2017 March

Friday, March 31, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures




Men standing around sawfish and bonito shark, Key West, Florida 1911. State Library and Archives of Florida.

[Bridgegate] Two former aides to Gov. Chris Christie were sentenced to prison Wednesday for their role in a political revenge plot involving traffic jams at the country’s busiest bridge, a scandal that sank the Republican’s presidential aspirations.

[Developer Foiled] Monroe County Planning Commission unanimously turned down an affordable housing project on Summerland Key. Key West restaurateur Joe Walsh had proposed to build roughly 160 units of affordable housing at the old Shrimp Farm property just off U.S. 1. No one wanted it except the developer.

[“3 old mobile homes and two old cars on Budd Key”] That’s in Niles Channel, isn’t it? They were condemned in the 80’s by the Feds on a technicality, I believe. A neighbor owned one of the trailers, Pinder, from an old KW family. Didn’t have a pot to pee in and was fixing it up to retire in until the Feds stepped in. A good guy named Gator was the caretaker for the island.
Has anyone else noticed that Amazon raises the price if you reorder an item? Buy it for one price, but reorder it the next day and it costs more.


Photos of the Obamas’ new house in Washington, D.C. with a 2 car garage, and parking for 10.

Finally, season is over! How do I know? The rush hour traffic is moving at a faster pace up and down the Keys, my church dinner attendance was down, and the sirens from the rescue trucks in Key West have not gone off in the last two days, as compared to the 5-6 times a day on North Roosevelt during season. Our rescue workers are enjoying a well deserved break, as are we all. Don’t you just love summer!
[Murder Most Foul] Clifford Cease, of Big Pine Key, died at 6 p.m. Monday. Cease was stabbed at 10 p.m. Sunday by Heather Sue Evans, 26, also of Big Pine Key. Deputies were first called by Cease’s parents just before 10 p.m. They were at their son’s house on Key Deer Boulevard when there was an altercation at the house. They saw Evans punch their son, Cease, in the face. When the two parents tried to intervene, Evans reportedly attacked them. The couple then left the scene, went home and called the Sheriff’s Office. Cease’s mother received multiple stitches for a head wound. As Deputy Hopp was interviewing the parents, Sheriff’s Office dispatchers received a call from Evans and she reported she had just stabbed Cease in the side.




[Boat Ramps] I’m not an expert, but I think you’re doing it wrong.

[“Term limits”] They will never become law, but they can be imposed by the citizens at the voting booth.
The other day, across the fence my blonde neighbor was talking on her cellphone and I heard her say, “The brochure said no hairdressers at the resort. I think they knew that we were trainee hairdressers and that’s why they kept giving us bad service.”



Well this must surely be a sign of the End Times. After nearly nine years FTR guy writes something I agreed with — term limits

[“Let’s give everyone healthcare, but only those that work have to pay for it, through income tax”]  Well, that’s the current system, at least the part about those that work paying for those that don’t.  If you want to know what government-run health care will look like, which is what you’re advocating, just ask a veteran how good their health care is. Careful what you wish for.
Our privacy has been sold to Internet service providers to help them make more money. Link
[Mexicans Buy Flagler Railroad] Florida East Coast Railways operates a 351-mile freight system along Florida’s Atlantic coast from Jacksonville to Miami. The railroad was founded in 1885 by Henry Flagler, a Standard Oil tycoon who developed resorts and communities on the state’s coast. It was purchased by Mexican mining and rail conglomerate Grupo Mexico for $2.1 billion
[FTR on Term Limits] Well are you happy with what is now going on in DC?  I suspect that which ever side of the fence you reside, you are probably pissed and worried as hell about where our nation is going.  I am.

Just a little checking will convince you that the heavy hitter politico’s from both sides of the aisle are all long time incumbents.  These people cannot seem to find common ground. I believe that is because the long-term incumbents are so deeply influenced by the deep pocket donors, each of which is a special interest, that they must serve their pay masters or lose their dollars.  No dollars, no reelection.

