2013 June

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media – Daily Since 2002

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Lots of heron chick activity at the Blue Hole. Seems to be at least 5 active nests. These guys were hatched about 4 weeks ago. (photo: Capt. Mick – Psychedelic Lollipop)


Around noon, Tuesday, June 25, in accordance with God’s Will and Plan for his wonderful earthly life, John Ulchar

agreed it was time for him to send his infinite number of friends and family a peaceful farewell. In addition to being a wonderful father, best friend and honest human being, John was a third generation native Key West Conch and Monroe County resident who truly made a difference in the lives of all who came in contact with him. As the owner and operator of the world famous Brothers-By-the-Bay Resort on the quaint and peaceful Gulf side of Little Torch Key, John made it his priority to assure that the Park (as it is often referred to) was always a slice of paradise perfection for the tenants and visitors alike. He enjoyed his heritage, family, hard work, people from all walks of life, good food, cars and keeping life simple so that he didn’t burden his time or the time of others. After his closest friends introduced John to the World Wide Web and email, John really enjoyed becoming more connected and communicative with his distant family and friends and his love of the passion for the arts, cars and all things beautiful. He was blessed with so many gifts and shared his talents freely. There will be a time when Key West art lovers will clamor to own a single piece of John’s artworks whether it be a local landscape painting, a handmade tin ware rendition of a Key West Conch house or other local architectural landmark, and even one of his delicate lifelike papier-mâché tropical fish!

Imagine how it feels feel every time you think of a hero in your life and what their presence in your life meant to you. This is the same wonderful feeling so many will enjoy any time they hear the name John Ulchar. Happy trails dear friend from those who will always love you.

LamboJohn Ulchar and his “Lambo” at a recent Southernmost Car Club rally at the Sugarloaf Lodge.

Dear Keys homeowners, Please let me know when all the bills are paid on all the forced improvements you are held hostage on. I want to move there but not until all your bills are paid in full.



[“Sand Pudding Cake”] Some nice ladies made a cat litter box cake for O Z on his sixtieth birthday and presented it to him at his party at the former tiki bar in back of the former KDs on Big Pine. For O Z’s cake they served it in a cat litter  box with a shit scoop for a serving spoon. How thoughtful.

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[Missing Money] FBI agents were investigating a report  that about $1.2 million disappeared  from a shipment of cash flown from  Switzerland to New York City as part of  a banking transaction, authorities said  Tuesday. The U.S. currency — all in $100 bills  — was reported missing on Monday  after a count of the money at the Federal  Reserve came up short.



Old favorites you will not find on the shelves anymore: Rolaids, Saran Wrap, and Nitre. You have to be mighty old like me to remember the last one, Nitre. It was sort of a catch-all tonic or cure-all something like Moxie. Oops, another long gone tonic.


[The Fix is In] When they were bringing the freshwater pipeline to Key West years ago a City Commissioner got caught taking bribes from the pipeline people. I forgot what happened to him. He might have gone to jail for a short time (he was a bubba). He owned The Tides Inn bar across Bertha Street from what is now the Irish bar.

zipline26[“Zip line a loser”] It’s a bummer to see locals who have never even seen a zip line operation have an opinion about them. I have had my 14 yr old ride eight of them, over half of which were at ski resorts in the rockies. They’re quiet and the kids aren’t yelling their heads off. They’re scared all right, but they’re usually looking at the cable very quietly. I live on Summerland Key and often hit the mini putt putt at Boondocks with my daughter and her friends. We regularly follow people from Key West who have driven up to Ramrod Key just to get off the water for a day during their week’s vacation. They are driving 30 miles to take their kids to a non-water event. With all the things to do in KW, they are driving 30 miles.

The zipline operation will take time to build up and be profitable. The Crane Point people aren’t trying to make more money. They are trying to survive and not go broke. This is a win-win for all involved.

[Sewers] Here is a link to an excellent summary of the three options available to designers of the sewage collection system for the Cudjoe treatment plant. EPA published this “fact sheet” in 2002 and it lists the pros and cons of gravity systems, grinder pump low pressure systems (GP), and septic tank effluent pump (STEP) pressure systems. Given the high water table, flat terrain, and coral rock to dig through, gravity loses. It is questionable in my mind if the STEP system might be better in some cases than GP.

