2013 June

Friday, June 7, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media

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(Saturday, June 8, 2013 The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturday)

[FEMA ends Home Inspections]  Federal Emergency Management Agency officials agreed to end a controversial downstairs inspection program this month, despite 2,798 uninspected homes. Link

manhole eyes an[Sewers] I was the one who freaked when I received the bill for $9000 for sewering my single-family home. The letter was in error because it was for a duplex rental property I own, but it didn’t say so anywhere on the bill. When I called to complain about the $9000 the lady said it was for my other property not my single-family home. I asked why the letter had no reference to the rental property to avoid this sort of confusion in an already confusing process. She said there is an Alternate Key number on the letter and I should go to the County website and try to find what address the alternate Key referred to and that way I’d know what property I was being billed for. I said how about just typing it on the letter. She got irritated.

So far everything about the sewers is wrong. I think it was a big mistake letting FKAA be in charge. They couldn’t even figure out the rules to bring water to my remote property after Hurricane Georges. It took me 11 trips to Key West FKAA offices to finally get water to my property. They just wouldn’t let up on continually asking for more papers and continually assuring me that was the last paper they wanted.So far it’s the same with their mismanagement of the sewers.


Tropical Storm Andrea’s path. Link


[Can You Hear Me Now] Blarney and Prisim are the two top secret programs that the FBI and CIA have had in place for several years that listens to all out phone and internet traffic. But don’t fear Big Brother says he’s not looking at your content only to where it is going. Thank you Big Brother we know we can trust you.

[Sewer System Sucks] Vantage Energy Consulting called the proposed equipment and technology for the  Cudjoe Regional Wastewater  System “fatally flawed” in a thorough analysis the consulting firm conducted. Florida Keys Aqueduct  Authority (FKAA) and Monroe County chose that equipment  and technology. “Over the life of the project, it will cost all Keys ratepayers almost $30 million more.

“This mix of sewer systems made no sense, and the more we asked questions, the stranger the answers became,” he said.




[War is Hell] I remember hearing one Vet tell the story about his job that was to shoot his own men if they refused to get out of the boat and fight! What a thing to have to live with for the rest of your life? 

[Privacy] Why worry about the Feds getting into your cell phone conversations, your neighbors probably already are.

[Rip-off] I was looking for those tiny ropes that hold your sunglasses around you neck and went to Boater’s World, or whatever, and they were about eight dollars each. What? for a piece of string? I then went to Kmart and bought the same thing for eighty-nine cents.




Drinking rum before 10 a.m. makes you a pirate not an alcoholic.

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[“The Second Coming is Here Hail Lord RA-EL”] I love Religious people on the internet using 21st Century technology to express 15th Century views.


Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!


[Insurance] Tallahassee: Despite no hurricanes many “takeout” insurers fail. One-third of the insurance companies that have taken over policies previously held by Citizens Property Insurance Corp. have gone belly up — and cost taxpayers $400 million. Link



[Infrastructure] I was stopped in traffic yesterday on the South Pine Channel Bridge when a dump truck crossed the bridge coming from the other direction. The bridge shook so badly that my heart went in my mouth. Bridges shouldn’t shake like that. Has this bridge been inspected recently?

Sorry I’m late, but I saw my Ex broken down with two flat tires and l had to drive by nine times before he noticed me laughing at him.




[Drink more water!] Later, on the subway, a beautiful, serene older woman comes over to you and lays her gloved hand gently on your arm. “Your skin,” she murmurs. “It’s positively glowing. So fresh. So luminous. May I ask — it’s water, isn’t it?” You smile. She plants a tender kiss on your forehead and glides away. Link

The secret to being happy is having a good sense of humor and a dirty mind


[More bar wisdom] I go to work, so I can afford to drink. I drink because I go to work.



[Enamel] Researchers at the University of Iowa looked at the acidities of the things we drink, and how acidity correlated with tooth erosion. They soaked molars in various beverages for 25 hours, then measured the changes. (The molars were no longer attached to people.) Gatorade was the worst, followed by Red Bull and Coke, and then Diet Coke and apple juice (still not as bad as meth). Link

[Downstairs enclosures]  In response to the comments regarding the closing in your downstairs in order to make a few bucks renting it out.  I am not sure where to begin but I will give it a try.  

