2017 June

Friday, June 30, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures


Annual Lower Keys Independence Day Celebration Monday, July 3, 5 PM Big Pine Community Park (North end of Sands Road). Free entry. The fun begins at 5 pm. Fireworks at dusk. Food, fun, games, drinks, prizes, music, 50/50 and raffle entertainment by Prime Movers. Call 305-676-3073 for more information.

[Walmart] I’m not in favor of putting a Walmart on Rockland Key. It’s true that you would need to put up stop lights to allow vehicles a way in and out. The lights would have to be for both directions otherwise you would be just moving the problem down the road. In the lanes heading toward Key West the light would be around two hundred yards from where the road goes from two lanes to four. That will be an accident just waiting to happen. The overall effect of the lights will be a slow down to traffic. That will affect our level of service. The ‘level of service’ is what they use to judge the amount of building permits issued; part of that is taking into account our evacuation time. So with more stop lights we have a lower level of service and fewer building permits can be issued. All of that means that the county is ever so much closer to the time that it has to buy back all of the (what will then be) unbuildable lots. Where will the County get this money? I guess we may need to think about how much this Walmart is worth to us.
[Friday Fairy Tale] Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me”
The Princess immediately said, “No!”
And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.
The End
[Australian Cardinal and Aide to Pope Is Charged With Sexual Assault] On Thursday another Catholic priest was accused of sex crimes. Snooze… boring! So, what’s so new about that? A response offered by the Faithful is that talking about it is Catholic bashing. Link



Breaking the Ten Commandments monument in Arkansas is so wrong it’s criminal! Sure, it should be moved to an adjacent property, that is privately owned, and set up there, but to destroy anything you disagree with is Fascist not American. Video

[FTR on Zika] Deer Friends, don’t kid yourself, Zika never really left our community.  At this moment, it is in Monroe County, and throughout Florida. Especially in Miami Dade and Broward. The CDC, our Mosquito Control Authority, and the State of Florida are gearing up for this seasons onslaught of Zika that surely will come with the warmer wetter weather that is so loved by mosquitoes.

Here is Monroe County, according to US Census tabulations, there are about 7500 births to Monroe County mothers each year. A March 2, 2017 NBC article reports that CDC researchers have claimed that “Zika virus raised the risk of birth defects twentyfold fold among infected U.S. women.”  The article continued: “It’s just a rough estimate, nowhere near to being precise, and it’s taken from just a handful of states. But such a giant spike is notable, and it shows the need to keep tabs on pregnancies, the team at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said.”

Just for the record, as of June 13, 2017 the CDC is reporting that in the US States and DC there have been 1,963 pregnant women with lab identified cases of Zika.  In the US terrorizes the total is 4,107.  Here is Monroe County, according to US Census tabulations, there are about 7500 births to Monroe County mothers each year.

Monroe’s business community should keep a close watch on the Zika situation in our county.  Aside from the the obvious health dangers posed; if we were to be declared a Zika transmission area, it will hurt.  It will hurt business big, big time.  If I were a businessperson, I would be urging our Mosquito Control Authority to use every weapon they have available to keep Zika the hell out of our community.

Just yesterday WLRN, Miami, chronicled a study done by FIU.  The study revealed that businesses in the various Zika Miami Dade transmission zones last summer were hurt, lost business.  Big time. The study revealed that: “…66 percent of the businesses [surveyed] reported a revenue decline between 21 percent and 40 percent.”  Deer Friends; that is a huge hit.

The nasty reality is that Zika is still with us, it will soon be resurgent.  Our Mosquito Control Authority must use every weapon that is available to them to eliminate the Aedes Aegypti mosquito which is the primary vector of Zika

[Carpetbaggers] Someone is trying to build a new two-story house on quaint little Carsten Lane in Key West. All the house around there are little one-story bungalows. The owners of those bungalows bought them because of the charm of Carsten Lane. Now these carpetbaggers want to change it.




Coconuts Jam July 5. Acoustic open mic. 6-10 pm

U.S. Fleet Forces Command press release announcing tomorrow’s public release of the Atlantic Fleet Training and Testing (AFTT) Draft Environmental Impact Statement (DEIS). Link


[Ants] We have these super tiny red ants that have only showed up over the past 2 years or so.  Are these Pharaoh ants? Terro does not work, they completely ignore it. Anyone know of a good product to eliminate these?

