2024 February

Friday, February 23, 2024

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Free] 2 aluminum box trucks for storage on Big Pine. One is used for lumber storage. The other is set up like a little workshop with cabinets and work benches. or 305-797-1218
[Scurvy] Another unfounded 18th century cure for scurvy was perhaps even more disconcerting to behold. Patients were submerged, as a text for sea surgeons recommended, “in a good bath of the blood of beasts, either cows, horse, asses, goats or sheeps.”

I think I finally found the right religion for me.

[Friday Joke] “Medical care in Keys – or lack thereof” Q: Where do you go in the Keys when you get sick? A:  The Airport.
Computer Club meeting this Saturday at the Community Center in Big Pine Plaza. Do you have a surveillance camera? Do you think we all need them? If so, which one would you choose? Full Menu > Ongoing Events > Computer Club
[Mexico vs China] For the first time in 20 years; the U.S. bought more goods from Mexico in 2023 than it did from China. The trade deficit with China narrowed significantly last year, with imports from the country dropping 20 per- cent to $427.2 billion. Mexican exports to the U.S. came in at roughly $475.6 billion
[Cut and Run] This is another nautical term, which derived from when a captain, to hastily escape an enemy, would order his men to “cut” the anchor cable and “run” speedily downwind.
[Help Wanted] Key AHEC is seeking a Full Time Counselor to assist individuals in quitting tobacco through counseling, use of nicotine replacement therapies, and developing individual quit plans. Candidate must be comfortable with speaking to small groups, counseling patients and delivering health programs in a community setting.
Qualified candidate should have a counseling, health care, education and/or public health background as well as be comfortable with computer systems.  Position offers a highly competitive salary, health insurance, PTO and retirement plan…bi-lingual a plus. Please e-mail resumes to or call 305-743-7111 x 202 with questions. EOE

An exclusive look inside where nuclear subs are born. To craft submarines that withstand the crushing deep, New England shipbuilders must become masters of steel. Link

[Movies] If there’s a car crash the seat belt won’t unfasten.

5 stretches for relieving ‘tech neck,’ according to physical therapists. Each stretch can be done right in your seat. Link

[Friday Joke] There was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air – but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was once again unharmed.
This of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
“You know what? No,” said the executioner. “I’ve had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat; we’re strapping you in and doing this now.” Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said, “Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor.”
The Florida Keys Southernmost Car Club (FKSCC) will hold its “SHOW & SHINE” Sunday, Feb 25th from Noon to 3pm (as last week’s event was rained out). This event is for the lovers of classic, custom, and street rod automobiles and trucks of all years and makes. If it’s cool and on wheels, it will be there. We will have a People’s Choice Award as always. The fun event as always is at the Sugarloaf Lodge, on Sugarloaf Key. MM17. The restrooms will be open. Bring the kids to enjoy these beautiful relics of the auto world.
Robbie’s Food Truck “Loafin’ Around Café” will be there for your snack and beverage needs.
This is a free event for everyone.
The Club is seeking new members. Join Sunday and get a Club T-Shirt and car sticker. For more information contact Lance Stehman 305-797-6782
[Royal Navy Choices] A captain or other commissioned officer sentenced to death typically had the choice of whether to be hanged or shot.

The overhead projector has put more people to sleep than Ambien, NyQuil, and Xanax combined. Ad this to the list of obsolete things.

Patriotism is the first refuge of a scoundrel.
[Gristle] Winn Dixie had a sale, buy 1 get one free, for Aidells Cajun Style Andouille sausage. I ate 2 links and there was so much gristle I threw the other package away. How can they not know that if there’s no gristle, I’d buy it again instead of throwing it away.
Florida Keys helicopter ambulance fleet temporarily grounded after emergency landing when the aircraft’s landing gear malfunctioned. The helicopter was on its way to transport a patient to HCA Florida Kendall Hospital when the crew noticed its landing gear wasn’t functioning and returned to base in Marathon, which is in the Middle Keys. The pilot set the chopper on the tarmac around 5:30 a.m. with at least one of its wheels remaining retracted. Link

[Cell Towers Hacked] If your cell service is out, switch your phone setting to wifi and use your network to call out.

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[Snakes] Why are there so many snakes? Thousands of species of snakes slither across the globe. Researchers think this is a product of a mysterious singularity event. In a square-rectangle sort of way, snakes are technically lizards, but for semantics’ sake and because snakes are so distinctive, biologists separate snakes and lizards into different categories. Despite being nested within the same branch of the tree of life, legless, lengthy, and slithering snakes–capable of unhinging their jaws and delivering a venomous bite–stand out from their reptilian clade-mates. New research sheds light on just how unique snakes are, and underscores an enduring mystery. Link
[Buried Alive] Lauderdale-by-the-Sea beach where a 7-year-old girl died on Tuesday, Feb. 20, after sand buried her at the bottom of a deep hole she and her brother had dug out on the beach, authorities said. Her brother is hospitalized.
Key West Art and Craft Festival offers open-air celebration. Creations by more than 120 artists and crafters from around the United States and Canada will entice attendees Saturday and Sunday, Feb. 24-25, at the Key West Art and Craft Festival.
[Distracted by Phone] American drivers are now even more distracted by their phones. Pedestrian deaths are soaring. During the pandemic, distracted driving increased, and it hasn’t gone down since. Link
[Cellphone Outage] Did China hack our infrastructure? Was this a test? Did they send us a giant Trojan Peking duck? Remember, they are smarter than we are.
[Friday Joke] A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”
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The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 2/23/24 at 9:30 am.