No doubt the homeowner (like me) will have to incur costs for the GP system for onsite installation, maintenance and electricity. But overall, compared to gravity systems, costs will be lower. This should be reflected in our monthly sewer bill. If you are interested in the facts read the EPA report.

nira tocco realtor 9.12



 would gladly pay big money for a woman who could do the “grinder pump” the way it is supposed to be done. So many of them down here don’t know how to grind or pump, but they sure know how to whine. 

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[Trayvon Martin’s Sweatshirt] Look at the prosecution’s maximum presentation of the shirt with the one inch border designed to give the shirt more of a Hollywood 3D spectacle look, for more impact on the jury. Nice move on their part.


[Child Cruelty] Every night millions of people sleep on the floor around the world. Some of the floors are dirt and are outside. Do they go to jail for it? I once saw an entire family sleeping on the sidewalk outside their store because there was no room in the store for them all.

1955_Buick_sv[Dave Garafalo owes me a transmission and I want it now] (This is what I wrote to my 50 year reunion blog)

I borrowed my sister’s 1955 red and white Buick to drive to North Kingston to see Dave, Burgess and the other footballers–and girls–play. After the game, in the footballer traffic, while waiting my turn to get on the highway, I revved the engine beyond hearing, and when my turn came, I dropped the shifter into gear so I could peel out in spectacular style in front of all the schools’ girls. I didn’t. With an enormous clunk, the transmission kaputed and fluid leaked everywhere. I  was able to drag my sorry tail back to Cranston in low gear at about five miles an hour.

That’s always happened to me when I show off or exhibit too much confidence, although I’ve haven’t perfected Modesty yet.

[NOAA Abusing Power] A federal judge says federal regulators used a false claim of emergency to cut the federal season for red snapper off of Texas and Louisiana, and did so to punish those states for setting seasons and limits beyond federal limits.

District Judge Andrew Hanen, of Brownsville, Texas, overturned the emergency rule under which the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s fisheries division set one season off Mississippi and Alabama and others off Texas, Louisiana and Florida. NOAA Fisheries says it will set a Gulf-wide season.

Officials have said the variations compensated for different state seasons to give anglers in all states equal chance at the popular fish. Hanen called it penalizing anglers in states that choose to set longer seasons, even though Congress gave them the right to do so.

If this Judge was ready to face off against NOAA, you’ve got to hope that there is another Judge somewhere in the Keys who will have the fortitude to face off against NOAA.




[Liberal/Conservative Sewers] I never thought that someone would actually think about sewers in a Liberal/Conservative framework.

They must think that if they are Conservative, everyone who disagrees with them about anything at all must be a Liberal, and vice-versa. Wing nuts are nuttier than I thought. 


I just looked in all my pockets and can’t find FEMA in any of them.  I wanted to thank them personally for the good job they do after disasters strike around here.

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NeverWet arrives – hands-on product demonstration. The applications for this will be enormous. Video

[Climate Fail] Last month, more than 100 ski resorts joined the Business for Innovative Climate & Energy Policy (BICEP) Climate Declaration. The BICEP declaration urges that Americans “use less electricity,” “drive a more efficient car,” and choose “clean energy” to combat climate change. Ski resorts are concerned that global warming will reduce snowfall and hurt the skiing industry.

Skiing executive Auden Schendler said, “Aspen Skiing Company joined the climate declaration because if there is an industry that ought to care about climate change, it’s the ski industry.” The 2007 Assessment Report of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change warns of a difficult future for the industry: “…snow cover area is projected to contract…mountainous areas will face glacier retreat, reduced snow cover and winter tourism…shifting of ski slopes to higher altitudes.”

There’s just one problem. Continental snowfall has been increasing. Link

condom  top hat cane an





[Abortion and ‘parts’ confusion] Put a cover on it when you use it, and we can all stay out of your wife’s body parts. Yours and everyone elses. Birth control is not just a female responsibility

Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!


[Zipline] Right on line about the zip line in Crane Hammock being a financial loser. They forgot to add weather events into the  equation and road closures. So lets just take something pristine and sell it out — at a loss — for everything and everyone. Pfffffttttt. Gone. Good Grief




[Editor Helper] (Ed: Thanks, I really need that. I’ll cut it out and save it.) 

[Child Cruelty] I am betting that the kid who slept on the floor is in good shape for it.


When a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 minutes, she’s using the same time scale a guy is when he says the game has 5 minutes left.


[Sewer Stuff] Should you need any information whatsoever on sewers or sewerage, ask the politicians, they’re full of it !