[Big Brother Sucks] Hello!  Is this Gordon’s Pizza?   No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.   Did I dial the wrong number?   No sir, Google bought the pizza store.   Oh, alright – then I’d like to place an order please.   Okay sir, do you want the usual?   The usual?  You know what my usual is?   According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.   Okay – that’s what I want this time too.   May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?   No, I hate vegetables.   But your cholesterol is not good.   How do you know?   Through the subscriber’s guide.  We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.   Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.   But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.   I bought more from another drugstore.   It’s not showing on your credit card sir.   I paid in cash.   But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.   I have another source of cash.   This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.   What the hell?  Enough! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp.    I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me.   I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport … it expired 5 weeks ago.
[“Stand Your Ground law – self defense”] I don’t know about Florida, but when taking a gun safety course, I was taught that a “self defense” defense would have 3 factors applied to it which was known as the MOM Rule: Motive – Opportunity – Method

If all three aspects aren’t present instead of it being self defense it will be manslaughter or murder.

Example:  Lunatic is standing with club (knife, etc) in hand, aggressively threatening you, but is on the other side of some sort of physical barrier.  If you shoot the lunatic it’s murder.  Motive, Method, but no Opportunity (they can’t get to you).

If the lunatic comes through or across the barrier then it’s self defense:  Motive, Opportunity, Method.
If the lunatic has a gun and is shooting at you, get behind the barrier and shoot back, that’s self defense. If ever you are placed in a questionable position it would serve you well to remember the MOM Rule, your future and freedom could depend on it. That being said, the best defense is situational awareness.  Don’t place yourself in danger if you can avoid it.  Going out of your way, or taking a bit of time to avoid a situation, will always be the wise move.  Invest in yourself, stay out of the fray.

Yes, I have a gun. Yes, I will use it. It is my strong desire to never have to, and I take steps to insure it won’t become necessary.   Take your trouble somewhere else!




I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched that way.

[Sewer] If the Cudjoe Wastewater plan breaks down after Uncle George [Comm. Nuegent] leaves office can we keep his pension and health benefits to help pay for the damage?
[Developers Shot Down] The Monroe County Planning Commission rejected another workforce housing project, this time in Key Largo. This is the second worker housing project the commission denied in the past four months. In March, the Planning Commission said no to a 160-unit worker housing project on Summerland Key.

It appears the days of getting your major development approved merely by saying it is ‘affordable housing’ or ‘workforce housing’ are over. It is about time the County commission got wise to this ruse by developers.

[Chocolate Milk] A surprising number of American adults think chocolate milk comes from brown cows.  Link

My friend was visiting / diving Key Largo & he cried like a baby about the underwater world down there. You people should be ashamed of yourselves the way you mistreated the only US reef. And to add insult to injury you now believe there are too many shark when you have slaughtered them down to 10% left in our oceans worldwide. Instead of teaching a kid to fish maybe you could teach it how to dive and see amazing while still alive. Your fish are getting smaller and smaller and you have killed the reef – one of the only reasons to visit your “paradise” which you have completely ruined.

Shame on you Florida. Link

[The Devil Made Me Do It] The Devil: Taking the blame for people who won’t own up for their own mistakes for centuries.

[“100 bottle Viagra donation“] Sir, or Mam, I think you should ponder real “hard” about giving away prescription medication. You would still be distributing a prescription medicine and even though it would be free, you would realize a profit from the tax break you got. That could be viewed as a financial transaction and you could be arrested for a felony and, wind up doing “hard” time for Viagra. I am not an attorney so consider my suggestion just a tip.
[London Skyscraper Fire] It seems like the cladding was installed to help meet green energy rules. Another “do it for the earth” moment sponsored by the government. Link

1914: Richard Peacon’s grocery store on Fleming Street had a full line of fancy and staple groceries, tin and granite ware and crockery. He carried the famous Royal Scarlet, Sunbeam and Crosse & Blackwell canned goods and preserves.  It was latter a furniture store and is now condos. ~KW Citizen

My wife has been nagging me to cut the grass for a week.  Today I got home and she was in the front yard cutting the grass with a small pair of scissors to teach me a lesson.  I went into the house, came back outside with a cold beer and handed her a toothbrush and said, “When your done with the grass you might as well sweep the driveway.”  That’s when the fight started.


