2017 October

Friday, October 27, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsPublished Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​ Since 0202.

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[“In the middle of the county Emergency Management conference call, Roman says we have to do something for people staying behind and, poof, the county schools are open”] Designating a facility as a safe hurricane shelter involves many criteria, one of the most important is that it not be located in a storm surge zone, hence the mandatory evacuation order for Hurricane Irma.  No jurisdiction or non-profit will, nor should they be expected to, assume the liability of placing citizens and their staff in a dangerous situation that can easily be avoided.  However, the opening of schools as refuges of last resort was in no way an “oops” moment.  It’s been part of the overall plan since the 1990s.  Officials realize that there will always be a small percentage of people who will ignore a lawful evacuation order, who not only have no concern for their own safety but also no concern for the safety of emergency workers who they expect to feed, care for, and rescue them in the middle of a hurricane.

It wasn’t last minute, but it was a last resort; a safe-as-possible place to go with no food, no services, and possibly no security.  (The Sheriff himself was in the Marathon High School)

It’s okay for you to believe what you believe. It’s not okay for you to demand others believe what you believe


[Slinky Kung Fu] And all this time we’ve been playing with our slinky wrong. Video

[Cops are Robbers] Ashlie Nicole Hernandez, a 27-year-old corrections deputy at the Monroe County Detention Center on Stock Island accused of stealing prescription pills from a Key West police officer while babysitting for him was arrested Tuesday night.
[FWS Closes Beaches] The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service will be closing Boca Grande Key, Woman Key, and the Marquesas Keys in Key West National Wildlife Refuge from November 7-14, 2017.  All beach access will be closed to the public to protect wildlife and critical habitat from disturbance.   These islands are all part of the Federal Wilderness System.  Historically there has been extreme disturbance from boaters at this time of year in these areas and these closures aim to eliminate such impacts.  The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service along with partnering agencies will have an increased law enforcement presence at these locations to enforce the temporary closures.  Anyone found violating these closures is subject to criminal prosecution by federal authorities and may be fined up to $5,000 and or six months imprisonment
The Bucktooth Rooster is open! Yum.
[Zest For Life] One of my all time favorite photos, worth 1,000 words. What is it? Oh, just a mangrove growing in a old glass pickle jar. No, it’s so much more. It’s life & how hard it will fight to stay living. God Bless our Islands & the folks that help make them so very special.
There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this. Blessings to each and everyone of you.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Big Pine Key
[Family of Crooks on BPK] Robert Ray, 49, and his son, Richard, 21, both of Big Pine Key, and Noah Homar, 18, also of Big Pine Key, were arrested for burglarizing a home in the upscale community of Shark Key. Robert Ray had been arrested Sunday night on Big Pine Key for an outstanding warrant from another jurisdiction and for giving a false name to law enforcement.
[Big Pine Computer Club] There is no meeting scheduled for our computer club yet.  The library is not currently an option.  Several recent visits to the senior center have shown no activity, and there has not been anyone on the premises to talk with.  Will keep you posted on any new possibilities.  If any of you have a suggestion for a meeting place, let’s hear it!
[I Got Mine, How You Doing] Yesterday (10/24/17) Congress voted for a $36B disaster relief bill for hurricanes and fires. 17 Senators voted against this relief bill.  Want to know who they are so you can voice your opinion when their  state needs relief?  Click here to be informed. Link
[Post Irma Fishing Report] Lower Keys fishing.  Hello everyone, it’s been a wild ride down here in paradise, but we are full throttle fishing and better than ever. Our first post Irma reef trip was better than expected and we came in with a kingfish, 6 yellowtail, 10 nice, fat mangroves, 2 strawberry groupers.  The fish are very hungry out there. We fished around American Shoal lighthouse in about 56 ft. Of water. Chum and frozen produced the majority of the catch. Here’s to a full coffin box!  ~Capt. Jason Gabriel,
[FEMA Sucks] there was a very good letter in the Citizen Wednesday. FEMA is doing such a bad job in Puerto Rico that the US government is looking to appoint a disaster czar to organize the stalled relief effort there. That should have been done in the Keys. The relief effort was very dis-jointed and haphazard. FEMA never took the lead. (As an example of their disorganization, FEMA moved locations 3 times thoroughly confusing us all.) I thought FEMA was supposed to be the one in charge.

