2014 January

Thursday, January 16, 2014

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target rainbow


[Gun Nuts] People can legally shoot guns on residential properties in Monroe County. According to state Statute 790.15, it’s legal as long as it’s not done in a “reckless” manner or over a public road or occupied dwelling. The law was strengthened in 2011 when state legislators passed a law prohibiting local government or law enforce­ment agencies from stopping people from shooting on their own property. Elected lead­ers and police officers can be fined $5,000, and removed from office if they break the law.

isaksen-flood-roof 4.23.13
The Pine Channel bridges are probably going to get a top railing so a baby can’t crawl up and fall in the water.



Rollerman Video

If you were born here and someone asks if you have lived here all your like, answer “Not yet.”

Seafood-FestThe annual Florida Keys Seafood Festival is coming this weekend. Come down and enjoy the fest. Fanci Seafood will be serving delicious conch fritters! FKSF_Poster-2014 2 

help wanted sm


[Blimp Guard Wanted] Cudjoe Key TARS has an opening for a full-time guard with full medical benefits.  Applicant must be a motivated self-starter with some mechanical skills for future advancement. You must be physically fit and drug free.  All shifts to include nights, weekends and holidays. To apply, email resume to Classified Ads > Help Wanted 

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[Gun Nuts] Influenced by today’s story in the Citizen, I’m going to start shooting on Wednesday afternoons too. It beats a trip to Cudjoe Key and back to go to the gun range. I’m looking through my wood for stuff to make a proper wall for the back of my target. I figure if I shoot down from my deck at a very large target it will reduce the chance of a stray bullet going awry. Of course I won’t be firing in the direction of neighbors, just in case I’m a worse shot than I think.

[Windows XP is expiring soon] After April 8, 2014, Windows XP will no longer be a supported operating system, thus no more security updates. Microsoft will, however, continue to provide updates to their anti-malware signatures and engines for Windows XP users through July 14, 2015 (changed from April 8, 2014).

Microsoft has declared defeat with Windows 8, and is allowing Windows 7 PC sales and is coming out with a new revamped Windows 9 next year. New Windows 7 PC’s are available from most major online PC retailers, call them to order it with Win 7 instead of W8. Most suppliers don’t make a fuss as PC sales are poor due to Windows 8. If you ask for Windows 7 Pro (or Ultimate), it will run your older XP software as well. Win 7 will be supported by Microsoft until 2020.



Redneck Sushi (corndog). 

[Gun Nuts] You’ll find more gun nuts in rural areas that in the more sophisticated cities.


The snowbirds are here in droves this year and I hope they have enough sense to stay out of the bars and restaurants if they have bad colds or the flu. We locals here in the Keys, 120 miles out to sea, are so delicate you know.

heart throb

I see a lot of beautiful women on Big Pine. I see a lot of 50 ish gorgeous stunning, women.I have some favorites. I wish they would say hello.

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Those cartoons about the grinder pump problems are right on the mark. It is the old saying of a picture is worth a thousand words

[Survivalists] Does anyone with half a brain really think our government would take over our freedoms and install martial law like in the movie 1984? The military are people too and have families with kids. No one wants to see another Russia type country.
[Sewers] I’m not going to any more meetings either. What more can be said? It they don’t get the message by now, ‘there’s something rotten in Denmark’. Only a State investigation will determine what it is.


I stopped by the workers on the Pine Channel bridges because I thought they are putting up guardrails, but only one spoke English. I have lived here full time since ‘79 and I can not think of too many cars going over the side. I would think a car so out of control it will go over; how many more people will be killed keeping that car on the bridge? The state has now made everything on the highway between Ramrod and Big Pine very nice. Now let’s tear it up to put in the sewers. Take your guard rail back and replace it with the gravity system for us all.

[Tracking Dots] Seeing Yellow? You might not sick after all.  When you print on a color laser printer, it’s likely that you are also printing a pattern of invisible yellow dots. These marks exist to allow the printer companies and governments to track and identify you — presumably as a way to combat money counterfeiting. When one person asked his printer manufacturer about turning off the tracking dots, Secret Service agents showed up at his door several days later. Link 
A corollary to ‘thank god for the ignorant‘ is ‘thanks goodness for the a**holes in this world, they make us average folks look so good’

flasher back

[Child Sex] The Catholic Church has spent over two billion dollars (donated by old ladies and the faithful in drips and dribbles) to pay off or silence those abused by their pedophile priests. Amen. 

