2014 January

Friday, January 17, 2014

CT-Banner7.3.13No Saturday Edition

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hello flowers


[“I wish they would say hello”]  Maybe you should say Hello! It is a sad world when we are all afraid of one another. I understand that rejections hurts, but what I tell my son is we are all insecure, it takes a brave person to push through and treat others as they want to be treated. I hope some of the ladies say hello back. If they don’t, don’t take it personally, we never know what someone is going through or thinking at that moment. Good Luck.

isaksen-flood-roof 4.23.13

an_sun3After calling all my family up north and complaining how cold it is here I gave up and tried to think of things to do when it’s cold and windy. The good news is the sun is shining. My list of what to do had only 2 things on it: Go out to eat or go out in the sun away from the wind.

Surprise, surprise, The Big Pine Flea Market is open Saturday and Sunday 8am til 3pm. We have Sunshine and open air stores out of the wind. We have good food at low prices. We are also offering a great selection of sweatshirts, hats and gloves. Come in this weekend and check out our great selections of fishing gear, homemade soaps, crafts, seashells, dresses, novelties and gifts.

And tropical things. If you are dressed in shorts and tanks tops we can tell that you are not locals so get some sunscreen and sunglasses too. Even on the cold sunny days you can get sunburns.

See you at the flea market. 

[Friday Joke] Late Night Vet Call. A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat’, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

Do you really think that will work?” she asked.  “Just worked on me,” he replied.



[“Curly-tailed anole”] I’ve seen them all over central Cuba. They are probable all over the country too. 

[“Catholic Church Spends $2 billion Defending Pedeophile Prioests”] Why is it that every remark I ever see is detrimental to Catholics and the Catholic Church? Surely you must see that you can’t possible judge any group by what you read of just a few. Yes, the church paid out a lot of money to those claiming to be victims, but we did it as to not put them through further hurt.

Any religion is in danger nowadays as it is opposed to the lowering of morals in this “anything goes” world. Where do we go from here?

wind farm

[Another Country Heard From] As a native Dane, a regular reader of The Coconut Telegraph and presently visiting Florida and the Keys I’m a little confused why somebody tries to get us Danes involved in your sewer war with the Hamlet quote: ‘there’s something rotten in Denmark’. I can assure you of our deep felt sympathy, but we are in no way involved in the grinder pump project. We Danes are not rotten, but the world leaders in wind turbine technologi with and So if you need powering of your sewer pumps please contact the Danes. 

[Spies like US] NSA collects 200 million text messages a day. Partners with 5 other countries (aka: Five Eyes) to get around laws about direct spying on US citizens. Link

Seafood-FestThe annual Florida Keys Seafood Festival is coming this weekend. Come down and enjoy the fest. Fanci Seafood will be serving delicious conch fritters! FKSF_Poster-2014 2 

[Gun Nuts] What form of insanity resulted in the conclusion that it was OK and legal to fire off a high powered weapon as much as you wanted to and whenever you wanted to in any residential neighborhood?  Whoever gave that brain fart the go ahead knows nothing about guns even if they think they do.  You 2nd Amendment cuckoo’s are carrying that crap too far.  Our Government reps need to quit playing to their loudmouthed  wackadoodle bases and start using some common sense.

hello sign lady holding

To the person who said the women in Big Pine Key are beautiful and don’t say Hi, Hi to you sir!

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[How to tell a snowbird] Snowbirds might be wearing the same clothes as us, but they stand out because those clothes are all neatly laundered and pressed.
[The Pajama Game] You know when things are going down hill when you shop online a cannot find anything decent for the money. Take PJs for example. The only set of pajamas that are solid color and do not look like a Happy the Clown’s suit, are made by some flakey designer and cost over $150. $150 for PJs, are you nuts? What is this country coming to?


[Snowbirds] Those of you who get so upset with snowbirds are too Keys Diseased to remember that you once were snowbirds too. 

[Friday Joke] “You all have obsessions,” the counselor abruptly stated. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom. “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turns to the third Mom. “Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, “Come on, Dick, we’re leaving.”

