2014 May

Friday, May 9, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

cat6[Strange creatures spotted, maybe] Two unusual animal sightings this week on Ramrod Key spurred U.S. Fish and Wildlife refuge managers to place game cameras on the island.

There has been a report of a monitor lizard and another of a cat/dog-like animal, according Nancy Finley, Florida Keys refuge manager. A woman waiting her dogs took a photo of the cat-dog-like creature and sent it to the refuge, but it was too far from the camera and was blurred.

The monitor lizard was spotted on a res­ident’s fence. The lizard is generally found in Africa, the Indian Subcontinent, China, Southeast Asia to Indonesia, the Philippines, New Guinea, Australia and islands of the Indian Ocean, and the South China Sea. The lizards could be very destructive to the Keys environment, Finley said. Refuge managers hope to document the animals via the game cameras, Finley said. ~The Citizen

A couple of things of late:

1. With the CVS in Marathon leaving there is the potential for a large box type store there, the Kmart and the CVS share a common wall. If the lease for Kmart is even remotely close to renewal maybe Target and Walmart could be contacted for a potential opening. Even an updated larger Kmart would be a welcome addition.

2. It is terrible that there is virtually no signage for a school on Big Pine, yet you can almost jump from Key deer sign to Key deer sign down US1 on Big Pine without ever touching the ground. The kids deserve to have US1 traffic know there is a school operating there. I’m not sure, but I think there are kindergarten and pre-K children who very easily could make it into traffic. So the crosswalk is very needed and long overdue.

3. The Key Deer are not endangered. The infrared satellite study showed well over a thousand. I live on Summerland Key and see deer everyday in my yard. The cost of this farce is no affordable housing on Big Pine (restricts deer movement) dry lots everywhere. Yes, evacuation issues exist. We couldn’t get a school on Big Pine 12 years ago between the churches and the new Walgreens because it restricted deer movement. Millions spent on fencing the north half of US 1 and creating tunnels under the highway when we couldn’t of done the infrared study before that gargantuan waste of money. And the speed limit is still 35 mph at night. Government jobs galore for the not endangered key deer. Their DNA matches the Virginia white tail deer exactly! They are absolutely not an endangered species.

bike use9
[“Bikers on the Bike Path”
]  If you’re walking on the bike path which also serves as a sidewalk, you should treat it like you would a one lane road.  Walk to the right.  This way you will never be surprised.  When I approach walkers, I yell, “On your left” and they either get startled and go to the left or not hear me at all because they are wearing headphones.  Rarely do they keep moving and just move to the right. So, to be safe, just stay to the right.  If there are 2 of you stay to the right.  If there are 3 of you, keep an eye on your back, but know which way is right and don’t get so lost in your chitchat. I can tell you there are more inconsiderate walkers than bikers.
[“Spandex and Lycra”] I wear it, probably not too flattering on my 50 year old butt, but that’s your problem not mine. The padding is why I wear it, it really helps keep the lower unit comfortable, something you probably do not have. I do not race anymore, I use the bike lane as I should. Why don’t you stop me next time you see me and we can have a chat. I’m the big dude on the bike path.
[Time History of CO2] Time history of atmospheric carbon dioxide from 800,000 years before until Jan 2014. 90 second video, no audio, but message is still clear. Video
[Dragon Boat Race] What fun those events have been in the past. What was that girls name, you know the one who used to be the Event Coordinator?  She was the one that had the dream, the vision.  What happened to her? Where is she? Yes you know, I think her name was Karen something.  Yes, Karen Bowers was that it? She was a pistol as I recall.
I love (sarcasm) the safety board walk at the light at Crane Blvd. How much did that cost us taxpayers? I am still waiting for the Public Records showing all the expenses for the aluminum railings, the bridge’s aluminum railings, and all the other crap the junta and their cohorts are making millions on. What a scam! What a scam!
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Whales & Dolphins
on Discovery Saturday, Saturday, May 17. Learn about this fascinating marine mammals, see just how big a whale can be and play a game of ‘The longest Diver’ For more information Events
White Street Planners, lineal descendants of the British firm, Balfour Beatty, which originally purchased Peary Court from the US Navy, along with lots of other Navy housing in the USA, didn’t have to pay any local real estate taxes, and later a local judge kindly extended that tax exemption to White Street Partners, and now I’m wondering, since it seems they will continue to own land in the new Peary Court, and the homeowners will own their homes, but not the land, as I understand it, will the tax exempt deal continue after the new homes are built? Will the city and county and school district never get a penny of taxes from Peary Court?
[Netflix Raises Price] In order to continue adding more movies and TV shows, we are increasing our price from $7.99 to $8.99 for new members. As a thank you for being a member of Netflix already, we guarantee that your plan and price will not change for two years.
Want to see and hear some real great musicians!

