2019 August

Friday, August 2, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[“Bike travel in Cuba”] Three college youths I met in Cuba and I rented bikes to go to the beach about four or five miles from the town of Trinidad. Mine had no seat, just the shaft. None had brakes which proved to be a challenge as the ride was mostly down small hills. The rentor did provide a small piece of plywood to sit on. One of the young people, in deference to my age, insisted that he take the bike with no seat. The roads weren’t too awful until returning in the dark. I only brought my dark prescription sunglasses and they were worse than no glasses because there are no street lights and the roads remain dark except for car headlights. What an awful ride back. It was almost all uphill. There was always another slight hill and I thought I’d collapse if we went another foot. I was 69 and they were in their 20 or 30s. On our return I had to pretend I wasn’t near collapse. A dram or two of Havana Club Ron helped me regain my composure.



[Reading a Tide Chart] What datum should I set my tide chart at if I only want to know how many feet off the bottom I have? I go in the back country and need to know just how far above the bottom I am. I don’t want mean tide readings or anything other than where the bottom is on any given day and time. My tide app lists MLLW, MLW, and MSL as the options to display the data.

Also, on the chart, what does zero represent? Is that the bottom or an average depth? Does this chart [pictured] mean that the bottom is exposed a little less than 0.4 ft at low tide?
“Where’s the bottom?”…crunch!!

[“Cuba”] The Cuban billboard of the “5 Inocentes” was a photo of five Cuban spies responsible for the shoot down of Miami’s Brothers to the Rescue plane over the Florida Straits in 1996. They were socialists supporting revolutionaries like Che, Fidel and Raul. Link
Deer Ed, A thank you for posting my Cuba response to the Cuba bicycle poster. All I posted to you was true and for your mostly unedited publication. There was only 1 mistake and no one who hasn’t been there will notice. I appreciate you, and what you do.
[Guns] Mass shootings are so common that the most recent one was on the next to the last page opposite the funnies. On the first day of school children are taught where to hid when a gunmen is trying to kill them. The scariest part of this is that the gun supporters don’t see anything wrong with this and their illogical answer is we need more guns. That group of gun advocates will be the eventual ruin of our safety.
[Zoning] Isn’t there a County law to post signs on properties with the intensions of a builder so neighbors can see if the new property will be to the satisfaction of the surrounding residents? Even selling a property/house is never posted and some people turn residential areas into commercial areas which kills the value of adjacent properties, or worse, allows garbage housing or a business to be built.
[Friday Joke] If an American pees in the toilet in Mexico is he a European?


The closed nursery in front of Cudjoe Gardens is quite an eye sore. Who owns that disaster and how can it be cleaned up and those unsightly containers removed? Cudjoe Gardens is a nice development of million-dollar homes and they are degraded with this abomination.

[Normal] I seem to be spending a lot of time wondering what normal people think about.

This is Mo ambo Shakaspear Hurunui in South Aferica. I have tried many time to give the money to you, but no body call me. So I now will have a company to invist in rail estates in Florida Kyes. I buy any islands u want sell. Coll Cell 011-27-000179 ask for Mo.

[“Docking station link missing”] I had to look through a few photos to match up to this link if you can post. Link





Octopus eggs.

[Building Our Border Wall] On April 29th, 2019, Fisher Sand & Gravel Co. was contacted by We Build the Wall to construct a half mile of fence in Sunland Park, New Mexico. The location was deemed “Unbuildable” by government agencies due to the harsh construction conditions. In just over one month of being notified of this project, Fisher procured and fabricated the bollard fence panels and finished all construction within two weeks. Video
What’s the difference between an office flirt in a mini skirt or a prostitute? The office flirt is way over priced. (lawyer humor)





[A Plague of Locusts] Bugs at a street light.

[Election Meddling] Russia is the only country in the world where Putin does not allow Russians to interfere in the elections.
[School Supplies] In Monroe County, 54% of families with children cannot afford life’s basic necessities. Many of these children begin the school year without school supplies such as pencils, backpacks, books, and other items they need to succeed in school. United Way of the Florida Keys’ Stuff the Bus program provides school supplies for these children, ensuring they have the tools to excel this academic year. Working closely with the Monroe County School District, each school uses the funds raised to purchase exactly the items their students need. Every dollar collected for Stuff the Bus goes directly toward purchasing supplies.  Donations to Stuff the Bus are being accepted through August 31 at all area Publix.
[Doing the Midnight Creep] Not under my roof! Video

[Plague and How the Dead were Buried] And then appeared a dead-cart coming over the streets, so I went in. The scene was awful and full of terror. The cart had in it sixteen or seventeen bodies; some were wrapped in sheets or rugs, some little other than naked, or so loose that what covering they had fell from them in the shooting out of the cart, and they fell quite naked among the rest. But the matter was not much to them, seeing they were all dead, and were to be huddled together into the common grave of mankind, as we may call it; for here was no difference made, but poor and rich went together.

I went all the first part of the time freely about the streets, and when they dug the great pit in the churchyard of Aldgate I could not resist going to see it. A terrible pit it was, forty feet long, about sixteen wide, and in one part they dug it to near twenty feet deep, until they could go no deeper for the water. It was filled in just two weeks, when they had thrown into it 1,114 bodies from our own parish. “Bring out your dead!”

[Friday Jokes] -Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.”
-Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
-The difference between the Pope and your boss is, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
-My mind works like lightning – one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
-The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
-I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
-It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
-A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
-My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.
-Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.
-As you slide down that Banister of Life, you should pray that all the splinters are pointed the other way!



[Didn’t Dodge] Another sure sign that the apocalypse is upon us.  A ten year old in Michigan was arrested and charged with aggravated assault for hitting a classmate in the head with a ball in a game of dodge ball!

It’s a sick world out there and getting worse every day. Come on people, stop over breeding this rock and get your heads out then save us all before we are no more!


[Octopus and Camouflage] The eight-limbed master of disguise and surveillance technology. The colour and texture-changing abilities of the octopus are helping researchers develop camouflage. Can we make robots do the same thing? Audio

[“Moose Club”] We at the Big Pine Moose Club Lodge, invite any and all two legged Moose’s regardless of race, color, smell or boob size.
Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. Some people are the same idiots when they die as they were when they were born.


[Worker’s Pay] I laugh at the new generation who really think they are worth $20 per hour. The fault is not with them, it is with the merchant class who over price everything. Milk will be $10 per quart soon, bread $5 a loaf. Look at the fools that are paying $10 per gallon for special water. A teet is a teet and no way a cow is in charge of the register. As a retired airplane worker for 35 years, I never made over $20 per hour. I should have flopped burgers.

[“Python invasion”] The Glades are mostly a tourist attraction where Griswalds ride airboats. If you want to save the Glades, let’s send all the transplants home. You see, the more homes they build, the less water runs in the “river of grass”. Disney screwed the Glades up the worst when they bought up the Kissimmee Basin and filled it with concrete, snot-nosed kids and tourist crap. Second to Disney is big sugar who has all but polluted the Glades south of Lake Okeechobee. Tourism has killed Florida, followed by all those from somewhere else moving here, not the snakes.




[When Pumps Fail] Underground garage becomes under water garage in St. Petersburg, FL. Video

[Friday Joke] The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bioodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? He said, “Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.” The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bioodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, ‘Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.” The third night was Bill’s tum. He was a tanned, older biker, a man’s man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good moming!” he said. They couldn’t believe it.. They said, “Man, what happened?” He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips. Mick sat up and watched me all night.”