Friday, November 16, 2012

(November 17, 2012 – The Coconut telegraph is not published on Saturdays)

[US Exceeding Saudi Arabia In Oil Production From Shale] I offer this without comment or political implication. Reading about the US exceeding
Saudi Arabia in oil production from shale, I asked an old friend, a research geologist in Houston, Texas, “What do you think of this, Mr. Oilman?” Bob and
I took geology classes together back in the 50’s. Due to over pumping the Middle Eastern British and American wells due to nationalization, there were
no jobs in geology. He took a job on an offshore oil rig. I went a different direction. He later became a research geologist who has “brought in” a
number of oil wells. At 77 years of age, he continues to consult where he lives in Houston, Texas. He wrote:

“I have never worked with the new production from the tight shales, which have little or no original permeability. Predictions of the quantity of oil to be
produced is tricky well by well. Still, 1000’s of wells will be drilled because so much money has been paid for the drilling rights, I mean for the oil and gas
leases bought from the landowners. For example, the Chinese companies paid $4.3 billion for a large block of leases in the Eagle Ford shale area
between San Antonio and Austin. They want their money back and lots of oil to ship home.”

[No More Twinkies, sob!] Hostess Brands Inc., maker of the iconic Twinkies snacks, announced early Friday that the company will shut down and
sell its assets after union bakery workers refused to end a strike. The union cut off it’s nose to spite it’s face.

[Jobs] Dunkin Donuts is currently seeking fast, friendly, and hard working team members for a new store opening in the Marathon area. We are also
seeking experienced food service managers. We are franchise owned and operated. We offer competitive pay, employee meals, and an excellent work environment. For team members, food experience is preferred and bilingual is a plus. For Managers, food and management experience is required. Classified Ads > Help Wanted

This year at the Big Pine Flea Market we have noticed that many people bring their own recycle bags with them. Sometimes they put things in them
before they pay for them. I do like the idea that these bags save wasting plastic bags, but I have had a few people walk out without paying for things.
Most are nice people who simply forgot to pay, however we have to watch our merchandise more closely now.

I added up the cost that our local bird lady “accidentally” forgot to pay for 2 tee-shirts and 7 hats. These same things could have
been bought at the flea market for under 25 dollars instead of $130. It sure would have saved her money and a lot of trouble.

Most of us give discounts to help her organization, and all other charities. So this weekend shop at the flea market, save money and don’t! get an
embarrassing picture on the sheriffs web site!

[Job] There’s a hot position open at the County — Senior Director of Strategic Planning, paying between $66,000 and $102,000. But don’t get excited and
don’t bother to apply, even if you are superbly qualified. This position has already been slotted for one of the candidates that lost the Clerk’s election
in the primary. How transparent is that?

Why is Matt Lauer smiling? Because its just been revealed that he makes $30,000,000 a year or $57,6923 a week.

Trying to decipher our local peacenik‘s latest post, the gentlemen states he wished he lived somewhere else where the atmosphere wasn’t so charged
with our present array of gung ho American flag wavers. I question the sincerity of his statement when the solution is so obvious, which of course is
just to go to wherever the location would be that would be more to his liking. I believe perhaps that the man is letting us know that in his opinion we
have taken the wrong fork in the road, however I also believe that he may well be regaling us with these lofty ideals with a loaf of bread under each
arm.

Contact Us

No more Twinkies or Wonder Bread? Link 

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

[A Real Hero] I wanted to share this awesome picture with you and my fellow telegraphers. Have an awesome weekend!

Is it coincidence that Jersey is the name of a fat cow species? I think not.

[Movies] I love all those film noir movies with Sydney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre. They appeared in eight films together, all produced between 1941 and 1946: “The Maltese Falcon”, “Casablanca”, “Background to Danger”, “Passage to Marseilles”, “The Mask of Dimitrios”, “The Conspirators”, “Three Strangers”, and “The Verdict”.

