2018 April

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​

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[Over-development] The Board of County Commissioners (BOCC), at the urging of a few developers, has proposed making changes to the Comprehensive Land Use Plan (Comp Plan). These changes are intended to promote workforce housing – a great idea – but allow the high density bonuses to be used in our rural neighborhoods, far away from the employment centers of Key West and Marathon, increasing our traffic problems and ruining our community character. Terrible idea! One developer even called Cudjoe a bedroom community for Key West!

High-density workforce housing belongs in employment centers, not in rural communities.

It’s time once again to protect our community.  Many of the Save Summerland Native Area members formed Friends of the Lower Keys (FOLKs) because all of the Lower Keys is at risk from these terrible plans. Other communities throughout unincorporated Monroe are also forming opposition groups.

Major problems caused by the proposed Comp Plan changes: More traffic and accidents on US1, as hundreds of workers commute to the major employment centers of Key West and Marathon. Loss of our low density rural community character and irreversible environmental damage as we lose open spaces to development – exactly the opposite of the community-developed and BOCC-adopted “Livable CommuniKeys Plan.”

Loss of the 34-year-old protest vote, which allows neighbors of a proposed rezoning plan to object and force a super-majority 4/5th vote of the BOCC. Get the complete story. Link

[“Irma suicides”] Remember that if you accept any psychological counselling due to hurricane Irma (or for any other reason) You may not be able to buy a gun because your lifetime record will show you’ve been under a medicine man’s care for mental issues. Buying a gun is not the only problem you’ll encounter once society brands you as a mentally unstable person. Everyone knows there’s no fixing crazy.

Please stop by this Wednesday at 7 pm, Coconuts Ukulele Orchestra is having it’s 5 year of sharing Uke-A-Mania at the ‘NUT” As always great drinks & prices. Bring your Uke, join the fun, Uke-out at Coconuts, downtown Big Pine Key. PS, As seen on Artloft, this is the professional video that was taken on Uke Nite and is a very good video, The NUT. Video

[Sarcasm] I just drove by all the great affordable housing going up at the east end of the Seven Mile Bridge. Great design, looks like a stack of boxy bunkers. Why do the developers who live here want to make this place look like the tenement areas of New York City?  Long after they are dead and buried those pieces of crap will live on for all to see. I hope the developers enjoy their profits. I am sure they needed the money.
[Friday Joke] The value of a good vocabulary. I called an old MIT classmate and asked what he was doing. He replied that he was working on “Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment.”

I was impressed. Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife’s supervision.



[Birdies] Now that there are no more leaves on the mangrove trees you can finally see cormorant nests and chicks.

[Over Developing the Keys] Friends of the Lower Keys (FOLKs) formed recently to oppose proposed changes to the Comprehensive Land Use Plan which would provide for a 50% increase in density for workforce housing developments in rural communities throughout Monroe County. According to Lower Keys residents, other groups are forming up and down the Keys, alarmed about increased traffic and destruction of the last remaining rural areas and open spaces in Monroe County.

“Some of the proposed Comp Plan amendments are an effort to promote workforce housing—a great idea,” stated Don DeMaria, a FOLKS member. “But high-density workforce housing belongs in the major employment centers of Key West and Marathon. Building it in rural communities distant from these employment centers requires workers to commute, increasing traffic problems which are already terrible.”

“The proposed Comp Plan changes would allow a 50% increase in density in the rural areas of Monroe County,” added attorney Matthew Fowler, also an architect, who is working with the group. “That would make the rural areas the highest density zoning, exactly the opposite of smart growth land use planning, which promotes preservation of open space and new high-density housing development within existing employment centers. Key West and Marathon both have enough land and affordable housing ROGO allocations for workforce housing so workers don’t have to commute and traffic accidents don’t increase.” The group’s website provides detailed information and pictures. Link

The April AARP activities calendar is out. Full Menu > Ongoing Events > AARP
[Live Music Can Save Your Life] New research shows that hitting a club for some live music from one of your favorite acts is better for your health than yoga and any other trendy mumbo-jumbo getting attention these days.

Experiments on 60 people have found that even just 20 minutes of live music can lead to major improvements in mood. This wasn’t just based on the say-so of volunteers who went to a show and talked about it after. These folks were put through the wringer to test stress levels and the release of dopamine before and afterward. After a concert, they improved by 21 percent. Folks who did yoga, on the other hand, got a lift of just 10 percent. A third group of folks, who were asked to walk dogs, saw only a 7-percent boost. (Sorry, Fido)

So, forget the yoga and enjoy some music. Bring along some friends… have an “adult beverage” or two and you’ll get an even bigger inflammation-fighting release of dopamine. Link

Key Deer big fight. Video
[Names for 2018 Hurricanes] With such good names chosen, I’m sure it will be an easy season. For readers curious about the names of this year’s storms the monikers are selected by the World Meteorological Organization and are usually common names associated with the ethnicity of the basin that would be affected by the storms. When a storm is particularly deadly or costly, its name is retired and replaced by another one. Here are the names you can expect this year: Alberto, Beryl, Chris, Debby, Ernesto, Florence, Gordon, Helene, Isaac, Joyce, Kirk, Leslie, Michael, Nadine, Oscar, Patty, Rafael, Sara,  Tony, Valerie, and William.


