2015 September

Saturday, October 31, 2015


Since 2002. Published Wednesdays and Saturdays

national politics an(Click here)
marbles eyes

Lose your marbles? We did too. Don’t worry we can get more at the Big Pine Flea Market. Our new website is We are open Saturday and Sunday 8 til 2. Come on in and meet new friends and get the freshest produce around.

Deer Editor, I want to personally thank you for your generous promotion of my book, Maya, in the Coconut Telegraph. Providing the link to the Kindle Scout web site was above and beyond my expectations. I also wish to express my gratitude to my friends and neighbors on BPK and the Lower Keys for all their support of my endeavor. The book is now listed as “Hot and Trending” thanks to you guys.
A re-issue of my first novel, Toni, will soon be available on the regular Kindle site. I’ll let you know when.
Again, my thanks and heart felt gratitude goes out to you all. Yours truly, from here at the end of Key Deer Blvd.  ~Sean Pall (Link)
trick or treat elvira ghost


Halloween Costume Party Tonight at the Nut! Coconuts Halloween Party. Costumes! Happy Hour Drink Prices! Starting at 8 pm tonight, Saturday, Halloween and will go on forever!

[Don’t Feed the Iguanas] 500 iguanas swarm man for food. Video
not me ghost[Don’t Blame FKAA]  It’s not the FKAA that decided to select 3000 units to be installed in the lower Keys. Monroe County, with the 3 to 2 majority of the BOCC approval, directed, authorized, and approved payments to the FKAA to make it happen. And what about these extorted easements? An FKAA official commented that the FKAA would just as soon put the grinder pumps on the road but Monroe County will not authorize and pay for the traffic bearing cover and electricity to run their pumps. So taxpayers, it’s the Monroe County Government and especially the BOCC that is behind all this. Does anyone care?
Who was it that pushed for the shallow wells at Cudjoe, to save money? Doesn’t seem likely that it was the FKAA, they’re only a contractor doing the owners’ (BOCC) bidding. It seems likely they’d go for the deep well because they could make more money that way.
[“Non-service connected pension”] I was in the Army National Guard on active duty for six months minus 3 days. I then went to meetings once a month and two weeks of camping every year for another, almost, seven years. Do you think I’m eligible to get some ‘Non-service connected pension’ help? I don’t think I should get anything for being in the National Guard and not ever being deployed, but if they think I’m eligible, I sure would appreciate the extra bucks.
windows 10 logo

[Get Windows 10] Download 32 and 64 bit versions. Link

Does anyone remember Justin the Big Pine Boat Mobile Mechanic?  He was as big as an ox.  A friend of mine wants his services but I can’t seem to contact him anymore.
spank with spoon

[School Spanking] The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office is now looking into allegations that a substitute teacher at Sugarloaf School spanked, kicked and used profanity on a student. I don’t know about this incident, but I do know that sometimes kids need a good swift kick in the ass to teach them. Their parents don’t do it and someone should. My Marine friend always use to say, “Pain is a good teacher!”

Why do you think minorities are so defiant and won’t follow a cop’s instructions and end up getting beaten or shot? It might be that no one’s ever told them to obey the authority’s instructions even when the cop is wrong, especially if that cop has a gun.

Since when and how does the 55 years I involuntarily donated to the Social Security scheme now become a benefit that I’m receiving from a gracious government? These people are incredible! And we keep reelecting them.


[“Bacon causes cancer”] They can have my bacon when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!  You’d better start hoarding bacon before Obama comes to take it away.

With all the current global awareness of the water challenges we are all facing on the planet, it’s time the rest of the world figured out what we in the Keys have known all along, which is:
In the land of sun ‘n fun
we don’t flush for number one
But we do for number two
’cause we don’t want to look
at your do-do
And as for the paper, please,
put it in the basket so it
will go to the dump
Not in my toilet, where it will
mess with my grinder pump”

lemon juice8

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dish washing liquid contains ;real’ lemons?

[More FKAA Screw-ups] I looked at my FKAA water bill online today and discovered my last payment was credited against last month’s bill properly and also show it as due again on the current billing. FKAA is showing an automatic debit scheduled from my bank account for the current billing cycle that includes the current charges and the past month’s charges which were paid. My records show FKAA received the last month’s payment by bank transfer 8 days before the latest bill was prepared.  The FKAA web site states the amount scheduled for bank debit may not be correct, however, in looking at my past bills this is the first time I see this double month happening.  What is FKAA up to?  Is this an administrative oversight, a computer billing error, or is FKAA looking to “accidently” collect for a prior paid bill and not correct their mistake until customers complain.  Are they that desperate to collect extra money.  Is this another scheme like inviting customers to connect to the sewer system within 30 days so they can start charging for the infrastructure regardless of your connection status?  Check your bill and make sure you are not being charged for a past bill you previously paid.  I fixed my problem by stopping automatic payments and will only send FKAA the amount for current charges.  Until FKAA demonstrates to me that they can be trusted they will no longer receive automatic payments from me.
AARP’s November calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events


There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.