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[Mission Accomplished] 70 more people were killed yesterday in Iraq which brings the total to about five hundred in just one month. Life was much better under the dictator. Bush opened Pandora’s Box and we’ll never be able to get the lid back on.



Crabmeat Struedel.  Link

[Be Nice] It is a damn shame some posters have nothing nice to say except to put down another poster for their God given right to free speech and opinion. This is why most blogs fail. (Ed: You should have seen the mean post I just deleted. It lambasted the snowbird that had a bad experience at a local bar yesterday. I just don’t get some people’s hate. Where does it come from.)
[Spies like US] NSA’s secret malware jumps air gaps between computers. Link
spike1I would like to know if you have any train related museum stuff. (Ed: The Big Pine Museum does not have any, but we would sure like some. I have a spike from the railroad. If you have any stuff please photograph it and email it with a description and we’ll add it to the museum and attribute it to you if you wish)

FKAA has bought and is installing grinder pumps on properties naïve enough to have given an easement. Just because the construction contract says the warranty starts when the system starts operating does not make it so. E-One specifically denies extended warranties in their published warranty. You can look it up if you like- it’s on line. I wrote to them asking for extended warranty verification but they did not reply. At least now the factory knows what’s being promised by their distributor!

It will not be County infrastructure tax buying replacement pumps- it will be your sewer rates. Gravity, grinder, vacuum customers all pay. Sign on in support to Dump the Pumps!

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identity theft

[Security] Thanks to the poster who explained how to secure my router. I was busy doing it when the factoid hit me that I had nothing to protect. In essence, I am not financially target worthy — I am broke. Like in the “Ransom of Red Chief” I will charge anybody who steals my identity a fee to take it back. Log on at your own risk.

[Getting Laid] It’s a lot  easier and cheaper to have sex with desperate people in Cuba than in Miami and there is a lot less chance that anyone you know will find out about it. 

[Gun Nuts] Big Pine Key does have more than it’s share of gun nuts.  I hope that this doesn’t spread to the other Keys.



Fodor’s, the world’s largest publisher of English language travel guides, named the city’s famed Duval Street as among 16 of “America’s Best Main Streets” this month.

[“Three sandwiches with tip was $63”] Saying you left a 20% tip and had three $2.49 soft drinks, that leaves about $14.99 per meal. If you all had hogfish sandwiches and onion rings that would be very good. So you likely had dolphin, snapper or black Angus burgers with fries, or something close in that price area. Or else perhaps you all had three $9.99 meals and one or two fancy bar drinks each. Sounds inexpensive until it’s all added up at the end, especially if you’re afraid to sound like a cheapo asking how much the drinks cost. Seems like the new way of things is taking advantage of people’s near inability to do math when they are hungry or thirsty. The fact is our currency was intentionally devalued by the Federal Reserve for Freddie and Fannie bailout purposes mostly and commodity prices have risen as a result, thus food and other costs have risen. Next shoe to drop is dramatic increases in wages and then it’s effect on prices, so you’re getting a deal compared to what’s coming up. The system has to re-balance itself, inform your new Congressmen routinely that there is no such thing as a free lunch.
an_film_movie[Free Movie] On Tuesday, January 21, Sanctuary Friends Foundation of the Florida Keys ‘Friends in Focus’ will be featuring the free documentary Do the Math at the Marathon Power Squadron Building, 52nd St. Gulf on Loggerhead Lane. Doors open at 6:30p. This movie follows the trip of about the rising movement to change the terrifying math of the climate crisis and challenge of the fossil fuel industry. Free popcorn; drinks are available for a small donation.  For more information on upcoming events, please visit … Events 
Cuban public transportation. Video
A Big Pine drunk packing exposed heat in public is subdued and arrested by police, according to a local newspaper story.  Right under the online story is an ad for information on how to carry a concealed gun. Too funny! 


It’s 2014. We’re up to Thurston Howell VI already. (You have to be a certain age to get this one.)

