2012 December

Friday, December 14, 2012

(The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays. December 15, 2012)



Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy: forgiveness. To an opponent: tolerance. To a friend: your heart. To a customer: service. To all: charity. To every child: a good example. To yourself: respect. 

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Monroe County does not support rats. They only support the natives that never come near your house. You are mistaken in thinking that the European black rat is the same as the Keys’ native rats. Free-roaming cats serve a good purpose, perhaps, if you have a farm or grain silo. They certainly do kill an amazing amount of birds & other wildlife (no matter how well they are fed by well-meaning humans), but they don’t belong anywhere endangered species habitat. 

If the Moose had a permanent indoor smoking ban, I would patronize the place. We could use another bar around here seeing as there are only three.



The Nut 15 years ago. We just found this 30 second TV spot Coconuts Put together in the mid 90’s. We are still here and going strong. There have been many changes over the years. “Coconuts” is one of the last original Florida Keys Bars on Big Pine Key. It was built 30 years ago when the Keys were a very different place. The same owners have been there all along and remain active in supporting their community . “Coconuts” is located at the only traffic light on Big Pine Key. Stop in and feel what the Keys “felt” like a very long time ago. Nice place, nice folks…on a very special Island! Video




Some of these guys who are against pot don’t even know why. I sure don’t



[Taste Like Chicken Department] This is the Monroe County Health Departments approved Iguana Killers Club kitchen/butcher shop for freshly killed iguanas. When operating at full capacity they will be able to skin, butcher and flash freeze 300 iguanas per day. I have tried their new iguana burger and have to admit it tastes great. Several local area restaurants have already shown an interest in this new product and it should be available soon on their menus. 

The world will end in 7 days on December 21, the Winter Solstice. I sure hope they’re kidding about this because I bought an awful lot of presents that I don’t want to go unopened.



After 8 very long years of being under cover with the anti drug task force my assignment is over. I left Big Pine, met a few good people and am sorry I didn’t get to say good bye. My cover was compromised and the good news is many arrests are to follow. So, to the good guys, hopefully your Key will be cleaned up soon.

My dear friend, is not sophomoric a legitimate word? A word used to describe the content of some of the posts on this site? When one uses the word “sophomoric” to describe such content as he sees that content. The user of that word is not trying to belittle that person, but is merely pointing out the immaturity and lack of judgment on the post.  Of course this is the opinion of the one using the word sophomoric so it doesn’t mean he is right or wrong, it just means that it is his opinion, which I believe is what the C.T. is mainly all about –opinions.

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatric Challenged

hear141. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia — I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and …

6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder– You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …

10. Agoraphobia — I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia — Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder — I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder — Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.


[Mars Polar Caps Melting Too] There are highly educated individuals that have made the connection between the polar ice caps on mars with those on our planet, if you believe this is a stupid comparison then you by association are calling these people stupid also, if that is the case, you must have more than a non-committal reason for your opinion, all one is asking is please tell us what has brought you to this conclusion that the comparison is stupid?

Climate change isn’t real because FTR’s doppelganger told you the ice caps on Mars were melting] I’ll side with NASA and say it’s both:
Seasonal and the polar ice cap is subliming. Link
Some variations are normal due to the nature of the atmosphere and the severity of dust storms. Link 

Excluding those extraordinary educators who masterfully create magnificent learning environments while placing each student into a position to succeed, the school district hasn’t come close to offering our children a world-class education.

Dunce_sign_small14Placing flawed, failed and malleable individuals into positions of leadership has become standard operating procedure. This Peter Principle-type of dumbing-down normative expectations has been replicated many times within the district.

President Obama has stated that the public school instruction given to our students is of such low-quality that: “It posses a threat to our National Security”. The urgency of these words would prompt any serious educator to respond with an immediate and aggressive remedy.

The district responds by proclaiming that it is an A-rated county. This ranking has been attained in a state which ranks 42nd in reading, in a country that ranks last and near the bottom in every measurable academic area.

President Obama and the Department of Education are cognizant of this data. District staff and school board members ignore or talk around these facts, while our children are suffocated under the weight of an obsolete curriculum providing a second-rate education.

Principals belong in their schools everyday, greeting their students by name each morning with positive words of encouragement. Throughout the day principals need to visit each classroom making their presence and priorities known to all. “Children First” shall become the district’s motto.

Upon the conclusion of classes, students will be walked to their point of departure by the principal and enthusiastically given a positive send off.

If a child fails, doesn’t want to come to school, misbehaves or cuts class; the principal is a failure. The teachers and staff under his or her authority are not doing the task that they are generously paid to perform.