The incompetence of our county’s administrators (both elected and salaried) is encyclopedic.  They ran off Stand Up for Animals (SUFA) because they believed them incapable of appropriately handling their finances and replaced them with an organization that cannot run one shelter for the same amount of money with which SUFA ran two shelters!
[Meetings] There’s another meeting tonight, Thursday, about sewers. I tend to think that all these sewer meetings over the past ten years are designed to wear us down. Those calling for all these meetings are getting paid to do it. It’s to their great advantage to have a lot of meetings. Also with all these meetings, the FKAA knows that there’s less attendance and the FKAA will eventually get its way if they eventually have enough meetings and no one comes.
Elvira-and-CheechYessir, it’s Hallow’een and that means it’s my Annual Elvira Edition. YAAAY! I was living in Los Angeles when she first went on Saturday midnight UHF-TV with “Elvira’s Movie Macabre” (sponsored by Cal Worthington Auto)
Here’s the opening from her 1st show:I’m an official card-carrying founding member of the Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark Fan Club. That was 1981. Cassandra Peterson’s life story is fairly remarkable. She was the youngest showgirl in the history of Las Vegas (lied about her age). Dated Elvis. And had sex for the first time with Tom Jones (yes,that Tom Jones). As Elvira, she established and has retained all intellectual properties relating to her Elvira persona. She has her own brands of wine, beer and sodas. She does an annual Halloween show at Knott’s Berry Farm and is partners with Stan Lee. Together they own the series of “ComiCon” shows. She just turned 64 and still looks terrific! VideoElvira Pumpkins
[Microaggression] Wednesday’s CT had a comment about something called a “fatberg” that was clogging up London sewer systems. I read the referenced article and realized that this word could be construed by Jersey women as both body shaming and a microaggression. We all have to work at being more sensitive down here, people. Link



My wife told me, “Processed meats cause cancer.”  I said, “Yeah, so does sunshine. Pass the bacon.”

[The Good Book(s)] If the Koran, the Bible and the Torah, which all have the same rules and regulations were combined, stripped of all the fiction and useless stories, wouldn’t that save a hell of a lot of trees?



A trumpkin.

[White majority in U.S. gone by 2043] What happened to the majority in America, the White people? It seems the honkies are no longer in power or even mentioned except when we do something wrong. Who runs the media by the way? Link
set your clock back

Don’t forget this Sunday (change your clocks – fall back) ABATE Meeting/Birthday Party at the DAV  11am – 1230 Party! Please bring a dish.

In Key West they combine The Game of Thrones and Musical Chairs into something really weird!
Can anyone out there in coco land tell me more about the non service connected pension? I’m over 65 and have an honorable discharge.
truth justice scaleThe legality of charging double your water rate for sewer service that you are not actually connected to was questioned at the Oct 29 FKAA public meeting. FKAA’s full time attorney Bob Feldman was quoted in the Friday Citizen newspaper as claiming that the Florida Supreme Court ruled that the implementation of such fees are legal. I found that really hard to believe, and have come to distrust everything that FKAA management says that is in their interest.

So I searched FL Supreme Court decisions using every search criteria that I could think of. I found nothing for any utility at all. I think they are bluffing again. I wonder if they will spend more of our money trying to defend the extortion under threat of water service disconnection and lien on your property of sewer billing where no sewage is collected.

Key West tried to have a Pro Football Team, but all the guys that came out for it wanted to be Center!
balloon shadow

[Balloons and Wildlife] Please don’t release your balloons. Link

Every time I read about that Ragnar Race I laugh because that name reminds me of a word we used in school “LAGNAF” — Let’s all get naked and f**k. The Ragnar folks probably would have more fun if they stayed home and did that instead of mucking up the roads down here.
Halloween costume contest winners at Bistro 31

halloween-2015-bistro-31-(2)Sexiest costume winner: Donna from Oklahoma and BPK

Best costume winner: Rose the hair stylist of BPK

Best couples costume winners: Chaz and Connie from LTK
~Photos by Dixie Lee Henckel


Cudjoe Key represents about 12% of the CRWS sewer connections. With the delivery of 1100 Notices to Connect stating the 30 day deadline and notice of base facility charge billing, this represents about $31,000 per month of revenue in 30 days. Cudjoe uses about 7 million gallons per month of water, and that is the basis of sewer billing at $10.60/thousand gallons. So FKAA would be collecting about $74,000 per month in sewer use fees under their current plan, for a total of about $105,000 per month for just Cudjoe…. even if nobody is connected. At last count, there were 9,127 water meters in the CRWS. Some are irrigation and some are bigger commercial meters, but assuming they were all residential meters and were charged the minimum $28/mo base facility charge for sewer that is about $256,000 per mo without pumping or treating any sewage. With use charges added on, FKAA will be raking in about $700,000 per month with this substandard sewer system…. even if nobody connects.
Tell me again how this cleaning up of about 14% of all the sewage effluent generated in the CRWS by replacing mostly good septic systems is going to dramatically improve water quality. We are looking at a $700,000 a month “toilet tax” for that 14% of effluent sent to the undersized treatment plant. Don’t tell me this is not all about the money. No way should we be paying for sewage pumping and treating if we are not even connected. Like Dire Straits said, “Money for nothing!”

