2018 June

Friday, June 6, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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[“Mexico is the definition of shithole”] I was a course director for one of the SCUBA agencies in the late 80’s. I’ve certified instructors throughout the Caribbean and in Central and South America. I remember when Honduras (Bay Islands), Guatemala, El Salvador, and Brazil were safe – and Colombia was not. The people fleeing those countries today are fleeing horrid conditions and violent communities. Sadly, when they come, they arrive with nothing, have little or no education that ready them for our way of life. Yet they seem to know our laws and loopholes well enough to bring their culture and its ills-effects with them. (MS13, La raza and others). The solution is for the immigrants to stay in their homelands and fight those who oppress them – the gangs, their corrupt governments, the dopers, etc. The last thing America needs is more people coming here so they can send remittances back home. Those lost dollars cost our economy greatly. It’s time to build the wall, put in a door with access for the best and brightest to come here and become Americanized if they wish.

Like many others, I do not support separating family members, but I do support our nation’s laws. Can anyone tell me why, when a person gets off a plane at JFK with no passport they are sent back immediately? Why are people who arrive on a raft crossing the Rio Grande or walking across the desert treated differently? Don’t separate them, send them back. Can anyone tell me how these poor folks have rights in our country when they are not U.S. citizens? If you go to Mexico and screw up, you go to jail. Try leaving America and entering a foreign land with no passport or visa – try it in UAE or Iran. You’ll quickly see what rights you don’t have. Europe (Italy, Spain, Greece, Londonistan, FRANCE, Germany) are under siege from migrants, crime is thru the roof. We are seeing the same with the influx of our neighbors from the South. It’s time to close our open borders. If you’ve migrated to the USA legally, welcome! If you’ve been hiding under the radar, using stolen SSN’s, not been paying taxes, are selling dope or trafficking humans, it’s time to get legal or go home.

[Friday Joke] Arguing about a woman’s bust size is like choosing between Budweiser, Miller, Coors or Yungling.  Men may state a preference but will grab whatever is available.
[Come and Meet Beth!] You are invited to Kiki’s Sandbar on July 12th, from 5:30 – 7:30.  This event hosted by the Sharpe/Weinhofer family is for you to meet your candidate, Beth Ramsay-Vickrey, for the K.W. Utility Board Seat D (aka: Keys Energy Board) in a relaxed and fun social setting. Come on out, have some food, listen to some good music, and find out why Beth is the best candidate for the Utility Board.
[Port of Entry] In 1822 Congress established Key West as a Port of Entry. One of the only places to legally enter the United States from a foreign country. Joe Yancy was appointed the first Collector of Customs, a cushy job to be sure!
[Affordable Housing] Rent Control! Problem solved.





Remember why.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Big Pine Key

[Friday Joke] A man went to the pharmacy and asked for some antidepressants. The pharmacist said, “You need a prescription for that and a copy of your marriage license. A photo of your wife doesn’t qualify.
[Friday Joke] A book seller was conducting a market survey. He asked an older lady what book has helped her thru her life. She looked at him with a smile on her face and said, “My Husband’s check book.
I agree with the writer about Mexico. It used to be so wonderful.  We would go to Cozumel twice a year for drift diving. Been to Punta Mita Four Seasons Resort where they did a bait n switch on a bottle of Chateau La Fitte Rothchild, and Acapulco in the olden days and it was creepy back then!

Now the people there hate Americans and pick their noses right in front of us even though we were very good tippers. The hotel rooms and much of the food are now awful. Many all-inclusive resorts, especially Secrets, has zero booze in your pina colada and they tried to put something nefarious in my omelet. We caught a maintenance man inside our room in the middle of the day for no reason. That “Do Not Disturb” sign you hang on your door knob means nothing; the maid will enter during your dinner, with “towels.” So be sure to lock up your safe and lock expensive clothes and shoes in your luggage with an ABUS lock. They may even have a back door key to the safe and an airline gadget to open your luggage.

Where is there a great place to go on holiday? How about home? There is no place like home!

[Top Insult of the Week] I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying that you’ve got bad luck when it comes to thinking.

Our millionth July 4th parade on little Lake Pascoag in R.I. was a big hit. (that’s Carol waving from our boat with the red Bimini). Here’s my house. Us Yankees take patriotism very seriously. After all, we started it just a few miles from this house .

[Friday Joke] A prospective husband asked the receptionist at Borders Books—Where would I find a book called Husband-The Master of the House?? Whereas she replied—Fiction, Fantasy, and Comics are on the 3rd floor.



