2018 December

Friday December 22, 2018

Letters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[“Wolfman (Richard Nicholson)”] I was a wondering what happened to old ‘Wolf’.  I have quasi-known him for over 30 years and never knew his real name. I always said a hello to him, though. One day I was cleaning a pool over near Sandy Circle and he just rode up on his bicycle and said, “Sorry to hear about you buddy, ‘Barefoot’ (Michael Wade Smith) being dead. Then Wolf said, “I know what it’s like to be dead. I was in a coma once for a year and when I woke up I did not remember anything.”

I only have a few bits of information on him. The last time I saw him he was hacking up and spitting up at the Tom Thumb;  and a couple of times before that I lent him $3. He looked pretty tired and worn out. As far as I know he lived in the woods. Deer poster, I saw your request. Why do you want me to call you?  That is a much younger him in the photo you have on, but it is him. I’ll watch for your response. I have no particulars on his death or even if he is dead. I just have not seen him and know he was sick, like with the walking pneumonia.

Wolf had a white mixed wolf a few years back that used to run along with him alongside his bicycle. Like the other guy said, Wolf was a real piece of the real Big Pine. Often there is nothing said when those characters pass. Why is that?  He was a very colorful person.

[Key Deer Refuge Center] The last I read was they ran out of money to get it open. Millions of dollars more are needed because it’s the government who will take millions of dollars to do anything instead if just having the Refuge people move their stuff from the present Refuge office to the new one and open it tomorrow. I’m simplifying a chronic government problem to show how wasteful the government is.



Behold, a child of God!

[Bodypaint Illusion] This illusion of a sea turtle is so well done I bet you watch the video twice. No one can watch it just once! Video
[Xmas Heart Attacks] There’s fresh data out that show heart attacks peak on Christmas Eve. That’s right. Thanks to all the anxiety, the bad food, the booze and the unrealistic expectations of the season, we’re 37% more likely to drop dead from a broken ticker on Christmas Eve than at any other time of the year. To be specific, the peak of this deadly “season of joy” comes at 10 p.m. on Christmas Eve. Nothing was stirring, not even his heart.”
He points out that “for the folks just trying to make it through each day, getting through months of painted-on happiness is hell.” He blames the commercialization of Christmas, including Hallmark Hell with all the happy ending Christmas movies and songs that just make the desperate and lonely feel even more so. “In other words, we’ve somehow created a holiday of joy… that offers no hope for the miserable.”
Realize you are not alone if you experience Christmas stress and sorrow, and create your own agenda, maybe volunteering or something besides gathering with loved ones around the tree or in bed like the happy movies portray. ~Manward Digest
New concrete contractor: Jtpcrete Inc 305-731-4142 Business Directory > Home Improvement
[Friday Joke] She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? “No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.” “Well, I see squirrels eating them and they’re OK.”

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite. All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn’t affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear, “Mom, Spot is dead.” Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I’ll call for an ambulance and I’ll be there as quickly as I can. We’ll give everyone enemas and we’ll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.” Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road. The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said, “Everything will be okay now,” and with that he left. The hosts and the guests were all weak and exhausted sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mom. “I can’t believe that guy!” “What guy?” “That moron who ran over Spot; He never even slowed down.”

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[Crooks] Want to protect your phone from getting hacked? Follow this cybersecurity tip now. Cybercriminals have found flaws in the two-factor authentication system. Get a secondary “burner” number. Google Voice gives you a free phone number for voice calls, texts, and voicemail. All you need is an active Google account. Here’s how you set up a Google Voice number. Link


[The Great Dog Poop Controversy] Use caution when driving on Blackbeard Road at Jolly Roger. Virginians do it big! They leave their mark, here’s proof.

[Immigration] I unpacked our nativity scene yesterday. Removed all the Jews, Arabs and foreigners. I ended up with a jackass and a handful of sheep.




[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

[Then and Now] I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses, frisbees, the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams, ball-point pens. Man had not yet invented: pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers (clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air), man hadn’t yet walked on the moon.

In my day: “grass” was mowed, “coke” was a cold drink, “pot” was something your mother cooked in, “rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby, “aids” were helpers in the principal’s office, “chip” meant a piece of wood, “hardware” was found in a hardware store, “software” wasn’t even a word.
Your Grandfather and I got married first, and then lived together.




[Decorations Galore] This photo is from 2017, 9th Ave, Cudjoe Key. It is even better this year!

[IRA Accounts] FOX Business News said when you’re 70 1/2 you musty withdraw at least 4% every year or suffer a penalty. I’m 74 and haven’t taken anything out because I didn’t know about it. Will I have to pay a penalty?
The Rotary Club of Key Largo installed two new members to the Rotary Satellite Club of Key Largo Sunset on December 17.  Jennifer Cappadona. principal of both Electric Cooling & Illuminations and Island Time Trolley, was sponsored by Sharon Smith. Saran Miller, treasury management representative for First State Bank, was sponsored by Lori Bailey. “We’re thrilled to now have 36 active members in our new evening club, officially chartered by Rotary International on October 4, 2018 with 30 founding members,” said Key Largo Rotary president Jennifer McComb.
The main Rotary Club of Key Largo, chartered in 1990, meets for breakfast every Wednesday morning. For more information, visit



[Dead] Penny Marshall, star of ‘Laverne & Shirley,’ dead at 75. Video

[The Mary Jane Cafe] Alaska is poised to become first state to allow on-site cannabis consumption. Marijuana regulators on Thursday approved rules that may allow people to smoke or consume cannabis at state-endorsed dispensaries in Alaska — perhaps on patios or rooftops. For me this is like seeing the first man walking on the moon!

