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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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 The Big Pine Key Hydrology Project is the second biggest boondoggle in the history of the National Key Deer Refuge. It is a massive waste of taxpayer money and a poorly designed project. It was designed by people who have no idea how the hydrology of Big Pine Key functions, how it has changed in the last forty years, or how it will change in the next decade or two.
It would be funny if it wasn’t such a tragic waste of taxpayer money that could have been spent on projects that would have benefited the environment or buffered against the effects of rising sea level. The residents of the island, who will be inconvenienced and waste lots of money on gas to drive many extra miles to get to and from their homes don’t seem to mind this at all. According to Kevin Kalasz, the project spokesman, “the soils in the area are hyper saline right now”. That indicates that after the wettest fall and early winter on record on Big Pine Key the project does not work. The water in the area should be just starting to increase in salinities after reaching the most fresh levels in January (because of unusually levels of rain in December}. It rained 5.21 inches in December 2023 and 1.80 inches in January 2024. Much of this project area is below sea level, and removing the fill and relocating it to Key Largo did not help in lowering salinities, since much of the sodium chloride can enter the site from below. Much more could be said about why this project doesn’t work and how poorly designed it is. The thousands of people who will waste hours of their life, and lots of their money so that the agents of USFWS can attempt to correct their mistakes should consider complaining to the County Commissioners. They gave permission to USFWS to tear up your vital roads and adversely effect your life. Whatever the people who thought up this project think needs to be done to correct the mistakes, needs to be done in several days, not over a month. Call your Monroe County Commissioner: 305 292 4512 or any County Commissioner. |
 [Wash Your PeePee] Shocked doctor discovers 30-YEAR build-up of smegma under the foreskin of married man who was suffering agonizing pain in his penis. The married man rushed to hospital after seeing chunks fall from his genitals. Shocked doctors realized it was a 30-year-buildup of smegma. They urged members of the public to regularly and thoroughly wash themselves. Link |
| Another common Tax scam involves notifications of a ‘tax refund’ that you didn’t expect. These are attempts to lure you into sharing sensitive information like your Social Security number or bank account details. The IRS will never initiate contact with taxpayers via email, text messages, or social media channels to request personal or financial information. |
 [“Big Pine Key Hydrology Project”] They said the dirt roads they scraped and paid to dump up in Florida were impeding the flow of flood water. They determined this from their offices in Florida or D.C. or wherever they congregate. Those 3 or 4 ‘dirt’ roads were below the surrounding land—yes, below the adjacent land and could not impede floodwater. If they were in Big Pine Key they would have seen this for themselves. |
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| [“Monroe County sheriff’s deputy arrested”] No worries. Monroe County police know they are above the law. He’ll quietly be slapped on the wrist while getting plenty of “attaboys” from his peers and the legal system. |
 [Crypto] I got into this crazy pie-in-the-sky crypto years back. I w going to sell and get out in December 2023. I said screw it — stay the course. That loss of $64,000 I was going to take has now blossomed into a $90,000 plus gain! I still don’t understand it. |
| [Friday Joke] A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’ The guy replies,’ I’m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.’ Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it’s the priest’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.’ Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ ‘Just a minute’ says the good father. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, but I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?’ ‘Up here – we go by results,’ says Saint Peter. ‘When you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.’ |
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| [Scam] A series of meetings have been held over the past 4 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization, this ended 7 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of One Million, Two Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ($1,200,000.00) due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reasons and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund, bla, bla, bla. |
 I told myself I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself. |
| [Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards] A cheeky otter, relatable sleepy ground squirrel, and the death stare of a gannet. Link |
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| [Floodwater Culvert Failure] “the soils in the area are hyper saline right now” This shows that the project doesn’t work. They admit it and want to rebuild the whole thing. It was never going to work. The area has experienced great rainfall since they built the culverts on Watson and Key Deer Blvd. There was more than enough rain to reduce the salinity of those effected wetlands if what they claimed was true. Fresh water sat there for months increasing the levels and continually being replenished from the torrential rains. The culverts did nothing. They are higher than the water they were intended to drain. They couldn’t have asked for more rain to test their imagined problem. Again, a bunch of PHDs who have no practical experience doing this and wasting millions on an unnecessary project. It didn’t work as long-time residents warned. Now they have to re-do the project to try and fix their mistake. More millions wasted. |
 [Easter Eggs] How to dye Easter eggs, volcano-style: An explosion of color with a splash of science. You probably already have everything you need to make these vibrant eggs. Link |
| [Logic] Help me understand the logic of this: Watching 2 hours of violence in a movie has no influence on our behavior, but a 30 second Super Bowl ad is worth $3.8 million because it will influence our behavior and make us run out and buy a product. |
 Vinyl records outsold CDs for the second year running. Taylor Swift had a lot to do with it, from the looks of things. Somehow, someway, vinyl records keep defying the odds. Despite falling firmly behind compact disc sales for decades, the vintage physical music medium returned to the top spot in 2022 for the first time since 1987. Now, new numbers released by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) indicate that wasn’t just a random fluke—yet again, vinyl outsold CDs for a second year running in 2023. This time, however, LPs managed to widen the lead even more |
| [?] Go grocery shopping. Get a cart inside, fill it with groceries, walk to auto, fill it with groceries and return the cart to the secure area for grocery carts. Numerous folks leaving their empty cart in the lot near tons of other cars. The owners of these cars are Cadillac, BMW, etc. Maybe they don’t own their vehicles? Maybe they are so ignorant they don’t care! |
 More leprosy cases are popping up in Florida. Why an ancient disease might be endemic. The U.S. has seen a rise in Hansen’s disease, or leprosy, in southeastern states, including in Florida, where the disease might be endemic. Link |
| [AI] I’m struck by the fact that all of a sudden we’re not talking about the impact of robots on blue-collar jobs, but the impact of AI on white-collar jobs. It is super creepy. |
 The Key West City Commission District 1 race has become more crowded, and a Key West Utility Board member is planning to file for his seat on April 1, making it the most crowded Key West race. Link |
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[Race] US changes how it categorizes people by race and ethnicity. It’s the first revision in 27 years. Link |
| [Friday Jokes] What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef. Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score. Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids. Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown. |
 Germany’s cannabis reforms were approved this week, overcoming the final legislative hurdle when the Bundesrat, Germany’s upper house, voted through the bill that passed with a huge majority in the Bundestag (lower house) last month. Germany is a significant addition to the growing list of countries defecting from the drug war consensus that had held for more than half a century. More than half a billion people now live in jurisdictions establishing legal adult access to cannabis for recreational use. Link |
| The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 3/29/24 at 9:30 am. |