2014 May

Friday, May 16, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

(Ed: If you think the CT is acting funny and some of today’s images are missing, it is because I’m working on it.)
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Last day crab season
The last day of stone crab season ended and we got a sizable amount of them. Come to Fanci Seafood and get your freshly cooked stone crab today–while they last!
[“Storm Shutters”] Locals put them up at the last minute. Many years we don’t put them up at all. Renters put them up and leave them up forever and live in the dark. If I was a burglar I’d look for houses that had the shutters up when no storm was forecast.
[“Little Palm sewer connection”] Little Palm Island has been issued a DEP permit to convert an existing 2″ HDPE plastic water pipe to a sewer forcemain. It does not run underground. It runs on top of the seabed in the flats north and east of the island. This pipe and its predecessors have been hit by boat props, slashing the soft plastic and resulting in large leaks. The pipe also runs on the surface through a salt marsh to the end of Long Beach Road. The permit was legally challenged by the local grass roots group Dump the Pumps, Inc. as being a serious environmental risk and as an overload of the Big Pine sewer system.The permit also allows illegal and potentially explosion-causing pumps to be used at each end of the pipe. Their own pump stations and re-piping will cost them about $200-250k. Little Palm was assessed the equivalent of 91 homes (EDU) for sewer capacity charges by the County. There is engineering evidence to suggest they were significantly undercharged. The assessment value they paid is less than just the contractor’s bill for enlarging the Long Beach Road sewer pipe and increasing the horsepower of the Big Pine master pump station. The engineer states that the sewage pipe pressure may at times be near 77 psi, which is about one and a half times the Big Pine water pressure.The permit application says that the pipe will be pressure tested to about 3/4 of the pressure that the sewage pumps may produce. I see this as redneck engineering that does not meet minimum required standards and a guaranteed raw sewage spill, and probably several. Let’s throw in an exploding pump station, too. Way to go, DEP. “Just show us the money”
[Movies] The most unlikely leading man of all times (well maybe Woody Allen) was Humphrey Bogart. Bogart was a small man of slight build, had a speech impediment and wasn’t particularly good looking, but he starred in two of the best movies ever made, Casablanca and The African Queen. When he was on screen you were compelled to look at him. He had something special.
[Eimer’s Wrongful Death] The 13 Key West police officers named in a wrongful death lawsuit are entitled to qualified immunity the legal protection meant to ensure government officials can do their jobs without fear of being held personally liable
[Garbage Contracts] The first business the Mafia went into after they decided to go “legal” was the trash hauling business. Little has changed since then.
TGIF from Springers Bar and Grill. Today we have potato encrusted mahi with a mango curry sauce over coconut rice. Today’s taste of the sea is sure to be a palate pleaser.
Happy Hour 2-7 daily with great drink specials and happy hour menu.
Weekends, always something special at Springers, definitely a step above.
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Topping the happiest countries list is Australia. The USA is number 7 on that list.
[“Shutters”] This is a community. When our neighbors put their shutters up and go off, we watch their house, boat, and whatever else they leave. A watchful neighbor with the Sheriff’s office on speed dial and a short barreled 12 gauge will keep the bad guys away.
[“The Great (Sea)Wall”] The only thing your seawall will do is divert the water into the lot of a neighbor who doesn’t have one. If you lived next door to me I’d build a higher wall after you built yours
bagpipe playerNew stanzas for Amazing Grace by Allen Ginsberg
I dreamed I dwelled in a homeless place
Where I was lost alone
Folk looked right through me into space
And passed with eyes of stone
O homeless hand on many a street
Accept this change from me
A friendly smile or word is sweet
As fearless charity
Woe workingman who hears the cry
And cannot spare a dime
Nor look into a homeless eye
Afraid to give the time
So rich or poor no gold to talk
A smile on your face
The homeless ones where you may walk
Receive amazing grace
I dreamed I dwelled in a homeless place
Where I was lost alone
Folk looked right through me into space
And passed with eyes of stone?
On this day in 1943 the Warsaw Ghetto uprising ended–badly. Link
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[Havana]  A short walk from Hotel Ambos Mundos is La Floridita, home of  the Daiquiri.  Hemingway and Spencer Tracy were regulars as were mobsters from Miami and New York.  La Floridita features 1940s – 50 decor and is known for excellent (and expensive) seafood.  Pictured with Dos Gringos Americanos is bartender Nuncio who has been serving his famous Daquiris for 40 years.  Hemingway memorabilia is everywhere including a life sized bronze statue of “Papa” himself. (Ed: Sorry I lost the picture and had to substitute)
[Sewer] Little Palm Island will be running their effluent back through one of their two redundant water lines servicing the island from Long Beach. They will pay the full cost of getting that effluent to the service main just like the rest of us.
Dogs or cats should not run loose in this day and age.
Yard Sale
, Saturday tomorrow, May 17th 8am-? Please do not show up before 8am.Ramrod Key, Guadeloupe Lane. Tools, household items, Christmas decorations, etc
[Friday Joke] The taxation office suspected that a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deck hands and sent an auditor to investigate him.Auditor says to boat owner: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, been with me for 3 years.  I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here.  He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of rum and a dozen cigars every Saturday night just so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.”Auditor:  “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.”Boat Owner: “That’ll be me.  What’d you want to know?”
[Dates on Photos] Why do people still want dates on their photos? I’ve see many nice pictures ruined by the date obscuring important details. Since just about all photography is digital these days, all you need to do is right click on the photo file in your camera’s download and see the date. Many new cameras will even tell you just where the picture was taken.
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In the US Virgin Islands — a true paradise — you only have to work 3 months to qualify for unemployment benefits for the rest of the year.  So that is what a lot of people do.
John Oliver hosts a mathematically representative climate change debate, with the help of special guest Bill Nye the Science Guy, of course. They tried to enlist the FTR guy, but he was bashing other science. Video
Try this eagle nest live web cam if you like wildlife or not. Video
Cats are man made, not nature made. Same a dogs; man bread these vermin for entertainment and protection, not for food. Now cat and dog lovers will fight to the death over something that is their religion and that is killing off the natural animals. Why don’t you plant some flowers and grass while you are protecting the natural environment?
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tweedy bird
[“Cats and birds”] Shortly after one of the big hurricanes blew thousands of little Tweedy birds from Cuba to the Keys, the highway and roads were littered with dead birds hit by cars. Cats were in bird heaven because the little birds knew no fear and soon all of them were either gobbled up or run over ending this historic event.