I believe that we ultimately will have term limits on our federal legislators, but it will be long hard fight.  We should start that fight right here in our own back yard.

If you take the time to do even the most cursory research in our local elections, you will find that there is a constant set of heavy hitters, deep pocket persons, who constantly contribute heavily to our local politico’s.  Nearly always the incumbent. The longer any politico has been in office, the more power he/she has, and the bigger the donations become.  That is just a fact.

Monroe’s political paymasters are the heavy hitters in tourism, real estate, hospitality, and public utilities contractors.  Are you happy with our local real estate picture? How do you feel about our work place housing situation?  Do you think that we are being appropriately served by our politicos? Do you think that we are getting our bucks worth in our public construction? How about solid waste? What about our land use plans?

Even Florida’s judiciary is likely to be subjected term limits.  On Wednesday, the Florida House of Reps approved a proposed constitutional amendment that would limit Supreme Court justices and appeals-court judges.

I believe that term limiting our local politicos will be a giant step in improving our governance.  You can help get the job done…it will happen if scores of folks just like yourself make your voices heard.

The Florida Keys Mosquito Control Board may soon be considering self imposing term limits.  I believe that we should encourage them. I believe that you, yeah you, can help. The time has come.  Please take just a moment and email any or all of our Florida Keys Mosquito Control board and urge them to go forward and term limit the board. Link

[“Oldest businesses on Big Pine”] If you’re asking about way back when, you forgot Ewell’s Cash & Carry, You also forgot the little Cuban grocery store and beer & wine bar that is now No name Pub. Then there was that tourist attraction, if can you believe that building’s sign read, “Watch water run up hill”. That sign is still there. Tony, the sign painter, has it at his shop across from the post office. What a hoot.   ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
I got a new neighbor, a dumpster, and a pool to look at. I asked them why they put a pool in because it left no room for lounge chairs on their tiny lot. I pointed to the ocean and said you have a pool. The wife said, “I don’t swim in dat, dere’s shawks in dere.”

The next hurricane will be interesting with all the new northern meat.

I finally found out! People go to Florida to die, and people go to California to live. Go west young man!
[Sewers] I wonder if the Cudjoe sewer plant is having some issues.  Driving through Cudjoe at about 10 Tuesday night, it smelled like I was driving by the dairy farms north of Okeechobee–dreadful.


Our government is now promoting fossil fuels, in particular coal. Back to the bad ol’ days.

[“Oldest businesses on Big Pine”] What about Crook and Crook?
It would take a minimum effort and expense to drop some truckloads of fill into the two dirt sections of Lyttons Way to make them passable; and little more to keep them that way while waiting for the studies which have been underway for past years and continuing into the future. It is such a simple temporary fix that is so obvious. I’m willing to bet that some individual whose department would be involved is holding up such a simple solution. All of us who buy groceries,drugs, etc who now tie up the famous Key Deer light would be able to avoid US 1. One individual or study group who is stonewalling this simple solution and who is forcing everyone who lives north of US1 to add to the blockage on US 1. One would not have to spend much time at Harvard to wonder what happened to common sense, “That sense without which all sense is non-sense”.




[Syphilis on the Rise] Health Department in Monroe County, “We went from having no cases of syphilis six months ago, to a total of 10 cases among 18- and 19-year-old males in Key West over the past few months, and that’s a significant cluster of cases.

