2017 May

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

[County Ruins Boat Ramp] Yesterday, I tried out the boat ramp on Blimp Rd. for the first time since its rebuild some months ago. The County has destroyed another boat ramp. This was a very usable natural ramp if you had a low draft boat, but the County placed a concrete slab on top of the old slab which means you had less water depth for your boat. Basically, your boat does not launch until your trailer falls off the end of the ramp. The drop off became ridiculous because sand usually does not deposit against a concrete seawall. Just the opposite. Someone had thrown concrete bags against it, but that was not a big improvement so the County extended the concrete slab. Duh!

I backed my truck to the tires on the latest version of Blimp’s ramp, and my shallow draft boat would not float off the trailer at a low tide situation. My trailer has been modified to launch in a minimum of water. The axle was moved above the springs, the bunks lowered to barely keep the boat off the trailer steel, and I have little 12″ wheels. I watched as a flat-bottomed Carolina Skiff launched. The driver backed the truck until the rear wheels and brakes were partially underwater, then 5 people lifted and pushed on the bow to get the boat off. A runabout did the same thing, with the addition of body weight on the stern to help lift the bow. They had decided that loading would be easier with a higher tide. Maybe so?

I accelerated in reverse and slammed on the brakes as my tires neared the water to get the boat partially off the trailer, then lurched forward, eased back, lurched forward until my boat floated. I returned at high tide, but the situation was not much improved. Just more of the ramp was covered. But since the slope is uniform, more trailer was not under water. It was 100% winching and 0% floating on. The bow had to be winched over the back end of the trailer.

The right way to have built this ramp would have been to set the new concrete into the natural bottom profile instead of setting it on top. A Cudjoe sewer engineer must have been involved? He’s not a real rocket scientist, eh? The ramp still works for kayaks that can be carried or dragged into the water. Maybe that was the intent all along.

[No Cuban migrants interdicted since April] There were only 32 Cubans stopped at sea in March. In February, there were 64. Compared to figures from previous years, the number of cases have fallen off the proverbial cliff.


[“Civil War”] To the poster who keeps bringing up specious arguments about the cause of the Civil War. It does not matter that you keep coming up with, “what about this? or how about that?” You cannot change the facts. The Civil War was fought for the end of and eradication of slavery. Tara and Seven Oaks plantations were beautiful on screen but they never existed.

[Key West’s Career Criminal] My Question is why is Jimmy Gardner out of jail. This man has been doing bad stuff for over 15 years. Over 30 arrests, many felony’s This is a random person. I don’t know Mr. Gardner,I don’t want to know him. This is to show how broken the system is. There is no way of knowing how much damage he has done & gotten by without being caught. Help by voting, drain the swap. Vote to make America great again.



How ‘Sgt. Pepper’s’ shaped a musical era. Video

The Florida Department of Transformation is scheduled to begin a landscaping project along S.R. 5/U.S. 1/Overseas Highway from South Pine Channel, Mile Marker 28.75, to Spanish Harbor, Mile Marker 32.98, and Summerland Key, from Mile Marker 23.69, to Mile Marker 25.40. The project will cost an estimated $1.04 million and will take approximately 2 1/2 years to transform the Keys into another place the FDOT admires more.
[Sewers] Everybody should be a lot less worried about a well-maintained septic tank vs.the FKAA sewer system. Keep in mind the Aqueduct Authority admits to losing 28% of all water piped through the Florida Keys. I’ll keep my septic tank while y’all can deal with the 28% fecal matter in your front yard.


[Marijuana] It seems as though our society is against legal pot because it makes you feel good (it’s also natural). They are about to legalize medical pot because it doesn’t make you feel good. Meanwhile anyone can go to their family doctor and get any variety of pills that make them feel good. I don’t get it.