First of all there is a reason for having passage for flood waters under your home any where in a flood prone area. Then if you did it without getting the necessary permits your are taxing the utilities the home was originally designed for.  (Electric, structural, garbage pick up, water and yes sewer)  You probably are not registered with the county to be in business to be a landlord.  You are more than likely not paying the appropriate taxes (property and income are two that come to mind).  Finally you are not being considerate of your neighbors with the added people, cars, waste and noise.

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Rare Schaus’ butterfly found on Elliot Key. Link 

I don’t understand interventions. What’s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?

[Joke] A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.” He calls the number and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. “What are you going to do,” the homeowner asks? “I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.” He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. “What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner. “If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.” 

beer man an



Drowning is often quick and silent. Here’s how to spot someone in trouble. Video

[Downstairs Enclosures] The sad reality is, you do not own your property. The government owns it; you just pay rent. Try not paying your taxes. The government will take your property to foreclosure and sell your it with a tax deed. 

tesla_roadster7[Car Loans] 56% of car makers who asked for government ‘green’ loans are bankrupt. Of the 18 existing or would-be carmakers identified as having applied for loans under the U.S. Department of Energy’s Advanced Technology Vehicle Manufacturing program, 10 have since faded into bankruptcy or ceased operations.

To date, about $8 billion has been doled out. Additionally five car makers: Tesla, Nissan, Ford, Fisker and the Vehicle Production Group. The last two have ceased production and also appear headed toward bankruptcy.

Money that could have been spent on teachers and homeless, but instead lined the pockets of anti science left wingers and their crony business partners. Link

What the hell is going on at the tiki bar on Ramrod Key? New owners say there will be no changes and are here to cater to the locals. However the prices have changed and apparently so has the staff. Now we hear that one of the best bartenders, that has been there for a very long time, has been fired.

The changes that should be made are starting with the restrooms. Maybe the Citizen newspaper should be back to the  for another interview, so that our community knows what is going on with our neighborhood bar? Now I ask again, what is going on in our used-to-be-friendly neighborhood bar where the locals gathered to visit and relax? As a local I am not sure that I feel comfortable in this establishment any longer.


New company taking Fla. Keys Windstorm policies. Link

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[Conspiracy] Whatever Tuesday’s Redstone radar blob was, it was unlike anything most professional radar watchers have ever seen. Speculation has centered on secret defense testing at Redstone Arsenal, and the University of Alabama in Huntsville has said it has found feathery pieces of fiberglass near the area. All this has led Huntsville scientists to be discreet in their public speculation so far in deference to national security. But they are shedding more light on an event that exploded on radar like a thunderstorm, spread nearly 10 miles wide and a mile high, and lasted for nine hours – all while being virtually invisible to the naked eye. Link

[Life in the Keys] What a world it is,  a local paper has a story about some people of science excited about finding a rare butterfly around here, closely followed by a story about a couple of bar bouncers beating up some knucklehead on Duval St.  And so it goes.

“Don’t worry I got it” Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man several times to do, but is now doing it herself

*note: this will result in the man asking, “what’s wrong?” Where she will reply with, “Nothing”.

mansonShould Leslie Van Houten be paroled? The killer lady of Charles Manson fame?

The mind I have is the one I am stuck with, and believe me I would not classify myself as a bleeding liberal, in fact the big fault I have with the likes of folks like Rush Limbaugh, is that they lean too far to the left. Yes left! Having said that, my answer to the above question is yes.

Now if you had asked me at the time of her crime I would have responded that she deserved execution–no less, but at this point in time this very bright lady who has been incarcerated for over 44 years who has worked tirelessly to improve her station in life and to better society, deserves to be paroled back into society, otherwise what are we doing by incarcerating one to a dead end life at great expense. The truly humane thing in my judgement would have been capital punishment shortly after the crime, but as the state took another tack at that time the only humane thing left to do is to parole the lady.

Each case should be judged on it’s merits and in this case the subject has worked tirelessly for the betterment of society. I am aware of the heinous facts of the crime, but summing my thoughts up, I believe the state failed us when they did not execute the perpetrators, but at this point in time, I say for this specific case, parole is the proper way to go. 