How can I remove stains from starboard? I tried bleach and every cleaning agent I have without any luck.
FTR, Zika? FTR Zika, FTR Zika?
I dropped my phone on the deck and it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t turn it off or do anything. The screen read: “Installing system update…
check sd update pkg is exist…
make sure usb cable has been inserted!
usb update starting…”None of the buttons, charging cable, or USB cable would change the screen. I thought it was a goner and worried that whatever remedy was needed I had to do it quickly, before the battery died. As a last resort I typed the error message into Google, and Mr Google told me how to fix it! The fix was to push all three buttons (volume up and down and power) and hold them for 5 seconds. I’m in love with Mr Google. does that make me gay?
The issue on bathroom gender is sickening. Can you imagine how the 3rd world must be laughing at America and our sissified idea of who can take a crap and where? They are lucky they have a hole in the ground, let alone a bathroom. The problem is not where to go, it’s who is standing next to you wanting to help!
[Regulate Vacation Rentals] State House Bill 425 and the identical state Senate Bill 188 if passed would take away local ability to regulate vacation rentals (your quiet residential neighborhood could turn into short term rentals!).

Excerpt of the Bill: “a local law, ordinance, or regulation may not prohibit vacation rentals or regulate the duration or frequency of rentals of vacation rentals. This paragraph does not apply to any local law, ordinance or regulation adopted on or before June 1, 2011, except when such law, ordinance or regulation is being amended to be less restrictive”

Please contact your representative and voice your opposition to State House Bill 425 and the identical state Senate Bill 188. Link



Who knew! Maybe tourists are all out of this fluid and that’s why they don’t use their blinkers?

As a species, we’re fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion?  ~Stephen King
[Friday Joke] An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, “$165,000”. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much
money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, “What kind of bets?”The elderly woman replied, “Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.”The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, “Would you like to take my bet?”“Certainly”, replied the president. “I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.”“Done”, the elderly woman answered.

“But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 ‘ clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.”

“No problem”, said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in

front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.

“Of course”, said the president. “Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100%
sure.” The elderly woman did so with a little smile.

Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, “Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland.”

[Never Tried Uber But Hates It] Uber reminds me of the Mexican taxis in Tijuana. Never get in one alone.

[“Developers”] God invented lightening to protect the Keys!

I understand Church Lane is a privately-owned road. We are lucky they let us use it at all!
[Bureaucratic Job Security] “Did anyone at the US Fish and Wildlife Service think this through?”
The sad truth is that U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service never thinks anything through.
[$2 M to Complete Refuge Center] The new nature center was in the Complex’s Comprehensive Conservation Plan was approved in 2009.  The environmental assessment for the nature center was completed in 2016. The first part of the project began with the laying of the building pillars, parts of a sidewalk, parking for those with disabilities, and public bathroom foundation.  The building was completed in February of this year.  The cost of the building itself and construction was $210,180.

The new nature center will also include a nature oriented gift and bookstore, managed by the Friends and Volunteers of Refuges. Moving forward, funding still needs to be identified for the exhibits inside the building, parking lot, public restroom, nature trail boardwalk, outside exhibits, interpretive panels, and landscaping. Estimated cost for all components may approach $2 million dollars!

[Sewer Post] Your suggestion that it is The FKAA who created this injustice is incorrect as in WRONG. The FKAA is including Monroe County’s Charges (Monroe County’s not the FKAA) as the owner of the public sewer system. Monroe County is paying its contractor (Kurt Zeulch–the FKAA) to collect the monies they claim sewer customers owe Monroe County–not the FKAA.
Will the taxpayers ever understand that it is those five commissioners that we elected that have given Key Haven residents Shark Key residents, Tom Morgan’s public subdivision, probably? Ocean Reef, and other bubba’s special considerations. The voters have the ability to get rid of these 5 commissioners but history has shown that the voters here keep getting what they deserve.
[Winners!] The Tennessee Williams Exhibit announces winners of the three contests offered as part of its March celebration of  the 106th anniversary of William’s birthday. Michele Byrne and Karen Beauprie won first and second place in the professional category of the plein air painting contest and Sandy Curtis and Katharina Arnold won first and second place in the recreational category. Jessica Argyle was first place winner and James Mill second place winner in the short story writing contest.  The first and second place winner of the poetry contest was Karla Morton.  These winners were recognized with certificates and monetary awards at a birthday reception held at the Tennessee Williams Exhibit on Sunday, March 26, the birth date of the iconic playwright.