How come nobody ever subpoenas me about Benghazi?  What am I, chopped liver?
[Attention Lady Bartenders In Key West Area] We have a predator amongst us. Only attracted to woman bartenders with tattoos. He is broke, homeless and owes lots of people lots of money in Marathon. Claims he’s a biker, but no bike. Probably his ex is keeping because he owes her! Claims he is a commercial lobster fisherman. Owes back child support. Does not have driver’s license. Goes by Bobby. Supposedly living in Big Pine area. I did background check.
Russia to cease space station cooperation.
 The country will not extend cooperation over the International Space Station due to recent US sanctions. Ooops!  Now what? Amid deteriorating relations over Ukraine, Moscow has told Washington that it will not extend cooperation over the International Space Station. Instead, Russia plans to concentrate on its own space projects. The move came after the US placed sanctions on high-tech equipment that could help Russia’s military
[Snowbird exodus] Do not forget to leave your power on when you leave town to accommodate grinder pumps
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[.com] Out of the thousands of new domain names made available this year .guru is by far the most popular.
[“Cats and birds“] Yesterday’s cat post was typical, trying to shift the blame for America’s song bird decline away from the non-native domestic cat onto native raptors. It read, in part, “Small cats should not be near an endangered species such as a raptor.” How the heck would a raptor get at a small cat inside your house, unless you were irresponsible enough to let your cat outdoors to hunt?
[U.S. Folly & Waste] The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has begun to implement its “predator management program.” And what are the predators from whom the fearless hunters in khaki will be protecting us? Is it panthers? Is it bears? Is it mountain lions? No, it’s house cats. That’s right, Puffy, Sox, Morris, et. al., are the fearsome creatures in the cross hairs of these indomitable protectors of the environment.In a time of supposed government austerity, the folly of this particular program defies imagination. The pilot project alone cost more than $50,000 and captured fewer than 10 cats on Big Pine Key, many of which were people’s pets. And that number doesn’t include the tens of thousand of dollars invested in traps, fancy cameras and related equipment.For that amount of money, Forgotten Felines could have spayed/neutered 1,000 cats. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which of the organizations is most cost efficient and would have the most effect in reducing the feral-cat population over the long term.Their latest iteration, which has been going on for the past several months, admits to only capturing seven cats, so it does not appear as if they are getting any better at it (or perhaps it’s that the problem was vastly overstated in the first place).Other than providing a long-term source of employment for our already-overpaid civil servants in the FWS, this program serves no purpose except to squander tax dollars that could better be spent elsewhere or, even better, not extracted from citizens in the first place
It’s okay for raptors to eat the critters around here as they are natives and that’s what they are supposed to do
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overcast0(Ed: A poster wanted the original of this CT banner. Our Art Director, B, has graciously offered it. Please email me so I can send it to you.)
Raptors are part of a balanced healthy natural ecosystem.  Your beloved pet kitty cat , or any feral cat, never was and never will be
[“Alligator attack”] Did you notice that the nasty 9 year old pit bull fought off that croc?  If that croc was attacking the pit’s owner, the dog would have given it’s life to protect her because that’s how they are
NOAA’s Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary is seeking applicants for one seat on its advisory council. The council ensures public participation in sanctuary management and provides advice to the sanctuary superintendent. “Advisory council members are important conduits from their communities to sanctuary managers,” said Sean Morton, sanctuary superintendent. “It is important for Keys residents to provide feedback on issues of interest or concern.” The sanctuary is currently accepting applications for the alternate representing the following seat: Diving – Upper KeysCandidates are selected based on their expertise and experience in relation to the seat for which they are applying, community and professional affiliations, and views regarding the protection and management of marine resources. Applicants who are chosen should expect to serve three-year terms, pursuant to the council’s charter. The advisory council consists of 40 primary and alternate non-governmental members representing a variety of public interest groups. It also includes primary and alternate representatives from 11 government agencies.Applications are due June 30. To receive an application kit, or for further information, please contact council coordinator Beth Dieveney via email at or by phone at 305-809-4700 ext. 228, or by mail at Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary, 33 East Quay Rd., Key West, FL  33040. Application kits may also be downloaded from the sanctuary’s website,
National politics is back. Click on this link to send your national political post anonymously. No one will know your name or email address, [Well, maybe the NSA will] not even me. FTR is going to be the new national politics editor. Do not fear, FTR promised to post everything, even if he hates it, he’s that kind of guy.
Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here
Jeb Bush has a real problem if he wants to be elected President in 2016.  It is just how to appear and appeal to sane and reasonable  independent and undecided voters while remaining connected to the Republican base.
President Obama’s,  Income Inequality issue is a farce as is all of the Democratic maneuvers to degrade the American economic system. Balancing every workers pay to one national level is pure socialism. All that does is re-distribute paper money which is useless tender not backed by anything viable such as the Gold Standard. The minimum wage of $15 per hour slaps the faces of those hard working people who never made that kind of money because it gives the lowest levels of burger flippers the same value of a mechanic or farmer. It will not increase the living standards of anyone except the middleman, merchant class, rental property owners and retailers who automatically raise prices to gain more profit from those who have more money! It is a simple method to shift moneys from one coffer to another! It never works because those greedy middlemen have to buy from other middlemen too. All it really does is create more paper money and makes those pushing this nonsense look good politically! It is all another con game! Just think how this hurts people on a fixed income, like SSC, Welfare, etc!
It was revealed yesterday that Senator Ted Cruz was born in Canada disqualifying him from ever becoming President.
The President’s report on climate change was barely mentioned by FOX News because it contained scientific information and they know how that confuses Republicans.
FRIDAY HUMOR. Radio interview between a female broadcaster and PRESIDENT OBAMA who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting the Whitie House.FEMALE INTERVIEWER:So, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit the Whitie House?PRESIDENT OBAMA:! We’re going to teach them ethics, humility, racial equality and shooting.FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?PRESIDENT OBAMA:I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.FEMALE INTERVIEWER:Don’t you admit that this is a dangerous activity to be teaching children?

