2014 October

Monday, October 6, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsAnonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

thank ewe
Thank you Monroe County Sheriff Dept
for recovering my son’s phone that he lost in Marathon. Whoever found it was a jerk and did not do the right thing by returning it. We were able to locate it with an app and our County’s officers recovered it, going the extra mile and effort for an issue that was important for us. Thanks and our deepest appreciation to Linda and the officer that recovered the phone. Thank you from all of us
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
Where is the Haunted House this year on Big Pine?
north wind6
Sunday was the first north wind of 2014 signaling the end of 90º hot summer days.
[Conspiracy] Why would County Admin Roman Gastesi have his office sound proofed? Is it because of all the back door deals he conducts or what sounds to me like he has something to hide? or is he in organized crime boss? It makes you think why he only answered 50% of the questions asked of him about using County credit cards for most of his expenses when he gets a generous housing allowance. Roman, who is your escape goat this time? Let’s see who he tries to blame or toss under the bus. Lets see if Kevin Wilson will take the blame, or is he your partner in crime?
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Average sea level increase over time for Key West.
What a beautiful day!
[Ebola in the Keys] Being a manager of housekeepers in the Florida Keys, I am concerned about my staff coming in contact with the upcoming season’s guests’ “blood, vomit, feces, urine, etc on a floor or other surface’ that guests could have and might live for up to 6 days and the virus remains alive in semen for 3 months (could be longer, but they don’t know).” Quotes refer to Sunday’s post. Snowbirds fly here from all over the world.

As we all know, guests are generally, how do I say this diplomatically?, pigs.  Here we go America

Arab_World[Arab Sensibilities] To the person blaming Israel and the west for upsetting Arab sensibilities…who cares? I’d take a progressive, modern, educated, pluralistic country any day, over an illiterate, 7th century clitorectomist death cult consumed by victimology. Or to put it another way, I favor the 23 state solution for the Middle East: 22 Arab countries and Israel.
In case you haven’t notice, Israel doesn’t care about world opinion. And when its natural gas fields are up to full capacity in a year or two, the world won’t care about world opinion. It will just want the best price it can get for that precious natural gas. In the 65 years since Israel was founded on the one-sixth of 1 percent of the land that is carelessly and inaccurately called “the Arab world,” Israelis have never known an hour of real peace.

Patronizing leftist lectures on the reality of risks and the desirableness of peace, which once were merely fatuous, are now obscene. Link

