2014 September

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsAnonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

atm lights move
[Greedy Crooks] Banks, those thieving bandits, now charge $4.34 for you to get your money from an ATM machine. It used to be they paid you (interest) to keep your money there. If my bank charged me to withdraw my money I’d withdraw all of it and leave it under my mattress. I can see a charge if you use another bank’s ATM, but not if the ATM is owned by my bank where I keep a lot of money that I let them use to make more money for the bank. Service is more than smiley young girls taking your money.
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no-grinder-pumpsI read the posting yesterday regarding how Dump the Pumps was wasting money and realized it was lifted from the five page diatribe that Randy Bell, the Grinder Pump salesman wrote earlier this year and sent to the FKAA and DEP. The posting claimed, Walt Drabinski had no engineering degree. I am outraged and intend to contact the State University of New York at Buffalo, one of the largest engineering schools in the nation, to tell them the degree in Electrical Engineering that they awarded me in 1972 is fraudulent. For forty years, I worked as an engineer, construction project manager, engineering economics analyst, expert witness, and management consultant only to now learn I am unqualified. The writer claims that FKAA engineers have been designing grinder pump based systems for twenty years. I guess the lift stations and grinder pumps that I worked on as an engineer and maintenance supervisor from 1972 to 1977 at a massive power plant in upstate New York and the eleven assignments I had with major water/wastewater utilities don’t count.

The writer also takes a really low shot at a select few members of Dump the Pumps. I have attended many of their meetings and have met scientists, engineers, biologists, lawyers, accountants, teachers, retirees and other wonderful people who actually care about the environment of the Florida Keys, not just meeting minimum state limits. If you have ever met Banks Prevatt, the “realtor”, you will find him to be a man’s man who has undertaken this endeavor for noble reasons. As for the more colorful characters that support a clean environment, really; aren’t we in the Keys? Having an Angel on your side or someone willing to chain himself to a tree on principle as a supporter kind of meets the Keys criteria. I have received calls and met with many FKAA and County employees who are embarrassed by what is going on and who have thanked me and the others for our effort. Were they not in fear of losing their jobs, they would be more vocal.

What has the impact of these terrible activists been to date?   Had we not interceded almost a year and one half ago, we would have 2,800 grinders, not 1,500; there would be no generator connections on the units; the electronic controls would not have been isolated from the toxic fumes; there would be no central alarm system; there would not have been an increase in generator trucks to respond after power outages; and E-one and FKAA would never have acknowledged in writing that the grinder pump units were in fact a hazardous location that must meet National Electric Code and National Fire Protection Association requirements. BTW, rather than retrofitting the units with explosion proof motors, E-one proposes increasing the minimum water level in the tank to 31 inches so that the motors are always submerged and cannot explode. This results in the use of about only half of the tanks capacity, reducing the original one day of storage during a power outage significantly, before the sewage backs up into your home. So what we have is a system that has been cobbled together, will have a long term cost of twice that of a gravity system, and an expected life span of about 25 years unless we get a tidal surge. Almost every grinder pump inundated by the surge from Super Storm Sandy had to be replaced. Imagine another Wilma and having 1,500 grinder pumps destroyed. It will be months before homeowners will be allowed to return to their homes.

I estimate that between 100 and 200 local residents and HOAs have contributed to the various groups fighting this absurd sewer system. Every resident and visitor should first thank them and then take out their checkbook and donate to Dump the Pumps. Residents of the Keys are a fiercely independent bunch and do not take kindly to the County, FKAA, E-one and the DEP screwing up our environment and our lives just to save money for other projects.

lower keys boat rental7.11.14
World Book Club may be a better alternative than the proposed online book club I’ve seen mentioned here. Link
help wanted sm
Part-Time Help Wanted
. Mature woman over 40 that loves dealing with the public, retail sales. Starting Thanksgiving weekend, Saturdays only, 4 1/2 hours, thru middle of April. Please call 305-333-4024.     9/30/14. Classified Ads > Help Wanted
I’m responding to the angry rant against Dump the Pumps that was posted on Monday’s CT by the E-1 grinder pump salesman (thanks for the identifying email address, Deer Ed). Randy is a skilled salesman and great at confidently delivering misinformation, as he did yesterday. Frivolous lawsuit? Would E-One fly in their “world’s best salesman” from Australia to show a 1-1/2 hour sales video to the Judge for a frivolous lawsuit? Would DEP fly in not one, but three attorneys for a frivolous lawsuit? Would FKAA need several attorneys of their own for a frivolous lawsuit? Would the State post depositions online for a frivolous lawsuit? I doubt they did, but that would be good. The true “ace in the hole” that Dump the Pumps had was not some misidentified “disgruntled FKAA employee who was passed over for a promotion”, but was their expert witness Dr. Gunnar Hovstadious, a world renowned pump expert who offered his services for free.