Duck Tour boats ready to splash down on Nov 19th. Link

[Criminal facial hair] Wow. It does seem that most male Monroe County accused criminals do have some schmutz on their faces according to the mug shots. My mother used the term schmutz often. I always have been clean shaven because of dear old mom saying schmutz in a negative way. Link

[Magazines] How come when you order a magazine as soon as you get the first one they start sending you renewal notices saying your subscription
will soon expire.

At first you see Albert Einstein, but back away from your monitor a few feet and you will see Marilyn Monroe.

[Jersey Woman] It is against my morals to molest the ‘manatees’ and ‘whales’ that have started their yearly migration into the bars. Almost time for a trip to the mainland to find ladies who respect themselves and do not look like they constantly indulge in food and booze for entertainment.

Russia’s false Gods. See if you can tell what these False Gods all have in common? They are all fat, and that fat is your money one way or another!
Video

[MCSO Mug Shots] I especially enjoy reading the occupations and addresses that these bums list on their rap sheets. Some are pure hilarious.

Coconut Pie recipes to go with your Fla. Keys coconuts. Link

Here’s something Fanci Seafood hasn’t had since they moved: Smoke Salmon. Delicious and straight from our smoker to the case.

[$4.5 Billion Fine] BP agreed to plead guilty to a raft of criminal charges and pay a record $4.5 billion in a settlement with the government over the
deadly 2010 disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. Three BP employees were also charged, two of them with manslaughter.

Veterans can get a break on commercial fishing licenses. Link

Fanci Seafood has fresh oysters. Just in time for your turkey stuffing or on the half shell!

What happened to the deer killed sign at the intersection of Wilder and Key Deer?

BP to pay 4.5B in settlement to Justice Department. I wonder where they will get the money from? Probably the same place they get the money to pay
taxes.

Y’all really should get down to one of our Open Mic Car And Bike Nites for a really good time! Great food, great weather and the chance to hang
out in a parking lot and show off your cool ride or prowess with a guitar or other instrument, just like before the Keys were turned into a cheap Buffett
song. See you next Thursday? The Ed knows where! (Ed: I sure do, Daddy Bones is behind Checkers on N., Roosevelt Blvd. You can smell the
barbecue, ummmmm!)

I bought the Windows 8 Pro download from Microsoft yesterday and it took almost two hours for it to download!

[Go, Gov.Scott, Go!] In the firing of environment employees link the piece mentions career public servants, managerial incompetence and profiles in
courage in cubicles across the country. Any questions? Time for those do nothing losers to go get real jobs, eh?

What the Coconut Telegraph Facebook guy added later is hilarious. He thinks that anything that Google leads you to is “public domain.” I guess
anything on the internet is up for grabs. He also believes that you can contact Google to have them remove your image, which is just about as
effective as getting pee out of a pool with a skimmer. He seems to have the same grasp on how Google operates, as firm a grasp he has on
capitalization, punctuation, and spelling. Even Japanese-to-English vacuum cleaner manual authors would make fun of his sentence structure.

I think when he found out he could get a Facebook page and share photos that other people have made, with the click of a button without actually
having to do anything, he said, “Wow! I can seem like I’m accomplishing things, cutting & pasting from other sites, when in reality, I’m spending most of
my time trying to figure out why my VCR is still flashing “12:00″ and also trying to figure out why I still have a VCR.”

Fella, learn about how Google works. It’s not how you think lovemaking works — with a lot of guesswork and random poking at things. To paraphrase an
old chestnut: “Bo don’t know Google.”

Key West worried Navy will shut it out of cruise-ship berth costing the city money in lost embarking fees. Link

[“Contact the Red Cross and make your donation that way”] Really? Since when does the American Red Cross (ARC)take in cash on
behalf of specific individuals to deposit into specific bank accounts? The answer is – it doesn’t. It’s not within the ARC single family fire disaster
response mission of providing cash to replace clothes and household items, and 3 days of shelter and food.
I’ve been with ARC for 18 years, and have never seen ARC collecting money for people and putting into those people’s bank accounts done before.

