2019 January

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.



Dewalt 18V tool assortment. Jigsaw, 1/2″ hammer drill/driver, 3/8″ drill/driver with light, 2 lithium-ion batteries. 2 ni-cad batteries, lithium ion battery charger, 2 ni-cad battery chargers, flexible work light, 18v or electric wet/dry vacuum cleaner. All working perfectly (vacuum needs a bungee cord to hold together–hinge broke). $150 firm. Email

[Christmas Giving] I love Christmas. Today I saw a person give a phone, a watch and a wallet to someone who only had a knife.




My New Year’s resolution is to get more exercise.

[House Rattling] My house is crumbling because it is made of concrete and those low flying Navy choppers vibrate so bad they knock stuff off my shelves and crack the walls. Who do I complain to? I cannot imagine how bad it is closer to the Navel base!
[“Loud neighbors. I tried many times to talk to the neighbor who said ‘tough shit'”] Sounds like One Human Family has become One Human Hemorrhoids. The reason the 30-day rental law came about was because the weekend tourists who rented on the weekends were obnoxious – now it sounds like the new locals are bringing their customs down with them
[Barking Dogs] Kudos to the citizen who stayed the course to get the County to enforce their noise ordinance after conversations with the offending neighbor went nowhere.  Any idea how to get the County to enforce their barking dog ordinance and leash law?  Certain dogs in our neighborhood bark nonstop for hours.  Some owners let the dogs run free, including pit bulls.  Talking to the owners has done no good.
[Moron Jobs] A friend mailed a check from Big Pine to her lawyer in Key West that was returned for “insufficient address”. The address included the lawyer’s name, full street address, and “Key West 33040”. Who found that insufficient? Even if some idiot working in a Florida post office did not know that Key West was in Florida, the zip code gave it away. True morons need to be given work putting the squiggles on chocolate candies destined for a variety box (just one type so they don’t get confused) instead of post office jobs.
True story: I knew of one candy factory who gave IQ tests to prospective hires. You had to score way below average to get the chocolate identifier squiggle job so you would not go insane. That is probably not allowed now, but the post office is apparently hiring anyone. Equal opportunity?
[Someday] I hope this works… trying in 1, 2, 3… “Alexa, take down the Christmas decorations.”
Man plays like a 2-stroke motorcycle on the violin. Video




[2018 Wrap Up] This year comes to a close on Big Pine Key much as it began, with a focus on replacing homes destroyed by Hurricane Irma in order to provide shelter and restore a sense of normalcy to the island’s residents and workforce. Link

The Best Meteor Showers in 2019. Link



Bostitch 6 Gallon 150 PSI Oil-Free Compressor. New pancake style compressor 110 v. $50. Link. Email

For my new year’s resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
[Privacy] Did you unwrap some cool tech toys this Christmas? Careful what you say around them. Watch out — those electronic devices you unwrapped could be tracking you! Link
In year of red tide, green slime, finding Florida paradise. Traveling the outdoors in a state endowed like no other with woods, wildlife and water. Link


[Worst Year] My daughter thinks 2018 was the worst year ever. I’d nominate 1968, when I was in Vietnam. We lived through war, revolution and unrest in 1968. But we became a stronger country because we learned lessons and made changes. We can do that again. Happy New Year?

[Key West Botanical Garden] Over the past year the Garden has gone through a rebirth after the extensive damage caused by Hurricane Irma September 2017.  The grounds lost an estimated 90 % of its canopy, over 60 trees including 3 Legacy and 3 Champion trees.  An even greater number were righted and staked up to save them.  The loss of plant life was basic:  when the trees came down so did the landscape lighting and the irrigation system came up.  To experience the transformation today is amazing.  Yet we are only 70% through recovery, there is still more to do.
[Mold] Has anyone else been screwed by their insurance company over claims for mold and mildew in the Keys?

Live well, laugh often, love much. Happy New Year!

[“Discourteous neighbors and loud music”] Call Bruno Le Batt, he can take care of your problem! His phone number is in the bus station!
[“Tickets for 2 miles over the speed limit”] What about all the real crimes that the coppers ignore while messing with people’s wallets for victimless crimes. Grass is now legal, until the insurances companies raise rates for stoned drivers. DUI does nothing but make money for the govt. Speeding is a joke. Get a ticket for doing 10 mph in a 45 zone just before it turns into a 55 mph zone! Nuts.



My wife said, “Here’s $20, get the dog a jacket. If there’s any money left over, get yourself a beer!

[Serfs] Remember when the peasants stormed the castles because they realized they were slaves and would never get any higher in the social scale? Look around, it’s happening again, but the castles are named Macy’s, Wall-Mart, Sears, Winn-Dixie, etc
[Lousy Bar Stools] Some of the local bars in these Keys not only need deep cleaning but need total rebuilding especially their bar stools. Some stools are so old they have termites and should have been burned 20 years ago. They hurt!
[Word of the Day] Exhaustipated. Just too tired to give a s**t.