His affluent coastal community in Westport, CT installed less than 150 E-One grinder pumps a little over two years ago. His neighbor’s $2 million house had the entire ground floor filled by many thousand of gallons of other people’s raw sewage after a power outage. The pumps all came on at once, the pressure spiked because of the E-One pump’s unforgiving design, and a hose blew off. The Williams’ home was an easier path for all the sewage to follow than the 3 miles of pipe to the treatment plant. Are we next? Westport has shared the long E-One repair details from the first two years of service . Many of the nearly-new pumps were found with water inside, but we were told E-One routinely blames the customer and dodges the warranty. That is not misinformation and sales talk; that’s fact, and I do hope “the truth will prevail”, Randy. The people that were ridiculed in Monday’s post are putting all that time and energy into Dump the Pumps in love of their community, not for personal gain. They receive none of the donations. Everything in Monday’s rant from the grinder pump salesman was misinformation except that Banks is a realtor and Sloan speaks to angels. The grinder salesman speaks to angels, too, but does not recognize them, so he keeps on lying.

Many thanks to those of you who have supported Dump the Pumps’ very substantial legal fees. They will be needing more to see justice prevail and the environment protected.

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jimmy t
[Jimmy Traficant] As the northernmost chief agent in charge of the matters regarding the Coconut Telegraph in Ohio, I sadly bring news of the death of our own Jimmy Traficant. The Youngstown sheriff who refused any eviction order for a man or woman who lost their home due to the economic conditions in Mahoning County. Congressman, gangster and all around “f**k you Washington” outsider. Man of the people who elected him. Farmer and true Ohioan. We love you Jimmy–you’re hair too!
I remember seeing the video of him getting a DUI in DC. He got out in a 70s bell bottom suit and rock and roll wig. We love jimmy. “Beam me up!” Link
Had not the folks from Dump the Pumps served as watchdogs on the proposed sewer system we would have had a pressurized sewer main running in three feet of water ( or less) ,  from Little Palm Island through an unpermitted pipe that boaters often run over. DEP said that was just fine. Ooops!  Who regulates the regulators? What do you think?  Or what were they thinking?
[Good vs Crappy Soldiers] The US should have spent the last 13 years training Kurds rather than Iraqis. Kurds are the only ones with balls enough to fight a determined enemy. US trained Iraqis drop their weapons and run when facing a foe.
I got a kick out of this cartoon from yesterday. Just remember that when you point a finger at someone, there’s 3 fingers pointing back at you. Oh, wait! You must be one of these people who believe in a god named Jehovah, who no one has ever seen before, yet you believe in him. I get it now
No boots on the ground” In Obama doublespeak that means he signed a deal to leave 10,000 troops Afghanistan. That’s 20,000 boots on the ground no matter how you count!
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[Spies Like US] A phone randomizing the MAC Address doesn’t do diddly to stop the tracking, but a Faraday Cage Bag will. Link
The Citizen Of The Day in the paper features more people who aren’t citizens then are. It appears the Keys are running out of American citizens?
[Gun Nuts] If you accidentally shoot me while defending yourself or defending others I will not be very happy about it.
michael myers  knife slasher
[Gun Nuts] “Terre Haute, Ind. 1 student shot yesterday.” On the other hand, in Oklahoma, authorities say Nolen stabbed and then beheaded the first woman before stabbing the second multiple times. He was then shot by the company’s CEO, Mark Vaughan, who is also a reserve deputy with the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office. Or, as President Obama said, “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.”
[Double Billing] The next battle to be addressed is how are we going to be charged for the water use going into the sewer system. It is my understanding that our bill will be based on total water usage. For those of us with boats and gardens, we use a considerable amount of water there and it does not go into the system. Should we pay for sewer usage when the water is not returning to the treatment site? The installation of a water meter at the boat dock or garden could tell us just how much water is being used for other purposes. This is something to consider.
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bar-stool30[“The manners of some people”] Sir, you were in the wrong and are the one without manners. A patron was drinking and your wife wanted to sit in his seat. So instead of both of you moving to another stool or table you expected the patron, minding his own business trying to get a buzz, to move. This isn’t a bus where most men would give up their seat to a woman–it’s a bar, they serve a drug. People on drugs don’t act like sober society and shouldn’t have to. They make bars so people on this drug can enjoy themselves they way they like it. The sitter liked his seat. He probably selected it before the bar was crowded for a certain reason, his own reason. Why do you think he should move to a less desirable seat so your wife can park her butt? If you want to sit at the bar get there earlier and choose your own seats. Why didn’t you move? Maybe you don’t drink enough to know that accepted barroom decorum is never to ask someone to move. If they offer to move, that’s fine. I suggest you study the effects of alcohol a bit more before complaining about drunk etiquette. When someone asks me to move I get upset as I’m brought out of my reverie the drug enabled. When I see that someone needs a seat I have often moved when there is another choice seat available, but if there isn’t one I feel they should move or stand up or leave themselves. Don’t bother me, I don’t like it. Those of you who don’t drink won’t understand this, but those of you who do will (hic).
Sewers $32 million dollars added to this already expensive project by the misinformation and lies of a handful of residents. Let that sink in for a second. $32 million!!!! Walt Drabinski and his Sir Isaac Newton Coalition, Banks Prevatt and his Dump the Pumps group have added $32 million to the sewer project. 1100 new gravity connections. So, for 1100 residences, the entire Monroe County population are on the hook for $32 million. Taxes are going up. Get ready. And who do we have to thank? Walt Drabinski and Banks Prevatt. $32 million. And they are still fighting to add more. Their response? We have the money. $32 million!!!! Wow. Wake up people.
right turn only30
[Road Signs] At the intersection of Flagler Ave and South Roosevelt Blvd the right lane on Flagler is back to right turn only and the left lane is left turn only. Unfortunately no one seems to be paying attention to the signs
Welcome home Deer Ed. I hope you and the Mrs, had a wonderful time at the wedding. It’s great to have you back. Just in time as I began withdrawal symptoms.
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neverland30Dreamers love to talk about revolution, “cause change” fundamental transformations, progress, etc, but they are the most retrograde reactionaries imaginable.
They want a one time revolution to cement and codify utter stasis.

