat tip


Part 2) A huge tip of the FTR fedora to those people who combine exercise with civic service by picking up the trash dropped by troglodytes who toss junk from their cars along our streets. These civic minded people make BPK an even better place to live.



Part 3) A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day. She told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?”

The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time, for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean?”

“Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice.”

“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness. “I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate.”

“Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride”. “You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, that he died as we were checking into our hotel.”

“My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had the marriage annulled immediately and never saw each other again”.

“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.

“That one was a Democrat,” said the women, “and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened!”