2024 July

Friday, July 5, 2024

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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days:
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[July 4th] The Declaration of Independence was adopted by the 13 colonies on July 4, 1776. A year later in 1777, Philadelphia shot off 13 fireworks and had a 13-gun salute in honor of the 13 colonies.

[Wanted: Depth Finder Installation] I’m looking for a reliable, experienced marine electronics installer for my 26′ boat in Big Pine. I want to replace an old Furuno depthfinder/chartplotter with Garmin.
I sold my truck to Carvana. I went on their website, sent pictures of all they asked for, made an appointment for them to pick it up on Big Pine Key for two days later. They offered me about $10,000 more than the other online used car buyers. $10,000! They show up right on time, the guy was very pleasant, handed me a check, loaded the truck and in 20 minutes was gone. Nothing could be simpler. I thought it was too good to be true, but it wasn’t.
[I’m Sick Of Hearing] “I just want to touch bases with you” “This will make it pop” “think outside of the box”
Happiness is a Toyota GR86. I traded in a Mini Cooper S convertible for this beauty. It was $12,000 less than the mini and has gotten 35.7 mpg combined mostly driving between KW and marathon, however did take a trip to Dollywood last year thru the Smokies. What a trip. Quick and fun to drive. Very low causing you to fall in and climb out. The color isn’t red but Track Bred- stand’s out.
[Friday Joke] What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

The US is at risk for dengue fever. The buzz surrounding the mosquito-borne illness. Link
(Editor: Where’s Mosquito Control? I’m dying over here!)

[Smaller Products Warning] Supermarkets in France will now be required to put stickers on products that have been victims of shrinkflation (when the amount of goods offered is reduced while the price stays the same or increases). “Shrinkflation is a rip-off,” said Finance Minister Bruno Le Maire. “We’re putting an end to it.”
[“Perverted sex”] I didn’t think there were any more perversions or any sexual act was taboo, the existing pervisions just get a letter (LBGQ) now.
[Americans No Longer Proud] American pride remains near record lows, according to a new Gallup survey. The survey found that 67% of Americans are either “extremely proud” or “very proud” to be American, just 4 points above the record low of 63% in 2020. This is a large drop from 2001 through 2017, when no fewer than 75% of Americans were extremely or very proud.

How many hot dogs would it take to kill you? Frankly, we’d be surprised if you made it past a dozen. Link

H.G. Wells had a fondness for mysterious questions. They would get him ‘going’.
Upon my return home from war with combat injuries, I was aided in my healing and rehabilitation, as I processed through the anguishing discomforts and torments of battlefield experiences; via the “theatrical remedies” graciously afforded me, from the very theater company that has privileged me with the honor of being their Board President. Since my return to the United States, our theater company has published a “full color page tribute” honoring our nation’s Veterans in every theater program, for each one of our Broadway Shows, over the last 53 years. Link
John Donnelly, MS
President of the Board of Directors
The M Ensemble Theater Company
[Friday Joke] My wife and I were talking last night and I asked her how she really felt about me after 49 years together. She said, ‘Well, the six-pack has gone, and I’m left with the barrel it came in’. When she asked me the same, I said, ‘Well you were a nymphomaniac, but the nympho has gone and I’m left with the maniac’

Why some cats scratch more than others. A small study looks into what makes certain domestic cats scratch so much–and how to stop it. Link

[Perverted Sex] It’s over. When the country you live in has made spitting in people’s face cool because a girl said “Hawk tua” to make a man happy while performing a sex act it has hit rock bottom. She is even selling a container she spits in for hundreds of dollars. R.I.P. America. It was a nice run.
Ouch! I had a cup of coffee at a local beanery for $4!  $4 for a cup of mud, not even some faggy special coffee du jur. Never again.
[Cutting the Arts] The 32 million dollars in budgetary cuts to the Cultural Arts Programs in the State of Florida by Governor Ron DeSantis, will cause children to be driven from their enriching skill centered activities, back into the streets. They’ll be swept up and initiated into the inescapable gangs that have perennially plagued their impoverished neighborhoods.

The life-saving, aptitude enhancing and mind expanding alternatives that we’ve been providing for these “at risk” children, are being unwisely stripped away from them. These children will now seek attention, validation and peer-pressure approval via the unsupervised and dangerous activities, which will be pressed upon them by their street overlords.

The children we’ve been providing a “Theatrical Summer Camp Experience” for at our Theater Company, come from economically depressed neighborhoods riddled with crime and violence. These children have been acquiring academic and technical skills, as they shed the yokes of poverty, achieving and advancing themselves towards a bright and positive future. Now, these innocent and eager to learn children will be stricken from their pursuits, as they become the next casualties of these injurious budget cuts.