There aren’t any over-the-counter glasses for distance because there are way too many variables in distance corrections, especially when you consider that 80% of eyeglass wearers also have some astigmatism. The placement of the optical centers (PD=pupil distance) also becomes more critical with distance glasses, plus the fact that most people have a different correction in both eyes.
[“Tub safety bar”] To the person who beat me up for asking to have a safety bar put in my shower you missed the boat. I would have easily paid $60 to have it done. I understand travel time, etc. you should have called. I am presently disabled and will be for some time. I have many things I could use help with and the cash to pay. Want to try again, please call 305-240-3332.
[Muslims & Mirrors] When the escaped soldiers come in, they pay me a visit, and are given a dollar and made to look at their black pug faces in the mirrors, which are in the palace. They are asked their opinion of their reflection. Some stare with wide open eyes, for they have never seen themselves before. They generally approve of the reflections, especially the black sluts, who think themselves Venuses, and shove their hands into their mouths, which is a general sign among blacks of great modesty, like the casting down of the eyes with us. It stands to reason that in countries where there are no mirrors, every one must be a complete stranger to himself, and would need an introduction.

~ General Gordon under siege at Khartoum 1887

[Healthcare] The people of Saudi Arabia and Israel have a much better healthcare plan than the government is offering Americans.
[Vietnam] Two things I’ll never forget growing up was man landing on the moon, and the Vietnam prisoners coming off the plane. Landing on the moon I could believe. Those heroic prisoners coming home was completely unbelievable. The war ending to me was unbelievable. It was a part of my life every day. It couldn’t end. It was a part of life as I had only known it. God Bless all who have and still do serve. And God bless their families. The families don’t get anywhere near the respect they deserve. What they have to go through alone is hell. Thank you.




And you think you have problems!

About the so-called “poignant” suicide animation. You do know you didn’t have to put in an animation. Sometimes less is more. (Ed: I usually include an animation if I want to draw attention to a post. If there is an animation almost everyone will read that post.)
[Many Reasons For Civil War] There seems to be some misconception about the real cause of the American Civil war.  Those folks not born in the southern part of the US have a holier-than-thou view of themselves because they believe that the war was fought solely for humanitarian reasons [freeing the slaves].  If that were true, and it’s not, it would be the only war in the history of civilization that was waged for that purpose.  Unlikely, very unlikely.

More likely and certainly more believable, the war was fought for the same reason all wars are fought – resources. The south had cotton, it was the industrial revolution and the north needed cotton.  The north also needed jobs for their 22 million and growing population.  Given the power the north had in Congress, due to their more than double population over the south, they restricted the south from selling their cotton and other natural resources outside the US, effectively seizing control of the south’s economy. As a result, many of the southern states seceded from the union. The war was fought to keep control over the southern states and their resources.  But it sounds so much better to say that almost one million people lost their lives for humanitarian reasons

[Stupid] I lose track of how many times per day I want to turn and say, “You can’t seriously be that stupid?”
The retail closures, like Underseas, are affecting Keys towns that already have their fair share of economic problems. Big Pine is not exempt.  These are places where many local housing and businesses have already shut down and tourist vacation rental homes are being created from local homes, and where consumers have less money to spend than they used to.  You can purchase items on Amazon but how sad is it that you cannot walk into a shop and speak to someone knowledgeable could the item you need

[Dive Shops] I find it odd that there is only one dive shop on Big Pine, the closest key to the reef.

Changes in spending habits have big implications for the counties and towns that depend on retail for sales and income-tax revenue. Don’t be so heartless with your comments regarding Underseas dive shop. Many of the areas affected by retail closures have already weathered other departures: tourist housing being erected, young people departing for bigger cities, home values dropping. The constant departure of more retail stores is another blow.