Chris-Vogt Neal-Rakov


The Good Health Clinic board of directors has elected Chris Vogt chairman of the board. Principal of Vogt/Spear Construction and a Key Largo native, Vogt spent two years in the Navy and attended college in Orlando. He moved back to Keys six years ago to run his family-owned construction business. His company managed the opening of new Sandal Factory stores in Marathon and Key West. Chris was a licensed foster parent for three years and has been volunteering with St. Justin Catholic Church’s annual event for eight years. The Good Health Clinic’s other 2014 officers are Vice Chair Claudia Moran Stober of Horizon Mortgage, Treasurer James Grainger, CPA, and SecretaryDawn Stavor of Mariners Hospital.

[The GodMode: extended control panel] With a simple trick an extended control (yet known as GodMode) panel can be added to Windows 7. Besides the traditional control panel options, this control panel also contains some options which would be hard to find elsewhere. The GodMode is activated by simply creating a new folder with the name GodMode.{ED7BA470-8E54-465E-825C-99712043E01C} (the location is not relevant and the name GodMode can be changed by something else like ExtendedControlPanel). After the folder name has been changed, the folder icon changes and the folder is automatically filled with hundreds of tasks. The GodMode is removed simply by deleting the folder… The extended control panel contains hundreds of different options, which make the items hard to find. The real value of the list of controls is to find the most interesting and to create a shortcut.


[Telemarketers] Recently ‘Dan’ from Quicken Loans has been calling me two to three times a day and leaving cheerful messages. It’s been about two weeks so far. I put my numbers on the National and Florida do not call list this week, but that won’t go into effect for a month or so. I don’t want to call him back, if there is a ‘him’ because that will confirm my number is working and there is a human that answers –fodder for telemarketers.

target rings move


Wednesday is Gun Nut Day on BPK.  Link


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And that, class, is how to keep a woman down.

[Gun Nuts] Bet you dollars to donuts that ALEC and the NRA are responsible for Florida’s crazy home gun range law. What a crazy state. This should be a big story and perhaps enough to get Carl Hiassen to write a new book–Duck and cover! I can’t wait. Link

Time lapse video of corals on the Great Barrier Reef show that corals do more than just sit. First time this activity has been seen. Video


The weather man said it was 54°, but my trusty thermometer registered 50°. Now that’s cold!

USS Cole (DDG 67) will visit Naval Air Station Key West’s Mole Pier at the Truman waterfront this weekend for a short stay.  USS Cole is the warship that was attacked by al-Qaeda suicide bombers in Yemen in 2000, killing 17 Sailors and injuring 39.  She was rebuilt and continues to proudly serve the U.S. Navy, and all of the U.S., today.



[Gun Nuts] is a good website for bullet penetration on different mediums. I used it to build my backstop 3 feet deep and I shoot .223 against it all day long, along with my .308 and nothing has ever come through the back plywood. My back stop is a large box I built, 3 feet deep by 12 feet wide by 8 feet high full of dry sand. Link

[Parking] If I had the choice between a firing range on one side of my house and a one man parking lot up and down my street, I’d go for the firing range. In other words, the guy near the range on Mango St, who uses other people’s right of way to park his numerous business and recreational vehicles, should be considerate to his neighbors.
[“Firing Guns in Keys Okay”] That was a great lead post yesterday. Now I can use my 12 guage street sweeper to shoot iguanas.



Things we’d like to see in a perfect world.

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USS-ColeThe Navy announced Thursday that the USS Cole, the target of a 2000 al-Qaeda terrorist attack in Yemen that killed 17 sailors, is head­ing to Key West this weekend.

The USS Cole (505’ long) is expected to port at Naval Air Station Key West’s Outer Mole Pier at the Truman Waterfront for a regular port visit to give the crew a few days liberty and see Key West, said Naval Air Station Key West spokes­woman Trice Denny. 

[Friday Joke] What happens  when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?  I walked into a drug store in Key Largo and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.

She then asked if she could help me. I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”

The pharmacist said, ‘Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.’ When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and this is the best we can do. 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed,  and $3,000 a month in living expenses.”

[Net Neutrality in Jeopardy] The FCC just made it legal for Internet service providers to charge us the way the cable TV companies do–a’la carte. For example if you view streaming movies on Netflix you may be charged more than someone who only uses email. Right now we are all charged a flat rate depending on the speed we want. It’s time to fight for net neutrality and keep things as they are.

condom top hat cane

[“Miami for hookers”] Why, when Duval St has all you’d ever need of all types. Don’t forget to wear that little rain coat! 