[Bubbles] This guy was having fun off Port Pine Heights with his giant bubbles.
I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles

[Climate Change] America’s first climate change refugees are preparing to leave a Louisiana island that will disappear under the sea in the next few years. Link




Make America high again. Hash Bash 2018. Link

Do the Keys restaurants really use pigeon eggs? It seems so when I have to order 4 to 6 eggs to get a decent sized breakfast. I think some places recycle their French fries into Home fries too!
[Faith] A reader writes, “Easter has passed, and it is amazing how many people have been hoodwinked into this religious myth by con men.”

That’s right. Martin Luther King. Mother Teresa. Desmond Tutu. Jesus. Just con artists. You saw right through that pack of jackelopes. You know, anti-religious people are as bad as religious fundamentalists in their fashionable absolutism. There is so much intellectual laziness behind what passes for religion bashing today. People who like to attack religion think they’re being risqué. Most of their arguments are just conformist and insipid. ~Mark Borchiver

[Friday Joke] Adam was walking in the garden and cried out to God, “You used to walk with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonely here, and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”

And God said, “I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.” And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said, “Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.” (Spell God backwards)

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.”

And the Lord said, “I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased, and Adam was greatly improved. Dog was happy. And Cat didn’t give a damn.

Metaphors for life has been brought to you by Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, downtown Big Pine Key

Voters in Alaskan city reject a ‘bathroom bill‘ at the ballot box. Video
The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.  ~H. L. Mencken



[Moon is Green Cheese] And now for the extremely gullible, there is a special event coming up just for you.

[Religious Nuts] The Islam Party is proposing to separate men and women on public transport services. The Brussels State Secretary for Equal Opportunities Bianca Debaets is investigating whether it’s possible to take the matter to court. Other Flemish politicians are also discarding the idea. Link


You don’t know concentration until you have to take this thing from the sink to the freezer.

The meaning of life, is to find your gift. The purpose of life, is to give it away.  ~ Picasso
[Travel] Trying to speak a foreign language is fun for a while, but it does get tiresome.



Can you tell me whose photo this is? Who took it? The one showing the frigate bird decoys. I’d like to use it in an educational presentation. Link (scroll down). Link


[Low-Income Housing] National Park Service spent $25 million restoring Ft. Jefferson and needs another $12 million. Projected cost is $77 million to restore the Old 7 Mile Bridge. Powers-that-be would never allocate $109 million for low-income housing.  Maybe our workers could find shelter under the old 7 Mile Bridge and at Ft. Jefferson.

[Getting Old] I think the most exciting thing about being an adult is never knowing what part of your body is going to hurt the next day.
[The Rise of Tyrants] It’s not like one man has the courage to be evil, but so many don’t have the courage to be good.
[Irony] An ignorant black woman tasered her son when he wouldn’t get up to go to church, leaving burn marks on his leg. She denied doing it, but defended herself by saying her son should always have God in his thoughts.
[Fake Orchid] Deer Ed, Please defer from using the freesia gif for the Orchid Society’s newsletter. Freesia is not in the orchid family. Freesia is a genus of herbaceous perennial flowering plants in the family Iridaceae, first described as a genus in 1866 by Chr. Fr. Echlon (1795-1868) and named after German botanist and doctor Friedrich Freese (1794-1878). It is native to the eastern side of southern Africa, from Kenya south to South Africa, most species being found in Cape Provinces.[1] Species of the former genus Anomatheca are now included in Freesia.[1] The plants commonly known as “freesias”, with fragrant funnel-shaped flowers, are cultivated hybrids of a number of Freesia species. Some other species are also grown as ornamental plants.
Science just proved that the 74 virgins the Muslims will get in heaven are fat chicks from NJ.



[Soup & salad Daze] How it works: Come by any time between 5:30-8:30 pm. Find a locally created pottery bowl, plate, and/or cup to your liking. Make a donation (suggested donations vary from $25-$100 per piece). Enjoy your fill of as many locally created soups and salads as you like! Refreshments will be available by the glass or in a “Bottomless Love” cup.

[Importance] The only thing important is that people of importance are being made unimportant by the media and governments

[Hackers] A well-known ring of cyber-criminals has obtained more than five million credit and debit card numbers from customers of Saks Fifth Avenue and Lord & Taylor,” according to a cybersecurity research firm that specializes in tracking stolen financial data. The data, the firm said, appears to have been stolen using software that was implanted into the cash register systems at the stores and that siphoned card numbers until last month.

[Chauvinist] How come no chicks are being sued for indecent touchy feely on guys? Maybe us guys have more culture than the bimbos going for the gold meal tickets, huh?
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