2013 June

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media

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locals12[Locals] What the hell is all this Locals crap, you go into a damn bar if you don’t like the place go somewhere else. For the sweet love of Moses, get over all this nonsense about “some don’t understand , some do”. You all sound like a bunch of spoiled jerks on their first trip out of the county. I don’t want any self styled expert,  probably a local 25 miles from where he was born, telling me what is the right way to conduct my affairs. If he doesn’t like my style suits me fine and vise versa. If you want to run a bar, this is America, run it any way you damn see fit as long as you keep your nose above water, you are doing just fine. Enough of this sophomoric crap. Locals, harumph.

You are right that the grinder pump is like a garbage disposal, but it’s more like a combination garbage disposal and trash pump on steroids, and one for each house. I suppose you could break it if you flush a set of wrenches down the toilet, but not if you accidentally flush a cell phone.

The houses with grinder pumps connect to the same pipes as those in areas without them. If anyone is going to clog the system, it will be clogged by people without grinders.

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[3D Printers] Paranorman used 40,000 faces made from a 3D printer to make this stop-motion film. Video (fight scene) 

[Gaming] Sony is lowering the price of its new Playstation by $400. The Game console is dead. Online gaming is the thing! 

Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!


[Mosquitoes Suck] Spraying schedule. Link



[TONIGHT!] Coconuts Bar Ukulele Night and UkeOut jam session in Big Pine Key, (Mile Marker 30.5), in the heart of the “Trop Rock Republic”, The Florida Keys, is sure to be a true island experience. Don’t miss this awesome night full of laughing, music, dancing, learning the ukulele, showing one another what we do or don’t know, all the while having tons of great fun.

Tonight, Wednesday June 12th  7-9pm

The difference between dogs and cats. Video


[Scent] I want a ticket to Ravenstokes, Alaska. Video

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You may be a Piner if a dive knife is part of your wedding china.

[Rape in the military] I should have been more explicit. If a man can’t handle his dick, he shouldn’t be given a gun. “Boys will be boys” is a BS excuse. I’m quite sure American female military personnel are packing too, and they seem to be refraining from shooting their attacking fellow brothers-in-arms in spite of any PMS which could be used by the same ignorant mind set. We don’t condone raping the enemy, why on earth should our own have to expect that type of assault?


The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh as much as the boat.

an_tourist_drink_chair[The Keys] While some of us leave the mainstream to come here to drop out does not make us bad people. Yes some people like to drink and do drugs that is a personal choice. We still work hard and are underpaid, we do not steal or rob for money. People like you are the reason the Keys are becoming like Miami. Expansion of the highways, access roads being closed off to boaters and a few host of other Keys life that we are losing. So please drive your new Mercedes back to wherever you came from and may you be be shot in the face by a disgruntled employee and may the T.S.A have check points and your children’s Jr.high School. As for us you can keep your money and visit elsewhere chances are we thought you were a stuck up prick anyhow! 
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[Hump Day] Good golly, everyone’s sounding a little bitter. If things suck so much in your world only you can change it. Happy Wednesday!


[Editor Sucks] Are you serious? Did you really add your own view to a comment to somebody’s post as if they were saying it? (Springers) What a bunch of bull shit!

an_mosquito-girlWhen you talk to some people about our mosquito population, their response is frequently, “You should have been here in the good old days”.  Then they usually add that the mosquitoes would carry you away.  My response is that we actually should be getting darn good service with the money we all pay each year for this service.  Then there is always silence when I ask “How much were you paying for this lousy service?”  Then they tell me, nothing, because there actually was no such thing as an organization called Mosquito Control.  Mosquito control was usually whatever you were able to do, for most, that was stay out of the outdoors in the Florida Keys in the evening or morning.

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Where the sinkholes are. Link


[Sewers] F.K.A.A. says it’s not an average grinder pump. Link

beer nail hammer an



I’m allergic to beer. I’m going to kill myself!  

