2018 April

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​

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[Hurricane Recovery Help] The Monroe County Long Term Recovery Committee is partnering with World Renew Disaster Response Services to find individuals with unmet needs resulting from Hurricane Irma in August, 2017. World Renew Disaster Response Services will have volunteers in southern Monroe County from Wednesday, April 4 to Tuesday, April 17, 2018. People affected by Hurricane Irma who need additional assistance to recover can talk to a volunteer at the walk-in center noted below. This is your chance to request help for your recovery needs. Please bring your FEMA ID number with you if you have one.  You may also call 1-305-849-2252 with questions.  Marathon Community United  Methodist Church 3050 Overseas Highway  Marathon, FL 33050  Key West United Methodist Church 600 Eaton Street Key West, FL 33040  Wednesday, April 4 Noon to 7:00 pm Thursday, April 5      10:00 am to 4:00 pm Friday, April 6 10:00 am to 4:00 pm Saturday, April 7 10:00 am to 2:00 pm Monday, April 9 10:00 am to 7:00 pm Tuesday, April 10     10:00 am to 7:00 pm Wednesday, April 11 10:00 am to 7:00 pm Thursday, April 12 10:00 am to 4:00 pm Friday, April 13 10:00 am to 4:00 pm Saturday, April 14 10:00 am to 2:00 pm Monday, April 16 10:00 am to 7:00 pm Tuesday, April 17 10:00 am to 4:00 pm  If you or someone you know is seeking assistance with storm damage, home rebuilding and/or referrals from August, 2017 storm related needs, please come to a walk in center or call the phone number above. Your name was received by World Renew from FEMA through the routine use provision of the Privacy Act of 1974, 5 U.S.C. 522a. You are receiving this because you are a FEMA registrant. Your information will be protected in accordance with this Act and will not be used for any other purpose.
[Worse Than The Hurricane Itself] Recovery From Irma Still A Daily Reality For Many In Keys. We have many friends in similar situations described.  The Grimal Grove Property is mentioned mid-way in this article.  Patrick Garvey had built it up to much of it’s former glory–mostly lost in the storm.  We are grateful to have weathered this storm with a house that’s livable. Link



Remind me never order chicken curry in Wales!

[Old] I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
[“Rifle in the corner”] To answer the poster’s question about where l grew up and, by extension, where is this crazy place that we could possibly have an M1 in our kitchen. It is America. You might have missed the place. Look around, there it is.
Those who want nothing less that to repeal the 2nd Amendment. Our Bill of Rights is not to be tampered with.
The first 10 amendments to the Constitution make up the Bill of Rights. The Bill of Rights – It’s responsible for this Great America. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.U.S. Constitutional Amendments.
If you have gotten this far, good for you. America was founded on 3 things. God, Guns & Gold, no debate, no discussion. It’s just the fact. If you disagree with that, go back to the first Amendment and read them again & again, until you understand how brilliant the founding father were & how they knew this type of assault would be taking place from time to time. God Bless this Great America. ~Joseph C. Britz, Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key
How long do I cook a 3 minute egg?
[“Keys homes for locals only”] Rather than asking how would Keys residents only owning Keys homes would work? The visitor might ponder how their winter visit might work if there were no residents left here. I can give them a hint. They would be cooking their own meals with food they had to pack with them, they would be cleaning up after themselves constantly, they would be doing all their own repairs and maintenance with supplies they would have to pick up two hours away, they would be providing their own entertainment and booze, and the list goes on and on. I don’t think they would find the tolerable winter weather so pleasant if they had to completely fend for themselves all winter just to be here. Those of you who come here every winter need to understand that the local residents who put everything on the line to stay are a very big part of why you’re enjoying your time here. It’s not just your money that keeps us here all year and it’s certainly not what keeps us here every winter when you come back. Next time you start thinking about how this place would be so much better off without the local underprivileged mucking it up, you should seriously ponder life down here without us. Someday you might arrive only to find we’ve all left for the winter to go north and stuff our own carpet bags full of money to enjoy the place the rest of the year once you’ve returned home. We have learned to live here with less and live quite happily. Thinking that what you have could also buy you that, is not even naive, it’s foolish.



The clouds I confuse the most are Cirrus–warm front and Altocumulus–rain soon.

[Dogs on the Beach] Be a wildlife-friendly pet owner! Link
To poster of “Sears sucks” I feel for you. My water dispenser went south on my Kenmore [Whirlpool] fridge, which still is under warranty. I called Sear’s service and they (the dreaded ‘they’) said it would be a week. I could live with that, so tech comes out and says water filter wasn’t pushed in all the way. Fine. A day later the water dispenser started making sound of large rodent again with trickle of water coming out. Another tech comes out days later checks it out and orders some parts to repair it. That has been at least three weeks ago. Now I have a box of parts that were delivered to my house, tech won’t show up until, I believe April 14 or 18. Double AARGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would replace parts myself but I am about as handy as a brick with thumbs! Ice dispenser that I now fill w/bagged ice is starting to make a racket also. No one gives a damn any more. Once you are out the door and “they” have your money you are on your own. As my old motorcycle ‘wrench’, Skip, would say, “We have an outta sight warranty, once you’re outta sight the warranty’s gone.”
Getting old is a hard pill to swallow. But fortunately, with lots of alcohol, I kick ass at pill swallowing.
A local friend remarked that I walk with “rhythm” like I am listening to music. I said nah, I’m just drunk all the time!
[2nd Amendment] What does “Shall not be infringed”. Mean to you?  To me it means “don’t f**k with it!




Jim Salem

[Grammatical Life] The past is always tense, the future perfect.