PRESIDENT OBAMA:I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:Well, Ms., you’re equipped to be a prostitute or a Democrat, but you’re not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent, and the interviewer has not been seen since!

from the right
A POSTER SUBMITTED A PHOTO of Dan Quayle with the caption: “Do you remember when I was the dumbest Republican you had to deal with?joe-biden-handFTR’S RESPONSE: Dan Quayle is ancient history, but Joltin Joe Biden is today’s news. Biden makes Quayle look like a Rhodes Scholar. Biden, to quote Biden, is a “Big F##king deal,” he is truly the King of Gaffes.A POSTER SUBMITTED A PHOTO of Senator Cruz with a caption that was scurrilous and not worthy of posting. It’s been made crystal clear that there will be no racist rhetoric posted here.FTR’ RESPONSE. This will be the last mention of any photo unless the photo is accompanied with a message that is cogent and authored by the poster. The photos and discussion of them take up too much space and requires absolutely no thought on the part of the poster.===================Part 1) Aside from glitches in the delivery of the internet to your home by your service provider, do you like the internet? Do you think that it provides an important public service and convenience?

internet closed16Team Obama’s FCC has just announced a proposal to change the way the web works. The proposal would almost certainly reshape the way consumers experience the Internet, opening the possibility of Internet service providers charging Web sites for higher-quality delivery of their content to American consumers. That means higher costs and new costs for you. The plan, approved in a three-to-two vote by Team Obama’s FCC, along party lines, would unleash a new economy on the Web where an Internet service provider such as Verizon would charge a Web site such as Netflix for the guarantee of flawless video streaming. Smaller companies that can’t afford to pay for faster delivery would likely face additional obstacles against bigger rivals. And consumers would nearly certainly see higher prices as Web sites pass along new costs of doing business with Internet service providers. Small or startup companies would be at a serious disadvantage because large, well funded operations would be able to pay for increased speed. The price of goods and services sold over the web would nearly certainly be increased,

The aforementioned Senator Ted Cruz has vowed to fight Team Obama’s FCC’s proposed rule change. Cruz will be initiating legislation to block it. It will be interesting to see if Durty Harry Reid even permits the bill to come forward. You can be sure that if it passes in the Senate, the House will approve thereby blocking the proposed new FCC rules. Even uber liberal Senator Al Franken has joined with Cruz in his fight to prevent the passage of the proposed rule. Maybe Cruz is not so bad after all.

National Politics. Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here