2019 November

Friday, November 1, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[Time] Sunday is time to turn back time!

[FWC] The recent video article about FWC harassing live-aboard boaters (and even shooting one) is nothing new. I knew a lady who lived on a houseboat in Boot Key Harbor, Marathon. She said the Sheriff’s helicopter would buzz the liveabaords when all were asleep and shine spotlights through their windows. FWC boardings are common. She said she was once boarded by FWC guys who ordered her to strip naked at gun point. After they all had a good look, they ordered her to jump overboard. Imagine if that happened to you! And some wonder why law enforcement gets no respect. Not all are like that, but there are a lot of school bully types in the career, and it only takes a few before all are suspect
[Nude AARP Convention] Notwithstanding that the recent Fantasy Fest gave the appearance of a nude AARP convention (though it is my feeling that if they want to “let it all hang out”, good for them), it points out a more systemic issue with which our society needs to contend.  Young people today seem just as happy (and maybe even more so) to stream or watch something on a webcam as they are to actually be doing it.  We seem to have bred a generation of “watchers” rather than “doers”.  That cannot be healthy for the survival of the species.


[No-see-ums] Thermacell. I found something that keeps those nasty buggers away from me. It really works, but the unit is expensive, hard to work, a clear case of “form over function”.  The refills are expensive too, but it keeps those suckers away! Link

[“FWS Shooting”] Any truth to the rumor that the liveaboard owner that was shot may have been involved with the spouse/partner of the FWC cop shooter? I know he was posting bizarre stuff online but the coco tele is intimating there may be more to this
[Observer] I noticed that in the Citizen article on the subject that the government is now referring to them as “prescribed burns” rather than “controlled burns”.
[“Fluoride”] The person who is against fluoride is probably against vaccinations too. He’ll probably die of smallpox and rotten teeth and bad breath.

[1888 Somalia] We usually find an encampment of Bedouins outside the gate. Their tents are worse than any gypsy’s, low, smoky, and of the rudest construction. These people are a spectacle of savageness. Their huge heads of shock hair, dyed red and dripping with butter, are garnished with a Firin, or long three-pronged comb, a stick, which acts as scratcher when the owner does not wish to grease his fingers, and sometimes with the ominous ostrich feather, showing that the wearer has “killed his man.”

[Lottery] Yeah, team! After 20+ years of playing the Lottery, I finally won and almost broke even!



[Halloween] I’ll bet there were a hundred cars parked on Key Deer Blvd Halloween night unloading miniature people all dressed funny. For years I’d heard of the little critters descending on Eden Pines for their fill of candy, but I didn’t realize the magnitude of ghouls and gremlins. Do the Eden Pines residents have to take out loans to pay for all that candy. Ha

[Friday Joke] Doug lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His wife, his daughter and two sons, and his doctor, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a lawyer be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak, “My son, Andy, you take the Ocean Reef houses. My daughter Sybil, take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier. My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center. Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound.”

The lawyer and witnesses are blown away as they didn’t realize his extensive holdings. Doug slips away and the lawyer says, “Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”

The wife replies, “The broke asshole had a paper route.”

[Dirtbags] How come most of the Keys’ street people hide on Big Pine Key? or is it they are originally from there?
[“How many deer”] It’s silly we don’t even know an approximation of the number of deer. It’s always an “estimate” which usually is way off. How about a slow, low flying plane with a heat sensing camera to do an aerial survey? That’s the only accurate way I can think of. It’s probably cheaper than manually trying to count them in the woods. Or helicopter, but that might be too noisy and panic the deer and the raccoons.


Eat your veggies! Celery and celery seed have shown some remarkable results in lowering high blood pressure, while not reducing blood flow to your brain like the prescriptions do. Here is one article on it. Link

[Plastic Waste] The world’s leading beverage companies — Coca-Cola, PepsiCo and Keurig Dr Pepper — are investing $100 million to reduce the use of new plastic and improve plastic bottle recycling across the globe. Link
[The Uncanny] Explore the unsettling idea of the uncanny in fiction, film, architecture and art. Audio


[Bobbing for Apples] My new girlfriend’s nickname is Apples. Bobbing for apples has taken a whole new meaning for me. And it is a lot more fun than the traditional game.

[Tranquilizer] Alprazolam, the generic form of Xanax has been recalled.  Foreign substance in the pill, poses a risk of infection. Link

Losartan recall update. Cancer causing blood pressure pills that you cannot stop taking; there is no replacement. Link




Betty Boop cartoon of little red riding hood.
Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs — Lil’ Red Riding Hood

[No Laws] If we got rid of all the lawyers, the planet might get real men and real woman back and make this rock a decent place to live again!
I did not make it down to FantasyFest this year. How were the Jersey girls’ costumes? Clever? Obscene? Disgusting?
[Lower Keys Rotary] Today we have our first meeting of November with special guest Sandy Higgs. We will be meeting at the Lower Keys Chamber  for the foreseeable future and I hope to see everyone there.
Saturday Tommy Ryan is Celebrating his 60th birthday -Happy Birthday to our President Elect
Sunday is end of Daylight Savings time so don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour.
November 11 is Veterans Day
We have our final Celebrity bagging of the 2019 year Saturday November 23rdNovember 30thh is the Lower Keys Chamber Island Art Fair
Happy Halloween Everyone!