[16th Century Florida] Inland are many deer, birds, and beasts other than those I have spoken of. Cattle come as far as here. Three times I have seen them and eaten of their meat. I think they are about the size of those in Spain. They have small horns like the cows of Morocco; the hair is very long and flocky like the merino’s. Some are tawny, others black. To my judgment the flesh is finer and fatter than that of this country. Of the skins of those not full grown the Indians make blankets, and of the larger they make shoes and bucklers [shields].

[Movie] Chappaquiddick official trailer. Video
A quick look at the murderous shooters who have acted like crazy people and have been crazy. Many if not most, on psychotropic drugs. Current HIPPA law prohibits disclosure of who is on what prescribed drug. Let’s get the HIPPA law changed so that if a person is prescribed one of the many mood altering happy pills, their name shows up in the national background search database. Just like people charged with domestic violence and felony convictions. If the drug being taken has a side effect of: suicidal thoughts, acting without remembering, mood swings etc no gun. No matter what the drug is prescribed for, if you’re on a listed med no gun purchase, no gun where you reside. The list does not have to be public, but sometimes I’d like to know what the hell people around me are on.
[Laws] Ever notice after the government passed the law about texting while driving the population immediately obeyed it and stopped texting–not! How many more gun laws are passed that evil people ignore? Passing laws aren’t the answer and I don’t know what is. I just read that the murder rate in London had surpassed the rate in New York City. And London has banned all guns. If a person wants to do evil they’ll find a way. In the London instance, the murderers used knives and hacked their victims to death. Look what’s happening with cell phones. The death rate continues to climb.

Am I more likely to be killed by a looney with military look-alike semi automatic rifle or a law-breaker texting while not paying attention to traffic. Ban cell phones before they kill us all.

If it is the rightthink to be sexually independent, why do females still shave their legs and armpits?
[Copy and Paste] Deer Ed, Question. Is there any way to get MP4 vids to you?  I’ve tried in the past and you told me MP4 are memory hogs and I should just send you the link.  O.K. how do I do that?  Short computer tutorial would be appreciated as I haven’t been able to figure it out for myself.  All I can seem to find in search is combining MP4. (Ed: First understand that MP4 is just a file. What you want to do is copy and paste a file to email. It’s easy if you are getting the Video from a website. Not easy if you’re copying it from an email. Website: Left click in the address bar at the top of any browser, it will turn dark blue showing that it is highlighted. Right click the highlighted address and select Copy from the drop down list of options. Next open the email you are going to send and right click anywhere in the message body and select Paste. That’s it. You can do this with page. Here’s a how to video)
[Classes To Enhance Your Careers] Money is now available for Upper Keys residents of any age who want to take classes to enhance their careers here in the Keys.

The Rotary Club of Key Largo will help pay for certificate programs or courses in fields such as law enforcement, EMT/paramedics, firefighting, marine mechanics, HVAC/electrician, nursing, culinary arts, and other trade skills.

Completing a certificate or licensing program locally, out of town, or online can help locals get promoted in their current jobs here in the Keys or start new careers that will improve themselves and the community. The scholarships are more important than ever with the higher cost of rents after Hurricane Irma. Last year, nearly $75,000 was awarded to local residents. Funds were raised through community events.

A small number of scholarships are also available to high school seniors pursuing traditional four-year college degrees. Criteria used to select recipients include both need and community service. Preference is given to students who have actively participated in the Interact Club at either Coral Shores High School or Island Christian School.

Applications are available at and are due on April 21.

[First Climate Change Refugees] The principal problem traces back to the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927 when the corps of engineers responded by building giant levees to constrain the river. The result was stopping the flow of sediment into its delta, which once gave the state’s barrier islands the material to rebuild as fast as they eroded.

This used to be a forest of oak and cypress trees. In March, Louisiana state officials announced that everyone living on Isle de Jean Charles will have to leave. Where there were 22,000 acres in 1955 there are only 320 acres today. They are one hurricane away from obliteration. The evacuation is a test-run for countless coastal communities in Louisiana, who must all move as the seas take over the land. Isle De Jean Charles, Louisiana – America comes to an end here. Connected to the marshes. Link

[Joe Legal vs. Jose Illegal] Claims about illegal immigrants in California-mostly fiction! Link



John Bartus is just unhealthily overweight.  No matter how good or bad his music playing is, his weight overshadows it.

I ran into a street person and asked how she was doing. She said life was good in Key West, but the parking meters are getting tougher to pick, and the vending machine foods are mostly stale. I asked why she didn’t try to get a real job. She laughed and said it was not worth it.
(Ed: If your post was not published today it is because it was the one that disappeared as I was trying to post it. It was a miraculous disappearance! Please resend it.)
[Limits] I passed a sign on the highway demanding I go some kind of “speed limit”. They’re coming for our cars next, people.




[Sea Turtle Art Painting Contest] Calling all young artists ages Pre-K to 18! Sea Turtle Art Painting Contest. Sat, April 14th. Save-A-Turtle tent at the MOTE Marine Ocean Fest. Eco-Discovery Center, Key West. Come paint a sea turtle! All supplies provided! 3 age categories. 4 Winners in each group. Great Prizes! Guest Judge: Wyland. Winning paintings will be printed in our 2019 Save-A-Turtle Calendar to be sold as a fundraiser later this year. Free.

There you go, “the haves vs the have nots” and my point so frankly stated. The sect of snowbirds who come here only to preen their feathers, stroke their very apparent defensive egos while seeking to offend anyone with something better to do than admire them versus the sect of locals who just aren’t really all that interested. Yawn, thank goodness it’s spring. In my opinion the “have nots” the writer refers to are actually the ones who have it all.  They are staying here.


The toll free number to report illegal aliens to ICE is: 866-347-2423



Writers Craft Conference on Grassy Key

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