2014 March

Friday, March 28, 2014

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media
Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures
Published Daily by Noon Since 2002 – No Saturday Edition



Happy Persian New Year. In celebration, there were only three car bombings in Baghdad today and only one in Kabul. It looks like fun is not on Muslim’s agenda for even a day.

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[Privacy] The estimated number of times the online activity of an average internet user every day is 2,000-plus! AVG’s free PrivacyFix and Disconnect are a good start to try to retain your privacy. Link and Link

computer geek hacker


[Movies] In the movies any one can hack into the Pentagon or any big corporation in fifteen minutes or less.  It’s a good thing life isn’t like the movies–or is it?

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[“Gun Nuts”] Aside from the fact that what they are doing is legal in Florida, the same document that allows you to call them “assine” and “moron” allows them to be gun nuts. Be careful of what you ask for.


Today in 1930 the cities of Constantinople and Angora changed names to Istanbul and Ankara, Turkey.

Istanbul – The Four Lads

The daily news lately begins with, “New debris found from Flight 370. It’ll take a long time to get there.”
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[Always Scandal] There is no other organization in the world that has more scandal than the Catholic Church. It’s no surprise that an organization with no credible oversight gets away with all they do. They police themselves and we all know how ineffective that is. No other secret organization has so much wealth, power grabs, sexual scandals and money laundering as the Church. There is a whole section of the Vatican Library filled with secrets that few people in the world have ever seen. Their defense is that those who don’t like it are Catholic bashing. The faithful circle the wagons whenever the Church’s bad behavior is mentioned. The best think that ever happened to the Church is electing Pope Francis. If anyone can clean it up it’s him.


If you’ve got a wooden leg, don’t stand in one place too long if there are beavers around.

[Traffic Clock] I live in the middle of Big Pine Key and sleep with my head next to an open window. It usually is silent except for nature sounds until five AM. At five traffic begins. I can tell the time just by the first sounds of traffic. It’s all downhill after that.
[Citizen Of The Day Says] She loves achieving peace through education.



[FEMA Ha!] The houses in Key West historic district are just sitting on top of marl blocks. The blocks are just sitting on the ground. There are no hurricane clips or tie downs, deep footers, or rebar, yet none of the hurricanes has ever damaged one of them. The only time I remember one being damaged was in the early 1970s when a tornado tore down Elizabeth Street and moved the pink Victorian gingerbread house–intact! They just moved it back. Another house, a small one, around the corner on Peacon Lane shifted from the same tornado, but they just left it there where it sits today on a slight angle to the street.

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Does Citizens insure the mud slide houses in Washington? Are their rates as high as ours here in the Keys? I’ll take a flood any day over being buried under thirty feet of mud.
[Illegal Votes] Florida’s top election official is putting on hold a contentious plan to identify and remove non-U.S. citizens from the state’s voter rolls. Why is this an issue? I thought only American citizens can vote.



Pirates on the Water is the officially sanctioned Jimmy Buffett club serving the Upper Florida Keys, part of the Parrot Heads in Paradise network. Members “party with a purpose” by supporting community and environmental concerns, and providing a variety of social activities for people who are interested in the music of Jimmy Buffett and the tropical lifestyle he personifies. To learn more or apply for membership, visit Link

[Blight on the Land] The Little Torch Cottages are just about the ugliest thing to be developed in the Keys in a long time, and they are right there in plain site for all those traveling down US 1. I hope the developers are proud of what they have conceived and see them every day, but I have a feeling they live nowhere near the Keys. The real blame for this eyesore, however should be placed on the people in local government that allowed them to be built in the first place.
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[Political Correct] You can’t say anything bad about KW police chief because he is gay. if you do you’re a homophobe. Just like it’s racist to think Obama is a terrible president. Welcome to the new Amerika!
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drunk baby pissing[Joke Friday] A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink–he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.

The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely–but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.

The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Man! How many bars do you work at?”