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[Yap Dog] I’m wondering if anyone in the Keys owns a small dog called a Prague Ratter? The closest breeder we are interested in, is 6 hours away. Hoping to at least hear from someone who owns one, before we make the trek up there. If you or anyone you know has one, could you please call me at 809-5630. Thank you.

Anyone else out there watch “1964” on American Experience Tuesday night on PBS? Great two hour documentary, so many things I had forgotten about. There was race, music and of course politics, I wouldn’t turn 15 until later that year. I understood it a lot better last night. I thought I saw FTR in the Barry Goldwater (Au H20) segments, they did make sense of some things and of course the start of Vietnam.

[Legalize It] Florida might see a measure to legalize marijuana for fun on the next ballot if all goes as planned. There are now enough signatures on the petition to get it on the next ballot! Why don they just legalize pot, gay marriage and gravity sewers and move on. All three are inevitable unless there’s bribe money involved (hint, hint–sewers)



[Crooks] Man kills himself over pretty much worthless emeralds!  Link

The Key West Sail & Power Squadron Flea Market & Bake Sale on 5205 College Road on Stock Island Saturday February 1 from 8 am till 1pm. It’s a fun way to spend the day with the family. If you like flea markets, this is the one for you. It’s a great way to enjoy being outdoors, browsing, and searching for that special treasure you absolutely can’t live without. Enjoy the most delicious homemade cookies, cakes, pies, treats, cupcakes, and goodies from the bake sale while getting that bargain of a life time. Some items for sale are “nautical” items, but also jewelry, clothing, hats, sunglasses, electronics, binoculars, fishing gear, plants, clothing, collectibles, linens, glassware, cooking utensils, pots & pans, small items of furniture, yard essentials, sports memorabilia, kids toys, lawn & garden tools, infant items, auto parts, dishes, tools, collectibles, fishing and boat equipment, most anything you can think of and tons of items priced under $1.

If you have any items to donate, call Bill at … Events 

Lеаrn lіkе а ѕру. Ρаѕѕ fоr а nаtіvе. Ρіmѕlеur cоurѕеѕ hеlр реорlе lіkе уоu whо nееd tо ѕреаk аnоthеr lаnguаgе quіcklу. Оur cоurѕеѕ tооk оvеr 20 уеаrѕ tо dеvеlор аnd аrе nоw рurchаѕеd Ьу thе FBI, wоrld trаvеlеrѕ аnd Ьuѕіnеѕѕ рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ еvеrуwhеrе. Thеу’rе ѕо еffеctіvе, уоu hаvе nоthіng tо lоѕе! 
[Kiki’s] I wasn’t going to put my 2 cents in, but I changed my mind after reading the very nice write up in our local news paper. I felt it was a little misleading. I am happy they received the press, it’s just a little to soon for such a glowing report. My date and I went to Kiki’s for dinner. I would say to anyone wanting to give them a try to wait a while. They have a fair amount of work to do on everything. As a local, it was a little over priced. One dinner, one appetizer, 2 salads costs 60 bucks. The food was not special and the portions were not filling. I’m sure they can do better. I will give them another shot in a month or so. I would also note there were 2 locals at the bar. The rest were tourist. 
curly-tail anole[Lizards] We also have ashy geckos (red-banded when young and rubbery tan-looking as adults) and Mediterranean geckos (a little larger, light-colored, bumpy-skinned and come out mainly at night). Yellow-headed geckos are probably gone from here (last seen on Stock Island, I think). Other lizards: the native Green Anole (also called the Florida chameleon), the common Cuban anole and I just discovered the Bark anole (very similar to the Cuban anole, but lacks the dorsal stripe and appears to be less skittish.) I’m interested in any sightings of the Curly-tailed anole, an aggressive Bahamian import that has gotten a foothold on the mainland. As for Tokay geckos, they’re very cool, but they can bite. I too have a scar to prove it.
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[“Working Girls”] Problem is they are charging you, meaning they don’t want to do it of their own free will. It’s over and done with in a cold, fast, heartless manner so she can get back out on the street for the next john. Her fake lovemaking usually won’t do the trick and if you don’t pay, there are a few guys outside the door waiting that will. Everyone knows it’s best to have great, free, near-on-demand sex all the time with a willing creative partner who learns what makes you go pop and vise-versa. Less chance of getting a horrid disease or winding up in the hospital with busted jaw and broken teeth.