[TED Talks] The astounding athletic power of quadcopters. I don’t quite understand what Futurespeak language he’s using, but the thing is amazing. 16 min Video

[Gun Nuts] Opinion: No one on this planet needs a gun or bombs or any weapon except a Game Warden in the wilderness. If only humanity were sane enough to curb over breeding, get earth to a stable number of population and abandon the frustrated warrior mentality, this might be a nice place to live. But of course that is Utopian dreaming. We will never have the intelligence to realize we are nothing more than insects on two feet.




Guide dogs for Muslim women wear Barkas!

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[Spies Like Us] Agency was so busy spying on three hundred million people that it failed to notice one dude working for it.

“I guess we were so busy monitoring the everyday communications of every man, woman, and child in the nation that we didn’t notice that a contractor working for us was downloading tons of classified documents,” the agency spokesman said. “It’s definitely embarrassing, for sure.”

Despite having an annual budget in the neighborhood of ten billion dollars, the agency had no idea that a dude who was working for it five days a week was getting ready to send those classified documents to a journalist who would then tell everybody in the world.

“Maybe if we hadn’t been so busy keeping our eye on those other three hundred million people, we would have noticed that this one guy who was working right under our noses was up to something totally fishy,” the spokesman said. “But you know what they say about hindsight. I don’t know what to say. Maybe we need a bigger budget or something.”


[Unedited Vacation] Ahoyfrom Caymankind. operative wordkind! Why scuba dive ry tortugas with a nazi when cayman just a hop skip n a jump? 1 beer not 6. thanks for shoeing your trye colours you jagoff. we will drop 10 grand everytrip. never eer with pig dive asss like you! gfy. goodbye keys pos.


[Climate Fail] Michigan beachgoers lost 755 days to pollution in 2012. Link

grinder26-ct[Captain Doom and Gloom]  Here, do some damn homework then see who you will give you hard earned money to!

I will never give to any ‘Organization, but will help individuals in need if they work for a living!

Rating Charitable Organizations

Charity Efficiency Rating

Non-Profit Ratings

Charity Rating Guide Watchdog Report

Religious Charities Ratings

“Was the Korean War a civil war” There is no such thing as a civil war, but there sure as hell are profitable ones!

“Not for Profit” It is a laughing stock, how the Left has twisted the Not for Profit postings into a sting on volunteer organizations. A Not for Profit Business is just that, a freaking business to make money and not pay taxes. Any religious organization is a NFP as are some ammo companies, gun companies, gambling companies, and other “Let’s f**k  the IRS” type spin outfits. These have little to do with fire companies, medical rescue companies, or such. You Demos never quit trying to hoodwink the sheeple. 

religion politics zone

[Spies Like Us] There is a fellow named Edward Snowden who has  really been in the news lately,  after going public with stuff —  all the facts are not known yet  — that seems to show that our  National Security Agency has  access to more information  about us than it was thought  they should have under the  law. There is talk that our government is going to find him and  try him and charge him with  very bad crimes, including  treason, for “leaking,” etc. There is also apparently public opinion that shows a very  high percentage of us think  that Snowden has exposed  abusive, overreaching government abuses, and he is a hero. In any event, my fiancée,  Stacy says, “There ain’t a jury  anywhere that will convict this  guy. There may be a hung jury,  maybe an acquittal, but never  in my lifetime a conviction  since everyone is so suspicious  of our government these days  — the IRS, AP, Benghazi, etc.”  Would you vote to convict if  you were on the jury, since it  seems to be admitted already  that the government is actually doing — overreaching its  authority — what Snowden  says is true, at least in part?  Every day government  employees in various agencies  are taking the Fifth, and have  amnesia about all these different scandals, including the  head of the FBI and the head  of the IRS!  (~KW Citizen)



To the writer who says they hope they never run into the FTR guy. You probably already have and you’ll never meet a nicer fellow and gentleman. He’s the guy who supports local businesses and has served the community in countless ways. Too bad you haven’t outgrown the “shoot the messenger” mindset.

[Abortion: “what she can and can’t put in her vagina”] What does that mean? and “government has the authority to to tell us what we can and can’t put in our mouths? “ What can’t we put in our mouths? What’s this guy talking about?


Ah, it is the job of government to regulate, is it?  Their in, my friend lies, the infernal eternal conundrum of: where does common sense in regulating enter into the equation and where does government start to back off?   It seems the answer has always been never!  At the end of the day, sir, remember government unfettered by its subjects always grows, always.

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[Muslims] The whole world is living in fear of Muslims yet we embrace them whenever we can. I say bring back racial profiling and add religion to the profile to look out for.