I see 2 post on President Trumps wall. Is changing it’s policy on National Politics on the main page? (Ed: I’m a moderate so when something is funny I post it to share the laughs even if it is about medieval walls. ha)

I think pot should cost two hundred dollars an ounce. I think that’s fair to everyone.

Since Irma killed most of the poisonwood trees, what do the White Crown Pigeons eat? They come here every June, all the way from the Bahamas, to eat the berries?

[Friday Joke] God granted a man two wishes. The man chose a good drink and a great woman.  God gave him mineral water and Mother Teresa. Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.


[Fireworks Wrong Date] I know you folks who live in the lower Keys are somewhat “off” but mixing up the days for the July 4 fireworks takes the cake. I loved it!

It seems like drinking 8 glasses of water a day is nearly impossible.  But drinking 8 beers and 4 shots of tequila in 4 hours is easy!




Happy birthday Corvette, you turned 65 June 30. Boy, don’t we all wish we owned one of these!  I’m sure I would have bought one but I was age 5 then. Tough, with no drivers license and a 15 cent weekly allowance. Link

[Crash] Now you can park in small spaces just like the professionals in one easy step. Video
[“Brush cleanup”] To those who say the brush should be cleaned up on Big Pine, I have been doing it for 6 months and it can only be done by hand, one bush at a time. Anything else will require strip cleaning.
[“Shitholes”] I feel for the poster who had a terrible vacation with his family to Mexico.  The only thing worse is a family vacation to Haiti. Video
[Blockbuster Movie Trivia Quiz] Are you a film buff? Link


[Nine People on a 19′ Boat] It sunk. No surprise there. Crews from Coast Guard Station Islamorada saved nine people from a sinking boat off Plantation Key Thursday afternoon. According to Station Islamorada, the 19-foot rental vessel sank around 4 p.m. at Hens and Chickens Reef, a shallow coral reef popular with snorkelers.

[“Marathon Gerrymandering”] I do agree with the original writer’s intent that it’s a goofy unnatural division of the districts, clearly for political shenanigans.  I only mean to point out that, technically, the area in question is still within the boundary of Marathon.
[Stainless Steel] If you SammySam the TV Man to install a satellite dish, make sure he uses stainless steel fasteners, so they do not rust away in a year, like mine did and let the dish crash.


[Key Largo Landmark] Chef, head baker and matriarch Harriette Mattson, who has owned and operated Harriette’s Restaurant for 37 years, has passed the torch to Upper Keys newcomers Carlos and Suni Hernandez, who promise no major changes to the family-operated restaurant. The restaurant’s down-home comfort food will never be the same.

[“Sliver of Marathon that is part of the lower Keys”] It’s not part of the Lower Keys.  The writers are confusing the County district map with the municipal (City) boundary.  The “sliver of Marathon” is part of the County’s District 2, along with the Lower Keys, but it’s still Marathon.
[Friday Joke] What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? “Oh, look at the donut seeds!”]
What you need to know about reef safe sunscreens. You may have seen a thing or two in the news recently regarding Hawaii’s ban on chemically based sunscreen. On May 1st, the state passed a bill that will prevent the sale of sunscreen containing common UV-filtering ingredients, such as oxybenzone and octinoxate. Why is this important? Because both have been linked to coral bleaching. Link
‘Climate change’ disappeared from the CDC website! Now what? Is it the fact that we are poisoning our planet so the oil, coal and chemical companies can make their sickening profits? There might not be climate change, but we sure as hell are going to die off by other crap for dollars.
Differences of opinion are a wonderful thing to be celebrated and enjoyed – they are a sign we live in a multi-party democracy. If everyone agrees with you in your corner of the web or circle of friends, it is possible you are part of a cult!  ~Professor Brian Cox



Keys Cottages are arriving in a working-class neighborhood hit hard by Irma. Link

[Assimilation] The process of merging all sub-species into one controllable mass of less than intellectual perfect followers. See: chicken farming, tilapia farming and human engineering.
[National Parks Arts Foundation] In honor of anyone fighting for equal independence of everyone, We present the work of two U.S. Military veteran artists. The works of Josh Osburg & Nick Collier

Winn Dixie discounts. Link

[Losing Our Superiority] We live in the Keys, known for its freedom of thought, diversity of races, cultures, and sex preferences, so I wonder what will happen when a bunch if illegal immigrants come here and take over people’s homes, take control of our markets, schools and local government? Do we defend ourselves or do we turn the other cheeks and bend over? Will the holy rollers offer their extra bedrooms? Will the local politicos do the same? Will the local fire departments be able to put out the fires? Reality hurts doesn’t it?
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