Reading on CT that ARC is doing this seems a little suspicious to me, or else very self serving by the ARC. Why does ARC need to get directly involved
with the Saunders’ bank account? If people are kind enough to donate money to the Saunders, then they are smart enough to get it to the bank
themselves. Money does not need to be handled by an intervening agency, especially one which is also currently collecting money donations for
Hurricane Sandy victims, plus always trying to stuff their ARC general office Miami coffers. Possibly this is just an attempt to get kind, generous people
to interact with ARC, so ARC can expand their donor database, to hit up people in the future for money for ARC.

[Scallops] First whales, then dolphins, then starfish, now scallops! On Nantucket, a rescue for stranded scallops. Link

Bubba was deer hunting in North Carolina. He shot a deer, and as he was dragging it back to his truck, he was stopped by a redneck game warden who
asked to see his hunting license. Bubba showed him the license, and is about to leave, when the game warden says, “Not so fast, boy. I need to
inspect the deer.”

The game warden reached down, stuck his finger up the deer’s butt, pulled it out then sniffed his finger. The game warden seemed a trifle hot under
the collar and said, “Wait a minute boy! This here ain’t no North Carolina deer. This here is a Virginia deer! You need to have a Virginia Hunting License
to hunt this deer. You got a Virginia Hunting License on you boy?”

Well, it just so happened that Bubba had been hunting in Virginia the week before. He opened his wallet and pulled out a Virginia Hunting License. The
game warden looked at the valid license and disappointingly uttered, “Well…. OK, I guess I’ll have to let you go. I really do enjoy writing up those who
hunt deer without a license, but you look like you got everything in order. So go on, get out of here.”

The following week, Bubba’s hunting again. He shoots another deer and as he is dragging it back to his truck, he gets stopped by the same game
warden who says, “Just a minute boy. I need to inspect that deer.” He reached down, stuck his finger up the deer’s butt, pulled it out, sniffed his finger
and says, “Boy! This here is a South Carolina deer! You got a South Carolina Hunting License?” Bubba, somewhat surprised, said he had one in the
truck. He retrieved it from the glove box, showed it to the game warden, who again had to let him go.

So this went on for the next three weeks. Each week Bubba shoots a deer; one each from Georgia, Tennessee, and West Virginia. Each time the game
warden stops to do the finger test, and each time Bubba was able to produce the correct license.

Finally, after the West Virginia deer, the Game Warden was furious. “Boy! You have a hunting license from every state in the South! Where the Hell you
from anyway?” Bubba dropped his pants, bent over, and calmly uttered, “You tell me!”

[New Stamp] Apparently they think that putting hearts and butterflies on the new stamp Will make most people not realize that the rest is
Arabic and probably Not something we want to support.

[Educated States] Whenever i read the “Facts” from our local 1/4 truth member I always take a second and see how factual he really is. I took his comments
of saying that Americans have turned into a nation of takers and that the only reason people voted for Obama was because they wanted to be given
freebies. Republican hero Rush Limbaugh goes as far as to say they wanted Santa Claus.
Well, Im not buying that because usually higher educated Americans tend to work every day and can logically see thru the majority of issues and make
a sound well thought out decision. They dont just base their vote on freebies. They dont buy the Obamas a Muslim, Obama wasnt born in America and
they are not falling for the Donalds Birther B. S. It turns out the reason Obama was elected was because of the huge educational divide between the
states of our country. Heres a breakdown of how we voted according to educational levels between the states.

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish. “I want to live forever.” I said. “Sorry” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes
like that!” “Fine,” I said, “I want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their asses!” “You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.

“The children in my daughters 7th grade class were having a discussing during election time. The reason the class gave for their parents voting for
Obama. “Romney will end food stamps and welfare. How will we eat if he becomes president?” My daughters response was, “get a job and work for your
food.” Students, “but what if we don’t want to work.”