[Socialized Medicine] I think you need a little Socialized Medicine of the furry kind Dude! If you cannot tell the country is being ripped apart by the commies, then you better put up your Red Flag ASAP! Wake up Dude and smell the vodka!

[Ballot fraud isn’t a racist GOP myth]  Indiana Dem official was sentenced to prison for ’08 ballot fraud in Obama-Clinton primary. So many names were forged that prosecutor Stanley Levco said that had the fraud been caught during the primary, “the worst that would have happened, is maybe Barack Obama wouldn’t have been on the ballot for the primary.” Link


President Obama finally gets tough with countries that support and export terrorism quoting verbatim: “We’re gonna punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us.”

Oops! Sorry that what he said about our fellow American citizens. Uhhh, I’ll keep looking for the tough on terrorism speech and get back to you. Dang, if only our foreign enemies were just Republicans. Link

[Immigration] Sign the petition. Link

[More Jihad in London] Islamist slits throat of wheelchair-confined Christian. Link


I don’t have the heart to tell FTR that the federal government has been offering tax breaks to companys for major purchases for the last few years. My company  was able to buy 3 trucks that usually cost $250,000 each for $100.000 less thru a pro business program where in the Fed picks up the rest because the company I work for is engaged in gas drilling. Growing Americas gas/oil independence. Someone else tell the guy I don’t have the heart too.

Its nice to see Rick Scott use Obamas programs as his model. As time goes on Scott is agreeing more and more with the President. Nice to see a Republican think of country first. Its so rare.

from the right 200h

an lady agentImagine that you’re a young mother sitting on your couch with your 3 year old child watching cartoons when you hear the sounds of your back door being kicked in. Imagine that you have no way to protect yourself or your child. What do you do, what will happen? Will you call 911 and hope that the cops suddenly magically appear to help you? You can’t run from the house because you have a baby sleeping upstairs, and your 3 y/o simply can’t move fast enough.

Just the other day a young New Jersey woman found herself in just that situation. Please watch the linked video, but it’s not for the faint of heart. Link 

I can think of no stronger argument for personal ownership of firearms.




Part 2) While Mr. Obama is declaring no quarter war on coal, perhaps he should consider the economic effects that his war will have. It will increase the cost of energy and it will kill jobs.

coal26He says that his war is based on his claim that coal is a major pollutant of air and water.

With that in mind, let’s think about hurricanes. How can anyone on the Rock or in the Keys not think about hurricanes? Nearly all of us have suffered as a result of hurricanes.

Very recently Nature Geoscience published research that concludes that it is likely that air pollution (aerosols) have actually suppressed the number of hurricanes during the 20th century.

The research shows that the aerosols make clouds brighter, causing them to reflect more of the sun’s energy back into space – having a cooling affect. This impacts temperatures of the oceans and weather patterns in the tropics, making conditions less favorable for hurricanes.

The study reports that industrial emissions from America and Europe over the 20th Century have cooled the North Atlantic relative to other regions of the ocean. This alters tropical atmosphere circulation – making it less likely that hurricanes will form.”

Since the introduction of the clean air-acts in the 1980s, concentrations of aerosols over the North Atlantic have reduced and model results suggest that this contributed to recent increases in hurricane numbers.

It has long been known that north Atlantic hurricane activity has marked long-timescale variability. There was a relatively quiet period between 1900-20 and 1970-80, with active periods between 1930-60 and since 1995.

The incorporation of changes in man-made aerosol emissions in the latest Met Office Hadley Centre model, which includes a comprehensive treatment of aerosol-cloud interactions, reproduces much of the decade-to-decade variability in Atlantic hurricane activity. This supports evidence of a link between the two.

This theory is big news, perhaps a game changer. We’ll see if the theory holds water.

Then there is the discovery that super hurricane frequency was greater thousands of years ago when CO2 levels were low – new evidence shows modern global warming has not caused an increase in super hurricanes.

Check out that report Link

Even NOAA is getting into the act by publishing a paper titled “Downward trends in the frequency of intense Atlantic hurricanes during the past five decades”. I urge you to read the paper at Link

Hopefully you will ask yourself why do we continue to hamstring our economy by punishing the use of fossil fuels when there is no conclusive or even convincing evidence that they contribute to climate change. Deer Friends, the term “climate change” is preternaturally politically correct. The media and the politicians have dumped the term “global warming” solely because the evidence to support global warming is waning. That tells you a lot.