2023 March

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

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[USFWS Clears Endangered Species Habitat] The management of the National Key Deer Refuge is continuing to clear globally imperiled pine rocklands.

In the last few weeks, USFWS has cleared more land in a national wildlife refuge for no apparent reason. No one can tell you why this is being done or who has authorized this action which is at odds with management of endangered species. The Endangered Species Act says USFWS is to “ensure that actions…do not result in destruction or adverse modification of designated critical habitat of such species”. The agency that is entrusted with the protection of endangered wildlife is clearly the one that is most actively threatening their existence here on Big Pine Key. In 2006 Monroe County and USFWS agreed to an HCP for Big Pine Key. This Habitat Protection Plan stated that no more than seven acres of habitat should be cleared in the next twenty years (to 2026). Since 2015 the management of National Key Deer refuge has cleared more than 150 acres of what was pristine pine rocklands habitat.

These actions have resulted in the destruction of thousands of hundred year old Key Thatch palms. Leucothrinax morrisii, an important food source for Key deer and many species of birds. Dozens of other species have been destroyed in what is clearly a violation of the ESA and the HCP.

Barney Fife in drag in 1962. Obviously, he groomed an entire generation. Just look at all the adult fans of The Andy Griffith Show.

The Marathon government chose to use our Infrastructure sales tax money, that had been collected since forever and was recently extended by our voters, to give to the state of Florida to repair the state’s old 7-mile bridge. Hey folks, the bridge doesn’t belong to Monroe County, it is owned by the state of Florida. It should be noted that that old bridge is the City of Marathon’s #1 tourist attractions bringing in millions of dollars to the city.

That Infrastructure sales tax, which we all pay and will continue to pay until the end of time, should have/could have been used to build a first class senior center for the people of the lower Keys. Never fear, the Marathon government will see that the Lower Keys gets more glitzy parks and swimming holes that Seniors can’t use anyway. Until the voters get district only voting, nothing will change. Our Commissioner will again be another City of Marathon resident. I’ve been here too long to see anything change for the benefit of the taxpayers.

[Bones and Plastic] Future archeological findings in Florida.

Harry Truman quotes that will change your life. If there was one thing that anyone could take away from Harry Truman, it would be to remain hopeful, even when things don’t seem like they’ll ever get better. Link
The Big Pine Computer Club is pleased to announce that it has resumed its twice monthly meetings. It used to meet at the Dallas Macdonald Senior Center before the building was condemned after Hurricane Irma. The group now meets the second and fourth Fridays of each month at 10am at the temporary location, the blue building at Blue Heron Park,  30451 Lyttons Way, Big Pine Key.
The aim of the Club is to provide help with computers, cellphones, texting and tablets. Total beginners, as well as experienced users are always welcome. It is essentially a self-help group, as members attempt to help one another.
The Club has no fees or dues. There is free wi-fi at the building.
The meetings are listed in the Senior Center’s monthly calendar which is available the Lyttons Way location, Big Pine Chamber of Commerce, Big Pine Library, and online at’s Ongoing Events.
The County just announced that it has rented space in the Big Pine Shopping Center for a 2,422 square foot facility that will serve as the senior community center and senior meal site.  The Computer Club will move to that permanent location within the next few months, as soon as it is available.
For information call Lou 305-745-2864 or Arlene 786-492-2530.

Proud parents.

[Dirty Jobs] Mike Rowe has made his name being a dirty, dirty man. Go ahead and get your head out of the gutter — we’re not talking that kind of dirty. Rather, Rowe was the ever-agreeable host of Discovery Channel’s “Dirty Jobs” for eight glorious seasons. Before that he was an opera singer. Video


It looks like she has a rectum on her face.

County Government is just as worthless as the Federal government. They allow us to think that our vote really matters. The only thing we actually have is the ability to speak out against the government and do so without getting shot!
google glass
[Google Glass] The invasive spy tech is finally shattered. 10 years after its debut, Google finally shutters the headset for good. Link
I’m watching this show for like, 10 minutes, and the lady is listing all these really great things la do. l then I realize it’s the Religious Channel and she was listing sins.


[“Lung help for smokers”] They say pineapple is very good for damaged lungs. Eat it, don’t smoke it.

Courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. And that’s why life is hard.
[Swimming] The County just built a beautiful multi-million dollar swimming park on Big Pine Key. Now that want to build an artificial pool on Big Pine. When will it stop? Will they build a golf course next? I’d rather they fix the 3 big sinkholes on Key Deer Blvd near US1.
[“Big Pine Key Senior Center”] The poster was correct that the County has been lying to us about the demise of the Senior Center. The lie they tell is that the spalling damage is too great to fix. That is a lie. I tried to tell the County 10 years ago about the spalling that was just starting and would be cheap to fix if caught in time, but the fire department wanted that property so they could turn their truck around more easier and have more parking. The goal was to let the spalling advance to the point of no repair. And that’s what happened.

[Cats] Owners of dogs will have noticed that if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] The best and most reasonable prices in the Keys can be found in any brothel that’s been in business for more than ten years. The newer brothels, like the hotels and newer bar-chains are way too expensive for what they offer. Like most tourist traps, Key West is the epitome of this.
[Captain Doom and Gloom’s Brother] When are they going to build more low-income housing in the Keys? The Keys are perfect for this because the waters are shallow, and the big boats cannot get in here and neither can the rich! If the Keys turn into a religious retreat as planned, which religions will take control and will the State fund their efforts?
[Cozy Mysteries] There is a sub-group of murder mysteries where there is romance but no sex, and murder but no violence. The genre is call “Cozy” mysteries. They are target to older people who have lost their libido. Agatha Christy’s novels are one example. The cozy mystery usually takes place in a small town or village. The small size of the setting makes it believable that all the suspects know each other. The amateur sleuth is usually a very likeable person who is able to get the community members to gossip freely about each other. Link
[The Orgasm Gap] Don’t equate sex and penetration. In heterosexual sex, men climax more than women. But when we focus solely on the big O, we can miss other forms of sexual pleasure. Link

[‘Tis the Season] I didn’t realize it was bank collapse season already. I still have my train derailment decorations up!

[Censorship] Screenings of Winnie the Pooh horror film cancelled in Hong Kong. Link
[Sargassum Seaweed] Florida is bracing for a massive, smelly load of seaweed to wash upon its shores. The brown seaweed is expected to start piling up in the Florida Keys in the next few days, with Miami Beach expected to become a hot spot later in the sargassum season, which runs from March through October. The Gulf Coast of Florida could also see seaweed. It tends to have a nasty, rotten egg smell and can sometimes cause health problems for people with chronic respiratory conditions. Link
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 3/21/23 at 9:14 am.