Are the Russians here yet? They have been coming since our President took office. Classic comedy, “The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!” A Russian submarine runs aground near a small New England town, and it’s up to Lt. Rozanov (Alan Arkin) as the Russians’ second-in-command to covertly secure a towboat to avoid an international confrontation. When he hooks up with residents such as Walt Whittaker (Carl Reiner) and the police chief (Brian Keith), all hell breaks loose. This classic comedy earned three Oscar nominations, including one for Best Picture. (…continued on the National Politics page)

[Crook] Wisconsin’s Bob Rainek and Turkey Creek LLC use Craigslist to scam work among other frauds. Craigslist scam, Colorado work scam, hotel scam, rip-off work, drug scam, lease purchase scam. Link



Another normal day at the secret headquarters of the Coconut Telegraph.

[Piners Got Rights] I would love to hook up to the big government sewer system. I’m into socialism, but you can’t put your tinker toy pump in my postage stamp-size front yard and I’m not providing electricity for your equipment while you have the gall to charge me double for water.
I’m at that delusional age where I think everyone my age looks way older than I do.
[Death on the Reef] A California man died while diving Friday offshore of Key Largo. The 56-year-old victim, Dimitry Altschuller, and his wife were on board a commercial dive vessel out of the Amoray Dive Center on Friday. Altschuller was on his second dive of the day when the incident occurred at about 11:48 a.m. The victim’s dive partner said they were in the water when it appeared Altschuller ran out of air. The partner shared his air as they surfaced. Once at the surface, Altschuller was still breathing, but it appeared that he began to panic and passed out. He was taken to Mariner’s Hospital where he was pronounced dead.
The real reason for cleaning up the Keys (sewers, etc) is to allow more development and get more tourist dollars here. Wake up, paradise is gone, it’s gone into deep pockets and holes in the ground! When are they breaking ground for all the new hotel chains and mass marketing super stores, when they develop the Key West to Cuba ferry system and 4-lane US1!

[Friday, June 24, 2017] Deer Ed, What calendar are you using? (Ed: Oops! Thanks for letting me know, I changed it. I’m glad someone still has a brain.)

[Immigrants] 51% of immigrant-led households receive at least one kind of welfare benefit. Not from me they don’t. I figured out how to not pay income taxes and keep what I earn years ago.


[1836 Key West Shaming] A man was put in the pillory for one hour for larceny.

This Month at UWFK. June, 2017. Link
No matter how many hammers you use you can’t pound common sense into some people.


[Memorial Day] Being a veteran, I feel I must say that that the lack of flags flown on Monday really made my heart sink.

[Old News] Federal agents have dismantled a South Florida immigrant smuggling network that brought undocumented foreign nationals from the Bahamas in boats to the Florida Keys so they could live and work in the United States illegally, according to federal court records. This is old news but still relevant. Link

[Retail Closures] How can a store stay open when people come there only to examine the merchandise. They then go home and buy the item online at a much cheaper price.

[Sewers] “High Density PolyEthylene (HDPE).” Whether it is a crumbling plastic doghouse, a split plastic garbage can, a storage container that disintegrates after a few years in a dark closet, the 5 gallon paint bucket that cracks after a couple of years, or the cheapest quality of sewage grinder pump pit or the cheapest sewer pressure pipe available on the market.

HDPE starts out flexible and seemingly indestructible, but the plasticizer chemical leaches out into water or off-gasses, leaving behind a brittle material. The molecular structure is actually crystalline and this material is subject to suddenly snapping once the plasticizer has been reduced. The Plastic Pipe Institute is an industry promoter of their member manufacturers’ products, so you need to give their marketing advice and information the credibility it deserves (not much). That’s where FKAA got its HDPE defense information. Instead, read what the Concrete Pipe Manufacturers Association has found where HDPE has been used for storm drains and culverts. Read what the manufacturers of ductile iron pipe reveal about HDPE reliability. Notice that the bridge crossings use iron pipe instead of HDPE for sewers (unless encased in steel or iron pipe)? Did you realize that even the 16″ HDPE pipe pulled under Niles Channel was found to be leaking during the initial test but was allowed to remain? That’s raw sewage, folks, not septic tank effluent, and it is being injected under pressure into the fractured and porous rock under Nilke Channel, day and night. Even the Plastic Pipe Manufacturers Association says that a leaking welded joint HDPE pipe must be rejected due to the likelihood of future catastrophic failure. FKAA used an inappropriate testing protocol to be used so as to find the leakage acceptable, but the leakage was personally witnessed by the design engineer and documented. That channel crossing cost almost $5 million. That sewer forcemain pipe is not encased within another pipe as was originally specified, so replacement means starting all over again