People who talk about change are scared to death of the creative destruction of free markets. People who worship Darwinian progress, which after all implies millions of extinctions, want to save every single evolutionary cul-de-sac of a species they can find living in some pothole or cave somewhere. Their desire to somehow fix our climate to an optimum they have arbitrarily decided is in all our interests is obvious. Less obvious is their desire for the tranquility and stultifying sameness of socialism, not because it’s fair but because it’s predictable and controllable and therefore not as disruptive and scary. They seek the perennial childlike state of someone else supplying their security while they indulge their pleasures, presumably because they regret ever having to grow up.

These fools of all ages are on a children’s crusade to compel the adults of the world to create an actual real-world Neverland for them where nothing ever changes, they’ll never age and they can pretend they’re somehow going to be the magical ones picked by fate to cheat death

[Sewers] Three way valve. Great idea but why bother even suggesting it? This thing is way past that — I mean logic.
euro rotate
[“Euro exchange rate”] In Jan 1999 the Euro was 1.1789 USD, today it’s 1.2701. Why are so many folks posting things when they haven’t done the most basic of fact checking? Glad to have the CT back, sorry the uniformed are still here. Maybe we make everyday ‘joke day’, that’s the best part of the CT along with all the local insight on the Keys.
[Confusion Reigns] I’m not understanding something. I opened CT on Sunday and I know that Deer Ed has been on vacation for a few days. How is it that there are posts referring to birds (“Name That Bird”) and a post referring to the State Attorney regarding Precise Auto on Sugarloaf (“Mechanic”) and there are no previous CTs that were online.  What are you posters referring to? what are you looking at that I, who just opened the first CT after Deer Ed’s return, am not seeing? (Ed: The mess up is entirely my fault. I had hundreds of post all mixed up and I just found another bunch from Sunday. I’ll have this mess cleared up within the next couple of days at such time I’ll be posting the usual zed mess.)
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johnny winter30
[Barroom Etiquette] The clueless guy complaining about a guy not giveing up his barstool so his old lady could sit on it reminded me of the only country song blues legend Johnny Winter recorded.

