2019 August

Friday, August 30, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[The Perfect Storm] On top of having hurricane Dorian hitting us, we will be having a king tides.  King tides increase flooding normally, but with the storm, it’ll be a mess. King tides began Monday and are expected to continue through next Tuesday, Sept. 3. Link

If money can’t buy happiness, please explain boats, babes, and beer.

[Rotary Meeting Changed] We have a location change for our next rotary meeting on September 6th to Boondocks. Please make note and we look forward to seeing you soon. Lower Keys Rotary

[Wetstock 15] Does anyone know if they have officially canceled Wetstock on Sunday? We have a group of at least 20 people that are planning to attend–rain or shine.


[Clown Car F-150] How many illegal aliens can you cram into a Ford F-150? Short video depicts a short police chase on the highway. Upon stopping, the payload, aka human manifest, make a break for it. Talk about taking ride-share to the extreme! Video

[“Skinny dipping”] A poster asked if it is still skinny dipping if fat people do it?  I can assure you that at my age and weight it is now “chunky dunking.”
[Burton in Somalia 1887] The natives will be armed with shields, spears and knives, or with bows and arrows. As our purpose is to march on swiftly through the country, we take the natives considerably by surprise. They cannot confederate or meet us in any force, because they will have no time. Whatever hostilities we may meet will be the outcome of impulse, and that naturally an angry one. Officers must therefore be prompt to resist these impulsive attacks and should at all times see that their Winchester magazines are loaded, and their bearers close to them. Side arms should not be dispensed with on any account.
[Hurricane Dorian] With each NOAA update, Dorian’s landfall forecast position moves further south. 5AM 8/30/19 update has it hitting between West Palm Beach and Stuart at 130 mph, going into Okeechobee and turning north toward Sebring, instead of crossing the state into the Gulf. It was forecast to hit near Daytona a little over a day ago. It has slowed too. Somebody is going to take a beating and it may well be the Keys again. Where you going to run to?
[Mass Murder] Japan’s horrible mass murders were not carried out with firearms. The 34 dead and 30+ injured? The weapon was fire. The 41-year-old attacker from this sickening crime went to an animation studio in Kyoto, Japan, doused the place in flammable liquid and set it ablaze. Link
[Friday Joke] Teacher, “How much is a gram?”
Tyronne, “Uhmm, depends on what you need.”


[Hurricane Shutters] When should I put my hurricane shutters up to protect against approaching Dorian? Link

Man boobs is an offensive term.  I prefer, tit-he’s.



[Python Prices] The Florida Fish & Wildlife pays team members hourly rates as well as additional payments of $50 for non-native constrictors measuring up to 4 feet, and an extra $20 for every foot measured above 4 feet. The Python Action Team has removed 147 pythons so far in August. Video

[Friday Jokes] Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
[Time] Physicists mash quantum and gravity and find time, but not as we know it. Link
AARP’s activities calendar for September. Full Menu > Ongoing Events




[Hurricanes] How come hurricanes mostly come on Labor Day?

There has been a massive decline in flying insect populations. I started noticing when we would drive back and forth to Florida. I went from cleaning the windshield at every gas stop to not at all. For years, I would sit on the porch, have a smoke and watch the frogs and lizards hunt their meal from all the bugs on the screens. Hundreds of bugs drawn to the light, this time down, none. Not a one! It’s eerie. The lifeless feeling becomes disconcerting.
An article showed up on Google news talking about a German nature preserve study noting a 20 to 80% decline. Link



Saint Peter’s Church on Big Pine is getting ready to demo after being destroyed by Irma. Do you think Monroe County Building Dept can work with them to get inspections done in a timely manner? Video

[Survival] Here we are, the most clever species ever to have lived. So how is it we can destroy the only planet we have?  ~Jane Goodall
[Hurricane Relief] I am hoping that this time when hurricane relief funds that are sent to Puerto Rico will be spent on the people and damaged homes instead of in the pockets of corrupt leaders.

[Seniors] By 2020, Florida is expected to have a population exceeding 23.5 million with over 28 percent of that population being over the age of 60. Seniors comprise the state’s second largest economic sector contributing a $2.8 billion net tax benefit after all services are rendered. Florida’s seniors donate $3.5 billion to charities in addition to donating their time and talents in their communities.

[Wetstock 15] It’s supposed to be this Sunday but…





Was ready to quit alcohol, then I saw how happy it was to see me. How can I leave that smile.

[Survey] 9 out of ten men agree that the woman is always right.  The 10th guy hasn’t been seen since the survey started