WereHog and many other cool costumes were at the Looe Key Tiki bar costume party Friday. Our exhibitionist ladies did not fail us. Yum. Bob’s Grim Reaper took the prize for best, and Carlene with her creepy vampire puppet “baby” took most creative. I expected more space aliens, in line with the Fantasy fest theme, but since it was also a disco party, that was the predominant theme. But there was a contingent of attractive Coneheads and some other aliens further removed. The photo is Johnnie Werehog from the galaxy of PigPine. (That hair is actually old wig scraps glued on exposed skin with liquid latex. When it comes off will it be like an extensive bikini wax hair removal).


[No Friend of Boondocks] I don’t understand all the sympathy for Boondocks- home of the famous quote “I’d rather have one snowbird in here than a bar full of locals!” But that’s nothing to do with the overloaded septic tank issue. I have seen new construction there that was obviously not to Code and therefore probably not inspected. When I commented to my friends, I was told “Boondocks can do whatever they want.” Yeah, I know- welcome to Bubbaville, home of the greased palm. The thing that annoys me is that because of having an illegal sewage disposal, Boondocks will get a free pump station paid for by our tax dollars. And so they should, but so should all the businesses that have package treatment plants like Looe Key Tiki, Bistro 31, Springer’s, Big Pine Restaurant, Big Pine Motel, Mangrove Mama’s, KOA. These places will pay dearly for an engineer to try to find a legal pump station that FKAA will approve and will work with FKAA’s fugged-up sewer system, apply for permits, and hire a contractor to get rid of the old and build the new, not just run a pipe to the road. That is a heavy financial blow for places that all sell their drinks for a dollar or more less than Boondocks. That is very unjust. Everybody should have a gravity connection and a sewer system that is reasonably reliable. All the pump stations should be on public property (or preexisting utility easement) and powered by FKAA. We thought that’s what we were getting with that extra sales tax. No special breaks, especially for intentional polluters! I also doubt that all Boondocks’ sewage is going through a septic tank and drain field of about the size of my residential one. I bet there is a big dry-well into the tide water where the drain field should be. There are lots like that. Meanwhile, I’ll eat, drink and pee where the prices are better, they appreciate locals, and they are responsible with their sewage disposal. They are going to need the money. I think I will contribute to Springer’s right now and hear Myles if he’s playing. See you there!
The canceling of the Ragnar Race by our commissioners seems to be another example of Monroe County’s ineffective governing process. Considering the fact that Mr. Nugent spoke out of turn, and has to retract his statement about the lack of money they bring to the county; and that no one knew about the issue being on the agenda, is somehow an end run game that blew up in their face. I understand that the traffic is a big issue and a lot of people do not want it. This is not whether is stays or not; is about how the issue was handled.


Another good reason to know who you’re spear fishing with.

[Asian Robots] This is something to watch. Talk about control! Video


This is why I am no longer allowed at nude beaches.

Amazing bass groove. Video


No wonder there are so many homeless in Hawa’ii.

[“Cudjoe Sewer system”] The battle over the sewer system is drawing to an end. Only time will tell if it is effective or not. I applaud all the citizens that took a stand to protect our waters and our citizens, but what I don’t understand is how naive the citizens were about the letters that were sent out to the Cudjoe residents. I mean really! Where have you been for the last 24 year we have been battling this issue. If the citizens of this county paid only a small amount of attention to the issues by listening to the radio, or reading the headlines of the papers, they would be a lot more upset about a lot more things. Wake up Monroe County. Wake up America!
ftr5[FTR] Hillary’s words were precise, legalese at its finest.  “None of the emails were marked” classified.   Her intent was clear; her words were designed to convince all that her server had not handled emails that dealt with matters of national security.

But now we know that was not the case.  We now know exactly why she attempted to destroy the evidence of her mishandling of national security matters.  We now know why she erased, deleted, thousands upon thousands of her official emails.  It is now obvious that she was aware of the danger of hacking her home server by enemies of our nation.  In the run up to her candidacy she was deeply concerned that revelation would savage her campaign.  …continued at NATIONAL POLITICS page.

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