[Atheist Monument] The courtyard outside the Bradford  County Courthouse in north  Florida will soon become home  to a monument to atheism. What will the monument be a big Zero?

cubamap7[Cuba] You know what really bites my arse? That many comments here posted (evidently) by Cuban exiles or 1st generationers, always talk or whine about the inhumane conditions the Castro regime stranglehold has on it’s people. Yet, they haven’t made one attempt in 50 years to do something about it. The only one time was when “Alpha 66” tried their coup d’etat with the assistance of the CIA, and when that failed, they swiftly blamed JFK for the failure, and since JFK was a Democrat, this was the prime reason for the Cubans switching as Republicans today.  They felt that the Democrats had betrayed them or failed them. They refused to admit or accept that it was really due to the Cuban spies that had infiltrated the operation, back then and still today, like all the discovered espionage conducted by Castro in the Cuban American Federation, Brothers to the Rescue and so forth.

If they really cared so much, why haven’t they actually done something about it, until they have succeeded? Instead they depend on the U.S. to wage war on Castro for them, which by the looks of it, it’s never going to happen. Throughout WWII all German conquered nations had formed a resistance that actually contributed to the fall of the 3rd Reich. Even during WWII, Cuba declared itself a neutral country. Playing patsy to both the Americans and the Germans. Refusing to show any loyalty to the USA. Yet, during the Spanish American war, Cuba was crying for the ousting of the Spanish government that for 500 years had them under slave conditions. It took for, Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic to convince and join the Americans to oust Spain out of the Caribbean territories, and especially Cuba.  

After the Americans succeeded in ousting Spain out of it’s colonies and territories, Cuba still refused to show it’s allegianceto the U.S. and declared itself a republic.

May 1939, the S.S. St. Louis left Hamburg Germany with 935 Jewish exiles fleeing Nazi Germany, on it’s way to Havana Cuba, with the intention to temporarily stay in Cuba until they were able to migrate to the U.S. After the two week voyage from Germany to Havana, Cuba denied them entry, and were sent back to Germany to face slavery, and certain death in the concentration camps!

If the Cuban Americans care so much about the inhumane treatment, and supposed conditions of the Cuban people by the Castro regime, why is it that they show actual prejudice towards the Cuban rafters coming to our shores today? Calling them “Gusanos” (Worms), and refusing to give them work, and instead exploit the “Tira Flechas” (Arrow Throwers) native Indians from Mexico and Central America at really low wages? Not only that, but, refuse to give Haitians any type of work too. Do you know how many racist comments many exiled Cubans would even make towards black Cubans? Me, being an American, back in the 90’s, I had a handyman business in Miami, and if I charged, for example, $1.50 a square foot for setting tile work, they would complain and always tell me that they have an Indian (arrow thrower) that will do the same work for $0.50 a square foot. This was always a common, and repetitive situation.

It seems that when the exiles came to Miami, they also came with the Batista exploitation customs too! Another example of exploitation, on English local news, you hear (Rep.) Illeana Ros-Lehtinen, and the Diaz Balart brothers talk about American politics, but never about Cuba. Yet, on Telemundo and Univision, all they talk about is Cuba and the Castro regime, and how Democrats support Cuba, and nothing, about true important American politics. They’re mission is to convince the “Gusanos” to become Republicans when they get their citizenship, but other than that, nothing else to help them (worms).

I feel sorry for the Cubans in Cuba, the day the exiles return to Cuba, because they will make Fidel Castro look like an amateur, compared to what they will do. Maybe this is why Castro refuses to die!


[Top Reasons why Beer is Better Than Jesus] 10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured for his brand of Beer.
4. You don’t have to wait more than 2000 years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can’t lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you’ve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

an_eyescan[You are not alone] Government snooping on Verizon and everyone else

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[Conspiracy Man] The birth of the United States was created by Alien intervention. There are historical documents, and diaries written by our Forefathers mentioning this very mysterious figure known only as the Doctor, or the Professor. This person had the ability to suddenly show up or disappear when no one was looking. He was the architect of the declaration of independence and the constitution. While discussing the contents to be contained in the declaration of independence, on July 4, 1776, while sequestered behind locked doors, and guarded windows, the Continental Congress of the 13 British Colonies (our Founding Fathers) were in hot debate on whether or not to sign the Declaration of Independence and break from Great Britain. The building was highly guarded for 12 hours, with strict orders not to allow anyone in or out. This mysterious professor suddenly showed up, as usual, out of nowhere, and gave this brilliant speech. Link


[Joke] Dog For Sale. A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks. ‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running…

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”Because he’s a Bullshitter. He’s never been out of the yard’.