Mother Nature has been dealing with animal waste for millennia and she does it better than FKAA ever thought they could. But Mother Nature never made the profits the sewer companies do!
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[Seem Familiar?] The old way of scanning for threats like cruise missiles and enemy aircraft over US airspace: ground-based radar combined with fixed-wing airplanes. The new way: blimps. In October the US military will send a floating defense system 10,000 feet above Maryland for a three-year trial run. These aerostats—helium – filled aircraft that are tethered to the ground—use radar to see as far as 340 miles away, and they’re much cheaper than keep­ing a piloted plane aloft and burning fuel in the skies. (Also, ground-based radar has a much smaller range.) The two-craft test setup, which will monitor the region around Washington, DC, can stay up for 30 days at a time and, in theory, keep tabs on cars, trains, and boats as well as aerial threats. But don’t worry about government McSnoopersons: Though aerostats have been used for a while along the US border to scan for narcotics trafficking and have been deployed overseas by the military, [Hey, don’t forget about the Cudjoe Key blimp site!) these aircraft won’t have cameras or infrared. They’re just for enemy airplanes. Not for people. Nope. Ah, huh.
[Two Seasons] I was complaining about the heat and now I’m complaining about the cold. We don’t have season changes down here, it’s summer one day and the next day it’s winter!
[Fonts] Why is the capital l the same as the lowercase l in many fonts? How can we tell a zero from an oh? Have you ever tried to read a serial number while on tech support and don’t know it its an O, 0,l or l? A zero should have a slash through it and an el should have a foot. Also there should be a sarcasm font where the center line is distorted a little
haunted house tree
[Haunted House Tips] “Erebus” How do you conjure a murky swamp with no water? Erebus creates the illusion with smoke and green lasers swirling at waist level. Airbags smother you as you trudge across a floor covered in 4 inches of foam.
[“Illegal to cut mangroves”] I thought they could be trimmed, but not removed. Does anyone have the facts?
Poor old F.T.R. The poster was absolutely on the mark, stating that FTR’s solutions are nearly always “pie in the sky” solutions. If you entertain yourself with FOX news occasionally you will see many of the same bs rantings as FTR’s talking points. It kind of makes you wonder why is the truth always so liberal? Republicans’ solutions include their unrealistic answers for immigration, unemployment, budget deficit, climate change, pollution, social security, healthcare, taxes and education. If you don’t know their stance on these issues, please research them before you vote, if they still let you vote in your state.
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smartphone worldFire, the wheel, and smartphones changed the world for the better
[Jobs] Dig just a little deeper in the jobs report to find out that these jobs pay less of what pre current administration jobs paid. That is why the middle class is shrinking.
[Losing Wars to Make Money] The reason we lost every war? since WWII is not because we were facing an enemy that was not afraid to die. It was because of money, pure and simple. Did you hear of Rules of Engagement. We were told when and why we could shoot what and targets were out of bounds. When we had the bastards on the run and had the ability to destroy them we were directed to pull back. Didn’t the japs in WW II have Bonzi charges and Kamikaze attacks on our ships? These were people that would die for their Emperor. I guess “the Buck Stops here” Harry Truman knew the answer to those kind of enemies & there’s two glass craters that convinced them to give up. If we had an administration that would turn the armed forces loose and not be concerned with how to make a buck we wouldn’t have the problems we are having today with terrorists and beheading. What do you when you run into a rattlesnake. Kill it or tuck your tail between your legs and run away.
parts chart
[Interchangeable Auto Parts] So you are a die hard Ford owner, huh? Ever hear of Parts Interchangeable? That $99 Caddy ball joint is the same, exact $29 part for a Chevy or Ford!
For all those posting who not only seem to think they know everything, but are rude or hateful to the posting of any adverse ideas, please remember what Stephen Hawking said, “The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”
Check out all the historic places in Monroe County on the National Register of Historic places. Link
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trap bear6[Cat Trapping Waste Of Taxpayers’ Dollars] The Barometer’s recent article contained a rare display of truthfulness from the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service (U.S.F.W.S.) when they admitted, for the first time in my memory, that cats are not the only predators of the Lower Keys Marsh Rabbit.  Raccoons and opossums now share the spotlight.  In fact, they lament that “If we address cats, we have an influx of opossums.”  Such an outcome is commonplace around the world. When cats are eliminated, other animals often proliferate to the point of being more environmentally destructive than the cats ever were.

They also admit that after a year’s worth of trapping cats in the Key Deer Refuge they have “yet to see any definitive results.”

Unfortunately, U.S.F.W.S. could not quit while they were ahead and allow things to stop at that point.  The obligatory indictment of cats had to be included somewhere.  This time is was the “success” experienced with the Key Largo woodrat “which has some of the same predators as the rabbit, but is starting to show some population growth”, which they credit to their cat trapping program on North Key Largo.  What they fail to mention is that in the latest round of trapping at the Crocodile Lake Refuge more than four months of effort produced the whopping total of four trapped cats.  Can anyone other than U.S.F.W.S. seriously believe that trapping one cat a month on more than 6000 acres of refuge land can have any real effect on the population of any animal?

I’ll again cite a refrain which by now nearly everyone has heard from me.  The cat trapping program on which U.S.F.W.S. has literally spent years and tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars is a waste of time, effort, and money.  This, on a species that their own computer models indicate a 100% probability of extinction, irrespective of any actions that may be taken.   ~Jerry Dykhuisen