Relief people were scattered all along US1 and no one knew what the others were doing or what they offered. It would have been quite simple to make a list of what each “booth” was trying to do to help, and what they offered and placed the list in a central location, preferably at the FEMA booth. Instead of answers, they’d tell us to go to any number of confusing websites even as no one had internet access.


[Gerry Crabb R.I.P.] I would like to mention the recent passing of our dear computer club member, Gerry Crabb.  She is missed by many.  Contrary to her last name, Gerry was a very sweet and caring lady.

W/D weekly ad for Big Pine Key store. Link




Bill O’Reilly says he’s “mad at God” over sexual misconduct allegations. It’s no wonder she’s pissed at you, O’Reilly?

[Avoid Fraud] Easy steps to help avoid fraud and identity theft. Link

[Crime Reports] It’s not just the Sherriff’s website to see crooks any more, the new police-to-citizens website allows the public to access current crime and traffic information, report incidents and stay up to date with urgent bulletins. Link

[State Of The Reef] Science divers surveyed more than 50 sites, from Biscayne Bay to the Marquesas, and found widespread damage to sponges from storm-force waves, fast-moving debris, and heavy sediment deposits. They also found that the areas with the most damage were where the eye of the storm crossed the Middle and Lower Florida Keys, but the type and severity of the damage throughout the reef tract varied within regions and sites.

They surveyed an area at Pelican Shoal off Key West in July and found 1,000 juvenile conchs and 900 adults per hector, Delgado said. Following the storm, they found zero juveniles and one adult.

More than 33,000 jobs in the Florida Keys are supported by ocean recreation and tourism, accounting for 58 percent of the local economy and $2.3 billion in annual sales.

[Sexual Harassment] This has gone too far. How’s a guy to get laid? When talking to a female, how is she to know when he is interested in her sexually? If he just keeps talking regular to her she’ll think he’s a nice, smart guy who would make a great friend. Being her friend is a bonus, but he’s really looking for sex, she excites him. It’s his nature. He’s a man.

O’Reilly, Weinstein, the head of Uber, Alphabet and many other CEOs can’t flirt or they get fired and sued. (What’s the world come to if you can’t be a movie studio head and have sex with all the starlets? what’s the point? You might as well go make a shoe instead.)

Flirting is the preface to sex. How can you have sex if you can’t flirt? I’m not talking about wagging your dog in the corridor, just titillating conversation with sexual innuendo.

Deer Ed, Glad you can hot spot. I thought all providers were removing the data cap. Glad you moved to T- Mobile who is one of them. (Ed: They offer 10 GB a month, but if I go over that they “throttle” down it’s speed. That’s better than Consumer Cellular just stopping it all together wit no notice! Jerks.) Link
[Refuge and Trails to Re-open] The Key West National Wildlife Refuge and Great White Heron National Wildlife Refuge will re-open on November 1. There are use and access restrictions within these areas and specific information can be found on the Refuge website. Link

On Refuge Information tear sheets, on the Key’s Adventure Guide for the Lower Keys (aka Teall’s Guide which can be obtained at the Refuge Administrative Office on Big Pine Key or local fishing and dive retailers).

-Trails within the National Key Deer Refuge such as the Blue Hole and Watson/Mannillo Trails will re-open on November 1.
-Trails closed prior to September 5th remain closed.
-The Long Beach Trail sustained significant hurricane damage and is not navigable, but the natural, rustic beachfront remains open and accessible for low-impact nature observation on foot.
-The Refuge Visitor Center at the Winn Dixie shopping plaza on Big Pine Key remains closed as a result of building damage.

Like our neighbors, the Refuges and Refuge infrastructure sustained the whole spectrum of hurricane damage ranging from cosmetic to total destruction. As Refuge staff, partners and contractors assist in recovery, Refuges will be opened to the public in a phased approach based on efforts to provide public safety, enforcement of federal laws on Refuges and the ability of staff and volunteers to support opening facilities and programs.

