2017 December

Friday, December 1, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsPublished Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​ Since 0202.​

Click here to send in a post or something. Contact Us

Yesterday was the last day of hurricane season. Whew!

The reason there is trash on the ground is because we got hit with a category 4 hurricane. Irma. I’m sure all the rich and retired have cleaned up by now, but us poor people that have to work still have a long ways to go. Quit whining constantly, and help your working neighbor clean up. At least quit whining. Grab a beer. You live in paradise. Yes, it’s still paradise. If it still looks like this in a year–whine. I’ll whine with you. Everything takes time. Quit blaming everybody. Irma was nobody’s fault. Thank you. Me and my beer are headed to the swimming hole paradise for sunset.

[“Stella Awards”] You do realize the “cruise control Winnebago” story is pure urban legend and not true. I have been hearing these stories since the late 1970’s. How can you post such bs? And on to the McDonald’s coffee scalding incident.

Have you seen the pictures of the poor woman’s burns? They are horrendous and disfiguring and debilitating. No one should expect something that dangerously hot to be served at all let alone in such a flimsy cup. McDonalds was liable in this case and the woman did nothing wrong by suing them.


Coconuts has the best drinks & the very best prices in the Keys. Happy Hour at the “NUT” has a 14 oz draft for a $1.75. Great well & call drinks a bunch of TV’s, 3 Brunswick 9 X 4 1/2 pocket billiards Tables & video arcade along with darts & shuffle board. We have been doing this for 35 years with the same owners. When you think of Pine Key, Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store should come to mind. Stop by the “NUT”, it could be your kind of place. Stop by if you want to feel the way it used to be. Coconuts, just like your grandfather left it.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key

An Ohio State University professor is teaching that only Whites can be racists. Perhaps he never heard of The Black Caucus, Black lives matter, Black Panthers, NAACP, United Negro college fund, BET, etc. Are the above organizations only about Blacks? Has anyone ever considered attempting to start an organization like the NAAWP or White Lives Matter? Who is pushing the race agenda? Should there be race guilt just because African Africans captured and sold other African Africans to Europeans hundreds of years ago? Should I have a guilty conscience just because of the color of my skin? This is still going on today. Slavery is bad so why does it continue? OBTW those NFL multi millionaires are disrespecting the people who gave them the ability to become multi millionaires (protesting over racial issues).

[Price Gauging] The KW Citizen raised its online subscription price to $208, the same price as at home delivery of their newspaper. It’s not worth it and is a rip off for something that costs them almost nothing to produce. It doesn’t cost them any more for one online paper than it does for one million!

Interviewer: Why did you leave your previous job?
Me:  Because once they fire you they won’t let you stay.
Even though their website says, in numerous places, the Bucktooth Rooster is open for breakfast at 6:30 am they are not.  They now open at 10:30 and are no longer serving breakfast.  It would be nice, and a big help, if they would update their website with the correct information.

[M&M Auto] They don’t have their credit card thing set up yet, so the new owners said to bring the cost of my repair by when I had the time. That’s old time service I appreciate. I wish them luck. They bought the business on September 1st and lost their roof and tools on the 6th to Irma. Bummer.

W/D weekly ad for Big Pine Key store. Link
[“Flat Earth”] It has been proven that the world is round. If it was flat the cats would have knocked everything off the edge by now.
[Festival of Lessons and Carols] Lower Keys Community Choir and Keys Chamber Orchestra invite you to attend their annual Christmas concerts on Monday, December 11, 2017 at Big Pine Methodist Church, Big Pine Key, and Wednesday, December 13, 2017 at Venture Out Pavilion, Cudjoe Key.  Both concerts are at 7:30 p.m.  There is no admission cost to attend, but a free-will offering will be taken which will be distributed to local hurricane relief agencies.

A Festival of Lessons and Carols will be featured this year.  It uses the English tradition of a service that alternates between the singing of familiar Christmas carols and the readings from scripture that are appropriate for Christmas.  The audience will be provided with all the words and will be invited to join in singing the Christmas carols with the choir and orchestra.  There will also be several pieces performed by the choir and orchestra.

The service will also include “Christmas Benediction” by John Purifoy, with the familiar carol “Silent Night”, which will be sung by all by candlelight.

The choir and orchestra are comprised of local volunteers who live from Marathon to Key West.  They represent over a dozen churches in the area, and have been offering Christmas and Easter concerts in the Lower Keys for over 25 years.  They are directed by Wayne Hulting, and the accompanist is Jim Fogle.

[ATT Sucks] Has anyone tried to get ATT to fix their internet system in the Keys? We are paying big bucks for very bad service! Storm damage is one thing, but it’s been this way for years.


Fresh cut Christmas trees for sale at St. Peter’s by the Knights of Columbus beginning on Friday 12/01. Get your tree this weekend, they always sell out fast.