Allman Brothers – Jessica

[Editor Bad] Another reasons posts are down may be that many would-be contributors have given up because they are tired of having them edited to the point where they no longer bear any resemblance to the original.
[Corruption or Cronyism] A South Florida lobbyist has pleaded guilty to federal fraud charges in an FBI sting operation involving the mayors of two cities, kick­backs and sham grants. Richard Candia faces about two years in prison after his guilty plea Wednesday in Miami federal court. The Miami Herald reports that Candia admitted involvement in a grant scheme with the mayors of Sweetwater and Miami Lakes designed to line their pockets rather than ben­efit the two cities.

Candia will be a key witness in the July trial of suspended Miami Lakes Mayor Michael Pizzi, who has pleaded not guilty. Former Sweetwater Mayor Manny Marono plead­ed guilty previously to fraud charges and was sentenced to more than three years in prison.FBI agents posed as corrupt businessmen with access to grant money in order to catch them.

[Corruption or Cronyism] Key West residents will be paying $14,000,000 more over the life of the contract with Waste Management instead of the other bidder.
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[Corruption or Cronyism] South Africa is set for another five years of corruption and cronyism with the reelection of President Zuma. Zuma recently spent 5.3 million dollars expanding his already expansive estate while many of his countryman live in huts without running water or sanitation.
[Corruption or Cronyism] A former government official in the U.S. Virgin Islands facing fraud and tax evasion charges must now contend with new unre­lated allegations of corruption.

The Justice Department says it has indict­ed Louis Lo1o” Willis on bribery and extor­tion charges stemming from the nearly three years he was executive director of the Virgin Islands Legislature. The indictment unsealed Thursday accuses him of using the appointed position to extract payments from contractors working on renovations of the Legislature building.

[Gun Pro Tip] If you duct tape your gun to an iPhone, it’s no longer a firearm, it’s legally an app!
camel teeth[NASCAR Racing – Arab Style] They sure drive funny over there. Seat belts or spectator safety doesn’t seem to be a big concern either. Video
A new and improved Florida boat mooring bill states no person shall be moored or anchored, except in case of emergency, in a manner that shall unrea­sonably or unnecessarily con­stitute a navigational hazard or interfere with another ves­sel. Anchoring under bridges or adjacent to heavily traveled channels shall constitute an interference.”
[“Smartphone”] I like the strategy of the poster with the Samsung Galaxy S3 smartphone, who uses it for everything but a phone. If you ever need to replace/upgrade your (non)phone, you might consider the S5 – it is water resistant! A nice feature, when you’re lucky enough to spend time on the water. Link
[Art] I watched an abstract object that looked like a bowl with a hole in it laying on its side with several strings spread across the mouth get appraised for $60-80,000 because it was by Henry Moore. The expert said if it wasn’t signed it would be worth only about $50. I’ve always thought art is only art when a famous name is attached to it and this folly proves my thought.
[Navy Slackers] I had a relative in the Navy who landed on a work barge on the intracoastal out of Norfork.  Great duty–no officers. Call in daily on the nearest payphone, BBQ, and party in cutoffs the rest of the time.  They recovered crashed planes because they could tell by how the controls were set if the guy augured in on purpose (suicide).  One guy set up a big insurance policy and tried to slide in and escape unnoticed, but he flipped and drowned.  He had lots of other stories of our heroes in action.
[“American Kids Stupid”
] They know they don’t need education anymore because anything they want answered just needs to be Googled. That’s a hard argument to win with the younger people.
The National Safe Boating Week campaign kicks off Saturday, May 17 thru the 23rd. The U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary would like to remind everyone that life jackets saves lives. In 2012 there were a total of 704 reported boating accidents in Florida resulting in 386 injuries and 55 fatalities. The leading cause of death in fatal boating accidents was drowning (62%). Chance of drowning is 1 in 66 while wearing a life jacket. 1 in 11 with no life jacket.
TGIF from Springers Bar and Grill.
Today we have 2 specials for you. Butternut squash ravioli in a honey butter sauce appetizer, And shrimp skewers in devil BBQ with rice. A little sweet, a little spice, but definitely so nice for the palate.