5.98_0004[Drive-in] An anniversary tribute to the Great American Drive-In Courtesy of our friend at GatorRock! You know, I initially intended to leave it at that, but I started thinking about how cool it would be to have a drive-in here. But where? And immediately I considered those poor, miserable folks out on No Name Key. And how we bonded with them along with our hard earned tax dollars in their struggle to be part of the 21st century. Yes I said,a drive-in just beyond the bridge. And yes a Wal-Mart too. And a golf course or two. Miniature golf? And yes, athletic fields A school. A churchor two, for Christ’s sake. A bar. A ferry.

Existing structures are there. Permits? No problem. Bike paths? Jogging paths? A marina? A by-pass highway, finally, around Big Pine Key? It’s already a State road there. No problema. The deer won’t mind. They are already accustomed. Throw up a fence and underpass, what the hell. And Saturday night drag racing. A Lover’s Lane. The possibilities are endless. Why should they be deprived sitting all alone out there in their air conditioning with refrigerators just washing clothes while watching TV, for Christ’s sake? Poor bastards. Let’s welcome them to the community and the real world of Big Pine Key. Our brethren. Our solution. After all, we share the same zip code. Drive-in

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[Eye Candy] A Potemkin illusion. When President Obama and other world leaders fly into Northern Ireland for a major summit there on June 17, they will see a vista of progress that has been created to deceive them. According to Ireland’s national broadcaster, RTE, local councils have hired workers to paint fake shop fronts stocked with attractive but illusory produce. They have also been contracted to cover derelict buildings with colorful billboards, the better to hide the real economic hardship being felt in towns and villages close to the five star golf resort where G8 leaders will meet this month.

Critics have called the move a Potemkin village charade, named after the fake village created by Russian minister Grigory Potemkin to fool Empress Catherine II about the state of locality during her visit to Crimea in 1787.

[Self-help couple commits suicide]  Authorities said a New York City couple  who hosted a self-help radio show called  “The Pursuit of Happiness” took their own  lives. The couple gave advice on how to lead  more fulfilling lives on a monthly radio  show broadcast on WBAI-FM. It seems they realized their advice was all bulls**t.

nira tocco realtor 9.12

[The Second Coming] Should be the Second Cumming for you religious nuts. Why don’t you all move to some secluded island in the middle of the Atlantic and beat it to death?


Grateful Dead ‘Sunshine Daydream‘ The whole 1 ½ hour movie from 1972 Veneta.


[God’s Will] One would think that if we’ve got this whole God thing figured out correctly, that the building that collapsed in Philadelphia would have been a porn shop or a massage parlor rather than a Salvation Army store.

Someone wanted to get rid of building permits and codes and have unregulated construction in the Keys. Was that a joke or is the person a madman or just terribly clueless to the ramifications of that.


Every time I hear about a species going extinct I celebrate, one less thing I have to compete with. And one less thing for some douche bag to regulate me about (EPA, IRS). The federal government’s main function seems to be to grow itself. Turtle soup anyone?

[Ghetto] Ever been to Marathon? Ever been to Stock Island? Sure, but that makes most of the Keys a ghetto doesn’t it? Just think how nice it is going to be with all our islands developed into Habitats for Mutants and other Low Renters?

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[Captain Doom and Gloom] “Downstairs Enclosures” It has all to do with keeping the Keys high level and stopping the influx of low-renters, else we will turn into a 120 mile long Stock Island!  We are half way there already. Ugh!