Luncheons, along with any meetings requiring a principal to be absent from their job, shall become a thing of the past. Leave for vacations during the school year, are over.

Principals, District Staff and Superintendents are paid an enormous salary to provide students with a world-class education. Their nonperformance continues to harm our children.



Sir Francis Drake was not killed by Hawaiians on a circumnavigational voyage that started in 1577. He was second in command of the English fleet fighting the Spanish Armada in 1588, and died in 1596. Captain James Cook, however, was killed in Hawaii on one of his exploratory voyages.

Why has Church Lane, between Watson and Key Deer Blvd and behind Winn Dixie, have pot holes 6 inches deep? The last time any maintenance was done to that street was right before the election to incorporate, and you know how long ago that was. Many of us use that lane to avoid US 1 going to the drug stores.



[AARP is a rip-off] I have their auto insurance which is under written by Hartford and it costs me half of what Geico charged me for the same coverage. I also don’t buy their magazine. (Ed: I bought auto insurance from Isaksen and they beat everyone. I was paying over $400 more a year with my other company.)

No Name Key settlement is rejected. Link



I feel that are more people that require leashes than dogs

The phrase  “climate change” was a term adopted by the left after they realized the shallowness of the term global warming for it’s links to man made global warming, so the poster is absolutely right in his observation about the general shift in the use of the original term.

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Key Largo district commission speaks against the citizens and against protecting our environment and water quality. Key Largo, like the rest of the Florida Keys, is under a state mandate to provide advanced treatment by December 2015. Yet my district commissioner argued on Wednesday with the wastewater district saying that “some” residents should be forced by the county to pay more than $25,000 for an substandard on-site that does not comply with the state law.

It is clear that she does not serve the best interest of the public’s health or welfare, and has no respect for the law or treating residents fairly, and she certainly does not care about the environment or stopping water pollution in the Florida Keys. She should be removed from public service. 



Samsung Galaxy S3 is one of the most popular and powerful tablets on the market today. Now at RadioShack Big Pine Key.

Oops, Bug Board didn’t cut salaries after all. It must have slipped their minds. Link



Brominated Vegetable Oil is a disgusting ingredient added in Gatorade & 10% of other drinks. It contains Bromine, which is the same element found in the flame retardant used on upholstery and children’s items like pajamas. Link 

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[Bahia Honda Webcam] One of our clients, Mike from Daddy Bones here in Key West, requested that I contact you in reference to some assistance that you may need with an underwater camera installation. Please feel free to contact me anytime. ~James Hardin



Christmas Music-Keezy Wonderland by More Than 4

[Facebook] A friend of mine said she recently saw my name in a Facebook ad for sushi at a local restaurant. I don’t even like seafood! How did this happen and how can I stop Facebook from using my name in ads? Facebook seemingly isn’t afraid to use anything it can to make money. You can have your name scrubbed from Facebook ads. You just need to know where the secret settings are located on Facebook.

Click the upside-down triangle in the top-right corner of your Facebook profile. Go to Account Settings and select Facebook Ads. Click Edit in the Ads & Friends section and choose “No one” in the drop down menu.

While you’re there, you should adjust the settings in the Third Party Sites tab, too. This will stop the same thing from happening if Facebook starts using your profile on other sites.

Your friends might still see your name on some sites that have a Facebook widget. To stop this, click the upside-down triangle and select Privacy settings.

In the Apps, Games and Websites menu, look for “How people bring your info to apps they use” and click Edit Settings. Uncheck every box that is checked.

While you’re there, click Edit Settings in the Instant personalization tab. Close the Window that pops up. Then, un-check the box that says “Enable instant personalization on partner websites” and then click confirm.

an jig


Irish Jig by a bunch of Coleens. Video

[House For Rent] Big Pine Key. Clean 2 bedroom 1 bath ground level home, tile floors, washer/dryer, shed, fenced yard. $1400.00 per month. Classified Ads

[Marriage] This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you
steal?” She replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, “6.” The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say
something. The judge said, “What is it?” The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”


inept14What happened to the rest of Thursdays post?

 Something is amiss with your site today, only thing that comes up is the arrow “from the wrong”

 Wow Ed, cutting back a bit are we?

 Long night last night? Only 1 post today and no ads .

(Ed: I was fiddling with the innards and messed it up, but it was restored within 15 minutes. A lot of people seemed to have looked at it in those few minutes as I received a lot of complaints. Sorry folks, I’m still learning this new system. If you had clicked on the date link it would have shown the full CT, but how were you supposed to know that–I didn’t.