Don’t forget our happy hour is daily from 2-7. A little crazy, we know, but that’s Springer, taking it over the top.

Weekends, always something special at Springers, definitely a step above.

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To the Eden Pines Canal Restoration poster inquiring how to obtain another form, you can call or email Ronda Haag, 305-453-8774, OR Wendy Blondin 305-826-5588, I’ve also attached a copy of it, but not sure how it will print out. You will need to insert your name, property address and parcel number in the upper left corner. Thanks for caring enough to participate.
[“New School Crosswalk”] That’ll be interesting going from fifty miles an hour to zero to less some short peopl cross the street.
Muslims are treated like kings in Merry old England. Spoof Song
Yard sale
Saturday (tomorrow),  household goods, exotic plants, bird cages, dishes, restaurant supplies, roofing, lawn and garden. Palm Ave, Big Pine, Eden Pines from 8-12.
[“No Pedestrians Allowed”] I guess we now need signs to tell walkers to stay off the bike path and stick to the sidewalks. Are there any bets that says the person making this comment doesn’t live here? I don’t think we have any sidewalks outside of Key West. And what the hell is a “bo coo”? A blues guitar player?
No real Buddhist
would live like Pritam Singh and his good friend and real estate and legal adviser Jim Hendrick live – they both say they are Buddhists. A real Buddhist tries hard to live life correctly, reach enlightenment and get off the karmic wheel, if not in this lifetime, then in the next lifetime, or in the next.
[“Rubber-end hammer”] I bought a similar hammer at Home Depot only because I am a total tool junkie.  It turned out to be something I wouldn’t be without.
bike use9
[Florida Keys Bike Path
] It’s called a multi-purpose path until someone paints diamonds on it to make it a bike path. The person who posted the dodgy story about poisoning dogs on the Spanish Main bike path called it the “dog walking path”. How do you like that?
America’s high school seniors aren’t worried about being proficient at anything because they know that Grandma will provide all the money they will ever need in a vain attempt at buying their love.
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Hannah-Bell9[Wreck of the Hannah M. Bell] On May 19, maritime archaeologists from NOAA’s Office of National Marine Sanctuaries, along with members of the National Association of Black SCUBA Divers (NABS) and the Diving With a Purpose voluntary underwater archaeology program, will discuss their work to map the Hannah M. Bell shipwreck. The citizen science project continues the sanctuary’s documentation of historic shipwrecks on Elbow Reef in Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. In addition to the Hannah M. Bell work, sanctuary archaeologists will also reveal the identity of another previously unidentified Elbow Reef shipwreck.

In 2012, six NABS divers mapped 75 feet of the shipwreck’s 315-foot length and confirmed that the wreck, long known as Mike’s Wreck, was the steamship Hannah M. Bell. This week, 24 NABS divers will participate in an effort to complete the mapping work, several of whom are learning underwater archaeology techniques through the Diving With a Purpose program.