Johnny Winter — Ain’t Nothing To Me

I have resigned myself never to buy anything from TV advertisements making white people look like smacked asses.
[Chris Bull: Running for Marathon City Council]
1. Short Bio: Been living in Marathon 15 years full time.  Known Marathon since started visiting at 7 years old. I am very involved in the community.  Wife is Cindy Durkin. Children-Riley (19), Regan (16), and Lindsay (10). Mom-Dottie Mattern. See link for more info.
2.  What are your three priorities for the city?
Improving quality of life by managing new development responsibly, improving City parks and rec facilities and completing City projects like City Hall and the Aviation Blvd bike path.
Keeping focused on cost of living issues like affordable housing, City spending, supporting FIRM, and securing state & federal funding for local projects.
Moving Marathon forward through positive programs like Marathon Proud, discussions to plan for Marathon’s future and voting for what’s best for our community.
3. What are your thoughts about a city swimming pool built in conjunction with the schools or without?
The discussion should be had with the School District on the Manor property.  It is an underutilized asset for our community.  We (the City, School District and community) should see what the options are and decide what would be best to have there.
4. What do you think of retaining Mike Puto for City Manager?
Mike was gracious enough to be our City Manager when Roger left quickly.  He has empowered staff and City Hall is a much better work environment as a result.  His local knowledge and being the public face of the City is unmatched.  He, as we all do, has weaknesses that hurt him in getting the job done overall as City Manager. Mike is diligent in trying to do the best he can in the job he is in.
The Council decided to make a decision about Mike this January.  Until then, I am focused on the budget, the City projects, Marathon Proud initiative, long range planning and doing the day-to-day Councilmember business.  Regardless of the politics that might happen as a result of the election, Mike is a good guy to have on Team Marathon.
5. How is the construction of a new city hall going?
On schedule!  $80,000-100,000 was saved by using the dirt that was a byproduct of the DOT projects.  We redesigned the project to serve the community’s needs, be energy efficient and be within budget.  Bid opening is in a couple of weeks and we will award the contract within a month
Do you have a match to this table lamp? I would like to buy it if you are willing to sell it. Classified Ads > Wanted
It hurts when you grow up to find out all your super heroes and beautiful leading ladies are mostly bent, weirdoes, sicko’s, dead or should be! Nothing is sacred in show business, that is why they are called actors. Hide in plain sight and get paid for it!
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pizza-smile29Happy Tuesday from Springer’s Bar and Grill.
Tuesday special: $10 – 2 topping pizza
Wednesday special: hamburger steak with onion mushroom gravy
Thursday special: shrimp po’boy
Friday special: Parmesan crusted mahi mahi
Happy Hour 2-7 daily with great drink specials and happy hour menu.
There’s always something special at Springer’s
We went to see the Coconuts Bocce Team play at the park last night. What a nice park. What a fun night. Piners rule!
Am I wrong or did the County Commission just vote to almost double the sewer permit fees just when we are going to be hooking up to the new sewer? Fixing our building department is easy–privatize it!
hong kong flag2
When Great Britain ceded control of Hong Kong, the great financial center of Asia, most Sino watchers doubted China would abide by their promise to keep out of Hong Kong’s politics. That skepticism has materialized this month when China limited the number of candidates running for office to 3 and said they would have to be approved by Beijing. Citizens are now protesting in mass numbers in the streets of Hong Kong. Can you spell Tienanmen Square? Link
Ms Pierson, the head of the Secret Service, is getting her ass reamed by the committee investigating security breaches at the White house and justifiably so!
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fly-swatter-ouch[“Mosquito Control’s Mr. Smith criticized other board members for not routinely attending state wide conferences.”] The only thing conferences are good for is they look good on resumes and they are a lot of fun at the taxpayer’s expense. Conferences are mostly just bs at a fancy resort. Half the attendees don’t even stay for all the programs, they just sign in and then go to the pool or bar. I’ve been, I know.

Smith’s idea to have two headquarters is another way he wastes our money. Get rid of him. He’s been there too long and thinks the money’s free for him to use. He’s lost his perspective. Goodman is the one we should elect. He’s cheap with taxpayer’s money and he knows how to kills mosquitoes without going to expensive conferences.