Guess what, Sen. John McCain also has a way with words.
“This president — this administration — has either been guilty of colossal incompetence or been engaged in a cover up, neither of which is acceptable
to the American people. I speak as a friend of Christopher Stevens, I speak as a person who knows something about warfare, I speak as something of
an authority — that this attack could have been prevented if the information on the ground had been taken into consideration.
There clearly is a need because there is a huge credibility gap among the American people because of the [contradictory statements about the
attacks] beginning with the President of the United States. What did the president know? When did he know about it? And what did he do about it? He
really does not have any idea of how serious this issue is. I’m a United States Senator. We have our responsibilities, we have our duties, and we are
not picking on anyone here. Those talking points did not come from the CIA, they came from the White House. Who at the White House gave her those
talking points?”

Obama might do well not to cross a man who’s survived more serious issues than a verbal attack.

Goldwater said “extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice” after he was pressed about his own right-wing views and whether or not he sided
with/condoned the John Birch Society. You and FTR know that, if you were around back then, and that Goldwater’s extremism led to a very lopsided
win for Lyndon Johnson and the downfall of a number of Republican office holders in that election. If Romney had let the modern Goldwater Party, ie.
the Tea Party, rot; if Romney had stayed in the Republican center, he might well be your new US President. But he was so cowed by the Tea Party
that he tried to sound like he was with them.

I wrote about Christians I know, not about Christians I don’t know. I wrote that I am bigoted against the Republican Party, the Tea Party and the
Democratic Party, and against politicians, and against those who claim Jesus as Lord but do not live as he lived and taught others to live. I admitted
my bigotry. FTR did not admit his bigotry against Democrats, although he spews it in every edition of his commentaries.

We finally figured out where FTR has been. He’s been hunkered down in a bunker with other “patriots” such as Glenn Beck, Dick Cheney and Carl
Rove. There they have been telling each other how they have won the election by a landslide, and they have statistics to prove it. Facts to the
contrary are meaningless, their version of math is the only one that counts. Their tactics are to attack on any and everything that they can think of. If
they thought they could get away with it they would attack such liberals as Jesus Christ, you know the one who gifted the poor and threw the money
lenders out of the temple.

They will probably get around to that after they finish rounding up their unicorns and capturing the tooth fairy. But in the mean time all they have
become are chronic complainers who would only be satisfied if Liberals were outlawed and the economy crashed under Obama. Of course they would
never give back anything that they have received from Liberals, such as OSHA, (safety in the work place), EPA, (safe healthy environment), pension
plan guarantees, Social Security, Medicare and a myriad of other things. Let’s all hope that they stay in the bunker until their mother ship returns to
transport them back to Newts’ moon base.

The first thing we got to do is assimilate Ohio into Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana.  That should help in 2016.

Abbot and Costello on Unemployment
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America . ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 9%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: You just said 9%. ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%.
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%? ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.
COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work
to be unemployed.
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted With those who look for work. It wouldn ‘ t be fair.
COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They
gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO: So if you ‘ re off the unemployment roles that would Count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don ‘ t Look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%.
Otherwise it would be 16%. You don’t want to read about 16% Unemployment, do ya?
COSTELLO: That would be frightening. ABBOTT: Absolutely.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there Are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop Looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment Down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you’re
thinking like an economist.
COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said! ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a politician.

Only a Christian can be elected. That may be an exaggeration, but not much of one. Look at the hate mail Obama receives accusing him of
being a Muslim, implying that all Muslims support terrorism, and the hate mail against the new Muslim stamp that the haters won’t use on their hate
mail.

[“Christians don’t vote for Catholics”] A writer yesterday was complaining about distortions in the arguments presented by another writer who claimed (in effect) that “Christians don’t vote for Catholics” claiming instead that “Protestants voted in large numbers for JFK”. In fact, that is not true. What the critic does not realize is that Catholics form the majority of Christians in this country — by some good measure. That majority has been true for at least eighty years and it’s growing by leaps and bounds. Get used to it. Anyone is free to check this out on the GoreNet.

