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Published on Tuesdays and Fridays.
(Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days)
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 This man is not wrong. Here’s my take on Christmas. When we had Christmas, it was because all year, this was your chance to get the one thing that you could never get. That’s why we couldn’t sleep the night before because you were like, I need to get that green BMX bike. And that’s the only day to get it. This is it.But now there’s Amazon where if your kid really wants it, you’ll just be like, it’ll be here Thursday, at 10:34. So they don’t have the need for Christmas like we do in terms of having to use that day to get everything that you wanted on the planet. Kids show up Christmas morning. They saunter in at about 9 or 11 in the morning, you know, like a hungover dad, like just sitting on the edge of the couch, like what’s up? Like they’re not running down the stairs because they already have most of the stuff they want. ~Al Jackson- comedian |
 [Adult Tricycle] Three-wheel trike bike. (Gray, 26″) Single speed. Hybrid cargo cruiser with removable wheeled basket for shopping or dogs. Exercise bike for men or women. Bicycle bell. Cable bike lock. (New $299.99 +tx = $320.99 Oct 2021). For sale now on Big Pine Key $150. Excellent condition, low milage. b33043@outlook.com |
| [“Recommendations for an epoxy floor guy”] I used JD Hayden & Son. But following my directions was like pulling teeth with him. I can’t recommend him. |
 [VW Bus] It took nearly eight years to get the polarizing Volkswagen’s 2025 ID.BUZZ to the US market. Link |
| Why is deep sleep so important to memory? It’s about time. Slow brain waves are key to an important neurological process. Link |
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| [Friday Joke] a guy goes into the store and asks the clerk for some Polish sausage. The clerk asks, “Are you Polish?” The guy says, “I am. But if I ask for Italian sausage, would you ask if I am Italian? Or if I ask for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask if I am Jewish? The clerk says, “No”. Guy says, “Then why did you ask if I am Polish?” Clerk says, “Sir, this is a Home Depot.” |
 [The Truth About the Martini] “One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.” Link |
| The first confirmed, severe human case of bird flu is here. The person was exposed to sick birds through a backyard poultry flock. Link |
 [Gif or Jif?] I’ll say jif and not feel stupid. Maybe jif is right. They’re short, so in a ‘jiffy’ or is Jif peanut butter? |
| [Gisèle Pelicot Rape Trial] Ex-husband jailed for 20 years as all 51 men found guilty. Gisèle Pelicot addresses other sexual violence victims after the verdicts, saying outside court: ‘We share the same fight’. Video |
 Sugarloaf Key lighted boat parade. |
| [Cocaine Smuggling] Inside the deranged plot to smuggle cocaine with an armed Soviet-era submarine. Inside one of the most deranged drug-smuggling plots ever. Link |
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| Mystery drones are pretty normal (probably). Absurd conspiracy theories like Project Blue Beam have reemerged. Link |
 [Fake Gibson Guitars] US Customs seize more than $18 million in fake Gibson guitars in largest counterfeit musical instrument seizure on record.Link |
| Big Pine Book Club for December 21st. 10am at the library. The Bullet That Missed by Richard Osman. Full Menu > Book Club |
[Over-commercialization] December 18th and Christmas is already over for them, Happy Valentines! |
| [Non-Spying Voice Assistant] We all deserve a voice assistant that doesn’t harvest our data and arbitrarily limit features. In the same way Home Assistant made private and local home automation a viable option, we believe the same can, and must be done for voice assistants |
| The Biggest Recalls In Peanut Butter History. Winn dixie’s deep south brand. Imagine ruining a scoop of peanut butter with a potential dose of salmonella. Unfortunately this unsettling scenario is more common than most people realize, making the risk of contamination a surprising and concerning issue in many households. Link |
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 [Anti-drone Weapon] The mysterious drones in New Jersey may not be a threat—but America’s anti-drone weapons sure are. While the FBI says a recent spate of drone sightings over New Jersey don’t pose a threat to national security, the event is a stark reminder that drone warfare could one day reach America. Link |
| [Friday Joke] My neighbors are a couple of gay woman who want a child, but the “old fashioned way”. They asked me to have sexual relations with them until one of them got pregnant. It’s been six months now and I still don’t know how to tell them that I had a vasectomy two years ago. |
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| The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 12/20/24 at 8:26 am. |