2016 September

Friday, September 30, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures



[New Island Discovered] The skinny island between North Pine Channel and South Pine Channel has been claimed by the Iguana Killers Club. The IKC named this new island “Taint Key” because it ‘taint Big Pine and it ‘taint Little Torch. Watch for the new clubhouse sometime in 2017!

[Lobster] After it rained its ass off Saturday the bugs were climbing over themselves to get in close. Maybe they like to groove on the fresh water pouring off the land to molt? I don’t know and don’t care. I usually don’t bother caching them, but it was way too easy to get a load while they were all over the place!



[FTR] The debate was a fascinating event.  I don’t believe that there was a winner, but we did see that the difference between the candidates could not be more stark. (continued on the National Politics page …)

Take a look at how many people retire from Amtrak on disability. Evidently, it’s very dangerous working for Amtrak or, you fattened up your retirement by claiming you’re disabled. Trust me on this one. Get a job with Amtrak, rip off the tax paying sucker. “Oh, I’m hurt and I need money.”
sandspur-foot[Sandspurs] While pulling some weeds, I noticed there are several varieties of sandspurs growing here (one was more than enough). I once thought, “Everything has some beneficial purpose.” So I went looking for anything redeeming about the existence of sandspurs. I found one reference to them being used as a cancer cure in Mexico, but no details anywhere. Several sites said they were nutritious, but no recipes where they don’t stick in your throat–talk about a nasty cough! Do chickens or anything else eat them? This goes back to why didn’t Noah swat those 2 mosquitoes when he had the chance? Noah should be pulling my weeds and keeping mosquitoes off me now. 
If you wet your fingers, sandspurs don’t stick in your finger when pulling them off whatever they attacked.
The Bug Guys are spraying mind-bending stuff and it is a Big Brother experiment in the Keys! You must hide in the nearest bar during Happy Hour.
Fifth travel-related Zika case in Monroe County. The Senate Wednesday passed a bill to provide $1.1 billion in long-delayed funding to battle the Zika virus.
Front-Sign-springers200hSPRINGER’S BAR & GRILL
LONGEST HAPPY HOUR — 11 am – 7 pm Every Day of the week. Ice cold drafts in a 16 oz chilled glass
SUNDAY NFL FOOTBALL PARTY — Big Screen TV’s – Watch your game here! We’ll keep the drinks cold for ya.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL — Have a cold beer. Watch the game. Bring a friend. Lots of Appetizers. Great dinner specials.
WEDNESDAYS — Meatloaf and Mashed Potato Special. Homemade from scratch. It’s like coming home to Mom’s.
THURSDAYS — Mexican Food Specials. Delicious and homemade with fresh ingredients.
FRIDAYS — Fish ‘n Chips. Homemade beer batter, Mahi Mahi fried to a golden crisp, served with tartar sauce or malt vinegar? You decide!
EVERY DAY ON THE MENU — Our world famous Beignets. Golden fried French pastries dusted with sugar and served warm with dipping sauces – all made in house.
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK FOR LUNCH AND DINNER — 31251 Avenue A, Big Pine Key. – Check out our full menu. Like us on Facebook
[Heroine] Narcotics detectives and federal agents raided the Big Pine Key, West Shore Drive home of Aaron Pannell, 52, Wednesday night in a raid that turned up crack cocaine, heroin and other drugs, according to a press release
slave29[Slavery Payoffs] The United Nations has decreed that the USA should pay African-Americans reparations for slavery. First off, what the Hell is an African-American? It’s acknowledged that every person on the planet is related to the woman who lived on the Mediterranean coast of N. Africa. So everybody in the United States is an African-American. So all the people in America should pay themselves for the slavery that was caused when African-Africans captured and sold their own African-African brothers to Europeans for some kind of reward. And why hasn’t the UN decreed that the African-Africans who captured and sold their African-African brothers to Europeans for profit be ordered pay reparations for the results of their slavery?
So here’s the bottom line—The first American slave holder in the soon to be the USA was an African-American. We have African-American owning an African-African sold to him by a European who paid an African-African for the slave. Lies, deceit, & distraction. Is any African-American alive today a slave or was a slave? Or is this slavery nonsense racism?
nira-tocco 700x175
[“Labeling electrical circuits”] Labeling seems like a lot of work; and money if you hire someone to do it. It really doesn’t work on ceiling fans, 220 plugs, switches, and such. It’s a lot easier for me just to short out whatever I’m working on, pop the breaker, fix, replace, or do whatever I need, and then turn the breaker back on when I’m done.
mushroom-bigmushroom-pore-print[Mushrooms] My wife and I moved to BPK from California relatively recently so we’re still learning much. Myself being originally from Europe, where we traditionally hunt wild mushrooms for food, I was curious if I would ever have any opportunities to do so in the Keys.  Well, in the past few weeks we got indeed some ‘shrooms with the rains – but not at all what I would wish for. Since we have Key Deer trying to eat all our new trees and shrubs, I put fences around them.  Inside the one that has a guava tree bought from Home Depot in Marathon we now have a multi-generation sprout of potentially deadly mushrooms: Chlorophyllum molybdites or “False Parasol” or “Green-spored parasol”. This is the mushroom responsible for the most poisonings in the USA each year.  They are quite common on the east coast and obviously got brought in to our property through the HD-bought tree since they are nowhere else except right around where the HD tree was planted.