The D.E.A. has always had a joint listed as equal to a beer. The Federal Government has a joint listed as equal to heroin!

The Lower Keys Choir and The Keys Chamber Orchestra present international carol suites. Video

[General Flynn] What a shame for a decorated General to fall so low as to betray his country’s principals and ethics.
[Friday Joke] A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough,” more-or-less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a $10 check. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.” “Oh, my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?” The little girl replied, “I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking drywall.”



A nativity scene today.

[Canals] Hurricane marine debris removal from Port Pine Height’s canals is scheduled to begin about the first of the year according to the latest update from Monroe County. PPHOApost-DEC 2018-v4
[“Dog poop: return it to their doorstep, without the bag”] Typical feedback from a mindless redneck. The Keys are dead and it ain’t from Yankees.
[Slowpokes] A shout out to the folks not going to and from work during normal business hours – I’m talking to those who travel at a “turtle’s crawl.”  BPK speed limits range from 25 to 35 MPH, we understand.  Obeying these laws and getting to work on time however can be a challenge.  It’s frustrating to ride behind vehicles going super slow in the morning.  Some consideration for the working soul please – either go a little faster, move over, or travel a few minutes before and/or after rush hour.   And after a day’s work we just want to get home, hit the head, move on to dinner, and hit the couch.  No one wants to have to pass and possibly cause an accident of course, but please slow travelers, help us out!
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, December 22, 10 am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there! Full Menu > Ongoing Events


I just won a ten-year supply of Worcestershire sauce. They sent one bottle.

There are 1700 satellites flying above us. 814 of them are from the US, 205 China, Russia 140, others 578.
Still looking for an answer on the Key Deer Refuge Center building, vacant for over a year on Big Pine Key.  Does anyone know when it’s going to open?

Building a medieval wall on our border will fail for the same reason medieval walls failed in medieval times–the enemy tunneled under them.

[“Reset your circadian clock”] Skip the night shift. The World Health Organization classifies circadian-disrupting shift work as a class 2A “Probable Carcinogen.”
[“Wolfman (Richard Nicholson)”] Ironically, I will be in and near the Vegas area 2nd week of January for business. If I can help …[?]

[Bears Climb Snowy Mountain] Life is hard, but so am I. An inspiring video of perseverance. Video

[God] If you have never heard “Deck Of Cards” then I think you’re going to enjoy this performance by Wink Martindale. Video




[Immigration] It’s a good thing Jesus wasn’t born now.

The claim is often made that the USA has the highest rate of mass shootings in the world. Where did that “fact” come from? From one dude’s really sloppy agenda-driven research. Here’s a myth-busting investigation video into that research. Video
Rednecks don’t have mirrors in their shacks? They can’t handle the reality of knowing they are dysfunctional.
[Unhappy Customer] I am tired of the scamming going on. On December 5 I ordered dinner from China Garden and had it delivered, the cost was $45.07. On December 8 while looking at my bank statement I had three charges from China Garden, one for $45.08 and then two more at $42.03 each. I went to China Garden and show them their mistake. I asked if they would just give me cash back, so I wouldn’t have to reverse the charges on my credit card and I wouldn’t even charge them the overdraft fee that my bank charged me of $33. The owner, Eric, was less than helpful. I left the restaurant at noon and came back about 6:30 PM. I again spoke to Eric and he said that the credit card company said that I only got charged once, yet three charges had been taken out of my bank account.
The girl at the counter called the credit card company and I spoke with them. The agent told me that two of the charges were just authorizations and that only one charge went through. Still I saw all that money for three charges come out of my bank account. I spoke to Eric again and he told me that he couldn’t give me cash and that I would have to wait for the charges to be reversed by the credit card company.Well this is not happy for me because I’m leaving the next day on vacation now with no money. He told me it would take 5 to 10 business days for the transactions to be reversed. I went on vacation I have returned from vacation today is 19 December and my money is still not back in my bank account from China Garden. When I left China Garden that evening, I ran into three other women in the parking lot who said that China Garden has repeatedly double charge them in the past month. I want to let everybody know do not go there or at least pay cash, don’t use your credit cards. Eric is just one big scam artist.
[Government Harassment is Good] Those who insult the American President with slurs and false truths, need to be taken care of. All He has to do is pick up a phone to the IRS, FBI and any other agency to “investigate” the slanderer. They are lucky I’m not Him!

Spreading a bit of Christmas cheer in Key West’s Duval Street.

What America needs are lots of gulags. At least one in each state to make anyone who commits a crime at any level, serve hard labor and forfeiture of all their possessions. Done! No more bad guys and girls. Enough of the easy street jail BS. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.