2024 May

Friday, May 10, 2024

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The Big Pine Key Central Marsh Restoration Project recently had to modify its culverts under Key Deer Blvd and Watson Blvd because the culvert project didn’t reduce the salinity of the two wetlands as planned. The project was conducted to restore the hydrogeology of the large fresh water marsh wetlands system east of Key Deer Blvd and South of Watson. A million dollars wasted.
Those wetlands are not fresh water marsh wetlands like they say. That area always has, and always will be salty, that’s why there were never any pines there. That’s why historically nothing grows there over a foot or two high. Drill down 6” in that area and you will get salty water. It’s only about a foot or less above sea level, if that. Nothing of note has ever grown there—it’s too low. Don’t the Refuge engineers know that? They can’t get that information sitting in an office in Washington D.C. or wherever they nest. Maps don’t show them that nothing grows there. Mangroves only grow in salt water–there are mangroves growing there now and always have been.
The Alligator Slough is circled in red and is the general area where they are trying to make salt water into fresh water.
[Mother’s Day] While other kids had candy and soda for breakfast. I had to have hot cereal, eggs and milk. When others had Cokes and potato chips for lunch. I had to eat a sandwich. My supper was dif­ferent from other kids’ too. At least. I wasn’t alone in my suf­fering — my sister and brothers had the same mean mother I did.

My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing. When we uttered an earthy word, we would get soap rubbed in our teeth. If we disobeyed our mother we would be sent to bed without our supper or spanked on our behinds. Can you imagine so­meone actually hitting children just because they disobeyed? Oh, but the worst is yet to come.

We had to be in bed by 10 p.m. each night and up early the next morning. We couldn’t sleep till noon like our friends. While they slept, my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes. make beds and help with the housework and lawn.

She always insisted upon telling the truth, the whole truth, even if it killed us — and sometimes it nearly did.

By the time we were teenagers she was much wiser and our life became even more unbearable. While my friends dated at the mature age of 12 or 13 my old-fashioned mother refused to let us date until the age of 16 — and that was only to go to chaperoned school functions three or four times a year.

None of us were ever ar­rested, divorced or addicted to alcohol. Look at the things we missed. We never took up smoking, got involved in steal­ing, took part in riots, drove recklessly or any of the million and one things that our friends did. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You’re right our mean mother.
She forced us to grow up with a respect for ourselves and our fellow human beings and a desire to work, be productive and useful. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my own fami­ly.

In the Florida Keys, a fishy tale unfolds,
Where fish spin in circles, bold and uncontrolled.
They twirl and they whirl, not a waltz but a dive,
Not hot, not suffocated, still barely alive.
No parasites nibbling, no red tide in sight,
Yet they spiral with gusto, giving swimmers a fright.
What could it be in this aquatic dance?
Not the usual suspects, not left to chance.
Eureka! They found it, those brainy brigade,
It’s algae’s sly toxin in this masquerade!
So while fish keep spinning without any reason,
We’ll blame it on algae—’til the end of the season.
[Looney Tunes] Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr claimed that a bout of memory loss and mental fogginess in 2010 was the result of mercury poisoning and a parasitic “worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.” Kennedy revealed these previously unreported health problems in a 2012 deposition.
[Friday Joke] An old couple gets pulled over and…
Cop, “May I see you license and registration sir?”
Old Lady “Ugh, what did he say?”
Old man, “He needs to see the license and registration dear.” The old man hands it to the cop.
Cop,  “Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a girlfriend from New York, it was the worst sex I ever had.”
Old lady, “Ugh, what did he say?”
Old man, “Nothing dear, he thinks he used to know you.”
[What the Library Can Do With Extra Books] Schools can often use books for classrooms or school libraries.
Organizations like Goodwill, The Salvation Army, and local thrift stores often accept book donations.
Hospitals and Clinics may welcome books for their waiting rooms.
Local community centers often have libraries that could benefit from additional books.
Many prisons have educational programs that need books.
Charitable Bookstores. Some nonprofits operate bookstores where donated books are sold to support their missions.
International Organizations. Organizations like Books for Africa or The International Book Project send books overseas to people in need.
Recycling Programs. For books that are too damaged or outdated, recycling is a viable option.
[Big Pine Computer Club] The next meeting is this Sat, May 11, 10:30a.m. at the Community Center in the Winn Dixie shopping center. Drop in while you’re out buying flowers for Mother’s Day. Bring your device and we’ll try to help you.
[Cookies] When you should and shouldn’t accept a website’s cookies. There’s a difference between filling your browser with a fine selection of cookies and just taking what everyone throws your way. Link