[Free Money] There is a new disclaimer that has appeared on the DeepWater Horizon Website. In layman’s terms this disclaimer states that the deadline to file all Seafood Compensation claims was January 22, 2013 BUT that if you have a Seafood Compensation claim that has not yet been submitted that you may still file it at this time and it will be reviewed on a case by case basis. There are no guarantees any of these claims will be accepted but claimants will be notified on the outcome of the timeliness review. Link 

Enough already about the restaurants in the Lower Keys.  Every single one of our restaurants here needs to turn a profit in whatever way they see fit.  Some do it in volume by keeping prices lower, others cater to those who can pay more for higher quality products.   But I say kudos to any businesses that are spiffing up, doing some target marketing and investing in their venues to attract customers who will keep them afloat during both high and low seasons.  It doesn’t have to be this or that — there’s something in the Keys for everyone.  Enjoy it – whatever your tastes.

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The Master of the Ukulele. Boy, this guy’s just a barrel of fun. Video

I am writing to tell all of you about the wonderful service that our friend, Sammy Sam the DirectTV man provided. I tried getting the other company to install cable at my residence and after two months of fighting with them, I gave up. I mistakenly thought they were less expensive.

Not only did Sammy get me a better deal, he actually went to my house, installed DirectTV and my remote control now works! All for half the money I would have paid to the other guys. When I call him, he answers and speaks English. The service was speedy and professional. So, to all of you who are sick of terrible customer service and paying too much for TV, call Sammy Sam, he’s your man! (Ed: 305-896-3017)  

nira tocco realtor 9.12

[“Too expensive hotels”] Thank you for your skewed opinion of the Keys. Please feel free to go to the luxury Caribbean spots you mentioned.

[Mangrove Mama’s] All the talk about Looe Key and Boondocks. What ever happened to Mangrove Mama’s. It used to be The local place to be. Some of the nicest people I have ever met in my life used to hang out there. Is it still a local favorite? Man, that place used to be the center of the universe.


[“Hotties: No one has the right to look that hot”]  That’s true, it’s not a ‘right’.  Some are born with the potential, but it doesn’t last unless you work at it.



This must be a Thai auto repair shop!

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I hope the great burning issue of our time and generation, the Tiki  Bar, gets settled soon so I can sleep at night again and get on with my life.



One thing makes Christianity superior to Judaism and Islam: grilled cheese with bacon. 

[Privacy] How would you like the job of having to  listen in on all of those mostly moronic phone calls?

religion politics zone




In 2006 no one could predict the NSA would be run by a Muslim terrorist who got 50 million votes.

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I have mentioned on here many times about how the Republicans on here will rail against anything Democrats do but whenever a Republican does the very same thing they somehow forget to hold their own party accountable. For example a fews months ago the Virginia GOP had a request  asking for a list of gun owners and people who carry a concealed gun permit.  We all remember the outrage and the braying from the right about how outrageous that was and that it was against our constitution when a Democrat did the same. I have to wonder where the rage is now that the Virginia G.O.P. has asked for a list of gun owners.

Philip VanCleave President of the Virginia Citizens Defense League a pro second amendment group said he was comfortable with the state partys request. More proof that if a Democrat does it its because they are all commies and want to take your guns away but if a Republican commits the same offense then its the greatest thing ever and it was heralded on high. Phillip went on to say its not as if the information is being used for “Malicious purpose” he said its just to put together a mailing list. It just yet another example of do as we say not as we do. Maybe the right are the ones wanting to take away your guns. Hmmm. Not one single C.T. Poster commented about the right doing what the Dems tried to do. Interesting.


right only grey

eye14Are you the least bit concerned that the government has developed the ability to pry into very nearly every facet of your life? If you use a computer they now have the ability to follow, record, and analyze every key stroke that you make.  If your computer has a camera and a mike, they have the ability to observe and listen to all that is within the view and audio range of that computer. They have the ability to turn it on and of.  If you have a cell phone the government has the ability to actually turn the phone on if it is off and to listen to everything within audio range.  Home, land line phones, are a piece of cake to even local and state authorities. Your bank accounts are open books to the government, your credit card usage can reveal where you go, when, and what you spend your money on. The government will know how much you owe and to who. If you a person who enjoys reading, and if your local library is web connected, the government can learn all that you read. Every key stroke of your email, your YouTube, your tweets, any and all web associated web communication is now subject to government examination.