Kids aren’t bad if you batter them and lightly fry them.



Pentagon to send Patriot missiles and 400 troops to Turkey! Link

Weather the IKC is real or a joke, who cares. Kill them all. Merry Christmas.



Did you know that Tropical Signs on Big Pine Key is the only sign company in America without a sig


I’m confused about the Lower Keys Lighted Boat Parade. The CT says it’s on for Dec 18th. Last week’s News Barometer said it’s cancelled. Which is it?
(Ed: I would go with the News Barometer they’re a newspaper and are usually right and I’m usually wrong.)

ho-ho2Got any Christmas jokes?  I’ll start. You all are going to love these.

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A “Holly” Davidson.

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll.

What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz.

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus.

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man.

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards.



God bless the U.S.A. and Canada! It has finally arrived, a keyboard for old retired guys

Contact Us Attach whatever you want. Please send links instead of videos and slide shows.

[“Will  anyone throw a benefit for the Keys after we get hammered by The Big One”] Certainly not the NYC, NJ, and New Englander’s unless they get property ownership in trade.

People only treat you one way. The way you allow them.



Forgotten Felines will have a “Santa Pictures with the Grinch” event tomorrow, Saturday, December 15, 2012, from 10 am – 2 pm at the Purrfect Thrift Store across from the Marathon City Park on 3580 Overseas Highway. People can bring their children and pets to have their picture taken with the Grinch. We will also have a craft and bake sale, refreshments, a Chinese Raffle, 50/50/Raffle and of course, many adorable felines available for adoption. Special guest will be McGruff Crime Dog. 

[More bar wisdom] You say alcoholic, I say embracing the holiday spirit.

an sequential


There’s a thing called a turn signal /blinker in your car. You use it to alert the person behind you or next to you that you’re turning. Tell all your friends!

60% of all car accidents occur in–ta daa!–parking lots.



Union of Concerned Scientists 1212 Editorial Cartoon Contest. Link

Nira Tocco has a beautiful new listing in Doctor’s Arm. Video tour

Appeals Court: USDA regulates Hemingway cats. Link



To the person to posted about Sir Frances Drake. You are confusing him with Capt. James Cook. Cook discovered the Hawaiian Islands and was killed there. Drake did sail around the world, but it was after capturing several Spanish ships in the Pacific Ocean and he did not want to sail back through Spanish waters. He eventually died while on a raid in Panama and was buried at sea off Portobello. They were several hundred years apart.

Weaponization of weather. Beware the US military’s experiments with climatic warfare. Could this be true? I add it to the climate change discussion. Link



The reason for the season. This likely is why the FL Keys are invaded this time of the year. Link

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What happened to Steve Howe? Where has he gone?

Four men from the Keys want seats on the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission Board. Link


[BP Money] Come on folks, our local government hasn’t received the BP payout yet, and you’re already crying foul. Missing funds, where did it go, who was in charge, something is amiss, another scam. Don’t you trust our Keys government? 

Whether IKC is a joke or real, who cares. Kill them all. Merry Christmas.


We recently relocated to Big Pine Key on a full time basis and we were fortunate to have Sammy Sam & Fabio install our Direct TV service.. Sammy lived up to his word-of-mouth reputation as the nan to call for Direct TV installation in the Keys. We were totally pleased with his services. Thank you Sammy & Fabio. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

[Bahia Honda Webcam] Thanks for all Ed.  I sent your info and Linda Ward’s info to Trevor at teens4ocean and referred him to your website.  I hope we get the Bahia Honda webcam up and running again. 



Ravi Shankar & George Harrison, Sadly, both RIP. Shankar’s daughter is Grammy winning jazz singer, Norah Jones. Link

County starts to get specific on how to spend the free BP money. Link


[One human family] Okay, you let every scumbag come live with you. Keep them away from me and my family. Good idea and thanks. Merry Christmas.


[Crooked Cops] Federal prosecutors announced charges Thursday against four officers from a South Texas anti-drug task force who they say took thousands of dollars in bribes.

So the Republican cry babies got what they wanted. Susan Rice took her name out of the running as possibly our next Secretary of State, which by the way President Obama hadn’t even nominated yet. Too bad. 2014’s not too far away folks. We need to vote these do nothing, anti-woman, anti-people of color, anti-gay Tea baggers out of office. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’m a straight, over 65, white guy who voted for President Obama twice and if he could run for a third term, I’d vote for him again!

[Let’s Keep It Simple Formula] Government spending = jobs = money flowing into the economy and buying your business’ crap stuff = making you rich.