I rarely read FTR because he writes in big words and two many sentences!
[Ebola] Over 15,000 folks that we know about have Ebola. Next will be cluster outbreaks in large cities through out Africa. My bet is that will involve hundreds of thousands. As for America, I have not a clue. With flu season on us it will be hard to separate the illnesses in their early stages. Both appear to have the same symptoms–that’s not good. As for our government being on top of this, it’s the same bunch that runs security for the White House.
[“Illegal to cut mangroves”
] the last I heard is you can top them down to a certain level. That’s what they did in the Lower Keys and around restaurants. I’d be interested in seeing hoe it is written. Any researchers out there?
[Key West Tropical Forest & Botanical Garden]  They have 7 trees that are Champions or Challenger’s within their 11 acres. Take a nice Fall stroll. Link
[Ebola] I want to make a public service announcement concerning the Ebola virus. Many of the diseases from other countries come into this country via flights landing at the New York and New Jersey airports. Since many of the snowbirds live in that region it is only a matter of time before those nasty bugs make it to the Keys. I propose we quarantine all snowbirds for 21 day in Florida City. If we don’t do this Ebola will eventually make its way down here. In the interim, don’t exchange any bodily fluids with a snowbird unless you are related to them. To be safe, don’t touch or talk to them. And don’t go within a mile radius of any Canadian. Interesting enough there are studies that show the Ebola virus refused to infect Jersey women so feel free to interact with them.
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dog on clothesline[The Basic Rules For Clotheslines] If you don’t even know what clothes lines are, better skip this.
1. You had to hang the socks by the toes, not the top.
2. You hung pants by the bottom/cuffs, not the waistbands.
3. You had to wash the clothesline before hanging any clothes. you had to walk the entire length of each line with a damp cloth around the
4. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang whites with whites, and hang them first.
5. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail. What would the neighbors think?
6. Wash day on a Monday. Never hang clothes on the weekend, or on Sunday, for heaven’s sake!
7. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your unmentionables in the middle (perverts & busybodies, you know!)
8. It didn’t matter if it was sub-zero weather, clothes would “freeze-dry”.
9. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes.  Pins left on the lines were tacky!
10. If you were efficient you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins
with the next washed item.
11. Clothes off the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.
12. Ironed? Well, that’s a whole other subject.

There is one thing that’s left out. We had a long wooden pole (clothes pole) that was used to push the clotheslines up so that longer items
(sheets/pants/etc.) didn’t brush the ground and get dirty.  I can hear my mother now…

[“Positive Thought for the Day”] What’s with the Holy Roller garbage from Coconuts Bar? I go there to drink and get f**ked up, not to pray to some arsewipe BS!
Wasn’t it Pritam Singh that said he wanted to turn the Keys into Cape Cod? Look how the County allowed him to financially destroy[?] Duck Key. Glad I didn’t have a multi million dollar home there.
[Iguana on the Menu]
I would like to have a fundraiser during which I served Iguana. While I may need to ask for assistance from the famed Iguana Hunter’s Club for procurement, the main question I have is would it be legal? I have eaten them in Central America and they do taste like chicken, but the texture is more like a shell fish. I can definitely cook them well enough to make them quite tasty. I have seen restaurants down here that offered game. I would just like to know who to check with? Any ideas will be appreciated.
[Ebola] A doctor in America said don’t worry about Ebola because it’s never collided with modern medicine before. I hope he’s right!
[Woman’s Ass Size Study] There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses and the results were very interesting.

10% of women think their ass is too skinny. 30% of women think their ass is too fat. 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he is a good man and they wouldn’t trade him for the world.