And now, of course, the onset of Obamacare is looming. With that advent every single facet of your relationship with your doctor will be available to the government.  It is true that much of the foregoing has been available to law enforcement, but only if law enforcement could convince appropriate judicial authority by sworn testimony or affidavit that they had probable cause to believe that a crime had been committed and that the snooping was essential to advance the investigation.  The State Attorney has and has had the authority to subpoena much of the foregoing, but in either case the subject was nearly always notified. Now the rules for the feds have changed, now you have nearly no secrets, nor is there any obligation on the part of the government to advise you that your personal data is or has been examined.

So what does all this mean? Some folks say it’s necessary for public safety from terrorism. Some folks feel that it is a massive invasion into our personal privacy. And some folks, like me, feel that it is dangerous as hell to our way of life.

I was a very minimal supporter of the Patriot Act. I felt that at that time we could trust our government not to misuse the data that it would acquire. I was well aware of  how much data on individuals was available even then, but I felt that the ends justified the means.  I trusted our government.

That trust crashed only 8 months into the Obama presidency (8/09) when the Obama administration opened a web site called  The administration urged all to report any “fishy” (their term) behavior, e-mails, writings, blog entries, or publications that were critical of the AHCA to the web site. Even though the Obama administration suggested that it was most interested in “fishy” writings concerning AHCA, the implication was clear that they were interested in all opposition to Obama and his policies. They actually asked that they be sent critical e mails including the identity of the sender. You imagine the outrage, the fire in the streets, had Bush done the same thing? It is patently obvious that Team Obama was beginning to compile its enemies list.

Think about it,  the is no  precedent for a president asking American citizens to report their fellow citizens to the White House for pure political speech that is deemed ‘fishy’ or otherwise inimical to the White House’s political interests.

Since then the Obama administration has become infamous for its enemies list.

During the 2008 campaign,  Mr. Obama praised whistleblowing. In a speech he praised whistleblowing as “acts of courage and patriotism” that “should be encouraged, rather than stifled, as they have been during the Bush administration.” He pledged to “strengthen whistleblower laws to protect federal workers who expose waste, fraud and abuse of authority in government.”

That, like so much of his powerful rhetoric was hollow and designed to deceive. Now we are witnessing his appointees having been caught misusing the powers of the Internal Revenue Service, the State Department and the Justice Department. We’ve learned of the Obama administration’s efforts to silence whistleblowing employees. These employees risk their careers and sometimes their freedom to come forward. Mr. Obama no longer praises “whistle blowers”, he attacks them. His appointees have been caught misusing the powers of the Internal Revenue Service, the State Department and the Justice Department. He and his have been caught attempting  to silence employees who risk their careers to come forward, and the abusers have not been brought to account.

I urge you to take the time to read the attached editorial. When you read it please think about the fact that it was written about 2 weeks ago. Please reflect on all that has happened since then. Link

Every day my belief that the Obama administration is inimical to our society grows. Even though we will be burdened by Obama for the next 3 ½ years we can halt our decline by fielding stronger and stronger opposition. We must.



Part 2) Good Lord! It’s late Tuesday evening and we’re just now learning that a credible source is claiming that Clinton’s State Department covered up criminal sexual behavior on the part of our ambassador to Belgium. For what it’s worth, the ambassador was a huge donor and a campaign aggregator for candidate Obama. When will it end?

NNK sewers–like your selfish opposition to our electricity, you are out of line, morally and legally. You are actually potentially dangerous when you mindlessly seek to impose your will on others as was the case with electricity. After 15 years of bondage under the women from hell, be assured I can’t let your comments go without a rejoinder. First, the state has mandated that we in Monroe County be connected to sewers; not on-site jury rigged compost contraptions or devices requiring our cistern water. You will be connected and so shall we, because it is mandated, and we are citizens. Regarding electricity, it must be noted that the long and brutal illegal obstruction should never have cost taxpayers anything at all, no hoopla, no bitching and moaning, if your county commissioners of old had been given good legal advice and/or had done their homework, and/or were not rigid dogmatics. Kudos to the recent majority. Fascist comments are out of line in a democracy. To seek to impose your selfish will on others, be advised that you, like our electrical opponents, and likely you paraded like a dupe among them, you will again be a goat when it comes to denying any perk you enjoy that you think does not apply to us or any citizen.