[United Way of the Florida Keys Allocates over $1,000,000 to Support Hurricane Irma Relief] Due to the generous contributions of friends and supporters locally and around the nation, UWFK has allocated over $1,000,000 in aid for hurricane recovery efforts throughout Monroe County. The organization currently has a funding application available on its website at for human service nonprofits assisting the community with rebuilding and recovery.
[Sexual Behavior] Mat Lauer, Charlie Rose, and all the other men trying to get laid have all been fired. Any man in public life who’s ever got horny has been fired. It is the castration of all public figures that is out of control. What’s a fellow to do? They can’t all be monsters. Video
Deer Abby,
I’m going to try something if its okay. List the symptoms I have so far that I can think of and I’m wondering if anyone else has the same or similar symptoms. I know each case may be different. I don’t know if anyone starts to feel crazy like I feel people look at me like I’m exaggerating or crazy, so I don’t like to talk about it. If I get carried away here I’m sorry.

Paranoia, irritability panic attacks (I don’t tell doctors often about these out of fear they’ll assume it’s psychological and all in my head, this mess.)

I get these “attacks”, breathing problems especially when eating. When these problems happen I can’t get enough air, then I feel like I’m choking on air between eating, especially, or like, I swallowed too hard. Throat starts to close then panic sets in thinking I’m going to choke. Legs start to spasm and sometimes groaning for me is necessary until it goes away. Chest pain literally feels like someone squeezing my heart — tightness.
I bought a blood pressure monitor and the heart rate goes way up or way down and it’s giving me a warning of heart beat irregular. My legs will sometimes go numb, tingle, shake, or spasm at the peak of this attack. This lasts about 5 to 30 minutes. At my worst I’d get these 1 or 2 times daily.

Then weight loss, appetite loss, fatigue, even when I’m not tired my eyes close. I pass out randomly, even sitting up. I’m not tired, but my eyes are tired. Flu-like symptoms with aches and pains, but worse and longer lasting. Back has a swollen pain feeling on top of unrelated back issues. Back swollen pain has been for 3 months now. Blisters all over my upper back. Random open wounds on my body as if I already picked at my skin. These go away after 2 weeks being away from home; once I’m back new ones appear. Random bruising, without pain to touch. No medicine had been taken. Rashes, joint pain, “cracking” bones easily when making simple movements, swelling, chills and I easily get cold which gives me anxiety-like chills.
I had a rock-sized lump on my lymph node a week after I left for vacation so I’m unsure if I was detoxing or not, but it hurt to yawn. It was only visible for a few weeks then went away. Feet and legs ache, feet swell, coughing up mucus or feeling the need to vomit mucus.
My dogs caught it too and have weight loss, appetite loss, limping on occasion, low fever, panting a lot, pukes on occasion, had elevated liver at one point.

Can’t think of any other symptoms at the moment.

Finally, I switched doctors and am waiting to see if this one blows me off like the last did. Her last remark was maybe I’m allergic to the dogs, but I know I’m not. 4 people and 4 dogs with similar symptoms? I can’t move until early next year because I rent cheap, but the landlord is in denial about my illness and seems to think I’m exaggerating and “It’s Florida; every house has mold.” 3 people have tried to convince him. He thinks he’s the only one getting sick and we are faking it, but how can we fake symptoms 7 months before he gets them unless we’re all hypochondriacs. How could I possibly fake the same symptoms he gets that far in advance? I get blood work done today.

Deer Moldy,
You’re not a hypochondriac, you’re really going to die. Hang on until after the holidays. “Random open wounds on my body” often accompanies those suffering from scoliosis of the liver. I hope you don’t have that! Mold is bad enough.

Deer Abby



I asked Santa for Peace this year. I hope they can see this in North Korea.

[Debris] Remember how US 1 looks at the next election. All elected officials duck their heads. (Ed: This person sent this post 5 times.)


[Debris] How come I’m not upset about the debris still along our roadsides? Maybe because I’m still emptying my property of damaged stuff and am glad that I can still throw it on the side of the road. I’ve still got a bunch more to get rid of. We got hit real hard so quit your bellyaching just because you didn’t get hit as hard.

[Debris] My family and I just moved to the Keys, bought a home, set up a small business and hate it. Why? Because you people have no guts to tell your politicians that you pay them, and they are supposed to do what you want them to do. These islands are a mess, and for almost three months after a storm, still a mess. If this was NJ, of PA., or anywhere else, that would not be allowed. I know, I know, if I don’t like it move back, well if I can sell to another fool I will.
[ByeBye] Mexico is home for us now that the Keys are no longer fun. Be sure to look up at that super moon tomorrow. We will be watching it from our new home in Mexico.
[Giving] We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. Let us remember that this is a Special time for many, if not most of us. I will not allow our Board of County Commissioners aka, BOCC, Danny Kolhage, George Neugent, Heather Carruthers, David Rice & Sylvia Murphy to steal my family’s joy.

Those of you who me know I’m not a Polly-Anna kind of guy, I know how bad it is, you know how bad it is. Elections are just around the corner & that is how we can speak. Vote wisely & look as hard as it takes to find the joy in this Christmas. This Christmas, more than most, much love, caring, giving, helping is needed that any Big Pine Key Christmas I can recall. As hard as it may be, help someone, do service work anywhere you can. Give a few hours of your self. “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” ~Charles Dicken and Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store

Springer’s closed. Bistro closed.  Keys Café closed two days a week.  Rooster now closed for breakfast.  We need more choices on Big Pine for food.  We can only hope that some new blood comes into the food service business on our island soon.