“Monkey See, monkey Do” ‘I am shocked to see that a person who killed 16 and wounded six has been given such leniency,’ said Baraan Noorzia, whose brother was killed. ‘We will raise our voices from here to our president, to all human right organizations, and the American people that there should be no mercy for a person who carried out such a massacre.’ Link

It doesn’t seem to matter that the Ragheads do the same thing in our cities, our schools, our country, but they have rights if others go off a bit and take revenge on them!

religion politics zone


[Consider the Source] I had to laugh when I read the FTR comment about Susan Rice “she is as dumb as a box of rock”. Susan Rice attended Stanford University, where she received a Truman Scholarship, and graduated with a BA in history in 1986. She was elected to Phi Beta Kappa. She was awarded a Rhodes Scholarship, Rice attended New College, Oxford, where she earned a Masters in 1988 and Doctors in 1990. The Chatham House-British International Studies Association honored her dissertation as the UK’s most distinguished in international relations. Susan Rice also is worth an estimated $50 million dollars through investments in Canadian Energy companies.

But the FTR guy thinks Sarah Palin who went to 5 different colleges in 4 years to get a BS in journalism (woopee!) is smart enough to be president. So next time you hear the FTR guy mindlessly recite Fox News propaganda consider the source. I wonder what FTR’s education is that qualifies him to judge.

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The FBI announced this week it was looking for information about the May 14th disappearance of the 25-year-old Iraq War veteran, who is from the border city of Hidalgo, Texas. Link 


right only grey

an_secret_agentsThe Obama administration and his band of brigands are taking us to places that we have never been, nor could we have even conceived of. Just for the moment forget the morass that is our economy, set aside the decline in American power and prestige throughout the world, and simply think about how they are laying siege to some of our most basic tenets of governance.

I have nearly no respect for Obama nor his philosophy, even so, I was shocked to learn today that He and His are  secretly carrying out a domestic surveillance program under which they are collecting business communications records involving Americans. Bear in mind the records seized are not necessarily foreign calls, but are all calls taken or placed by hundreds of millions of Americans.  The order issued by  the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court in April, directs a Verizon Communications subsidiary, Verizon Business Network Services, to turn over “on an ongoing daily basis” to the National Security Agency all call logs “between the United States and abroad” or “wholly within the United States, including local telephone calls.” It is nearly certain that that all of the other cell phone and communication carriers are under similar order.

It is happening, it is fact.  It is also fact that when the enabling legislation was passed 7 years ago, Obama vigorously opposed it. But since then he has exploited it like no previous president and has expanded it far beyond the parameters contemplated by the authors of the legislation.

We know Obama promised to deliver the  most transparent administration in history. He and his have  morphed into style of governance of  The Soviet Union, and East Germany.  The government has used the IRS as a political howitzer to attack its political opponents. We know from the testimony of low level IRS staff that these acts were not the misdeeds of low level employees, but rather originated well up the management hierarchy.

Now the government has seized the phone records of the Associated Press,  they seized the records of a Fox reporter and his parents. The very latest revelation is a government program code named “PRISM.” PRISM taps directly into servers of 9 major internet companies collecting whatever data it wishes. You really should read the Link

We have come to a place where the government has the power to learn secrets and to  probe your very thoughts.

Deer Friends, for the good of our society you should join with the 68% of Americans believe that the government is out of control.  We must reign it in.


NNK–When I write rude comments about rude people, it is important to be correct. Since you mentioned you no longer edit sloppy offerings, the onus of a mistake in my yesterday’s post is directed to my Iphone. It is not as smart as it thinks it is. The word I thought I used, and have used correctly for over 50 years is “insolation” not the more common term, insulation, that is only obliquely related. Link

Isolation continues to present diurnal problems for those remaining of the so-called Solar Community who haven’t recently put their houses up for sale. For solar virgins, who have noticed these houses at fair prices should be aware that they need to add (at least) $30,000 to the asking price in order to have dependable electricity, and significantly more if they wish to have the best of all options, grid tie. Realtors need to point that out, but will they?

[“No Name Pro-electric whining”] The pro-electric winners are not whining. The voices I hear are from those celebrating a costly and long hard fought victory. I say let them celebrate and even gloat because they showed the rest of Monroe County what a real community can do when they fight for the same private rights and services that everyone else takes for granted. These lawsuits were so unnecessary and shameful for the county and taxpayers. Yes, they deserve to gloat….and the losers can just get over it and get on with whatever life style you choose. Congratulations to the No Name Key Property Owners Associations – perhaps you have inspired other communities to stand up for freedom.