These types of destructive scenarios have become the “new norm” and “standard” that will propagate the forthcoming “toxic reality”, which is being imposed upon the Children of Florida as relegated by Governor Ron DeSantis.

[Butterflies Travel Plan] The number of miles traveled by a group of painted lady butterflies across the Atlantic Ocean without stopping is 2,600 miles.. The journey would have taken five to eight days, according to a study in the journal Nature Communications. This is actually kind of a record for an insect.
[Captain Doom and Gloom] “Air conditioning the Olympics” Oh, gee whiz, the poor useless athletes will have to sweat just like their ancestors did for the last few thousand years.  What a pity. Just think how bad it must be for office workers and other BS time wasters. Ask a steel worker or road repair guy what heat is all about.  The only difference is how much the champs stink in their locker room.
An ultra-Orthodox Jewish protester is hit with a water cannon in West Jerusalem. Thousands of Haredi men have taken to the streets since Israel’s Supreme Court issued a historic ruling that they must be conscripted. They just want to pray and collect welfare
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[Rabbits Getting High] Pet rabbits are inadvertently getting high by eating lettuce, experts have warned. As part of its Rabbit Awareness Week, Burgess is busting “myths” about bunny diets, highlighting the fact that leafy lettuce contains lactucarium – dubbed “rabbit opium” – which promotes “a mild sensation of euphoria”. Carrots are packed with sugar, too, and should only be given to bunnies in moderation.
[Amazon Delivery Van] I was in Kendall Sunday, lost in a residential neighborhood, where I saw an Amazon delivery truck delivering—on a Sunday!  We can’t even get deliveries down here on Saturday, never mind Sunday.
[Friday Joke] A man goes to his doctor for his first prostate exam.
Doctor-“remove your pants and bend over the table” as he proceeds to put on a rubber glove and lubes it up. The doctor inserts his finger and begins to probe.
Doctor- “You shouldn’t feel any pain and don’t mind the erection”
Patient- “Doctor I don’t have an erection”
Doctor- “I wasn’t talking about you”
[Lost Luggage] An American Airlines passenger’s lost suitcase turned up in a Hollywood homeless encampment. After flying from Dallas, her Air-Tag tracked the bag’s detour to Denver, back to Dallas, then to Burbank and somehow into central L.A. How it happened is still a mystery. She fortunately had a friend there that recovered the bag by paying off a local, who had the woman’s lost belongings in a shopping cart.
Keys Funk Rock band. Voodu Sol will be playing the Looe Key Tiki Bar Saturday night, July 6. Come on out and get your funk on. Dancing will be encouraged, and you might not be able to help yourself. You are sure to have a good time, Free your mind and your ass will follow.
Dolly the sheep was born in Scotland on July 5, 1996, becoming the first successful cloned mammal. Dolly was born from three mothers: one carried her egg, another provided the DNA and a third carried the cloned embryo. Dolly gave birth to six lambs during her life and was euthanized in 2003 due to a lung disease
[Bogus Claim] A fashion stylist who claims dust from construction work at her neighbor’s apartment destroyed her vintage handbag collection is seeking $315,000 in damages. Maria Serra told London’s High Court that the renovations made her home unlivable and ruined 26 designer bags worth $18,300. Lawyers for Serra’s neighbors said the claimant had “grossly inflated” the collection’s value and the items can easily be cleaned.
[Flying Hippos] Pigs may not fly, but hippopotamuses do — at least momentarily. When hippos get moving, all four feet leave the ground for about 15% of their stride cycles. That 0.3 seconds in the air may not sound impressive, but hippos weigh up to 2.2 tons.
[Saks buys Neiman Marcus in $2.65B deal] Hudson’s Bay Company, which owns Saks Fifth Avenue, will buy Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman in a $2.65 billion deal announced Thursday. The luxury retailers will be combined under a new entity, Saks Global, but will continue to operate under their existing brand names. Amazon and Salesforce will have minority stakes in the new company.

Watch a carpenter ant chew off another’s wounded leg to try to save its life. Video
[Junk Food Gets Cheaper] The summer of food deals. Restaurant chains like McDonald’s, Burger King and Starbucks are promoting affordability, offering $5 bargain combos to entice inflation-weary Americans back to the drive-thrus. Prices at the chains are up 31% since the pandemic, which priced out many who turned to fast-food restaurants as a cheaper alternative.
[Longer Lobster Mini Season] Oh. No! An extra day has been added to Lobster Mini Season (Florida residents only). It happens on July 14th, the day after the Underwater Music Festival. The Governor believes that this will be a fnancial boon for our area. The last wave will be here on the last Wednesday and Thursday of the month for the traditional Lobster Mini Season.
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[Friday Joke] You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 7/5/24 at 9:55 am.