Hungry In The Hood



[Royal Sarcasm] Poverty is an awful thing. The hovel Harry & Megan somebody will be forced to live in.  How sad for them.

[Exquisitely Unique Gift Show] Collections, Key West, December 4th – 10th. Opening – Monday Dec 4th, 5-9, Thursday & Friday 5-9, Saturday and Sunday show 10-4 running in
conjunction with I love stock

Louis Wray will be showing his photos along with video projections and a virtual reality view of his adventures just before the gift show on Nov 30th & December 1st, 5-10, catch him in the here and now!

You’ll find us just down the dock from the Hogfish and upstairs from the Lost Kitchen Supper Club, look for the red doors. 6810 Front Street, Stock Island. Link

Why is the school superintendent involved in affordable housing?  Shouldn’t he direct his full time and attention to the schools? It’s the same with the Sheriff’s Dept, shouldn’t they be more concerned with law than helicopters and medical care?


The Farmer’s Market returns to St. Peter church this Saturday, December 2nd from 9-2.

[Groping] Has anyone notices that all the poor slobs who are being accused of grouping, have little pee-pees? Not one super stud has been accused so far. Also, where are the gay chicks who group other chicks?




The morning after the zoo’s Christmas party

When the speech condemns a free press, you are hearing the words of a tyrant.  ~Thomas Jefferson
[Making America Great Again] This is all part of the swamp that is being drained. Making America great again doesn’t mean Democrats or Republicans, it means making America great again, let the cards fall where they may. The ones taking advantage, breaking rules, stealing & cheating their way through life come is both Republicans & Democrats, male & female & assorted sizes & colors. Vote wisely my friends.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key
[“Explain to me why piles of garbage still sit by the road”] Because Governor Scott blah, blah… Then let’s put it this way, Mr. Scott, If any of my kids get messed up from bugs and rats in all that road garbage, you’re going to wish you never put a suit on, dude. Clean is up now
Guess now that anything us guys do in a bar can get us in court for sexual harassment, I think I’ll wear a “keep off; fondle at your ow risk” t-shirt. I wonder who’ll buy them drinks now?
[Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant] An eye-opening Miami Herald article on 11/24 provided a good summary of the current issues with the Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant, and also info about a public comment period with the State Public Service Commission on who should bear the cost of the much-needed renovations.  Here’s the info as to how you can provide your opinion (the public comment period ends 12/12) Link
[Fat Chicks] A newspaper in NJ has posted an article about fat chicks suing the bars in Atlantic City for not sexually harassing them, especially when the round ones were naked on the boardwalk
The FEMA Disaster Recovery Center at: Islamorada Fire Station, 81850 Overseas Highway, Islamorada 33036 will close this Saturday, Dec. 2nd at 7 p.m.

However, the three other Disaster Recovery Centers in Monroe County remain open until further notice from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Saturday:
~6805 Overseas Highway, Marathon,  33050
~Former Bank of America Building, 30572 Overseas Highway, Big Pine Key 33043
~3126 Flagler Ave, Key West 33040

People who have registered with FEMA can get one-on-one help with their applications at these Centers as well as assistance from the Small Business Administration with their requests for low interest, disaster recovery loans.

[Cranky Dude] Just saw that our stalwart county commission is going to get on their knees and go begging for money to pay the state to continue paying FDOT for highway cleanup. Instead of all the bowing and scraping those crooks should just tell the state to take the moneys out of 2.7 million dollars the taxpayers of Monroe county gave to FDOT to repair their falling down bridge to Pigeon Key. Note that money was from a fund the voters choose to be used for Monroe county infrastructure, not to be given to FDOT to repair their bridge. Watch the taxes go up next year and be sure to re-elect the incumbent next year.
[Debris] We have 50 states, if FWS, aka the Feds, sent 4 folks from each state with some equipment the cleanup would be done. I went through the Avenues and saw paint, solvents, many different petroleum products, weed killers, cooling units of all kinds with there coolant coils broken open, outboard engines inverted and drained of their lubricating oils. The toxic cocktail will do damage for many, many years to come.

We have 20 endangered or protected species in the Keys, most of them are on Big Pine Key, They live here–no other place on the earth–here. 50 states 4 people with some clean up equipment could have had this done weeks ago. They could live in tents if need be. Lets not forget the military & National Guard, they all have equipment and tents. The Keys are so special people come for all over the World to spend some time here. We are not Texas or Puerto Rico. We are special; one of the most special spots in the world. Epic failure with the cleanup.

Don’t let this steal your Christmas Joy, we will have lots of time to assess blame & suffer the environmental damage that could have been avoided. Vote wisely.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key

[Beware: Black Mold and Pets] Black mold loves to grow in humid areas around the home. Make sure you are protecting your entire family against this common household threat. Link
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *