2013 October

Friday, October 25, 2013


Classified Ads     Events     Business Directory      Contact Us      Menu    

(Saturday October 26, 2013 The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays)

insurance[Insurance] You’ve always had to have it.  Car insurance.  After being a good driver for years, you move to New York City where you don’t need to drive, and give up your car and the insurance for a while.  You move again, need a car, and the thought of that new Camaro is heating up your blood.  You go get an insurance quote and nearly pass out at the cost.  You haven’t had insurance for a while, so now your high risk.  Really!  But you have to have it, it’s the law.  

Remember when home insurance was just that?  One policy that covered everything? Then someone in the business thought, well, the stuff in the house is separate, and since crime is rampant, you’ll need a separate policy for that.  And you need it because everyone else wants your stuff, perhaps even more than you.  It’s not the law, but you get it anyway because you can’t afford to buy your stuff again.  

Then the Government endorsed flood policies and now runs flood policies. You never knew that living in Colorado, meant you were in a flood zone? You’ve probably never even heard of a flood zone. But you do now and it’s the law.  So you find the funds you didn’t know you had, and buy it because moving again is not in the budget.  

Does it get windy where you live?  Oh, well, you’ll need a separate policy for that.  It’s the law.  Seems to me that if all these home related policies were back in the all-for-one and-one-for-all group, there would be a larger pool of money out there to cover this stuff and rates could be collectively less.

You’ve got that life insurance policy don’t you?  After all, when your gone, who is going to look out for your loved ones?  You know, the ones that have to buy all the above policies as well? Seems like you wouldn’t need this type of coverage given all the other coverage you have to buy.  But, hey, none of that really covers you, does it?  

So with no money left to take a chance and go to dinner in that new Camaro, Uncle Sam has closed the loop, and decided to make a new law, yep, one that requires you to buy yet another insurance policy in case you get sick, but moreover, adds to the money pit to cover any and everyone else that doesn’t have any of the coverage’s above.  And again, it’s the law.  Even if you didn’t ask for it.  So the next time you’re watching TV (if you can afford it, (remember when it was free?) and you see an insurance commercial where the spokesperson says “We’re here for you” and you believe it, go put your head back in the sand.


[Spies ‘R Us] German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s personal phone was tapped by the NSA. It’s been a long time since we were the good guys. If anyone thinks differently they haven’t been paying attention.

roof coat25

[“Mobile home roof repair”] I would bleach the roof, rinse, let dry, then apply two coats of elastomeric roof coating with a 1” paint roller. I’ve been doing it for years and it lasts for years with no maintenance. I swear by the stuff.

  Contact Us. Send us your comments and attach any stuff you want published to this email.   

[“Internet service on Big Pine”] Switch to Comcast they have the fastest for less. Way faster than AT&T and speed is what it’s all about. Talking through their phone mumbo jumbo is the hardest part of switching.



Lee Lapid Housekeeping. I’m a licensed housekeeping business based out of Marathon serving the Middle and Lower Keys. Monroe County Business Tax Receipt No. 29240-106907. Business Directory > Cleaning Service 


There is a new toothpaste on the market for old gossips and big mouth yackers that contains 40 percent Imodium (diarrhea medicine). It is about time!

jellyfish brown


Jellyfish are wreaking havoc on tourist areas. Link

 Contact Us. Send us your comments and attach any stuff you want published to this email.   

To the anti semitic foreskin lover: Go back to the double wide and keep pulling it, it will grow with time. Your comments are unencumbered by any data. Circumcision has been scientifically proven to reduce the risk of penile cancer, urinary tract infection HIV, HPV and others. Feel free to read the american academy of pediatrics statement on it. Not to mention 99% of women prefer a male to be circumcised and the other one percent lie to their partner. This statement may not apply to Big Foreskin Key residents. Link

drunk dead flowers


[More bar wisdom] Fact: Women are attracted to men with accents. I think my drunken slur should be counted as an accent. 

I never had issues at China Garden.  I miss them, Square Grouper and those ribs from Big Pine Restaurant.  The Half Shell Raw Bar, Blue Heaven and Louie’s Backyard too.  I tried to score stone crab claws for overnight shipping out-of-state and the delivery fee was way too much.  I will buy at the local fish market and smile.  

[Insurance For the Rich] Who’s going to be waiting tables and cooking after all the poor folks leave because they cannot afford the massive insurance hikes and goofy sewers?  The biggest regret of my life was buying a house in BPK instead of renting.  When renting, you get to go out to dinner and travel even more.  And if you happen to get two psycho neighbors on each side, you’re free to roll out after the lease ends.  The MLS listings are funny now-a-days and the realtors are also going to be hurtin for certain.  Insurance on your home, your biggest depreciating asset, is a definite must-have, unless you can afford to walk away from any equity after the next blow / flood.  One man doesn’t have insurance on his big boat and I hope that his “friend” doesn’t slip and fall on-board and sue the pants off him.  He also has zero insurance on their only home because he paid it off and now doesn’t have a pot to pee in.  I feel sorry for the few nice people who are in this situation.  The entire Keys will be flooding one day and uninhabitable.  Look at the big picture.   I love the Coconut Telegraph and Deer Ed.

 Contact Us. Send us your comments and attach any stuff you want published to this email.  

door slams fast[“Do you want a new sewer Mister”]  Another question that needs to asked along with the obvious you raised is why do commissioners need to have “non public” sessions ahead of public ones? Whom do they work for except for the public they are supposed to serve?

Decisions allegedly made for the public good behind our backs isn’t democracy. It is autocracy of the worst kind. If decisions to improve our environment are made so that a next wave of development can occur at our detriment, that too needs to be spelled out by hook or crook.

Radio Shack Ad pixlr9.16.13

[X Rated Bird] The parrot, who saw a sex. Video

scissors sm

[Circumcision] What an ignorant treatment of circumcision. Sorry Dr. Theology, the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t agree with you. Try reading it the next time you spout crap. Walk around with your anteater. I could give a damn, but there’s a chance the Jews were on to something smart, like not wanting to walk around the desert with cheese dick. Something I don’t want to walk around with today either.   

[Soon come, mon] People united for medical marijuana.   Link

[“Skewed statistics”] The reason why a 65 yr old head of household has a net worth 47 times that of a 35 yr old is that a 65 yr old has paid off his mortgage while the 35 yr old has a negative net worth because he is a long way from paying off his mortgage debt. Geez! 
 Contact Us. Send us your comments and attach any stuff you want published to this email. 

destroyer25The defense industry and Government, itself, are the biggest well paying jobs programs there ever were and we are stuck with them, economically,  for that reason.  Talk about redistribution of wealth.  Let’s go build a bunch more next generation aircraft carriers while we are at it,  as soon as we can find some place to store the last ones.

$7 billion destroyer. Link

[Joke Friday] A man decided to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the salesclerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 35,” was the reply. “I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29.”

“I am actually 47.” This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your hairy walnuts for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”

Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?” The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonalds.”


FKAA claims that inadequate population density is why so many homes are slated for individual grinder pumps. Individual pumps will require a 10 foot wide easement across your property and a huge 240V 30 amp circuit that you pay to provide. In fact, only two houses within about 200′ are cheaper on a mini gravity system

The Inner Islands contractor (Gionetti) has more favorable prices but we calculated using the Outer Islands contractor’s (Layne’s) written prices as much as possible. This is how the numbers look for grinder pump stations on private property versus a manhole grinder pump station in the right of way, powered by an FKAA meter and shared by one or more houses. Each individual grinder pump station costs $8,976 (minimum) and each additional is $8,976 more.

One grinder pump in a concrete manhole with just one house connected by a gravity lateral would cost $12,544, but each additional connection up to 4 more would cost only $2,168! For every case of only two houses per pump, $5,408 would be saved! No easement is required, no electrical is required of the homeowner, and reserve capacity for power outages is increased. FKAA can access it day or night without disturbing your privacy. The savings go up when you put more houses on a pump. A two pump manhole will handle up to 12 homes. If we really are down to 1600 remaining grinders to deal with, well over $4 million could be saved by getting them out of people’s yards. Why is FKAA still trying to force individual grinders?

If you have not yet, please support our petition to eliminate individual grinder pump stations at Petition 

orchestra drum

[Flash Mob Redux] Best coin ever spent. Video

[“Trailer roof”] Call Rick Williams of John Rogers roofing and Florida Keys Waterproofing. 305-797-0985.

coconuts lounge and liquor 9.12

[“Anti Semitic foreskin”] Oh, oh, a poster mentioned Jews, now he’s in for it. I agree there’s no health reason to “mutilate” boys if they are taught how to wash properly. I’m sure you can find any number of websites saying foreskined people have more disease than the skinned do; just as you can find sites saying people with apprentices have more appendicitis, people with tonsils have more tonsillitis too.



[Habitat for Humanity winner]  Georgia Favelli saw the bike on display at First State Bank and donated online for raffle tickets – twice!   “I never win anything, this is amazing!” she said.  The bike, which was overhauled by the Bike Shop on Truman Ave. was turned over to Rick Worth to perform his magic.  After Rick painted the bike Habitat green he then covered it with fanciful fish – a pattern Rick called “fish-ou-flage.”  

   Contact Us. Send us your comments and attach any stuff you want published to this email.   
Republican Attorney General Bondi does not agree with a proposal to make medical marijuana legal in the State.      

liens neon


[“No hook-ups”] If you refuse to comply with anything, they’ll place a lien on your property and eventually they will own it, not you.

Today in 1983 the United States invaded the Caribbean nation of Grenada. Our last great military victory.
Actually circumcised guys are less likely to contract HIV. The info is out there, look it up. I just wonder if I could have got a 10 inch tattoo instead of my current 9.25 tattoo if they had not snipped me?

[“Mutilated Boys”] I’ll wager those criticizing yesterday’s “mutilated” post are all Jews steeped in tradition. Tradition has it that some African tribes mutilate their girl’s privates. I’m sure that’s healthy too because there’s a lot of germs down there if you don’t wash it well. See how foolish tradition is when it goes so far as to cut off parts of genitilia because people don’t wash. There’s nothing religious about mutilation.



Some of the best animal shots you’ll ever see. Link

nira tocco realtor 9.12

editor flash[Richard Tamborrino named publisher of Florida Keys newspapers, The Keynoter & The Reporter] The Miami Herald Media Company (MHMC), parent company of The Keynoter, The Reporter, the Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald, announced the promotion of Richard Tamborrino to Publisher of The Keynoter and The Reporter as of November 1, 2013.  He will succeed current publisher Wayne Markham, who will retire at the end of October.

As publisher, Tamborrino will be responsible for overseeing both the news gathering and advertising sales and development growth in Monroe County for The Keynoter, The Reporter and  The two community weekly newspapers and news website serve residents and visitors with the Keys’ most complete news coverage through its operations in Key West, Marathon and Tavernier.

“It is a privilege to follow a legacy in publishing like Wayne Markham,” stated Tamborrino. “So many tremendous accomplishments have been achieved under his guidance and leadership over the past 12 years.  My goal is to continue to do what we do best and look for opportunities to grow our business, from producing quality content to gaining additional reach and developing products that best serve our community.  For me, it’s always about the collective work of an entire team that breeds and sustains success, and the team I will lead positions us perfectly to accomplish these goals.”

Tamborrino has been instrumental in driving new initiatives at The Keynoter / Reporter since assuming the position of Advertising and Business Development Manager in March.  He has led the highly successful development of UNWIND Magazine, which

launched in July 2013; spearheaded the redesign and relaunch of; and helped land several commercial printing contracts.  Tamborrino was also recently named to the Board of Directors of the United Way of the Florida Keys.

Prior to joining The Keynoter / Reporter, Tamborrino was the Key Accounts Manager at the Miami Herald, where he led a sales team that was highly successful in growing mid-size advertising accounts.  Before joining the Miami Herald, Tamborrino served multiple roles in sales management at the Orlando Sentinel, where he developed a comprehensive multi-zoned shopper magazine strategy, which drove significant retail and classified revenue.  He graduated with a B.A. in English from the University of Connecticut.

isaksen-flood 4.23.13

leins flash

[Civil Disobedience] I have to agree with yesterdays post about who asked us if we wanted a sewer system. It seems that all of our politicians, (local & state), are not obeying their promises and loyalties to us voters and citizens. It’s time we turn the tables around and begin practicing civil disobedience.  What are they going to do if we decide not to pay for the sewer hook ups and keep our septic tanks? Put us all in jail? 

  Contact Us. Send us your comments and attach any stuff you want published to this email.   

[Captain Doom and Gloom] “If it was the decision of the County or State to go ahead with the sewer system, then they should pay for it”  Ah so, must be a blonde poster to make such a stupid statement. We are the county and the state. Where do you think the money comes from? Some people just cannot get it.



religion politics zone

hammer and sycle

I’m not a Socialist. I don’t have Medicaid or Medicare or Social Security. They’re your Socialist, including most all Tea Party members, but they’re all against social programs. Go figure!