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[“Why secure my router? I’ve got nothing to protect”] You can still lose your freedom or reputation, even be falsely accused, if someone else does something illegal or highly suspicious while using your insecure network without your knowledge.
[“Working Girls”] “It’s over and done in a cold, fast, heartless manner in a few seconds!” Gee, I thought that was called marriage? Are you calling my old lady a hooker?

quickdraw dog spin guns

[Wild West Home Gun Range] Local elected leaders and police officers can be fined $5,000 by the State and removed from office if they establish gun regulations in the Keys

I’m tired of hearing that Big Piners are gun nuts. Maybe those who think that way so should publish their names and addresses and certify they have no guns in their houses.
[Angry White Male] My wife had an idea to get back that stupid permit we gave the sewer company that allows them access to our property and to do whatever they want to do. I told her it did not matter because if they tried to stick Grinder Pumps up our assess, they would start WW4 right here in the freaking Keys.
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Sailboat. 1981 Bayfield 25. LOA: 25′, Beam: 8′, Draft: 2.9′, powered by a 2006 9.8 Tohatsu, mounted on an adjustable motor mount. 30gal fresh water bladder for the shower and sink. Edson Pedestal, I just replaced all 6 of the stays this past Summer, two batteries that are charged by a solar panel, stereo and VHF. Sails are in good condition.  Asking $5000 OBO, call or text me at …Classified Ads > Boats

[Gun Nuts?] Shooting in a residential area is kind of dangerous. Suppose you do hurt someone, then what. Why take the chance and not use the safer enclosed gun range? I also would like to target practice on my 1/4 acre, but know my ‘tools’ will propel a bullet for x miles and may do damage to others. Shooting is fun, is good training and makes one realize why firearms are necessary for protection and hunting, but self control is paramount. I would love to see the mountain of trash called Mt. Trashmore, tunneled into a firing range, but I guess the poison fumes would prohibit that. There is nothing wrong with building a shooting range near that site though. A 100 yard long, well designed, storm proof range would allow long guns and hand guns both. Shot guns are not for target shooting, but a clay pigeon range would work near the back bay side of Cudjoe Key. All these must be under strict control of course! 
[Sewers] The E-One grinder pump station model being used for LPS sewer areas of the Cudjoe Regional is not even shown on E-One’s website (model WR171-84). It is also not E-One’s “flood-proof” model, the WH101F. I therefore surmise that this pump station may be an experimental version and we are the “beta-testers”. Before you buy a new car you usually test drive it. You would especially want to test drive it if you could not find anyone else who had one like it and you had never read a review. Knowing that “all sales are final”, would you buy a new model car without driving it enough to know it performed satisfactorily? Well, FKAA decided to make a 10 million dollar non-returnable purchase of a pump station with no track record, and modified by plastic welding the lid seam, gluing a small reinforcement patch on top and direct threading in another manufacturer’s ball stop vent without actually taking one and simulating a flood condition, or totally submerging the pump for a couple of days (a competitor says they drown), or even SEEING one before accepting the first delivery! Would you call that due diligence in expending $10 million in public funds? They can still cancel most of the order and terminate the contract. We need to Dump the Pumps now! Sign support on the petition at

maracas chili

[Chili Cook Off] ABATE & Coconuts has been doing this cook off for a very long time. It’s a great day. For a few bucks you can taste some very good–to great chili. Then you vote. You’re the judge.  Vote for the best and the not so good chili. This is a fun day with lots music, raffles and some tasty chili. Stay tuned more info to follow. Sunday afternoon Jan. 26th. Video

Drunk Jeffrey Charron with loaded handgun causes stir on BPK. Link

[Profiling] I just saw an item on the news that certain civil rights groups are complaining that agents are targeting Muslims in anti-terrorist investigations and Hispanics in immigration investigations. Well, duh!



It’s Not About the Nail. Video 

I have seen several Curly Tail Anoles at the north end of Barry Ave on Little Torch Key. I always thought that they were skinks, but you seem to know what you are talking about so I will defer to you.
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wink woman eyebrows


[“Beautiful woman don’t say hello”] Hello! I’m a 50ish beautiful woman on Big Pine.