[Establishment Media] Who are they and what do they have to gain by all the spin and hoopla they shove down out throats? 

[Out of Touch] Republicans are the only group who could make nature’s sea level rise and science a political issue.

The world will end in 37 days on December 21st.

How come Mr FTR is so eager to find that Obama screwed up in Benghazi when he remained moot during the whole of Bush’s disastrous administration
when Bush was doing real harm to American and the Mideast?

Great, now the paranoid Right thinks Obama’s trying to impose Martial Law, but no one has a clue why.

From the Right

Yesterday an Obama fan gushed that he/she was all tingly about O’s “masterfully dignified” performance at Wednesday’s presser. Certainly
those folks who have become slavish acolytes of O, are fully convinced that he was smooth, suave, and “in command”. Others saw an arrogant and
condescending mortal who refuses to believe that he is nothing more than another mortal. Sadly for many latter day Americans, form tops substance.
And optics trump truth. Performance art has become more important than grim reality. Art such as “Piss Christ” is embraced.

Those who watched the presser with an open mind and some knowledge of the Bengasi facts had to be disturbed when O, probably inadvertently, told
us that Amb Rice was dispatched by Team Obama to the various Sunday AM news shows armed with a story that was patently false. Now, we have to
determine if she knew that her performance spread the O admin lie, or if she was only a dupe. But, we do know now that that Obama and his staff
knew in real, or near real, time that the Bengasi assault was a paramilitary operation. Every day we learn more and more about Bengasi. That
knowledge reveals O to be an accomplished serial liar. In fairness to O, when he lies he does it in a “masterfully dignified” fashioned.

There is a very nasty sub text that is growing in volume every day. Essentially it suggests that Obama et al were fully aware of Petreaus’ liason with
Broadwell. Team O had then made the decision to let it ride. The narrative is that the affair came to light sometime in the spring. That part of it nearly
certain. It’s impossible to believe that O was not told of the affair within 48 hours of it surfacing. Then we all remember that Petraeus peddled the
same Bengasi story line offered by Amb. Rice. Petraeus testified to the story. But then, as the facts began to be visible and began to coalesce, P
began to make noises that he was going to out the O lies. The theory is that at that point Team O decided that P had to be thrown under the O line
bus. The theory is that Team O delivered the proverbial pistol to P and urged him to use it. He did. I urge you to read the WSJ article on the issue to
be found at Link

Sadly, the media and too many Americans are distracted by shiny objects. The salacious P affair has overshadowed the quest for truth in the murder
of 4 Americans and the failure of O’s foreign policy.

Part 2) Watch out folks, keep your women and children close to home, stock up on Budweiser, the mid-east is on the knife edge of war.

Part 3) Deer Friends, thank you for the kind words, they are deeply appreciated.

 LONG WINDED TOME

Who Is Really Outsourcing American jobs overseas? One Obama’s top campaign strategies was to attack Romney & Bain Capital for exporting or 
outsourcing jobs overseas. Obama labeled Romney an “outsourcing pioneer” & suggested “Romney would be the outsourcer in chief if elected.” The
media extensively reported & pushed those charges to advance their selected candidate’s poll ratings. Romney was a private citizen, using private
investor money to create profits for his clients. Obama is the president of the USA & elected, payed & trusted by American taxpayers to ‘create jobs in
America’.

Why didn’t the media investigate & report on “The Real Job Exporter Pioneer”? Why not expose the “True Outsourcer In Chief, being funded by American
taxpayers? President Obama’s lack of business experience led him to establish a personally hand picked job council with great media fanfare. It’s sole
purpose was to create jobs in America, for the jobless & lower unemployment in the USA! The big smoke & mirror, dog & pony show has failed!