[“Recycle bins”] I don’t get the poster’s beef with WM on the new bins. They have lids and wheels, previously we had baskets with neither so the new bins are much better protection from key deer. I also don’t know why they’re putting trash in a recycle bin. Seems like people always like to find a way complain and that’s so sad.
[Random Thoughts] The oval sign on the side of the road mark highway fatalities. The sign are intended to raise public awareness for highway safety.
Thank you for the information on fly fishing, I will definitely get the book you mentioned.
The guy who complained about the person next to him not offering his seat next to him to his wife and she ate standing up – why the hell didn’t he offer his seat to his wife or get a table? # dumb ass.
Ed, very glad you’re back
law book
Dear Counsel
, I wish to inquire for your legal services and possible representation on a legal matter involving failure to fulfill contractual obligations. Please do let me know if your office is currently accepting new clients. (Ed: We are not accepting new clients at this time.)
For those who don’t want to think about the potential environmental disaster the grinder pumps could cause there are economic issues you may not have considered.

Some simple math for those who don’t think the grinder pump issue will affect them. The life of a grinder is pump is approximately 10 years (I’ve read 5-10, 7-12, etc, but most agree 10 years is a good figure). If the grinder pumps cost approximately $6,000 and they install approximately 1,500 of them, and they have to be replaced every 10 years, then that will be cost of $9,000,000 approximately every ten years. (This doesn’t even take into account the cost of maintenance over that time.) A gravity system has a lifespan of between 60-100 years, so pumps will theoretically have to be replaced at least 10 times over that same period of time.

The infrastructure tax we all pay will fund the initial cost of the cheap grinder pump system, but it will not pay for the extensive maintenance and replacement costs. Guess who will get to pay for that? If you guessed you and all your neighbors then congratulations. Because they can go cheap on the front end, they will have to pass the extra costs to all the FKAA customers, so expect some hefty increases in your bills in the not to distant future.

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[Film Scanner] 35mm Film Slide & Negative Scanner. Link
[Funny] Indian guy robbing a bank. Video
John Cleese: FOX News viewers are too stupid to realize that they are stupid. When I read this I was sure they were talking about FTR. If you read his blather it is right on point. Link
[“Christian Nation and Idols”] I think you need to get your facts right as you sound quite prejudiced and bigoted. Muslims don’t behead people, the extremists do it. Don’t judge a population of 1.6 billion by the actions of .001%. I think any religion has the same problem with extremists.
Links to Federal and Florida medical records laws. You might want to keep these in your records. Link
[“I guess the coyote has been left to guard the hen house”] That’s a FOX.
[Trash bins”] If you spray your garbage, recyclables and cans with a bleach solution, the deer won’t go near it. I just use cheap kitchen or bathroom cleaners, with bleach, and never have a mess to clean up. No garbage belongs in the recycle bins to entice deer.
Deer Ed, Welcome back!  It was a very long 9 nine days without the Coconut Telegraph. I’m hooked!
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from the right


YESTERDAY A POSTER WROTE: “[Gun Nuts] Police say 15 people have been hurt in a shooting at a Miami nightclub and that the youngest victim is 11 years old.”

FTR’S RESPONSE: Thank God for legal gun nuts. Just the other day an armed citizen saved a woman from being beheaded in an act of jihad terrorism. A Muslim fanatic had already severed the head of one woman and was beginning his work on a second when he was stopped by several well placed pistol rounds fired from a legal handgun. By the way, what in the hell was an 11 year old doing at a night club?



Part 2) Mr. Obama’s refusal to accept responsibility for error knows no bounds. Now he is blaming his feeble and very late response to the very real threat of ISIS/ISIL and jihad terrorism in general to a failure of his intelligence services. This in spite of statements by his confidants and others, that he had been fully briefed by our intelligence services about the genuine gravity of the threat more than a year ago. Obama’s ego and arrogance knows no bounds, and presents a real danger to our national well-being.

The administrations absolute refusal to call a spade a spade is dangerous and shocking. It is a complete mystery as to why they refuse to identify the Ft Hood multiple murders, and the Oklahoma beheading, and the threat to behead another woman in Oklahoma, all by radicalized Muslims, as acts of terrorism. The truth is we are at war with Muslim fanaticism. Nonetheless, for strictly craven political reasons, Obama refuses to acknowledge it.

Part 3) Check this out, but be sure to be sitting down, it may shock you. Link