The beautiful women on Big Pine will make love to you if you have money and are willing to part with it. They will even marry you for a short time in order to gain your fortune. You see, they need these funds to adjust their fake boobs, puff up their lips, lipo, face lifts, waxing and the lot. The sad thing is when I see these fake women I get turned off bigtime and fell sorry for them
nira tocco realtor 9.12
[More bar wisdom] Money can buy happiness. It’s called beer.

smoking no no


Quit Smoking Now! Tuesdays from 4:30 pm-5:30 pm. Big Pine group meets at the Library. Free quit smoking program. We cover all forms of tobacco. Includes free patches, group support and guidance from a tobacco treatment specialist.For more info … Menu > Ongoing Events

“God given right to free speech and expression”? Oh, I see, as long as you’re a tourist. If you’re a local forget it. Let me get this straight. It is O.K. for a snow bird to generalize and insult locals, but it is not permissible for a local to defend himself? Oh, I get it, political correctness has come to the Keys. The anti-local, pro tourist mantra is fine while the victims of this scourge, the locals, better not say a word because we’re “not being friendly.” What a load of crap.



[Captain Doom and Gloom] Did the county already buy all the grinder pumps that were planned for? Are we taxpayers stuck with them and the costs to the vendors or are we going to take it up the grinder pump with paying for the full contract. If so how can we the people protest this or sue to stop the BS (Big Scam)?

I wanted to make a motion at a County meeting to oust all the useless eaters we are stuck with and hire some intelligent, honest people to run our maintenance shop, but oh no, you cannot do that without due process and petitions and grievance filing and all the other BS THEY have set up as a defense wall so they can keep their greasy jobs. France did it the easy way back in the old days! Heads will roll here too!
from the right

Gun-nutsThe appellation “gun nut” is getting tiresome. Many use the tag to denigrate any person who supports the second amendment or owns a firearm.  I’ve never actually seen a definition of a “gun nut”.  But I do know that there is a term that is used to label an individual who has an irrational aversion to firearms, as opposed to justified apprehension about those who may unlawfully wield them. It is sometimes used more generally to describe the fear of guns or the fear of armed citizens. That term is “Hoplophobia.”

The jittery hoplophobics amongst us are unable or unwilling to acknowledge that armed citizens stop crimes and prevent injury or loss of life every single day. Government figures from the National Survey of Criminal Victimization suggest 100,000 uses a year of guns in self-defense against crime, the vast majority of these uses being the simple display of a weapon to deter or dissuade criminals. The real gun nuts, are the hoplophobics. They are so frightened of firearms they cannot accept the fact that as gun ownership  has increased, crime has decreased.

It’s worth noting that every mass shooting in recent memory has been terminated by the arrival of armed individuals on the scene.

Part 2) The Senate has released its bipartisan report on the Benghazi murders. That report fully and totally puts the lie to the Obama admin’s claim that the attack was only a spontaneous act caused by a video that was disrespectful to Muslims.  The report also puts the lie to the various spokespersons for the administration claims that Al Qaeda was not involved.

While the report does not implicate the Al Qaeda “core” — the leadership believed to be in the Pakistan region — it does blame some of the most influential Al Qaeda branches, including Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) and Al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb (AQIM).

The report states that those involved include: “Individuals affiliated with terrorist groups, including AQIM, Ansar al-Sharia, AQAP, and the Mohammad Jamal Network, who participated in the September 11, 2012, attacks.” The militant Ansar al-Sharia was, separately, labeled by the State Department as a terror group last week, in part over its alleged involvement in the Benghazi strike.

The committee determined the attack was “preventable” and the administration failed to respond to “ample” warnings that security was deteriorating before Sept. 11, 2012.

The report faulted the State and Defense departments. It also cited the failure of the Obama administration to “bring the attackers to justice.”

Specifically, the report said the intelligence community provided “ample strategic warning” that security in eastern Libya was deteriorating and U.S. personnel “were at risk.” The report said multiple “tripwires” were crossed signaling security problems, and the State Department should have increased its security posture in response. This included an Aug. 16, 2012, cable from Ambassador Chris Stevens raising security concerns, and prior attacks on westerners in Benghazi.

Hillary Clinton was our Secretary of State when all of this occurred, this tragedy was yet another coprolite in her shameful  necklace of failures and deaths attendant to the State Department while she was SOS. She will wear that necklace as long as she lives.

obama-dictatorPart 3) To quote The Obama: “I’ve got a pen and I’ve got a phone.” Obama is putting us on notice that he is determined to ignore the Constitution and to do whatever in the hell he wants to do.  He is signaling that he expects the Democrats to lose control of the Senate and the House.  Then he intends to attempt to rule by executive order, executive fiat. That is called dictatorship. It will not stand.

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