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corvette drives middle road
[Inconsiderate People] Two things really tick me off.  If you are on more than a two-lane highway and are in the far left lane, you should be considerate enough to move over to the right if the driver behind you wants to go faster.  Yes, you may be doing the speed limit, but if someone wants to go faster, get over! The other thing is people who don’t know to get out into the intersection to make a left-hand turn. Nudge your little self out there while traffic goes by, then be ready when the light turns yellow to make your turn.  This may not be legal, but it sure helps traffic move along.
[Ebola] Stop worrying so much, mosquitoes can’t transfer it and if you survive, you’ll be bald and your package will get bigger. Link
[Wrong to Be Polite] Can anyone show me in the Constitution of the United States where it says that you shall not say something that may hurt someone’s feelings? Is this whole politically correct nonsense another government scheme to take away our freedoms? Was the design of the Founders with the First Amendment to make America a kissy-huggy country or was it to give a person the right to speak his mind and call a grape a grape (didn’t want to use spade a spade analogy — it might offend someone). It’s such a shame that America is becoming such a wishy-washy country. It used to be the land of the free, home of the brave, now it’s the land of the taxed to death, home of the politically correct. I spent 30 years of my life along with 7 1/2% of Americans who wore the uniform keeping the rest of u safe. For what?
special-offercar-charger6[October special at RadioShack Big Pine Key] We are giving a free USB car charger with the purchase of the new iPhone 6. Your choice of colors. Avoid the drive and the waiting list for this hard to find Apple product. Shop local and save!
Government run by organized money is the same as Government run by the organized mob. ~FDR
[African-American] What a con job. Several years ago it was scientifically established through DNA that every person alive is genetically related to a single black female living in North Africa. So guess what folks? Even though you can trace your white ancestry back thousands of years to Europe, if you’re living in America you’re an African-American. So why the attempt at a guilt trip?
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A portrait of bacon
. Beauty in the eyes of the beholder.
Vote all of Congress out in Nov 2014! the debt ceiling vote: patriots vs. traitors the names of Congressmen and Senators are posted here, as patriots or traitors, who honored or not, their oath to the Constitution and the American people. Link
[“I suffer from PTSD”] Ahh Gee wiz, Mr. Veteran, can’t y’all handle a little bit of stress from a war? 90% of us guys who killed Charlie and his family can. So what’s yor beef, you big sissy?
kite green
rise highest against the wind, not with it. Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…& most of all have a blessed day, it is the day we have been given, enjoy it.   ~Joe/ Coconuts
[“California ban on single use plastic bags”] Everyone knows that when you’re done with you’re Winn Dixie shopping bags you take them out to you’re cat’s litter box and put the cat shit in them and throw them in the garbage. And how about the dog owners following their little darlings picking up the treasures that law requires them to pickup. It’s just like Gene Wilder said in Blazing Saddles, “Morons.”
National Museum of African American History & Culture info. Link
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deer abby glasses bow
I recall when Rhonda Lassman wrote her weekly Deer Abby column for’s Coconut Telegraph, before she got married and started writing for Dennis at the blue paper. Rhonda was dynamite as Deer Abby, nobody knew who she was and she took no prisoners and was hilarious. After she started writing for Dennis, it was like she’d had a brain or a social transplant or something – like where’d she go?
Most people in the Keys have little perspective of the future for these islands. The sewer system development and the beautification schemes are only being done for future sales of real estate, developers and builders and the grossly over taxed profits that will fill the coffers of the junta. The idea of saving the Keys from poo is a simple minded control tool. They would care less about the fishies, crabbies, and mangroves. Just wait until they start changing the laws to accommodate the hotel chains, and the grandiose tourist meccas coming soon to a island under you. These last vestiges of paradise will turn into plastic ports and concreted nature walks. I am glad I won’t be here!
There are two kinds of people on this rock, the realists and the rest of you!
an_pope_hat_glitter[“Sloan and the Pope believe in angels”] Pope Francis: ‘I believe in guardian angels…and everyone should listen to their advice’ The Pope told Catholics that pride stops them recognizing their companions. Pope Francis has said he believes in angels, telling Catholics around the world to reaffirm their belief in holy guardians. Speaking to followers at the Vatican on Wednesday, the pontiff said every person has a guardian angel advising them in life. Stressing they were not imaginary, he said it was only pride stopping people hearing their voices. “Do not rebel: follow his advice,” the Pope said. “No one walks alone and none of us can think that he is alone.” Pope Francis made the comments on the Feast of Holy Guardian Angels, observed by Catholics around the world on 2 October.

He claimed that no person can rightly give moral advice to themselves and should instead rely on direction from angels. “It is dangerous to chase away our travelling companion,” he said. “The Holy Spirit advises me, the angel advises me. This is why we need him.”

During the address, the Pope also used Biblical examples to hit out against “careerism”, saying it was against the attitude of “docility” taught by Jesus. His predecessor, Pope Benedict, made a similar address on angels in 2011, saying: “From the beginning until death, human life is surrounded by their constant protection.” But his insistence in 2012 that angels did not sing at the birth of Christ devastated lovers of carol “Hark! The herald angels sing”. He also wrote in his book about Jesus’ early life that contrary to popular belief, there were no donkeys, camels or any other animals present at the Nativity scene.