My concern/warning is this: people that eat these accidentally get extremely painful gastric upset but tend to survive.  Dogs have died, as has livestock so I am worried about our Key Deer.  Since this mushroom is a foreign species, and grows big (ours grew to a 8+ inch diameter cap) one of these will likely kill a deer.  So please, if you find any of these on your property, get rid of them immediately so your dog/cat/deer don’t get to them first.  Here are some pictures. The rains have sort of polished their caps to white which are initially more spotted. The tell-tale sign is they leave a green spore print. Get rid of them before they get that old since that may be too late.

I am very disappointed in the Cudjoe sewer project. Among other deceptions, the initial promise was that residential pumps would only be used for maybe 600 “outliers”. When those public assurances were made, the designed number was actually about 3000. So many other ” mistakes” come to mind. My isolated subdivision got gravity, so I have no personal stake in this issue , just expecting fair treatment for all,  and that what’s done is what was promised when we voted to fully fund an adequate sewer system.
I know others  have endured the angst , coercion  , and expense of submitting to what appears to me an illegal , unfair , and arbitrary requirement  to give up their property,  bear not only the expense of running these pumps, but in many cases spending thousands of dollars to upgrade older electrical service and such. All this could be avoided if the pumps were put in the County right of way as the ordinance requires.  Now billing us for water not treated? It all just seems like bullying. Where’s the compassion and common sense?So a lawsuit requesting a Declaratory Judgment against FKAA and Monroe County, has been filed on behalf of two Little Torch and Big Pine homeowners. FKAA and County officials called the suit “frivolous”.  That’s insulting and arrogant.The complaint includes a request for a Writ ordering the County and FKAA to comply with existing law by providing a gravity connection point at the property line as per County ordinance. I think it is far from “frivolous” if read. Link

Kind of like the Hospital issue, we’re getting overbilled and not getting what we paid for or expected. I admire these two women for taking on this cobbled-up and unreasonable Goliath.



[Snoring Cure] Permanently eliminates snoring and gives you an awesome sleep every night.

[Crow v Black Feet] On our return to the field of battle we found the Black Feet were gone, having departed precipitately, as they had left a number of their dead, a thing unusual with the Indians. The fruits of our victory were one hundred and seventy-three scalps, with numerous quivers of arrows, war- clubs, battle-axes, and lances. We also killed a number of their horses, which doubtless was the reason of their leaving so many of their dead on the field of battle. The trappers had seven or eight men wounded, but none killed. Our allies lost eleven killed in battle, besides the five slain before; but none of those killed in battle were scalped.


Vote bacon! It’ll never let you down.

washington-flag-horse[General Washington Preparing Troops For Battle] The men are to take up their arms immediately, especially their locks which are to be oiled if necessary. The Commanding officers of Companies are to call out their men and with the Assistance of their under officers are to make a thorough search into the condition of their arms, and they are to see that every man has at least 24 rounds of Cartridges fitting his piece, also 2 or more flints, 1 well fixed in his lock, and in such a manner as to give the best fire. If there are any whose arms are unfit for service, and which cannot immediately be put in repair, such persons are to take the Arms and ammunition of those who are sick in second Company, and a proper account of the same is to be taken by the officer of second Compy.

The officers are also to mark on every gun the Number of ball it carries to the pound, in order that the Qr Master may deliver our Cartridges with greater Expedition and certainty in the hurry of action. They ought rather to be marked above than below the number, as too large cartridges must prove wholly useless.

In case of Alarm, the Rgt is to make all possible dispatch in parading with- out any noise. No talking is then to be allowed of. The Soldier should be all attention and he must execute his orders with all his might as soon as he knows them. No one is by any means to fire till he is order’d by his officer. Many an action has been lost by not reserving the fire till a proper time.

[Trappers vs Indians 1855] “Shoot them down!” Rifles began to crack, and six of the Indians fell, five of whom were instantly scalped (for the scalps are taken off with greater ease while the bodies are warm).”


