Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
(Ed: Tuesday, June 5, 2022’s Coconut Telegraph will be published later this morning due to a family emergency. We’re sorry for the disruption, please bear with me and come back later.) |
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![]() Thousands of poisonwoods were destroyed by Hurricane Irma along with 80% of the white crown pigeon population. The pigeons depend on poisonwood for their early season food supply. They also depend on black torch trees, Erithalis fruticosa, a small tree that produces small black fruit in June, that the pigeons love. That species is virtually extinct on Big Pine and No Name Keys as a result of years of severe over browsing by the Key Deer. This makes remaining native hardwood trees even more important. I read in the News Barometer that the Refuge has a plan. That plan includes using herbicides to kill native trees, and using heavy machinery to clear habitat. There are also 19 species that depend on pine rockland vegetation, including white crown pigeons. The large forestry mulcher type machines that have been used to clear 133 acres of pine rockland habitat since 2016 not only grind up the native vegetation they also crack up a lot of the caprock. |
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[Boom Cars] No more blasting the car radio across Florida. New law means fines for drivers jamming out. Link |
![]() [Friday Joke] The brain is the most amazing organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love. |
The hassle over abortion rights is a mockery and is another tool to divide this nation. No person has any right to dictate what anyone can do with their life and body–period. The sickos on all sides need to wake up and smell Big Brother. There are just too many people already. |
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The public toilet in Serengeti National Park. |
[Captain Doom and Gloom] Abortion is a joke. All a man or woman has to do is get their tube tied and have fun in the sun. [other insults deleted] |
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Holy Roller Bible. |
Here are the Best Dressed Black Celebrities. Link |
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[More Iron Ore] U.S. Steel announced plans to upgrade its iron ore capabilities in Minnesota with a $150 million investment toward a system dedicated to producing Direct Reduced (DR)-grade pellets. The plant will be located at either its Keetac or Minntac facility on the Iron Range. Link |
![]() [Bugs Up Close] Macro portraits reveal the glamor and peril of endangered insects. Photographer Levon Biss captures the exquisite majesty of bugs—and the pressures that threaten them. Link |
[“Killing protected poisonwood”] We finally found out who’s killing the poisonwood: the people hired to protect them -the US Fish and Wildlife Service. I think there are a lot of PHDs in Washington D.C. headquarters with nothing to do so they dream up ways to f**k with the land they should be protecting. Poisonwood is an important tree in the rock pineland that is exclusive to the Keys. |
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Eye drops are technically Blinker fluid. |
![]() Do not bow-ride! This guy was lucky when he slipped off the bow, went under the boat and got chewed up by the prop. That’s why bow-riding is outlawed. |
[“Killing native Posionwood”] Perhaps the Refuge should perform a Section 7, an environmental impact study, that is usually required by the Endangered Species Act before conducting management that results in permanent environmental damage to critical habitat |
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Serious fishing. |
[Friday Joke] A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. He was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: Pastor’s Ass Out Front. The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: Bishop Scratches Pastor’s Ass This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing the news, posted the following headline the next day: Nun Has Best Ass In Town. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read: Nun Sells Ass For $10 This was too much for the bishop so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild And Free The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is that being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and just cover your own, you’ll be a lot happier and live longer. |
![]() [Inflation] Independence Day sales start tonight at midnight at Winn-Dixie liquor store. |
[Whistling Scrotum] 72-year-old was baffled by his ‘whistling scrotum. He discovered air was hissing out of his sack. A 72-year-old man from Ohio walked into an emergency department with a ‘whistling scrotum’ caused by air trapped inside his chest escaping from an old surgical wound. (Ed: I can usually find an appropriate picture or animation for anything, but a whistling scrotum eluded my vast resources.) Link |
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[Roe v Wade Kaput] Congratulations to all rapists! You now have the freedom to select whatever woman you want to have your baby. Pick out a beauty. |
![]() Okinawa has 68 centenarians for every 100,000 residents, which is more than three times the population of the same size in the United States. The regular consumption of turmeric by its residents is the main reason for their health and longevity. |
![]() Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined what was happening. The bundles of manure were then always stamped with the instruction “Stow High In Transit”. This meant for sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this “volatile” cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘ , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and remains in use today as a well-recognized slang word. These sailors definitely would have been in “deep shit” (meaning in trouble) if someone had taken a lantern below. |
[Friday Joke] The customer tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to apologize because he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, “No problem at all, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.” |
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(Ed: For those of you keeping track for testing purposed, the CT was published at 9:31 am today.) |