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Deer Ed, the new format looks great! Clean layout, easy-to-read font. Great job.

the finger smMan flips the bird and gets instant karma. This is worth watching the commercial. Video

[Grinder Pump Battle] Mr Banks, looks to me, and has looked to me for some time, it is your camp who are skittish about getting serious about litigation, as in raising the money it will require. Looks to me the real equal protection argument, if litigation is instituted, is the difference between what Walt and his camp were given by the County Commission, gravity wherever feasible, was not given by the County Commission to the areas above Walt’s “domain”. Looks to me the money inequality argument, if made in court, will be an admission that your camp is okay with grinder instead of gravity, so long as your camp doesn’t have to pay any more than other areas had to pay for sewering. You folks need to stick to the environmental argument: grinders are a threat, gravity is not a threat; and pumping out the lenses is a threat on Big Pine.

Too many chiefs in your camp, Banks. In litigation, the lawyer is the chief. Therefore, the lawyer has to design the litigation based on what all the lawyer knows and what all ammo he has at his disposal, and what theory, or theories, have the best chance of winning.

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Now that George Neugent has decided he is going to run again for office. Please, everyone, don’t let him get into office again. After the way he treated his constituents over the sewer/grinder pump issues, he is not worthy. Let him run for office in Marathon where he lives. He clearly doesn’t give a hoot about residents in the Lower Keys.
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Forever-Marilyn28Palm Springs is singing “Goodbye, Norma Jean.” Well over 1,000 people attended a send-off Thursday night for a massive statue of Marilyn Monroe that has become beloved by both tourists and locals in the two years it was on loan from The Sculpture Foundation.

The downtown party included a performance by the Palm Springs Gay Men’s Chorus. Guests included Carol Channing, who originated on Broadway the role Monroe played in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.” The sculpture depicts Monroe in her memorable billowing skirt pose from the “The Seven Year Itch.” City officials told party-goers they would do all they could to bring her back.

The 26-foot-tall, 34,000-pound statue named “Forever Marilyn” will soon go to Hamilton, N.J., for an exhibit honoring its designer, Seward Johnson who first showed his sculpture in front of the old Customs House in Key West. Johnson own the Southernmost house next to the landmark point.

[Sewers] I agree that if we must have grinder pumps they be placed in the County right-of-way. That is a solution that we can agree on.



[1952 Nor’easter] In a 1952 Nor’easter, two World War II era tankers, SS Fort Mercer and SS Pendleton, split in half five miles off Cape Cod. All four halves remained afloat, and some 32 sailors were rescued by Coast Guardsmen aboard a puny, 36-foot wooden boat. More Photos

[“Change CT background color”] Thanks so much, the beige is much easier to read.


Who is going to run against Commissioner Neugent? There must be someone in the area who cares and will listen to us or will we have for more years of no representation in this area?

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[Rental Crook] My brother rented a house in Key West, went through PayPal and everything, came down and it was a construction site on White Street. PayPal said he wasn’t the first, more like the 15th. So how could the crook still have his ad up on Craigslist?
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[Crooks] If someone had told me it was possible, I probably would not have believed it. For the second month in a row, someone stole my husband’s WD FuelPerks card. I say his because he is retired, he is the one that shops and he is the one that cashes them in at the end of the month. I don’t even have a card to call my own. Watch your cards, folks!

[Joke Friday] Things to ponder

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?

Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?

Does killing time damage eternity? 

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If the next ten years of Fantasy Fest are as disgusting as the last ten I am going to stop going!



Plumber’s cleavage.

[Sewers] Tom Peters, in Thriving On Chaos, observed that, “If you’re not confused, you’re not paying attention.” I must be paying attention because I’m confused why submerged grinder pumps — with their electric motors and feeble 2-year manufacturer’s warranty — will be placed at more than 1,300 homes. Power failures, storm surge flooding, and reliability be damned.
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[Worms in Costco Cod Fish] Did you eat any fresh fish lately with worms in it? Video
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washing machine vibrates lady

March 28, 1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. Yeah!

[Seven Mile Bridge] Not even the FTR guy can spin numbers like yesterday’s pro- Seven Mile Bridge poster. 600 visitors a day with 200 to 250 of them walking the bridge each day! So people walk the bridge on one third of their vacation days? Or maybe some of them walk back and forth 24/7 for their entire vacation. Make up numbers and then accuse the other guy of ignoring reality .

Deer Ed, maybe we need a fantasy section in addition to a politics section or an amusement section where your readers can run these numbers through their calculators along with the number of days in a year, the number of hours in a day, and the number of months in the tourist season. I did, and got my laughs for the day.

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from the right
Where’s FTR?
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