The free public presentation will take place on Monday, May 19, at 7:00 pm at the Key Largo Library. For more information Events

[Smartphone Kill Switch] On  a second attempt, California lawmakers advanced a bill Thursday that would require electronics manufacturers to install a shut-off function in all smartphones as a way to deter what one senator called a crime wave of thefts.
Huevos] A good way to get around the city.  A CocoTaxi (or “Egg”) can be hired by the ride, hour or day with an English speaking driver.  They’re inexpensive and fun, but cannot leave the city.
[Cuba Bound] Republican gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist criticized his opponent for traveling to Cuba on a fact-finding trip. Democratic guber­natorial candidate Crist now wants to visit the communist-run island to find facts of his own.
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[“Rain check”
] Rain checks are for economically challenged people who can afford to waste time in that awful line just to save a buck. I’d rather stick a pin in my ass than stand in that line watching some poor unfortunate waste my time while selecting his lottery number and wasting his welfare money.
[Friday joke] A good friend asked me to drive him to the eye hospital for cataract surgery. After I got him home, his wife came to the door and greeted him.

“Who the hell are you?” he asked. “I’m your wife, who else?” she said.

“I want a divorce!” he demanded.

Things change.

[“Bike path only for Spandex”] OK everyone, settle down! I’m sure we can all share the bike path. Some humble suggestions and gentle reminders. Pedestrians, be aware of possible bike traffic. Look behind you occasionally, stay to one side, don’t be oblivious to your surroundings. Bikers (spandex and other types) – be courteous. Travel at a reasonable speed, give ample warning when passing pedestrians, don’t be oblivious to your surroundings.

It’s great that the path is getting so much use because we did spend “bo coo” dollars to build it! “Bo coo: ha ha.

[Point of View] You see a hummingbird. I see a donkey facing a firing squad, smoking his last cigarette.
[] We’re getting ready to launch a new local TV Channel which will be broadcast throughout the Florida Keys. Estimated launch date is September 15. The website, our new TV channel, and all videos are always available at no cost for all who live in, do business in, or vacation in Marathon, Florida & The Florida Keys.
Do you know how to compliment a girl from Big Pine? Nice tooth, Baby!
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[“Noise Pollution”] “Look at me. Look at me!” South Park had a great episode on the loud Harley riders. Warning- if you are a Harley rider with loud pipes you may be offended by the following video
This is a great, easy-to-read legislative summary prepared by the Florida Chamber of Commerce.  We thought you all might find it interesting. Link
[Partying Rednecks] This should be the lower Keys Anthem

Big Smo & Alexander King – My Neighbors

[Terry Cassidy] CD release party for Keys long-time musician Terry Cassidy at Boondocks on May 19th from 6 to 9pm. Terry has, and continues, to do so much for our community so I thought it would be nice to try and make the CD release party for his long over due 3rd CD as successful as possible.
[More bar wisdom] I like my coffee like I like my women — hot and a lot of alcohol in ‘em.
[Gun Regulation] As in most topics about guns and the evil therein put out by groups wanting to curtail them their topics are invariably slanted towards their agenda, their are thousands of ways to do this and it is largely done by omission of vital criteria in their statements, why do we have by far the most gun violence in those areas that are the most regulated, we are already being regulated to death, when those seeking more regulation get their wish the criminal element will have a national holiday.
[Captain Doom and Gloom] “1500 kids killed. When will gun enthusiast face facts and help control guns better” We do control them, it is you people that know not what to do with them that harm others or those in crime or war! Granted no one needs a firearm or kill weapon logically, but then humanity is as far from logical as any insect can get!
I,  for one, don’t care if you or your mindless narcissistic brethren have a smartphone or not.
National politics is back. Click on this link to send your national political post anonymously. No one will know your name or email address, [Well, maybe the NSA will] not even me. FTR is going to be the new national politics editor. Do not fear, FTR promised to post everything, even if he hates it, he’s that kind of guy.
Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here
Democrat response: let us find out what went wrong and fix it so it doesn’t happen again.