Photos: Exhibit curator Dennis Beaver, board member Anne Shaver and 1st Place winner of the Short Story Contest, Jessica Argyle (the one with the papers on her shoulder).

Sandy Curtis, 1st Place winner in the recreation category of the Plein Air Contest, with contest coordinator Cori Convertito and Dennis Beaver (Photos by Peter Arnow)

Do you believe that America‘s path to prosperity lies in tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, and slashing social programs and regulations? I don’t.
[Kevin Rambo Smith] Is this the man who owns the storage container lot on bayside in Marathon?
[Unedited] All Mainstream Media in the Key, including our local “fish gut wrapper” on Big Pine Appear to be marching Lock Step to the Ring Master leading this insane asylum. No need to ask who– We Elected Them. They have one(1) major goal. To DEVELOP the Keys until it looks just like Cape Cod– just ask Pritim Sing. They’re using their Propoganda mouthpiece-Mainstream Media to incessantly Bombard us with their Distortions, Deceptions, Misdirections. Our five Representatives, of The People, by The People, for The People have Historically Lied Cheated and Stole from their residents/voter/taxpayers and are continuing their agenda to first(1st) TAKE CARE Of THEMSELVES, and then-BIG MONEY/Development, and BUBBAS.
Those Comissioners Thru their Propaganda Mill( think Pravda) are attempting to Convince the electorate that it is the FKAA that is causing ALL your sewer problems when the FKAA is Only a Puppet doing what those Comissioners are PAYING them to do and say.
Why do some people consider this to be MORONE County?? If you have to ask, Welcome Home



Yeah, I miss the Florida Keys. I left mid September. Moved there in ’74, learned how to turn a palm leaf into a hat. Good, legal, business. Met the horney lady. Raised 3 kids. Built the house. Good folks there, but the wealthy snowbird/controllers done run us out. Thank God.  Thank you so much for helping me escape. Yeah, I miss the Florida. Keys, the Florida Keys of 1978!

[Sewers] Those Cudjoe Regional properties with a grinder pump in the yard have been threatened or otherwise persuaded into granting an easement of 5′ either side of the installation. Properly, a legal surveyor would document the position of the grinder pit, the skinny forcemain lateral to the street, and the electrical conduit right after installation so it can always be determined exactly where it is. It becomes a defined easement.
If you are going to dig in your yard that has a grinder pit- like to plant a tree or something- get FKAA to paint their best guess where those pipes and wires are. Take good photos before you dig. There is a good chance that they will have it wrong, but if you damage it after they provided bad information, repairs are their problem, not yours. A local plumber just had an FKAA forcemain lateral locate done and it was about 4 feet off in places because the contractor trenched around the totally buried septic tank instead of through it.
[Fools] People never wonder why there are so many billionaires and millionaires today, they just keep paying those over priced retail markups and online fees. What’s another word for customer — fool?
[Sanctuary City] In the United States and Canada, a sanctuary city is a city which permits residence by illegal immigrants to help them avoid deportation. Leaders of sanctuary cities want illegal immigrants to have less fear of deportation, so they will be more willing to report crimes, use health services or social welfare benefits and enroll their children in school. Municipal policies include prohibiting police or city employees from questioning people about their immigration status and not cooperating with the national government to enforce immigration law. Such policies can be set expressly in law or observed in practice, but the designation “sanctuary city” does not have a precise legal definition. Approximately 300 U.S. jurisdictions, including cities, counties and states, reportedly have adopted sanctuary policies.

People are now questioning who is paying for these illegals and why are we being taxed to support such criminals, which they are. The only people making a profit from such illegal activities are the dope dealers, the illegal employers and the bleeding-heart charities. Time to shut the gates and take care of our own!

[“Trumpcare”] I see national politics are OK. Don’t get me going on this stuff.
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