2018 July

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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Wetstock 2018?  We sure hope Flip Flop Bob didn’t get blown away by Irma because Wetstock is our favorite island activity of the entire year.  Anybody know what’s happening?  Bob, are you out there, buddy?

[“Little is being done on cybersecurity because lawmakers are old and don’t understand computers”] Reminder: Trump abruptly fired the cyber security czar then eliminated the position three months ago and all 232 House Republicans recently voted NO to block gov’t funding used to defend our elections and candidates from foreign attacks.


The US has more prisoners than anywhere else. We lock up more people per capita than anywhere else. The most disturbing fact is that over three quarters of them are repeat offenders! Evidently rehabilitation doesn’t work. I’ve always thought the guillotine was very effective, cheap, quick and painless.

[Guns] Numbers show an annual cost of four billion dollars to cover immediate medical care of gunshot wounds. This was last year; up twelve-percent from the year before. Lifetime follow-up care and economic loss due to gunshot injuries is estimated at twenty billion per year. None of this cost is subsidized by the gun’s manufacturers. Pistols and revolvers account for over eighty-percent of these injuries.

these figures are a couple of years old, but they still can’t be denied. Last year we had over twenty-one thousand handgun-related deaths in this country. If we take away the suicides and the deaths ruled accidental, it still leaves us with over nineteen thousand handgun deaths. We have around sixty-five million handguns in this country, with a death rate of thirteen point seven per one hundred thousand. On top of the homicides, this also shows that handguns are used nine out of ten times in robbery, assault and battery, and rape.

Harley Davidson is making an electric motorcycle soon. Will they have a recording of their hey-look-at-me-exhaust rumble?



Never stray from the path. Never eat a windfall apple. And never trust a man whose eyebrows meet in the middle.  ~Grandma (Red Riding Hood)

State and Federal prisons combined hold a total of 1,470,045 prisoners. Incarceration is a good business to be in.


[Yankee Lobster Rolls] The regular 8 month lobster season is about to start (not that phony mini-season). It’s always August 6 through March 31 so here’s a recipe on how to make your own lobster rolls, Yankee style, using Florida lobster.1 pound cooked lobster meat cut in chunks. About 3-4 tails
2 ribs celery, diced small
½ cup light green celery leaves from the inner ribs, chopped
½ cup good-quality mayonnaise
Kosher salt to taste

2 tablespoons melted butter
4 split-top hot dog rolls
Bibb lettuce leaves
¾ teaspoon celery seed
1 lemon, cut into wedges
Tabasco sauce to taste

Prepare a pot of water with a steamer basket and add a couple of inches of salted water, or bring a large, deep stockpot of water to a boil and add a heaping ¼ cup of kosher salt. Steam the lobsters 12 to 14 minutes or boil them 10 to 12 minutes or until bright red. Use tongs to remove from the pot and let cool completely. You can cook and refrigerate lobsters 1 day in advance.
Shell and roughly chop lobster meat.
In a large bowl, combine the lobster meat, celery, celery leaves and mayonnaise and season with salt to taste.
Melt butter in a skillet on medium-high heat. Place the rolls, cut side down, in the skillet to toast. Turn over and toast the other side. Remove the rolls and line with Bibb lettuce. Fill with the lobster salad, drizzle with more melted butter if desired and sprinkle with celery seed. Serve with lemon wedges and Tabasco sauce on the side.


Sneaking into a country doesn’t make you an “immigrant” any more than breaking into a house makes you part of the family.

[Crooks] They stole a ‘priceless’ gold bar from a Key West museum — and they’re paying the price. Saying they destroyed a priceless artifact, a federal judge on Monday handed out prison terms to the two thieves who eight years ago helped themselves to a 17th century gold bar that had been the centerpiece of a Key West museum. Link
[Key West Slavery] In 1860 Fernando J. Moreno, the U.S. Marshal at Key West, submitted a report to the Secretary of the Interior about the Africans delivered to him by the U.S. Navy. He reported he had received a total of 1,432 Africans and that 294 had died and were buried in Key West. The remaining 1,138 Africans were shipped to Liberia, West Africa by the American Colonization Society. When stopped by the Navy, the Africans were being shipped to Cuba to be sold into slavery in violation of International Law.


[Look at Me] I know a person who uses so much hot sauce that I’m sure she does it just to be noticed. When eating out she makes a show of drenching her food in the hot stuff, making sure that everyone notices it. What a shame to ruin good food with too much or any kind of sauce.

[“Cybersecurity”] I agree the old people running the country are totally clueless how easily our countries’ infrastructure can be hacked. They prefer to spend money on conventional weapons, closing a blind eye to the real threat to our security. What would happen if you couldn’t get at your money? your car won’t work? no power or water? no traffic signals? Yes, that’s what a cyber attack will do.
Early voting begins August 13th and Primary election is on August 28th. Vote wisely and often.
[Putz] It seems to me, if you look like a putz, think like a putz, act like a putz, then you must be a putz. So why in hell do putz’s run for office and putz-up our county? Time to really look at the candidates who want to take our money and spend it on their putzie ideas.
[Fads] Plastic straw ban among council action. Then Islamorada Council voted unanimously July 19 to join a growing movement to prohibit distribution of plastic straws at commercial establishments and use at local public facilities. The ordinance, which eventually could result in a civil $250 code fine for violations, passed 4-0 on its first and final reading. Second violation is death!