Republican response:  Let us find out what went wrong and find out who caused it and punish and hound them as much as we can for time immemorial [unless it turns out to be a fellow Republican, in which case we will overlook the situation in the interest of National Security.

Last week I donned the best Haz-Mat suit I could find and ventured down into the Coconut Telegraph basement. I was curious to see if FTR guy had changed anything. Well the answer is a big NOPE. As you can see he’s still using the FOX News formula.
I fear the tea party gun lover who knows what is best for me.
Friday Funnies. Minimum wage, Obamacare and a Devalued dollar walk into a bar…I walk out with a thirty hour work week.
What you have to understand and wrap your feeble mind around  is the fact that every little kid that was ever gunned down anywhere died so that some dimwad could fire off his deadly weapon next to his house in a residential neighborhood so said dimwad could be ready to repel an assault by President Obama in case he, Obama, changed his mind about not taking away said dimwad’s  guns.
from the right
A POSTER WROTE: “Re: The Benghazi Investigation

“Way too much time is being spent/wasted on peripheral issues while the chief one keeps getting skirted: WHO GAVE THE ORDER TO STAND DOWN AND WHY?

To this end, former Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta, needs to face a Congressional Committee to answer that most salient issue.  Military resources were available and within reach but were never ordered to intervene…despite desperate calls for help from the diplomatic staff that was being assailed in Benghazi.  That omission or sober decision needs further scrutiny as it borders on criminal behavior, besides going against the wellbeing of our staff overseas and the national interest and standing worldwide.”

FTR’S RESPONSE: You are exactly and precisely correct. We also must learn what Clinton knew, when she knew it, and what she did with the information. That knowledge, when made public, may doom her shot at the Oval Office, or it may give her a key to the door.  It all depends on what she knew, when she knew it, and what she did with that knowledge. Maybe that is why the Democrats and liberals are so vehemently opposed to any further investigation. I suspect the truth will be damning for her putative presidential candidacy.

The following poem was sent to me by a Marine friend of mine, it’s worth your time. It was written by a Marine officer.  Thanks Jack!


We’re the battling boys of Benghazi

No fame, no glory, no paparazzi

Just a fiery death in a blazing hell

Defending our country we loved so well.

It wasn’t our job, but we answered the call,

Fought to the Consulate and scaled the wall.

We pulled twenty Countrymen from the jaws of fate

Led them to safety, and stood at the gate.

Just the two of us, and foes by the score,

But we stood fast to bar the door.

Three calls for reinforcement, but all were denied,

So we fought, and we fought, and we fought ’til we died.

We gave our all for our Uncle Sam,

But Barack Obama didn’t give a damn.

Just two dead seals who carried the load

No thanks to us………we were just “Bumps In The Road”. Video

Hillary Clinton comments on the deaths of our heroes? “What difference does it make?”


Part 1) We hear a lot from the DC pundits that the economy is growing, albeit slowly, but that ignores major facts. One is that businesses are dying faster than they are being created. That is an absolute horror story that is absolutely true. The Brookings Institute just published a study that revealed a very frightening trend that is incredibly dangerous to our way of life.  In 2009, 2010 and 2011 — businesses were collapsing faster than they were being formed, a first. In part, the report states if the decline persists, “it implies a continuation of slow growth for the indefinite future.” This lack of economic dynamism may be one reason why our current recovery has felt like much less than a recovery. It is to be noted that job growth rates have stubbornly refused to budge above 2 percent for the duration of the recovery. In the 1st quarter of 2014 it was less than one tenth of one percent. Damnit, that is the slowest pace since 2012. Obamomics and Demonomics are murdering our economy. If we want to heal our economy we must get rid of Democrat governance. It just doesn’t work.

National Politics. Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil.  I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here