[FOX’s Campaign Against Susan Rice] I wonder if Fox News is going to let Susan Rice off the hook now that she’s withdrawn her name form  secretary of state, or continue to hound her until she commits suicide?



Lets pay a climate tax to Al Gore. Then the earth will be saved. Suckers!

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[Captain Doom and Gloom] After talking to a few Democrats last night at the bar, I realized just how illogical these people are. They really believe in The Human Family BS, until it is their turn to buy a round. The air-headed reasoning for America’s problems is to far out to even try to figure their reasoning. No wonder they are giving away our rights and going to socialism, they have no idea what it is to work for a living. They just take, take, take and breed, breed, breed! Then they knock the Republican Party for getting where everybody wants to be, rich and famous. It is great to be a Independent and see both sides, we are in deep dodo.

When a merchant marks down an item to 75% off, that means he actually paid at least 25% of the original retail price he was asking for before the sale price. That is 4 times or 400 percent of the real value of the item.  How about sales with 90% off etc?  Whores all!

From the Right

Ed: FTR is indisposed and will be back with us in a few days)


[No Name Key Electric] Sorry Sloan, accept the fact that NNK was just like any other community in the Fl Keys being developed in the 1970’s and 1980’s.  There was no solar or off-grid community, that is just a well-marketed hoax that morons like you have accepted on faith.  The burden of proof is on you to produce any evidence to the contrary, that NNK wasn’t just an ordinary development just like anywhere else in the Keys.

Here’s some of our evidence:

1) Utility easements on deeds

2) Water pipes in the streets on all three northern roads

3) Numerous letters from City Electric (Keys Energy), even several to Alicia Putney

February 8, 1995

To:  Ms. Alicia Roemmele-Putney, 50 No Name Drive, Big Pine Key, FL

“Dear Ms. Putney:  We are in receipt of your letter concerning your petition requesting that electrical power not be installed on No Name Key.  City Electric’s position on this issue is that we will provide electrical service to NNK if permitting is made possible to the applicable agencies and payment is made to bring power to the island.  From: Utility Board-City Electric: Leo Carey and Alex Tejeda

May 9, 1995

Dear Ms. Putney: Pursuant to your request, I am sending you the estimates we have compiled to various individuals for the No Name Key Project.  The original estimate was based on crossing Bogie Chanel using poles placed in the water.  The total price is $434,700……. From L. Carey and A. Tejeda. City Electric


4) Letter from MonroeCounty to Keys Energy

Feb. 15 1996

From Dave Koppel Monroe Co. Engineering to Dale Finnigan, Keys Energy

“Dear Mr. Finigan:  We have reviewed your request for conceptual approval to provide electrical service to NNK by attaching conduits to the NNK bridge.  While we feel confident that the technical details can be worked out this issue is a political one.  Thus, said approval must come from the Monroe County commission….”

Wow, since when does a county commission get to decide if people living in legally built homes, homes their own people permitted, are worthy of electricity??  But it happened and the rest is history.

All you kool-aid drinkers need to accept the facts, NNK resident who have been seeking electricity for decades have been actively discriminated against.  They live in legally permitted homes, homes that did not have, until Putneys Law in 2001, any deed restrictions or special overlay districts regarding utilities.  It sure makes a really sad story to say that some poor folks started an off-grid community, and then some evil developers came in and wanted to change things.  What really happened is totally different .  Electricity was coming to NNK.  But someone with a whole lot of time on their hands, and a whole lot of political influence robbed the honest, hard-working people of their rights.

We all would love to see any evidence that NNK was a pre-planned off-grid or solar community.  It is simply not true. There are no facts to support it.  It’s one of those lies that if repeated long enough, sheeple will believe it.  But there is not one shred of evidence to prove it.  None.  Wouldn’t there be at least some documents that people would have had to sign acknowledging that they would not ever get grid electricity? Solar communities don’t even exist in the Keys now, do you really think that someone would have put one in place in the mid 1980’s ?

And to you off-grid advocates who did build homes on NNK.  You must feel pretty smug.  Gotta ask you this: How did you justify destroying precious Tier 1 habitat, habitat for all those endangered species you talk about, in the Key Deer Wildlife Refuge, on that remote pristine barrier island of NNK?  Its rather hypocritical don’t you think?  I guess its ok for you to destroy that habitat and put up fences so you can “live lightly”, but screw your neighbors who want to hook up to the electrical grid so they can grid-tie their solar.  Yea, you people are real heroes.

So Sloan, you wanted evidence.  You got it.  We’d like you, or anyone else for that matter, to show us one document that suggests that homeowners building on NNK would NOT get electricity.  We are waiting.