It’s Thursday and that means a sandwich special here at Springers Bar and Grill. Today’s love on a bun is a Shrimp Po’boy. Come on in and enjoy our take on this New Orleans original. It’s so good, you might even think you hear a jazz band playing.

[Tips from a Paranoid] Just a few observations coupled with a Keys survivalist’s opinion here. Preparedness is not difficult, the hardest part being to just start doing it if you haven’t started yet. The clock is ticking. It is great to have grandiose plans to buy land “someday”, to build windmills for power “someday”, to get the fanciest gear “someday”, or to buy cases of expensive freeze dried food “someday”. You may well be caught with everything in the planning stages.

nira tocco realtor 9.12
[Computer Processors] At the link is a performance chart to compare processor specs between Intel and AMD.  If you buy a decent enough machine (i7 or similar AMD processor, 4GB+ RAM expandable to 8-16+GB, 500GB+ storage, plus a decent additional dedicated graphics) it will very likely run Windows 9 Pro+ well, thus expanding its use beyond 2020 and running all one’s Win 7 software. Note: There is a performance difference between laptop and desktop processors/graphics with the same name, desktop versions are considerably more powerful. Link 


[Fire] After living through a fire in his own house, Dave shares the lessons he learned during his experience. In this video he shows how a simple 9 volt battery started his house fire.

I had no idea! I do this too.  Please watch this – it’s important and I feel worth posting. Link

If going to Miami for hookers all you need is a translator app with the Spanish phrase “giddy up bitch”. The girls in Miami know well what you mean. 
from the right

Our Deer Ed has an astonishing ability to come up with a video clip or graphic for just about any situation that you might think of.  But, I suspect what follows will challenge that ability.

hollywoodyThere is something in the air in Hollywood that sets the glitterati heart all a twitter. It’s abortion. Abortion is so popular with some of the glitterati that it’s easy to imagine them purposefully getting pregnant just so that the infant can be killed by an abortion.

Now a group of the abortion addicted jet set are setting out to raise money to pay for abortions, not in California, not in Ghana, not in Sierra Leone, but rather in Texas.

Believe it or not it’s a “comedy” show. Tickets are in the $100 range, and are sold out. Sarah Silverman is the “head” liner.  She is best remembered for her fascination with female genitals. Last November she “head” lined another fund raiser wherein characters dressed in vagina costumes played a pivotal role. Are you trying to visualize a vagina costume? One of the highlights of that show was when Silverman thrust a sanitary napkin into her pants, into the crotch of her pants and then auctioned it off. She called it a “used vaginal napkin.” Funny?

The glitterati mangling of the English language is astounding; they say that they are performing for reproductive rights. There is nothing reproductive about abortion, the goal of every abortion is to prevent reproduction, to kill an infant. Nor is there anything funny about it. It may be legal, it may be a woman’s right to choose abortion, but it is always the purposeful taking of an infant’s life. Except for very rare instances, it is always a tragedy. Even murderers get due process of law to determine if they should receive capital punishment. No so with infants being carried by females who simply don’t want the inconvenience of motherhood.

The name of the show? The Night Of A Thousand Vaginas.  Good luck with that Deer Ed.

penis pump16Part 2) Perhaps this part will be even more of a challenge to Deer Ed.

Did you know that the government, the deep pocketed government, paid over $172 million tax payer dollars for penis pumps between ’06 and ’11 according to the Inspector General for the Department of Health and Human Services?

The federal Medicare program covered nearly 474,000 claims between 2006 and 2011 for the vacuum erection systems, a treatment option for erectile dysfunction.

The idea of the taxpayers paying for Pop’s penis pump is preposterous. If Pop wants his penis pumped he damned well should be paying for it himself. If Pop can have a government paid penis pump, why shouldn’t Granny have a government supplied g-spot jiggler?

Deer Friends, Medicare properly does not pay for hearing aids or glasses, and it damned sure should not be paying giggles and grins like erectile dysfunction medications for us old farts. $172 million would pay for a lot of rehab for our wounded warriors.

(Ed: This post was my biggest challenge as yet. I had to do some fancy Photoshopping with this one to keep the G rating.)

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