[“Diverter Valve”] I don’t have a diverter valve. I just pipe the grey water into my garden with a simple plumbing modification. The only water going to my septic tank is from the bathrooms.
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heart trouble6
Heart Trouble Symptoms You Shouldn’t Ignore
. Read this now before it is too late, then go to Happy Hour anyway! Link
Journalism is what someone else does not want printer. Everything else is public relations.   ~George Orwell
Ladies, (and gents) Please watch this one minute video.
Two weeks ago, the president said there was a very low probability that ebola would ever come to the United States.  Now that it is here, you would think his next move would be to assure us his administration is on top of it and resolving any possible threats of it spreading.  Instead, we here in Dallas are watching a series of missteps on the part of the local hospital, the city and county health officials, and the CDC.  And good old Judge Clay Jenkins, the same one who on his own said Dallas County would take in 2,000 “unaccompanied children”, aka illegal immigrants, visited the apartment where the family of the ebola patient lives and found to his horror that illegals don’t live as he does.  So, he had them taken out of their quarantined apartment and moved to an undisclosed gated community he said was fit for his family to live in.

Instead of going on television to try to convince us this administration has a plan, oblaba bin lying went to Northwestern University to deliver a speech on the economy.  He stated, “It is indisputable the economy is stronger today than when I took office.”  He further stated, “By every econommic measure, we are better off now than we were when I took office.”

Let’s see, in fact, what some of those ‘economic measures’ say.

Jan., 2009                 Now
————              ———
National Debt                                     $10.6 T                    $17.8T
Median Household Income                        $56,900                   $54,000
Labor Participation                              65.7%                        62.8%
Home Ownership                                 67.5%                        64.7%
No. of People on Food Stamps                 32 million                   46 million

I suppose the way the government no longer includes the cost of food and fuel when calculating the cost of living, they also no longer include any of the above economic measures.

That doesn’t mean the facts don’t exist

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(H) The Fed just reported that the two States that use Obama’s Health Care Program the most, will be dropped from the schedule. Both California and Florida will be on their own and this will result in the rest of the country getting Obama Care for free!
from the right
A POSTER WROTE: “It’ll be interesting to read how FTR is going to spin the wonderful jobs report to make it look like it was Republicans who caused the low unemployment rate. I’m sure he can do it.”

FTR’S RESPONSE: Last month’s jobs report was not good news. The number of new hires was good, and the unemployment percentage (U3) has again declined. But the civilian labor force participation rate has declined, and the number of people who have abandoned the labor force has increased by 315. There is no good news in any of that.

i need job6But that is only a part of the story. The latest unemployment rate (U3) is 5.9%, that’s 32% higher than it was when the Democrats gained control of Congress in 2007. That same report also revealed that the employment/population ratio remained unchanged at 59%. When the Democrats took control of Congress in 2007, the rate was 63.4%. To put that in perspective….it has not been that low since March of 1978. To add further perspective, it had reached a high of 64.3% during the intervening years before 2007.

One of the reasons that the U3 u/e rate slightly declined is that more people are not even looking for work, an additional 325k joined those ranks last month. The civilian participation rate last month was 62.7%. When the Democrats took control of Congress, the rate was 66.4%. We continue to go backward.

You might also want to consider that the civil non institutional population has grown by 18.3 million (a measure used by the Bureau of Labor Statistics) since January ’07. But the number of employed persons has grown by only 674k. That is atrocious.

What does all of that mean? It means that fewer Americans who are capable of working and not retired are not working. Perhaps that explains why food stamps usage and means tested welfare enrollment is at an all-time high.

There is another measure of unemployment, it is called U6. U-6 is a broader measure of unemployment. It includes discouraged workers and many consider U-6 to be the “Real Unemployment Rate.”

The U6 unemployment rate counts not only people without work seeking full-time employment (the more familiar U-3 rate), but also counts “marginally attached workers and those working part-time for economic reasons.” Note that some of these part-time workers counted as employed by U-3 could be working as little as an hour a week. And the “marginally attached workers” include those who have gotten discouraged and stopped looking, but still want to work.

One would wonder why we have a U-3 number at all. After all aren’t all U-6 people unemployed? But during bad times like the years since 2007, it would have been scary to hear that the unemployment rate grew to 18% (U-6), but less scary if the number you heard was “only” 10.6% (U-3). So the government prefers the U-3 number and unfortunately the news media plays along and uses the U-3 number because it is the “Official” unemployment rate.

The U6 unemployment rate was 7.9% in January of 2007 when the Democrats took control of Congress. Today it is 11.8%. That’s a 50% increase…..that sucks!