This samurai manages to slice a high speed baseball from just nine meters away. He’s the definition of a badass! Video

Thanks to all those who help keep the Florida Keys clean. It is very embarrassing to be caught littering!
[Sewers] The operating report to DEP for the Cudjoe “Advanced Water Reclamation Facility” for August has been received and reviewed. The fancy name for that poop plant is just more deceit in an effort to justify the expense of FKAA’s notorious “gold plating”. The “reclaimed water” is only used to wash things off or mix with added chemicals. Everything else goes down a disposal well to the ocean. None leaves the site for reuse.
The plant did not achieve AWT (advanced wastewater treatment) standards on any but one reported sample in August.
The chlorine dosing of the effluent is totally out of control! It varied from legally inadequate to over ten times the target value! Dosing is automated, so that is not likely the operators’ fault, but almost certainly the engineering design.
The plant operated at an average of 18% of design, being 36% of the single “treatment train” in use. August is off season and there are few active connections. Considering that half of the plant’s full capacity will come from Big Pine, how likely do you think it is that the plant can effectively treat full connection? Or did you not pass 5th grade math? Sorry, you probably have a P.E. and work for FKAA or the County. Remember our Commissioner’s famous quote: “I trust our engineers.” Send your stories and photos/videos of Cudjoe sewer failures to That is the only existing route to transparency- anonymously and without risk.


[“Selling stuff on eBay”] I gave that up earlier this year because of the high fees. I hadn’t sold anything in a year and then sold something for a couple hundred dollars and was shocked how little I ended up with.

[Malt Vinegar] Springer’s Friday fish and chips is better with Heinz catchup instead of malt vinegar. While  malt vinegar is very good on both the fish and chips, it makes them soggy. I like Heinz.
doing-it[Homeless Shelter] Reading Sloan saying how great FKOC ran KOTS then seeing his friend Brenda from GA now say she stayed there during the time FKOC ran KOTS and that it was everything Sloan says: dangerous: dirty, drugs, alcohol, etc under FKOC. Then to have a commissioner and FKOC board chair attacking every beneficial program that the new management team does and does — for less money — and then seeing FKOC fundraisers at a bar? when the services model they use requires clients not to drink! And as for that sitting board chair for FKOC: your feeble attempts at disparaging the hard working men and women of the new management team are totally out of line. I am reminded of Mark Rossi recusing himself from cruise ship related votes when he has vested interests. Well, Sam, you should show some class and either quit the commission or recuse yourself from voting on homeless issues. You are not objective and your hypocrisy and attempts at undermining people doing a great job are going to result in harm to the most vulnerable of our one human family. But as long as your friends get paid, the hell with the clients, right, buddy?  ~
accurate-home insp 700x175
Movie subtitle [DISCORD AND SNARL]
It’s Flea Market time! The Big Pine Flea Market opens this Saturday and Sunday to start off another great season. Come in to say hello to all you friends and get great bargains on hats, sunglasses, reading glasses, tarps, tools, kitchenware and all the things you missed all summer. This week we have the contents from the Ben Franklin Craft store in Key West that closed, so come get all your Halloween costumes and craft supplies. Codys discount is offering Monroe County School Teachers free craft supplies, buy a little get a lot free.
Come rain or come shine, we will be open. If the weather looks rainy, I will be there holding the hurricane flag. See you this weekend


Coconuts Bar & Package Store. Thank you Big Pine Key for 33 years of your support. Without you the “NUT” would not be CocoNUTs!

[Key Largo Brew on the Bay] Ticket Sales Open for the 6th Annual Key Largo Brew on the Bay January 6-7, 2017. An expansive array of seafood dishes prepared by local chefs will for the first time be available at this year’s Key Largo Brew on the Bay. The sixth annual craft beer festival will be held at Rowell’s Marina on Saturday, January 7, 2017, 2-5:30 p.m.

The waterfront event is considered one of the best values of the Florida Keys because a $40 ticket ($50 at the gate) includes unlimited tasting of over 100 interesting beers. The event has grown a cult following of beer lovers of all ages who travel from across South Florida and from a number of different states. Music performances by the Regs and other local bands put everyone in the mood for fun, and the event is famous for its sunset finale on the beautiful Florida Bay. Link



The tropics are not closed for the season! One of the reliable models is predicting a storm nearby in a week. Most think the model is too far East of where the storm will end up.

[This Must Be Real] I got your contact while search for a reliable, honest and a trust worthy person to entrust this huge transfer project with. My name is Peter, I am the manager of the Ghana West Bank kumasi Branch, I am a Ghanaian, married with two kids. I am writing to solicit for your assistance in the transfer of funds valued at $18,000,000.00, bla, bla, bla.
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)