[FEMA Sucks] There was a very good letter to the Editor in Wednesday’s Citizen about FEMA’s uselessness. I wholeheartedly concur: FEMA is useless. All they do is have you fill out forms and then wait to be refused assistance. Ask any FEMA person any question and you’ll get a different answer from the last person you asked. One hand doesn’t know what the other is doing. FEMA should be the go-to place for emergencies. It isn’t. All relief efforts, large and small, should be connected to their website; they’re not. FEMA should be the clearing house for rumors and help. They aren’t. Instead of facts they are the source of wild rumors and misinformation. “Here, fill out this form and wait to be denied.” FEMA people will tell you to apply, get refused and then to reapply. Only then, after being refused, should you reapply, and only then can you get help.
The Keys Writing Group resumes meeting on Wednesday, November 1, 2017. Explore writing in a fun, supportive environment. All styles and abilities are welcome. Meeting from 1-3 pm the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays of every month in the conference room of the Big Pine Key library at the Winn Dixie shopping center. Participants may bring up to five pages, double spaced, to read aloud. If you can, bring 5-7 copies to share. The group offers feedback in a friendly, constructive way. Not ready to share? Come to a meeting to get acquainted and offer feedback. Writers need readers! Nudge your mind out of “Hurricane Brain!” For more information: or 305-849-0294
[Murder Insurance] The NRA is offering insurance (Carry Guard) in case you kill someone using result of the stand your ground law popular in many states. I’m getting it and plan to lie awake nights ready to kill someone on my property. I’ll say he was threatening me.

Gun controllers say it will lull gun owners into a false sense of security and encourage them to shoot rather than try to avoid confrontations. Video


[Win the Prize] Without ambition we start nothing. Without work we finish nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. So when life knocks you on your butt, and it will, get up, get up, get up! Try very hard to remember happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them. Yes you can.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key.

[Black Mold] Along with hurricane Irma and the flooding we know the black mold comes. Be careful. If you are exposed to it in the work place and get sick from it, workman’s comp in the state of Florida does not cover it. If that is not bad enough, my boss, knowing there was mold, had me working in the building. The company will not help with any medical costs. I was told, “That’s on you.” That’s pretty cold
[To An Almost Old Person] I’m passing this on as I did not want to be the only old person receiving it. Actually, it’s not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.
Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem, Old People remove their caps, cover their hearts, stand at attention and sing without embarrassment.
Old People know the words and believe in them. Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal Normandy, and Hitler.
Old People remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing.
Old People remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam.
If you bump into an Old People on the sidewalk he will apologize.
If you pass an Old People on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.
Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women and treat them with great respect.
Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don’t like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
Old People have moral courage and personal integrity.
Old People seldom brag unless it’s about their children, grandchildren or their animals.
Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.
This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country, and decent values. We need them now more than ever.  ~Coconut Bar & Package Store, down town Pine Key. This fishing capital of the World!
In William Hackley’s 1856 diary he frequently goes hunting mornings at the salt pond for ducks, snipe and other birds. I wonder if the ducks are cormorants or real ducks? Can you eat cormorants? What do they taste like? chicken-flavored seaweed? And when was the last snipe seen in the Keys?
I would like more FM talk radio stations like PRI or WLRN, not like the AM hate talk stations or sports babble, but assorted news, opinions and world reports of general interest.




The art of the sailor.

Tuesday there was one of those little hurricane birds flying around inside Winn Dixie.
[FEMA Sucked] FEMA should have been a rallying point for information, a place where people could gather and compare information (there was no internet of phone service). They should have stayed in one place and not move around like they did. They should have had someone posting updates on a big chalkboard to stop misinformation and false rumors. They should have gone to each relief organization on US1 and made note of what they offered and then posted it on a big chalkboard at the FEMA location. That was too low tech for them to even think of. Instead they referred us to multiple websites with conflicting information, even though no one had internet access.
With all the BS about broads suing guys for sexual touching, I’m am going to open a Sperm Bank, because there is no way any guy with any brains wants to touch these money hungry blasphemers.


There are coffee drinks from Starbucks, McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts that routinely top 200 calories and many exceed 400 calories per serving. A typical 16-ounce cup full of coffee only has between 5 and 10 calories.

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