[Propane Refills] Does anyone know where you can get your own personal propane tank refilled on or near BPK now that True Value has closed.
[Captain Doom and Gloom] Colorado’s latest ‘assault’ weapons ban. No human on this planet should need any type of weapon except a Game Warden and Bug Exterminator.  Think about that and you will logically understand why weapons do exist which is because of pure profiteering and greed. I know no weapons sounds like a dream world, but in reality why not. Why do we have to kill?  Food? Not really! Culling down the hoards? Logical birthing can do that. There is nothing that can cause a situation to kill. But of course you demented earthlings don’t want to hear that. Link
[Catch-And-Kill Journalism] While generally looked down upon by reporters at major news organizations, catch-and-kill journalism is the practice of buying the exclusive rights to stories, or ‘catching’ them, for the specific purpose of ensuring the information never becomes public by halting the story’s publication, otherwise known as “killing” it, This technique is typically used by supermarket tabloid newspapers such as the National Enquirer and Star.
[Feed the Keys] Help UWCK honor “Mangrove” Mike Forster by giving back to our community. From 2-6pm on May 17 we invite you to join the Feed the Keys Food Drive and donate non-perishable food items to:
-Burton Memorial United Methodist Church,
Keys Area Interdenominational Resources (KAIR)
SOS Callahan Community Kitchen
-Or any of the additional collection sites listed on our website
[Prototype Fuel Cell Yacht]  Superyachts are notoriously dirty luxury toys, with a single billionaire’s boat emitting as much as 7,020 tons of CO2 per year. And while it’s unlikely uber-wealthy shoppers are going to forgo from their statement vessels anytime soon, at the very least there’s now a chance to make superyachts greener. That’s the idea behind the new Project 821, billed as the world’s first hydrogen fuel cell superyacht. Link
[Boeing] If you’re worried about parts falling off a Boeing-built aircraft you’re in. Then how about this for upping the fear factor. Boeing’s first crewed space flight was postponed just two hours before launch for a safety check. Link

The news refers to some people as “Gold Star Families”. Does that mean that they are energy efficient families?

[Cruise Naked] A clothing-optional cruise will sail out of Miami next February, whisking hundreds of naturists off to the Caribbean. This adventure is for nudists, not “swingers or kinky adventurers,” organizer Bare Necessities Tour & Travel told the Miami Herald. The cruise, dubbed Big Nude Boat 2025, will take place on the Norwegian Pearl, with some rules in place. Passengers must wear clothing while eating in the dining room, and “lingerie, fetish-wear and excessive genital jewelry are not appropriate at any time.”
[Pedophiles of America] The Boy Scouts of America said Tuesday that after 114 years it is officially changing its name to the more inclusive Scouting America. The change, announced at the BSA’s annual meeting in Florida, follows the organization’s acceptance of female scouts in 2018 and gay scouts in 2013, plus a $2.4 billion bankruptcy reorganization last year tied to compensating tens of thousands of sexual abused Boy Scouts.
[Weight Loss Pregnancy] Women taking Ozempic or similar drugs for diabetes or weight loss are taking to social media to commiserate about an unexpected side effect: surprise pregnancies. The new trend has given some doctors hope for possible infertility treatment. Others are wary of moving forward with so little data on its safety.
[Captain Doom and Gloom] Drive around the Keys and you will notice the weeds and trees have not been trimmed as they used to be almost every year!  Why not now? Is anybody working in the maintenance department any longer? Some roads and streets are getting dangerous to access from driveways or cross streets. The electric poles are starting to grow matching branches in some areas. What are we paying all the taxes for if we do not get service and maintenance?

These snakes play dead, bleed, and poop to avoid being eaten. Link

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The Marathon Florida Show plays an hour before each movie at The Marathon Community Cinema and other venues throughout Marathon & The Surrounding Florida Keys such as Conch Custard and Porky’s Mini Golf. The Marathon Community Cinema is showing Kingdom of The Planet of the Apes starting May 10th for 2 weeks. Arrive one hour early at 6pm to see The Marathon Florida Show. Stop in and check it out, maybe you’ll see yourself on the big screen!
[Friday Mom Jokes] Good moms let their kids lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.
“It’s spicy” is the universal mom code word for “I don’t want to share.”
Motherhood has shown me that you don’t need fun to have alcohol.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
As a mom, I’m no longer a snack. I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.
Having a weird mom builds character.
My kids can never make fun of me for teaching me how to use my phone. I taught them how to use a spoon.
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The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 5/10/24 at 9:30 am.