To many Americans, Memorial Day has lost its meaning. Link

[Jersey Girls] Yesterday’s headline read “Two Great White Sharks Surface Near Jersey Shore and Delaware.” They should have added “They took one look at the women and never went back.”
[Developers Cheating] Lock-out units have had multiple doors and rooms that can be rented separately virtually doubling the number of renters. Pritam Singh used lock-out units to double the size of his hotel on Stock Island.
[Facial Recognition Technology] A small-time drug case in Florida has become the poster child of the debate over whether law enforcement agencies should be using facial recognition technology to make arrests. Legal researchers say the arrest of Willie Lynch is the case that has dealt most directly, and broadly, with facial recognition technology. Lynch was arrested for selling crack cocaine to undercover officers who took his photo with a smartphone.

The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office couldn’t identify any policies guiding its use of facial recognition software–and that’s the problem.

I took my wife to a restaurant and for some reason the waiter took my order first.  I told him I wanted a steak, very, very rare.  He asked, “Aren’t you worried about Mad Cow?”  I said, “No, she can order for herself.”  And that’s when the fight started.

[Ethnic Dancing Reflects Culture] Ethnic dancing is truly a fascinating reflection of the diversity that is to be found between various cultures. Take for example this dance couple from Venezuela, engaged in sinewy, sultry, steamy, sexy movements. It’s their culture. Of course it differs, somewhat, from that of the couple from Saudi Arabia.

[“Save the Bartram’s Hairstreak butterfly”] I have been trying to save the elusive species known as the Red-Breasted Mattress Thresher. This elusive creature can sometimes be found in pricey shops and restaurants in Key West. They are attracted to expensive vehicles and the smell of money. None have ever been spotted in the Lower Keys

The developers of the Summerland Key project at the old shrimp farm are now looking at changing the project, which could bring the number of units down to 118.

Developers always start big and later reduce the number of units and the community thinks it won.

Space travel for people is just about impossible simply because space is filled with rocks and dirt and one chunk of anything will obliterate a fast ship. Star Trek isn’t going to happen.
[“Gringos who love Latinas“] I love the northern prejudice. I’d rather hang with Latinos than gringos anyday, and I’m a gringo. The hate carried from elsewhere to the Keys has ruined what once was One Human Family. Enjoy the weather’, I’m praying’ for wind and high water. Wilma ran a bunch of the haters from here. It’s again time for a natural scrubbing

[War On Drugs] The Philippines are doing it right by using martial law to cull the bad guys once and for all. It’s called cleaning the swamp! Link

[“$20 per hour”] Forget it, you leach. You want more per hour than 90% of Americans make. You think you can make an average week’s income by screwing off for half a day screwing someone else? Go flip some burgers you bum!
[Miami Vice New Season] Fort Lauderdale drug enforcement officials say traffickers are bringing more cocaine into South Florida than at any time in the past decade. Officials with the Drug Enforcement Administration say Colombia has been producing more cocaine than at the height of the notorious 1980s.
Fantasy Fest 2017 should be a Political Party humor thing! Everybody can get naked except for the politicians and cops[?].

I cannot fathom that its 2017 and there are still people who think the HIV virus is transmitted via a mosquito. Where do these ignorants come from? a cave in lower Alabama?

[Immigration] America will die soon simply because the people don’t care and are letting the great unwashed invade us and breed us into extinction. Why the media does not bitch and moan about this is beyond me. Profit? Power? What?
Arguing over a woman’s breast size is like choosing between Budweiser, Miller, Heineken or Corona.  Men may have a preference but will grab anything available.
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