[Bird Hunting] Did you know 15 states offer sandhill crane & mourning dove hunting? Despite pushback, Michigan hunters take aim at cranes, mourning doves. Voters in 2006 overwhelmingly rejected a mourning dove hunt in Michigan — the only remaining Midwestern state without one. Video

Affordable housing is the trailer parks our leaders are allowing to be bought up and turned into unaffordable housing.
Why are the Florida Keys Free Press & The Weekly Wrap-up on the MCSO now unavailable online? Is it just for the bubba derelicts? Link
I am putting a call out to our wonderful, caring community. One of our own is in desperate need of help. Most of you know him as Taxi Jim [Jim Stiles]. He used to work at Monkey Island for many years, and has been an important part of this community for many years. Many know and love him. He is a proud veteran as well.

He is currently sick, and has been in the hospital for almost two weeks now. I have been, by myself, attempting to get his house and property back into shape. This has proven to be a very daunting task, and I now must concede that I cannot do it alone. I, and Jim, need help. I would really like to have things looking good when he comes back home.

What I’m looking for is the following: any type of sheets and towels; living room type furniture (i.e.:  a recliner), any cleaning supplies (mops, bleach type stuff); any assistance cleaning ((he’s been a bachelor for a long time); white paint; minor carpentry help; someone to spray for bugs; and the biggest this is yard and landscaping help.

I have been at this for a week now. It is totally overwhelming. I know many of you out there know him. He served this community and his country. And now he needs some help. He also needs a financial adviser.

Any help, even if it’s 15 minutes worth of work, would help more than you could imagine. I’m sure he’d not be happy that I’m doing this, but it needs to be done. I know how caring our community is. And I hope this call for help will be answered. Thank you all so much in advance.

Please email me at:, or call me at 305-509-1994

Congratulations to the Bucktooth Rooster for doing it right. We had to wait in line last evening to be seated, it was so busy. That’s pretty good for summer!



[Mole Asses] So what do they do with the rest of the mole?

[Fungus Among Us] Based on the entry re: candida auris fungal infection in Tuesday’s Coconut Telegraph I thought this might be helpful information. Link
[Friday Joke] I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Gaelic, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Ireland?” One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”  So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry.  Are you three whales from Ireland?”  And that’s the last thing I remember.
PTSD Awareness Day. Link
[Shallow Citizen of the Day] The Citizen of the Day on Wednesday was a girl who likes to eat out and go shopping.

Does anyone know if Uber is going to cover other parts of the Keys besides the Key West area?

I would like to add my name and number to the Business Directory. I am a Realtor with Florida Keys Realty. Elizabeth Greco-DeGrenier 305-393-5596. Full Menu > Business Directory

[The State Has Issued its School Grades for 2017] Our local schools did well, all A’s and B’s with the exception of the Key West Collegiate High School, which earned a “C”.  The “A” grades are all at the elementary level as our three high schools all earned “B”‘s. Link

[Alcoholism] I started this resource following my own successful victory against alcoholism.  This is a free resource, and our content is designed to assist people suffering from a range of addictions and mental health problems. Link


Does anybody know the name of the fat curly tailed lizards?  They are kind of new to my area in BPK.  Are thy invasive?  Somebody thought they were Haitian Curly Tailed Lizards and they eat our little Anoles.  Any truth to that?

Pakistan broke away from India after India gained independence from England because the Muslims feared they would be mistreated by the Hindu majority of India.
[Stand Your Ground Law] The burden of whether defendants are immune from prosecution now falls on the State Attorney’s Office. That burden had formerly fallen on defendants to prove why they shouldn’t be prosecuted.

Right. And as it should be. First off, the old way you weren’t a “defendant”. You were forced to prove why you should not be charged after you acted under the concealed weapon laws in the State.

Last I checked, you are presumed innocent until proven guilty. As I see it, Florida law says you can carry a concealed weapon with a permit and use that weapon under certain guidelines established within the law. If you do use your weapon, and you say you acted within the law, it is now up to the State to show why you should be charged with a crime and then go to trial.