[Purple Heart Day] Washington, D.C. – U.S. Senators Susan Collins (R-ME) and Joe Manchin (D-WV) announced today that their resolution in support of National Purple Heart Recognition Day on August 7th passed the Senate unanimously. The bipartisan resolution was cosponsored by a total of 23 Senators. Purple Heart Day recognizes the sacrifices of those who have earned the Purple Heart Medal and is commemorated each year on the anniversary of George Washington creating the “Badge for Military Merit,” the precursor to the Purple Heart.

[Africa 1911] An African road generally is a foot-track tramped by travel to exceeding smoothness and hardness as of asphalt when the season is dry. It is only twelve inches wide from the habit of the natives to travel in single file one after another. When such a track is old it resembles a winding and shallow gutter, the center has been trodden oftener than the sides–rainwater has rushed along and scoured it out somewhat the sides of the path have been raised by humus and dust, the feet of many passengers have brushed twigs and stones and pressed the dust aside. A straight path would be shorter than the usual one formed by native travel by a third in every mile on an average.




[International Icons] In case of emergency, throw out your giant penis and climb to safety!

[Diver Down -for Good] Video shows moment when Canadian filmmaker’s body is found after diving accident. Canadian filmmaker Rob Stewart disappeared after a deep-water dive in the Florida Keys in 2017. His body was found with the help of a remotely operated underwater vehicle and was recovered by a team of divers. It doesn’t get any realer than that! Video

[Cat-o’-nine-tails] The boatswain’s mates, whose office it is to flog on board a man of war, stood ready with their dreadful weapon of punishment, the cat-o’-nine-tails. This instrument of torture was composed of nine cords, a quarter of an inch round and about two feet long, the ends whipt with fine twine.  To these cords was affixed a stock, two feet in length, covered with red baize. The reader may be sure that it is a most formidable instrument in the hands of a strong, skillful man. Indeed, any man who should whip his horse with it would commit an outrage on humanity, which the moral feeling of any community would not tolerate; he would  be prosecuted for cruelty; yet it is  used to whip men on board ships of  war!
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger and asked, “Thanks but why would you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?” I told him the chances of two serial killers being in one car would be astronomical.
The Buddha’s Four Noble Truths
FIRST NOBLE TRUTH: Life contains suffering.
SECOND NOBLE TRUTH: Suffering has a cause, and the cause can be known
THIRD NOBLE TRUTH: Suffering can be brought to an end.
FOURTH NOBLE TRUTH: The path that leads to the end of suffering.
Does anyone know the whereabouts of Ricky Roberts who built the big concrete house out in the Koen subdivision?


Time moves slowly, but passes quickly.

[Supermarket Rage] I went in to Publix Sunday and saw that the nut case that moves store items to other shelves is at it again, there as at Winn-Dixie. I hate having to see things like this happen and hope they catch the SOBs and break their fingers!
[“Army helicopters named after Indian tribes”] Black Hawk was the name of an individual Indian, not a tribe.  He was a chief of the Sauk nation of the Eastern Woodlands culture group, who were forcibly moved to Oklahoma.




To the people who loose one shoe on the side of the highway. Please tell me what the rest of your life is like?

[All Illegals Are Garbage] The best way to describe what will happen if the illegals take over America is “garbage in, garbage out” Without a doubt these newcomers will tear down everything we have built up and make America a Shiite-hole just like the Shiite-holes they come from.
Feeling down, I saw a sign that read “NEED HELP?  CALL JESUS  800-555-3787” Out of despair and desperation I called the number.  A Mexican with a leaf blower showed up.
I forwarded “Dreamers” post to a friend in Sweden. She lives in a small town in the south western part of Sweden.

I can’t forward you her reply since she answered me back in German.  But in short, every bit is true, it is very bad over there and you certainly won’t go out at night.  If you complain about anything you might find yourself dead or 3/4 dead on the street.  When she goes to a vegetable market she thinks she is somewhere in the Middle East and nobody speaks Swedish.  That is bad! And if we don’t wake up real soon, we will be, not even tolerated, strangers in our own country. With the denial of strict vetting and without defined borders, language and culture, do we really have a country?

[Stuff The Bus] Join us at the Key West Hard Rock Cafe on Tuesday, July 31, 5:30-7:30 pm, for the Stuff the Bus Kickoff Party! There will be FREE light bites, music, fun, and a cash bar. New for 2018 – To ensure we provide the tools students really need to succeed, this year we are seeking monetary contributions only. This will allow us to purchase specific supplies as requested by each school. Link


[Undetectable Dagger] No metal detector will ever pick up this knife and you’ll be able to use it no matter where you might be, on airplanes, schools, anywhere. Video

I’m glad I’m poor because I would have to do nasty to anyone suing me for grabbing ass years ago. Or I would have to call Pauli in Philly to take care of the situation. I wonder why others don’t call him?
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