What’s the exporting jobs overseas record for the job council hand picked by the president & appointed to create jobs in America? (Left leaning Obama
supporting Huffington-Post Headline & Facts – A simple search will offer many more sources). “Obama Jobs Council Packed With Outsourcing
Companies!”

Since Immelt took over GE in 2001, the company has lost “37,000 American jobs”, and “added 25,000 jobs overseas”.
United Electrical Workers labor union that represents roughly 5,500 GE employees in the U.S., said “The Company Has Closed More Than 30 (“Thirty”)
U.S. Plants “SINCE” Obama Took Office” – link

So Obama hand picked Immelt to be chair of The President’s Council on Jobs and Competitiveness. Then added other top job exporters to create jobs
here in America? And the media ignores ‘THAT’ & attacks Romney for exporting jobs years ago?

Boeing CEO, James McNerney, also chairs the President’s jobs Council: The aerospace giant has shed over 14,000 American jobs since 2008. To add
more insult to Boeing shipping thousands of future jobs to China, Chicago-based Boeing is doing all it can to stop Airbus from building new plants in
Mobile, Ala. to build A320 jets!

Airbus spends $12 billion & year in the U.S. Now outsourcing parts to American workers & plans to double that! Council member Boeing is not only
moving jobs overseas, they’re fighting to STOP high paying jobs from being created in America! Isn’t “Job Creation” the purpose of Obama’s job Council?
So what’s up Mr. President, are you paying attention, or this your plan? – link

Jobs council member Xerox said it is the “largest worldwide diversified business process ‘outsourcing company’ in the large & growing BPO market.”
Jobs council member American Express, ‘one of the pioneers of outsourcing’ call centers to India in the 1980s, still depends on “outsourcing functions &
relocating certain functions to lower-cost overseas locations,” according to its most recent SEC filings.

Facts are from the left leaning, Obama supporting Huffington Post – link

President Barack Obama has not met with his jobs council for “Six Months”! – link

Forbes on GM of North America: GM’s December 31, 2011 annual report shows General Motors of North America accounted for 98,000 of the 207,000
GM jobs worldwide. 12,000 jobs in Canada, 11,500 in Mexico. Almost two thirds of GM’s jobs are in other countries. GM has 74,500 jobs in the United
States. (How much of the USA taxpayer bailout cash went overseas?)
President Obama speaking in his famous degrading tone: “Governor Romney invested in companies that were called pioneers of outsourcing.” “I don’t
want to Outsource.” “I want to Insource.” Loud applause from an ignorant clueless audience praising the ‘Liar In Chief’! – link

The Government Accountability Institute’s analysis: Throughout the first 1,257 days of his presidency, Mr. Obama has spent just “412 hours” in
economic meetings or briefings ‘of any kind’. Yet he has spent 600 hours playing golf. – link

Any wonder why the media skipped those stats & how that might have affected the American job dilemma we have now? During the campaign we were
told unemployment is going down. Yet now that the election is over, the unemployment rate has necessarily skyrocketed! Was someone manipulating
jobs numbers? Hell No! No doubt that was & always will be all Bush’s fault.

Why isn’t the Main Stream Media reporting this to taxpayers? Instead they slobber all over themselves covering photo-ops, teleprompter bullsh*t,
distortions while missing one more con job on the American people/taxpayers! If theses experts who’ve created thousands of jobs overseas can’t get
the job done in America dump them Now!

President Obama named Jeffrey Immelt as the chair of The President’s Council on Jobs and Competitiveness. Immelt is chairman of GE which owns NBC
News, CNBC, Telemundo & a slew of Obama friendly media. Guess we can stop wondering why the media is so Obama friendly! GE is the media! GE also
owns “GE Healthcare”. GE-EEE! Couldn’t be any ties to the upcoming Obama Care mandate could there?

The Left flipped out over the Cheney – Halliburton tie, yet they see no problem here? What a joke! Learn more about the president’s failed Jobs Council
– link