The old way, you acted within the law and then had to go prove your innocence – or lawful behavior after the fact.

[“Alcoholics have poor attendance at work. Alcoholics drink every day. Alcoholics are mostly old men. Alcoholics are usually homeless. Alcoholics are unable to do well in their careers. Alcoholics always drink in the morning.”] These are just a few of the stereotypes about alcoholics which are pervasive throughout Keys society. These stereotypes increase denial and prevent many alcoholics from getting proper diagnosis and treatment. Yup they are your neighbors.  High-functioning alcoholics (HFAs) defy these stereotypes and often go undetected because they do not fit the image of the “typical” alcoholic.

Where alcoholics can drink themselves to death. Learn more about the controversial “wet house” concept for dealing with chronic alcoholics. Link

[Dead Whales] Toxic algae may have caused the deaths of 6 right whales in the Gulf of St. Lawrence. Link
[Sewers] Why is that Niles Channel pipe leaking and where is the raw sewage going? It’s turned the waters around Summerland green. The water is green out to the reef on most days. This change in color is recent as I have pictures back in 2010 when it was still very clear.
I think people who sue for some trivial crap should take about it some where in the Gulf Stream 50 miles out!
France invaded and created Indochina in 1887 and colonized the region and sucked all it’s resourses from the area.




Happy 150th Birthday Canada!

[Carjacking] “When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off.” And right about that time I pull my .45 and dump sixteen rounds thru the rear window and into the head rests. I’ll let a jury of my peers hear a case on a car jacking – it’s one of the crimes the gun law was designed for. If this is happening in KW, please post where it happened to you so they can assign officers to watch.



Tuesday’s photo is the kid who used to sell lemonade on No Name Key and his son. He just got out of the Air Force and started working for Space X up in Cocoa.

Can anyone tell me where in Alaska or Canada my alternate life style friends are moving to?[?]
[Sewers] Someone posted “some of the low lives that pulled off the biggest con game in the Keys with this sewer scheme are being investigated for fraud and mismanagement of county and state funds. Is this true?”

I don’t know, but it is way overdue. If the investigator needs any evidence, people at Dump the Pumps, Inc have been collecting documentation for years and would be delighted to provide it to uncorrupt law enforcement.

I do know that very specific charges are now being requested against certain individual officials where the crime is very easily proven. You cannot really prosecute a government agency, but an official within it is fair game if you can just find exposure. Think iPhone sales or School Board misappropriations, although most may believe that the real culprit in each case got off really easy.

There are “false claims” or “qui tam cases” galore in the CRWS, but if a government official approves the claim, then one cannot prove the government was unknowingly defrauded. So collusion of a government official and a dishonest greedy contractor can allow anything to be robbed with relative impunity. You think they don’t know how to play that game? Most successful false claims cases involve Medicare claims rather than contracts.  By how many millions did the CRWS overrun the contracts? Now consider that only 5% of just a single $1 million is still $50,000.  How many would not be tempted to take that bait and just plead incompetence if discovered? 5% of $50 million is $2.5 million, which makes for a nice retirement, especially with the fat FRS pension based on 6 figure salaries coming in. How many local government officials are also eligible for Social Security, Medicare, and even lifetime private health insurance, and can comfortably retire at any moment? Watch for it, and wonder why they didn’t retire earlier.

All the requirements for a RICO conviction have been documented in the CRWS project, but when the FBI was contacted, their investigator claimed “it’s a civil matter.”  Are even felonies now “a civil matter” when that is the most convenient response from law enforcement? When even federal agencies like the Army Corps, USF&W, and EPA look away when there are flagrant NEPA violations, how far up does the corruption go? It may just be laziness and Bubbaism between government agencies that has them all ignoring what has been going on and is continuing. But it does not help the environment nor the residents. One has to wonder why a biological assessment is made for every simple, forced Big Pine sewer connection before a permit is issued, but none was required before FKAA contractors trenched and bored for grinder pumps on Big Pine properties. The 3 page bogus and very cursory “environmental assessment” from an unknown author that along with the forged Army Corps document that was accepted by DEP as sufficient to issue a FFONSI (FL finding of no significant impact) that allowed FKAA construction without oversight stated that all work was in roadways

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