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![]() ![]() ![]() There was so much water for 5 days that my neighbor, 2 acres away, was flooded too, and complained to FKAA. His property is also coated in marl powder, slime, and muck. |
![]() Then it took two more months before the repair was made. Again, I had to pay half the cost before he would come. For three months my 93-year-old legs had to struggle up and down the stairs. Every day I get a little less able to do that. You people sell a product, but you are also a service industry. An elevator may be a luxury for some, but it is a vital necessity for others. When my air conditioning fails, the company sends someone out the same day. If a part is needed it is usually on the truck, or arrives the next day. I know that you have clients who are worse off than I am, but that doesn’t mean that I deserve this kind of neglect. As if I’m not ticked off enough, here’s what really enraged me. The day after the repair was done, I received a bill for the balance. That shows that the billing department is on the ball while the repair department twiddles its thumbs. While I am not in the habit of not paying my bills, I believe it is only fair that they should be made to wait as I was forced to. That’s why I haven’t paid yet, and I haven’t decided how long to wait. Do you think that three months would be long enough? |
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[Friday Joke] I recently spent $6,500 on a registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway…I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young. So he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine! I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kind of taste like peppermint. |
![]() [Sick Deer] This deer is the first one I’ve ever seen with these giant, thick moles on its skin. The poor thing. |
[Nine Question Quiz for People Who Know Everything] 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2.What famous s North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them. 7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’ Answers: Link |
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[Movies] The guy asks badass Riddick (Vin Diesel) about a si-fi motorcycle, if he thinks Riddick can ride it and Riddick says, “I’ll ride it like I stole it.” |
![]() [French Toast] You can use white sandwich bread, but French toast also works well with other loaves, including brioche, challah, cinnamon-raisin, whole-wheat, French, even sourdough. Link |
[Friday Joke] I went to the doctor today. After having to choose a new primary care doctor, I was curious. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking her, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85?’ She asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?’ ‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either.’ Then she asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’ ‘I said, ‘Not much. My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy.’ ‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’ ‘No, I don’t,’ I said. She asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’ ‘No,’ I said. She looked at me and said, ‘Then, why do you even give a shit.’ |
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[“USFWS clears endangered species habitat”] They destroy native plants that we all love but won’t kill the invasive Australian pines that are growing all over the refuge that everyone hates. |
![]() Please, stop with the over-protections you’ve been fooled into believing are in the best interests of our country – they are not; especially when combined with the greedy habits of those profiting from the reductions in common sense regulations in place for the good of many of us |
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I am sleeping, don’t wake me. |
[In The Eye of The Beholder] I took the mandatory, hour-long HR, Sexual Harassment and Bullying class for work today and my son said, “No offense, but who would sexually harass you at your age?” Ouch! |
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Beer, the most important meal of the day. |
[“Sargasso seaweed picture”] I bet the sea lice are having a field day with that lady who walked through the Sargasso weeds! |
![]() [Computer Club’s next meeting is today, Friday, Mar. 24 at 10:00 am at Blue Heron Park. Need tips on your cellphone or apps?Full Menu > Ongoing Events |
[“USFWS Clears Endangered Species Habitat”] When the junta wants more profit from low rent housing, what have they always done? The Keys’ days are numbered as we old locals knew way back in the 60’s when the greedies attacked and took over the local government and merchants. Next will be digging the waterways deeper for the yachts and toys. But that will be after the holly rollers take the islands and reduce the values to zilch. We should have cut the bridges years ago! |
![]() Engineers created a paper plane-throwing bot to learn more about flight. The bot made and launched more than 500 planes with dozens of designs. Here’s what happened… Link |
[Oh! Oh! Department] Woman shot a Key Deer. She said she killed suffering Key deer to put it out of its misery. Wendy Kilheffer, 77, of Big Pine Key was facing a year in federal prison for what local environmentalists said was the mercy killing of a suffering endangered Key deer in November instead was sentenced to a year of probation and fined $4,000 this week. Link |
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Waffles are just pancakes that are ribbed for your pleasure. |
Friday Joke] I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.” And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. |
![]() [“Cats”] Thankfully all my cats and dogs were just satisfied to be the Kings and Queens of the house. |
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 3/24/23 at 8:59 am. |