Democrats are pissed at the rollout of Obamacare too. We knew it was going to be bad but not a disaster. If I paid $400,000,000 for a website that didn’t work I’d be pissed. Oh, wait, I did pay for it!

I think Kathleen Sebelius should be fired for not having the sense to hire the right people to make her website work. It is her fault. She’s the boss. She’s in charge. People were warning that the site would be overwhelmed and it is worse than any of us civilians ever imagined. 

head up ass

I had the perfect costume for Halloween. I was going to be a tea party republican but I couldn’t get my head up my ass.

[Obamacare] Turns out several factors are responsible for the poor operation of the ACA website. 1: It was rushed out with only two weeks of testing. 2: Not enough thought placed upon the demand. 3: A last minute decision to force users to sign up first and provide tons of personal information before shopping for plans.

It turns out so far only New York and Colorado has ACA lowered monthly premiums, the rest of the states citizens are paying more, many a lot more.

Despite Obama promise you can keep your existing plan, many are getting cancellations from their insurance companies because their plans do not meet the new higher federal requirements to draw more funds into the system.

The deductible for many of the working poor has esculated to well over $10,000 when it was a more affordable $500-$2000.

It also turned out that the contractor in charge of managing the ACA website is heavily funded by a CIA company. Link

[“If you like your plan, you can keep it”] FTR coincidentally neglected to mention that the reason you can’t keep your plan is because a Republican slipped in a clause prohibiting that at the last minute just before the bill was passed. I posted his name and link to his dastardly action here, but have lost both since



When the media‘s nose gets stuck up a politician’s butt, that politician can say & do whatever they want. Even play both sides of a vital political issue facing Americans & never be questioned or held accountable for it. In fact the media praises their chosen ones for being two-faced. They could care less about the American people. Screw the media!

The Obamacare hearing is not a “monkey court.” Unlike Congress, monkeys have dignity and decorum when they fling their own poo

I like to humbly keep an eye on FTR to check his resources every once and awhile. Please let me know where you read that there could have possibly been in your words

“tens of thousands of vets” at the Million Vet March with Tea Party heros Palin and Cruz.

Im sure you didn’t just pull the 10s of Thousands comment out of thin, magical air. I thank you in advance of your resourse information.

Im thinking I may not be the only “Dull” one here.



What’s up? The left taking over our CT?

from the right

reform25Republicans are committed to election reform. Most of us are convinced that our current election laws, rules, and practices are ripe for fraud. Most Republicans are convinced that election fraud robs each of us of our votes.  An excellent example of election fraud has impacted us right here in Monroe County Florida.

Very recently, Jeffery Garcia, a highly placed Democrat political activist in Miami, was sentenced to 90 days in jail and 18 months’ probation after pleading guilty to one felony and three misdemeanor charges. The charges stem from a phony online absentee-ballot plot during the 2012 election.

Joe Garcia, Democrat, is the U.S. Congressperson that now represents parts of Dade and all of Monroe County. He was elected in 2012. Jeff Garcia was Joe’s Chief of Staff and campaign manager during the 2012 election when he, Jeff, committed his crimes. You probably will not be surprised to learn that Joe claims that he knew nothing about Jeff’s law breaking and tampering with the election that made Joe our Congressperson.  Nope, no surprise there. Perhaps you will join the Republicans in their commitment to election reform, it’s in your best interests.

welfare25Part 2) This is the 5th fiscal year since President Obama took office. During those five years, the federal government has spent a total $3.7 trillion on approximately 80 different means-tested poverty and welfare programs. The common feature of means-tested assistance programs is that they are graduated based on a person’s income. These programs contrast to programs like Social Security or Medicare, they are a free benefit and not paid into by the recipient as are Social Security and Medicare.

In those 5 years Team Obama has spent more than $3.7 trillion dollars on those programs alone. If you’re like me, it’s hard to contemplate just how much money that is.  But one way to put it into perspective is to understand that while Team Obama was spending $3.7 trillion on welfare, Team Obama spent only about $797 billion on NASA, transportation and education — combined!

Put another way, Team Obama has spent nearly 5 times as much on welfare as on NASA, education, and transportation combined.  Does that make you happy? Is America a better place because of Team Obama’s priorities? Are American children better prepared for life in today’s world? Are our roads and transportation infrastructure better off today than they were five years ago? Is the United States now a leader in space technology?  No, no, and no.